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lord, who will advance me in the army, and friends, to see the multitudes tumbling take care of my fortunes.
daily into our realm. We are full to the Harlequin.-A dream! more, my neck, and must refuse further entrance, or friend. Be content to be valet de chambre build additional quarters; and for this or lackey to some old lady.
purpose, we must levy an impost on all Leander.-Oh, sir, I could never stoop to wood and charcoal consumed. I've seen such duty
such a miserable time here, that even a Harlequin.-—Is this tall young lady your catchpole could not be nabbed without desister? She's not ugly.
spatching a devil express to pin him; and Leander.-Sir, she dances charmingly, now our difficulty is how to keep them and has a fine voice.
out. The court clerks must now wait a Doctor.--I have given her the very best whole year at the gate, for they dare not education I could. I intend to settle her take precedence of the lawyers, who enter as companion with some lady of quality, in shoals. who, after some time, will provide a suitable Proserpine.-We must refuse admittance match for her.
for the future to the gentlemen of the robe. Harlequin.-Don't be too sure of that. Hell is dismal enough without them. It is not so easy to procure husbands for
Pluto.-Unfortunately, I have scarcely girls that come out of great houses.
more right here than they. It is well if Doctor:Why so ?
they don't drive me out some day. I lately Harlequin.—Tattlers will talk scandal, had a violent quarrel with a devil of quality, and tell you that handsome girls who pay for keeping bad company among attorneys, attention to Madame, sometimes receive at
while he was up in Paris. tention from Monsieur. But, as she sings,
Proserpine.--You did right. Such soget her engaged at the opera as a supernu- ciety would set everything here topsy-turvy. merary--that is, if there is a vacancy. Pluto.-Tell Charon to bring the dayTake my advice: spare yourself the expense book. (Two familiars bring it in on their of a journey to Paris, and go home.
backs.) Scaramouch (beginning to cry). —Ah, sir,
Charon (reads). ---Arrived, 17th, two if people of such genius and education can
thousand seven hundred and thirteen phy. not get on at Paris, what am I to do?
sicians. Harlequin.- What do you mean?
Pluto.- These gentlemen will do our Scaramouch.- What am I to do, I say, business much better above. Let them that am good for nothing--who can do no
be sent back. Let no doctor be admitted thing but bagatelle--who know nothing but
for the future without a certificate from the bagatelle--and am nothing but a bagatelle ?
grave-diggers that he has killed ten thousand Harlequin.—You do bagatelle, you know
persons. bagatelle, and you are a bagatelle? Ah, my
Charon.--Same day, fourteen hundred dear sir, let me embrace you. Go to Paris :
apothecaries. your fortune is made. If i had a genius for
Pluto.-Admit the apothecaries. We bagatelle, it's not here among the beasts I
are hot here, and have need of draughts should be. Will you allow me to go halves
and enemas. in your fortune? Scaramouch.--Willingly. So, you really sand two hundred and seventeen farmers
Charon.-Same day, fifty-seven thouthink that, with a good deal of bagatelle,
of taxes, sub-farmers, clerks, and bailiffs. I may make a little fortune. Is it the case?
As for the farmers, I could not convey them. Harlequin.--Ay, as large a one as you They were so stout and fat that my boat please. Utter a bagatelle with a good would have gone to the bottom. grace, and you espouse an old lady who will
Pluto.--We cannot refuse them : their make you a great lord. A strong wrist heritage is here. and firm grip of the hand has advanced a
Charon.--Moreover, fifteen thousand atman to be a high justiciary. Another has torneys and their clerks. attained dignity because he had a hand- Pluto.--For them we must make provisome wife.
sion. They are the sandal-wood of our
furnaces. I never burn any other kind in The Italian comedians did not omit
my study. to pay their respects to the gentlemen Charon. --Fourteen thousand dozen feof the long robe in their drolleries. males, large and small. Some of their bitterest jibes are Pluto.—The very thing I dreaded. Why found in
did you bring them over?
Charon.-Item, two symphonic ramrods, in flesh and spirit-soi-disant musicians,
come to reclaim their wives. Pluto, seated on his burning throne, Pluto.--Are they mad? Produce them
at once. with Proserpine by his side, thus ha
Their sight will be a novelty. rangues his court;
(Orpheus and Mezzetin are presented, and
pay ridiculous obeisance to King and Queen.) Pluto. It is surprising, my phlegethontic Pluto (pointing out Eurydice.)--Is this
THE DESCENT OF MEZZETIN INTO HELL.
your wife? She is certainly worth the to eat and drink without payment, and rejourney.
ceive the change. Eurydice. If it is wonderful to see a man Mezzetin.--Ah, let me know your segoing as far as hell for his wife, it is no cret! less wonderful to see her eager to return Harlequin.
This is how I did it. I met with him.
in the morning one of the company to whom Mezzetin.--Stop hermouth. She preaches I had never before spoken a word. I a totally new heresy.
accosted him with great politeness. “Sir, Eurydice.--I know that my taste is not I have the honour of speaking with the that of the present time, and that a woman most accomplished actor of day. I of fashion looks on her husband only as a would be obliged for three tickets to gratify robe of gentility and a screen of reputation; two ladies who are most anxious to see you but I prefer my husband's love and my in character.” " With great pleasure,” said duty to being thought in the fashion. At he, “here they are.” I presented myself your feet, I implore you by all you hold alone at the entrance of the parterre.* The most dear, to restore me to my dear hus- crowd was great, so I took two persons one band; and, to the end of my life, I will offer side, and said to them: “I have two tickets, up my earnest vows for the mutual happi- intended for friends of mine, who have not ness of your Majesties.
been able to attend. They are for the amPluto (hearing a noise).--What uproar phitheatre--thirty sous each; you shall is that?
have both for thirty sous. They gave me Charon.--The churchwardens claiming my demand, and we entered the amphiprecedence over the barristers.
theatre together. I took the centre of the Pluto.--Was not that matter decided front seat, and as soon as the curtain rose, I above ?
cried out, “Oh, what a wretched scene! Charon. -- But, your Majesty, they have what dauber has rubbed his brush over it? appealed to you.
I have seen much better at the puppet
shows. The shades are not light enough, Considerable difficulty arises about and the lights are not dark enough.” “You the recovery of Columbine, Mezzetin's are right,” said a person near me, “that green wife. He insists that she shall repay is not the same you'd see in meadows." him the expenses of her funeral, keep "Oh, I see you are an artist.” “No, indeed, no more tall footmen, and lower her I am only a dyer.” The play began with forehead ornaments a foot, at least.
an actor and actress. “ Ah !" cried I, “what At last the decree is pronounced.
a bad comedian! He has no grace, and he
declaims detestably. An old crier of silver " Pluto.--After hearing the arguments lace would do it as well.” “It seems to me, pro and con, I, Pluto, Prince of Darkness, said my neighbour, “ that the lady acts well Sovereign of Styx and Phlegethon, Gover
and naturally.” “Perhaps," said I; “but she nor of the Low Countries, President of the is too small _she does not fill the stage.” Sabbat, and born Director of Arts, Trades, “But,” said he, “ if she's small of size that's and Professions, permit you, Orpheus and not her own fault." “ Neither is it mine,' Mezzetin to take away, not only your own was my answer. “When I pay at the door wives, but every other wife in my kingdom, it is to see actresses of a good size and shape. Proserpine not excepted.
Well, the Italians were performing the first
scene in French, and a citizen sitting near The light-hearted Italian comedians
me said in a tone of serious surprise, “I am were not without their own grievances, astonished how people say they can't undereven in Paris, and basking in the stand these Italians. I have not lost a sinfavour of the Grand Monarque. A gle word since the play began.” After I specimen is produced. Mezzetin asks had heaped a good deal of abuse on the Harlequin if the “Bankrupt” just scenes, the actors, the piece, and all, I took
a big whistle out of my pocket, and began brought out is a good play, and he
to blow it like the devil. A woman sitting answers :
behind, cried out, “Sir, I can hear nothing." Harlequin.-By my faith, I can't tell you. “Very sorry, indeed, Mademoiselle,” said I, I was so eager to criticise the separate parts, “but I am blowing as loud as I can.” The and pass for an eminent critic, that I could first act being over, the lemonade man not pay attention to the piece.
began to go about, crying, “ Gentlemen, Mezzetin.--And why then did you attend buy my lemonade, my biscuits, my macathe representation ?
roons.”p“You rascal,” said I, “ have you no Harlequin.—Why! I went
better comedy to sell us ?” “I do not deal without expense, to act the superior critic-- in plays,” said he, “ I sell lemonade.”“
* A place corresponding to our pit, but unfurnished with seats, between the orchestra and the amphitheatre, which last represents the centre of our dress-circle.
+ Confectionary, the ingredients being sugar and almonds.
THE CHAMPION OF THE FAIR SEX
let us see if your lemonade is any better airs, and graces. Does a woman ever adorn than your play.” I drank five or six glasses herself for the sake of other women? It is of the liquor, and ate as many biscuits and you, O Messieurs, the disgusted, who have macaroons. Then said I to him, “Go and to answer for the extravagance of fashions, bring me a couple of cups of chocolate, your the magnificence of dresses, and the ruin of lemonade has given me a pain in the sto. families. It is to attract your expiring atmach, it is so cold.” During his absence tention that they have invented those guurI pretended to recognise an acquaintance gandines, those agaçantes, and those barrieres. in the parterre, and cried out, “He, Cheva- For proof that all female adornings are lier! I have something particular to say to solely for the eyes of man, put a woman where you.” I leaped from the amphitheatre into none shall see her but persons of her own the parterre, and mixed in the press; and sex, and you'll soon detect symptoms of an this is how I entered the theatre for nothing; alarming negligence--a simple cap on her how I did the bel esprit; how I ate and head, a modest and loose corset, stout shoes, drank for less than nothing, and got thirty and a housekeeper's apron.
There is your sous for change.
country beauty, who in the city wears a
petticoat stiff with gold, and a head-dress Railleries and accusations directed, of three stories to make her look tall, and each against the other, by the two who can hardly squeeze her feet into her sexes, abounded in the old Italian high-heeled shoes. And why this country comedy. In
simplicity ? Simply because she despises the admiration of the cocks in the poultry yard, or the Indian fowl of the Tuilleries.
If men had not eyes, there would be no exColumbine and Harlequin reverse travagance in dress. Let them submit to the natural order of things-she be blinded, if they wish for economy among calumniates her sisters, and he under- my clients. takes to vindicate them after a fashion They say that women occupy them of his own.
selves with a thousand bagatelles, that they
lose their time fondling their lap-dogs, Columbine.--Do you wish to know teaching their parrots tomfooleries, and all what a woman is? Represent to yourself sorts of tricks to their monkeys. Alas! let a handsome little monster who charms us examine them, and consider what their the eyes, and shocks the reason; who answers will be--just these, that, "animal pleases and disgusts; an angel without and for animal, a man is much less amusing than a å harpy within. Put together a linnet's dog ; that even in the malice of an ape there head, a serpent's tongue, a basilisk's eyes, a is something good; and that there are more cat's temper, a monkey's cunning, an owl's than a hundred husbands in Paris who are not love of darkness, the sun's brightness, the
a whit more brilliant in conversation than a moon's changes, and envelope all in a soft parrot.” Let us enter one of the domestic white skin ; --add arms, and legs, and the circles, and what do we find, but a morose rest, and you have the woman complete. master, who speaks only in monosyllables, Harlequin.-- Illustrious magistrate, men,
and who knows the art of expressing disnow-a-days, seem so much afraid of Hymen agreeable things with six letters.
Is not and his torch that I am obliged to under that a good reason why she should seek take the defence of my ancient enemies, for agreeable conversation elsewhere. Then, he fear that marriage should be abolished, the
is always watching her movements, and world come to an end, and the Hotel de present at her parties--never lets her out of Bourgogne become a waste.
his sight, in fact. Meanwhile, he takes his to these unreflecting men that they them- meals, and sleeps away from her, and keeps selves are the cause of all the faults they her in ignorance of the society he frequents. lay to woman's account. The wish to Columbine.--Woe to the husband who please you is the mainspring of all their should see too much or too little of my little armoury. Why, if you please, does movements ! that old coquette take so much care of her worn-out skeleton? Why does she keep up Though the pieces, from some of the price of pearl powder and rouge? Why which we have given these extracts, does she eat by compass and measure for were called comedies, they were, in fear of disturbing her false teeth? Why, fact, no better than slight and extravabut that she has her eye on that young gant farces, distinguished frequently jackanapes that plays at cards with her by sallies of keen wit, inimitable panand wins her money?
See this young beauty, whose whole tomimic acting, and fine singing. time nearly is taken up in dressing, and un
Strengthening the interest till it came dressing, and changing her ornaments. Peep to a climax, or contriving those groupinto her heart, and you'll soon discover ings which charm and surprise the whether your sex or hers has the greater audience for the moment, never seem part in these affectations, and bridlings, and to have occupied the attention of play
I will prove
wrights or actors. Buffoonery, in bet- muccia never opens his mouth, though ter or worse taste, accompanied the he says a great deal.” We have said best acting ; and in the outlines of that the old comedy, such as it was, the action, there were always points might have figured on the stages of marked with the word Lazzi, imply mountebanks; but it is probable that ing that there the actors might intro- the fescennine entertainments, deduce and repeat pantomimic drolleries. rived by the old Romans from the The actor most distinguished among Tuscans, were never entirely forthe Paris-Italians for his exquisite gotten, and that the comedy of the drollery, was the personifier of Scara- sixteenth century owed some of its mouche. In one scene, after putting buffoonery and satiric licence to that his room to rights, he began to play source. Part of what we have quoted the guitar, and Pasquariel, coming be- savours, of course, of the spirit of the hind him, beat the measure on his people among whomGherardi's players shoulders. He was seized with intense exhibited, and cannot be looked on as fright, and for a long quarter of an the pure Italian commodity ; but we hour, kept the audience suspended had no choice between presenting between terror and the highest merri- that and quoting mere outlines of ment, by the inimitable play of his plots, meagre in themselves to the last features. A prince said of him, "Scara- degree.
THE PULPIT AND ITS CRITICS,
It was never more generally felt by fellow-men: and as the natural, the the rulers of the Church, by clergy effective, and the acceptable way of and laity, than at present, that there reaching theintelligence and engaging is a special call for new appliances to the attention of the people, in oppomeet the wants of the age, to keep sition to the novelty, laziness, and pace with the progress of opinion, to inefficiency of the senseless system of promote self-reform, and the removal reading cold essays, which the comof those evils and hindrances which mon people neither understand nor are acknowledged to encumber our profit by. Church system and machinery. We Whether it be a symptom of good were ourselves the first to call serious or evil, a sign of earnest interest in and friendly attention to certain vital the subject, or of antagonism, there points of reform, so long back as our can be no doubt that the Church, Number for September, 1858, in an her position and ministrations, effiarticle on "The Education and Pas- ciency or inefficiency, her obligations torate of the Irish Clergy.” On that and manner of discharging them, occasion we pointed out some defects form the common theme of the press, in the education and training of can- religious and secular, magazines and didates for the ministry in the Uni- newspapers alike, to an extent unpreversity of Dublin, suggested improve- cedented in living memory. We canments, of which some of the most not doubt, that all this complaining, important have since, we are happy suggesting, and discussing, will prove to say, been adopted, called attention remedial and beneficial, and not deto the character, matter, and manner structive, and that it is really an eviof preaching in the University itself, dence of the attachment of the nation which is the model young men under to the institution itself, and an extraining would naturally look to, as pression of confidence in its value also outside the University, in those and permanence. churches where clergymen of popular It is in this spirit, and with this talent minister to large and influen- confidence, we proceed to offer such tial congregations; and recommended further suggestions as appear to us extempore, or rather spoken, sermons, of value, and to point out certain in accordance with the practice in other hindrances to the Church's usethe senate, at the bar, and wherever fulness and progress. men most desire to influence their Friends and foes of the Church alike are agreed, that there is some- professions, the weak are thrown thing defective in the general charac- down, and only the brave win the ter of our pulpit preaching. Consi- prizes ?" Whether it is the family derable improvement is needed, in living—the next presentation, rather fact, if we are to meet the wants and than gifts or grace, as the source of sucexpectations of the times. The Satur- cess”—“the crowd of cripples within day Review, after its manner, deplores the richest preserves of the Church, the length of the services, and would, or “the essay read from the pulpit, save in exceptional cases, prefer to without an attempt at awakening dispense with the sermon-attributes thought or stirring hearts ?” the defects, which it denounces, to It would not be difficult to multithe practice of some bishops in or- ply these complaints, conjectures, and daining literates and used-up school- questions indefinitely. There must masters--complains of the sentiment be something in them, and there is no which considers it a breach of good doubt a good deal more than we can manners to move towards the door as explain; but we offer our own contrithe clergyman moves to the pulpit- bution to the elucidation of the subject. thinks it ought to become the recog- There is no supervision of the nised practice, that a portion of the clergy in the matter of preaching to congregation should leave, if so in- their people on Sundays. The public clined, after the prayers--and even opinion of congregations, on whom sighs for the first step towards the they in nowise depend, is not suffifreedom as to hearing sermons which cient. The people have no choice is generally practised in the Roman but to attend their parish churches ; Catholic Church. This latter remedy, and however wearied of an inefficient however, does not at present work so ministry, decency and regard for the well among Roman Catholics. We interests of their families will bring remember last winter, wlien several them there, even if they be without murders had just occurred in Lime- higher motives. To most people, it rick and Tipperary, conversing with seems an unwarrantable interference an intelligent Roman Catholic ser- and it is sure to give offence) to comjeant of police in the latter county, plain or suggest, especially as it is, and on expressing our surprise that unhappily for themselves, true, that the priests did not in their sermons few of our Protestant people contrilabour to turn the sympathy unhap: bute anything towards the ministry pily felt so generally for the criminal or the Church, whose benefits and in favour of the law and the victims privileges they enjoy so gratuitously, of these murderers, "What can they that they are apt to undervalue do ?”' was his reply: “In that chapel them. The congregations come into a (pointing to the building), on Sunday, church on Sundays which has been when the sermon commences, the built for them, but not at their exbulk of the people walk out and lie pense; the minister is not paid by down upon the grass, put on their them; neither is the parish clerk, to hats, and sit on the walls, to talk and whom they listen responding for smoke their pipes, or walk away.” them, and perhaps singing for them ; Thus, it would appear, that the re- the sexton is not paid; nor the brushes medy of the Saturday Review is it- bought which are used to clean and self a serious source of evil, and is dust the pews for the silks and musfelt to be such by those who know lins of their wives and daughters ; most of its practical working. the fire is supplied gratuitously, and
The North British Review, too, they do not pay for the wine or light though in a more healthy tone, gives used in the divine ordinances and expression to the general desire
for a service. Probably, the minister supsolution of the questions :“Whe- plies also the hymn-books. How can ther the pulpit is falling behind the they be expected to chide, even ever so age?? “Whether those who used to be gently, the minister's sermon, which the pioneers are now to run in the rere costs them nothing, and which has of society?" "What has occasioned helped, if it be usually cold, and dead, this cry?" "Whether it be the absence and uninteresting, to drag them into in the Church of the keen competi- a drowsiness and indifference, which tion of civil life, by which, in other are, we fear, too general.