Изображения страниц
PDF
EPUB

FAMILY QUARRELS.

"A fool," said Jeanette, "is a creature I hate!"
"But hating," quoth John, "is immoral;
Besides, my dear girl, it's a terrible fate
To be found in a family quarrel!"

A REVOLUTIONARY HERO.
JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL.

OLD JOE is gone, who saw hot Percy goad
His slow artillery up the Concord road,
A tale which grew in wonder year by year;
As every time he told it, Joe drew near
To the main fight, till faded and grown gray,
The original scene to bolder tints gave way;
Then Joe had heard the foe's scared double-quick
Beat on stove drum with one uncaptured stick,
And, ere death came the lengthening tale to lop,
Himself had fired, and seen a red-coat drop;
Had Joe lived long enough, that scrambling fight
Had squared more nearly to his sense of right,
And vanquished Perry, to complete the tale,
Had hammered stone for life in Concord jail.

EPIGRAMS OF HALPIN.

THE LAST RESORT.

A DRAMATIST declared he had got
So many people in his plot,
That what to do with half he had
Was like to drive him drama-mad!
"The hero and the heroine
Of course are married-very fine!
But with the others, what to do
Is more than I can tell-can you?"

His friend replied-"Tis hard to say,
But yet I think there is a way.
The married couple, thank their stars,
And half the 'others' take the cars;
The other half you put on board
An Erie steamboat-take my word,
They'll never trouble you again!"
The dramatist resumed his pen.

FEMININE ARITHMETIC.

LAURA.

On me he shall ne'er put a ring,

So, mamma, 'tis in vain to take trouble

For I was but eighteen in spring,

While his age exactly is double.

MAMMA.

He's but in his thirty-sixth year,

Tall, handsome, good-natured and witty, And should you refuse him, my dear,

May you die an old maid without pity!

LAURA.

will

pass,

His figure, I grant you,
And at present he's young enough plenty ;
But when I am sixty, alas!

Will not he be a hundred and twenty?

THE MUSHROOM HUNT.

In early days, ere Common Sense
And Genius had in anger parted,
They made to friendship some pretense,

Though each, Heaven knows! diversely hearted. To hunt for mushrooms once they went,

Through nibbled sheepwalks straying onward, Sense with his dull eyes earthward bent,

While Genius shot his glances sunward!

Away they go! On roll the hours,

And toward the west the day-god edges; See! Genius holds a wreath of flowers,

Fresh culled from all the neighboring hedges!
Alas! ere eve their bright hues flit,

While Common Sense (whom I so doat on!)
Thanked God "that he had little wit,"
And drank his ketchup with his mutton.

JUPITER AMANS.

DEDICATED TO VICTOR HUGO.

"LE PETIT" call not him who by one act Has turned old fable into modern fact.

LONDON LEADER

Nap Louis courted Europe: Europe shied:
Th' imperial purple was too newly dyed.
"I'll have her though," thought he, "by rape or rapine;
Jove nods sometimes, but catch a Nap a napping!

And now I think of Jove, 't was Jove's own fix,
And so I'll borrow one of Jove's own tricks:
Old itching Palm I'll tickle with a joke,
And he shall lend me England's decent cloak.”
'T was said and done, and his success was full;
He won Europa with the guise of Bull!

THE ORATOR'S EPITAPH.

LORD BROUGHAM.

"HERE, reader, turn your weeping eyes,
My fate a useful moral teaches;
The hole in which my body lies

Would not contain one-half my speeches."

ECCENTRIC AND NONDESCRIPT.

« ПредыдущаяПродолжить »