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and when the luggage on the public car is shaken
PUNCH loose and sent tumbling about the ears or against
LINES, (AFTER WOLFE,) the shins of the passengers through bad packing, it has to be put in order by an English baginan, (a Written on the threatened Death (on the floor of the passenger,) whilst the driver stands by grinning,
House) of John O'Connell. with his hands in his pocket, and a short pipe
Not a groan was heard, nor a pitying note, between his teeth !
As down on the floor he hurried ;
Not a member offered to lend his coat, just as bad ·
Or asked how he'd like to be buried. “I went (at Limerick) to buy some of the pretty Limerick gloves ; (they are chiefly made, as I have
We looked at him slyly at dead of night, since discovered, at Cork.) I think the man who
Our backs adroitly turning, sold them had a patent from the queen, or his ex
That he might not see us laugh outright cellency, or both, in his window ; but, seeing a
By the lights so brightly burning. friend pass just as I entered the shop, he brushed
No useless advice we on him pressed, past, and held his friend in conversation for some minutes, in the street, about the Killarney races,
Nor in argument we wound him ; no doubt, or the fun going on at Kilkee. I
But we left him to lie, and take his rest, might have swept away a bagful of walnut-shells,
With his Irish clique around him. containing the flimsy gloves ; but, instead, walked out, making him a low bow, and saying I would
Few and short were the speeches made, call next week. He said, Wouldn't I wait? and
And we spoke not a word in sorrow; resumed his conversation ; and, no doubt, by this
But we thought, as we looked, though we leave
him for dead, way of doing business, is making a handsome inde
He'll be fresh as a lark to-morrow. pendence.”
The Cork Institution is no less pregnant with We thought, we'll be careful where we tread, instruction than the Limerick tradesman :
And avoid him where he 's lying ;
For if we should tumble over his head, “ The plasters are spoiled irrecoverably for want 'T would certainly send us flying. of a sixpenny feather-brush ; the dust ies on the walls, and nobody seems to heed it: two shil- Lightly they 'll talk of him when they 're gone, lings a year would have repaired much of the And perhaps for his folly upbraid him ; evil which has happened to this institution ; and it But little he'll care, and again try it on, is folly to talk of inward dissensions and political Till the serjeant-at-arms shall have stayed him. differences as causing the ruin of such institutions. Kings or laws don't cause or cure dust and cob- But half of us asked, " What 's now to be done ?" webs; but indolence leaves them to accumulate ; When the time arrived for retiring, and imprudence will not calculate its income, and And we heard the door-keeper say, “ It 's no fun vanity exaggerates its own powers; and the fault Our attendance to watch him requiring.” is laid upon that tyrant of a sister kingdom. The whole country is filled with such failures ; swag. Slowly and softly they shut the door, gering beginnings, tha could not be carried After Radical, Whig, and Tory ; through ; grand enterprises, begun dashingly, and And muttering out,“ We 'll stop here no more," ending in shabby compromises or downright ruin."
They left him alone in his glory. After describing a new house going to rack and ruin, “ I would lay a guinea (we should be happy KICKING DOWN The Ladder.-We copy the folto back the bet) they were making punch in that lowing statistics from a French paper, for the benhouse before they could keep the rain out of it ; efit of the happy historian who may have to write that they had a dinner-party and ball before the the life of Louis Philippe :
Since the Revolution of July, floors were firm, or the wainscots painted.”
1. There have been 1129 prosecutions against A writer with such a pen and pencil as Mr. the press. Thackeray's is an acquisition of real and high value 2. There have been 57 newspapers suppressed. 10 our literature, and we have not the slightest fear 3. There have been 7,110,500 francs drawn, in that he will either fall off, or write himself out : the shape of fines, from editors and proprietors of for, we repeat, he is not a mannerist, and his
range of subjects is not limited to a olass. High life, the throne on the shoulders of the very men he has
This is not bad for a king who was carried to middle life, and low life, are (or very soon will be) since thrown down, and lifted into his present pretty nearly the same to him : he has fancy as position by the very papers he has since crushed. well as feeling ; he can either laugh or cry with- The Charte may be a '“ vérité,” but then it is a out grimacing ; he can skim the surface, and he truth, which keeps itself very private at the botcan penetrate to the core. Let the public give him tom of the Puits de Grenelle, for there is not the encouragement, and let him give himself time, and smallest taste of it to be had at the Tuileries, for
love or money—not for love, at all events. What we fearlessly prophesy that he will soon become a noble epitaph the above statistics would make ! one of the acknowledged heads of his own pecu- they would read admirably, just after the words liar walk of literature.
" universally regretted."
YOUNG ISRAEL IN PARLIAMENT.
cuticle. The metal shines through him, coloring
him outside; even as poultry fed on maize take the Mr. Deputy Corner, in that august assembly, yellowness of their daily food. We doubt not the Common Council, whereat—by a beautiful that, if, in the time of the panic, Rothschild had civic fiction—the ligneous powers of a Gog and Ma- been taken-as he ought to have been—by the gog are wont to attend, inspiring speakers. Mr. strong arm of the law, and violently, yes very vioDeputy Corney has made a terrible hit at Young lently, shaken, his inside would have jingled like a Israel. It is the too frequent evil of our times that money-box. He would have rattled, a very anatmen speak from the emptiness of their knowledge ; omy of shekels. And are we without a remedy in just as drums sound the loudest for having nothing in future? Shall we, as a nation of money-despising ihem. Corney is not of these. Corney is full of Christians—shall we, as Englishmen, who, above knowledge ; so full, that it runs out at his lips. all people in the world, refuse to bend their honest, He has studied Jewish history. He has worked stubborn backs to those idols, £. s. d., set up in up to his elbows in Josephus; and we doubt not, high places ; shall we henceforth suffer the Jew to if he suddenly found himself at Jerusalem, he take his drain of gold to our common injustice ana might, from his instinctive knowledge of the ins perplexity? Certainly not. Punch modestly sugand outs of the place, earn a very decent livelihood gests a remedy. as guide or ticket-porter. Well, Deputy Corney The ancient vice of "sweating" coin lies at the will not permit Jews to sit in parliament. Where- door of the Jews. They have been known to fore? Why
throw millions of guineas into leathern bags, and “ From the earliest periods of their history, the when there to violently agitate them, grinding the Jews were known and acknowledged to be a peo- faces of monarchs—as other folk's faces are elseple possessing no consistent political feeling. (A where said to be “ground"—that they may perlaugh.) They were not admirers of the monarch-spire drops of their precious composition. When ical principle.” (Laughter.)
the next panic occurs, let every Jew be cast into a They certainly were no great admirers of King leathern sack, that the gold in his stomach may, Pharaoh : but, at the present time, we think it is by wholesome exercise, be made to exude through going a little too far back to take up the quarrel of his skin. When the Jew cannot be shaken in a his Egyptian majesty. This disregard of crowns bag, let him be well tossed in a blanket. and royal jewels—a well-known weakness or igno- There is, to be sure a readier, a more wholesale rance, call it which you will, of the Jews—is as way than this ; though we fear the squeamishness nothing to a vice of which Christian London, with of modern sensibility will reject it. Otherwise, we its Christian merchants and bankers, and stock- should propose the establishment of a huge national brokers, know so little : we allude to a love money. crucible, where, upon the return of every panic, Hear Corney
every suspected Jew should be thrown in and " In fact, and there was no use in concealing that melted, and the pure ore separated from the cartruth, money was the element in which they delight-cass; the dross-for, we hope, we would not vioed. They had an intuitive fondness for and power late the last feelings of humanity—the dross to be of grasping that element, and nothing could check returned, for decent burial, to the melted Jew's or abate the appetite.” (Increased laughter.) relations. Let Sir Robert Inglis immediately bring
This is also true. Yes; we believe it to be in a bill for a Jew's Crucible ; earning for himself a lamentable fact, that the young Jew, having the applause of all the truly Christian world, with amassed his first five pounds, has an “ intuitive " three cheers more" from Exeter Hall in particular. fondness” towards making the five ten, the ten We are, however, neglecting Deputy Corney. twenty, the twenty forty-and so on; a disgusting “ They were, in truth, essentially a commercial habit, of which Christian tradesmen know nothing. people. They would sell their own brothers." Deputy Corney has moreover, accidentally no doubt (Great laughier.) -as the greatest discoveries have heretofore been Thus-according to Corney-the “ essence” of arrived at--thrown a brilliant light upon the dark-commerce is to knock down your own brother to ness of the currency question. Now we know the highest bidder. Cain, in his heart, was, no the reason of the late scarcity of gold. Listen to doubt, the first Jew. Corney.
“ It was really a serious thing to contemplate a “Why, their love of money was so great, that Jewish legislature. And if one Jew were io get when Jerusalem was besieged by Titus, they swal- into parliament, he could not see why fifty should lowed quantities of gold, and the coinmon soldiers not follow.” were actually obliged to rip up their bowels to come This we take to be a truth really too deep for at the precious metal.”
laughter. For let us consider the habits of a great Here we have it. We rightly talk about a body of the Jews, with whom Punch, by the way, “ drain of gold.” 'The very vulgar, we believe- is more intimately connected (need he say the Old for Punch is too genteel to offer himself as an Clothes Interest ?) Consider their opportunities of authority on the question—the very vulgar speak sapping a Christian constituency. How many a of “ a drain of gin.” Now the Jew being a tre- man would be likely to sell his voice with his wornmendous dram-drinker of the sort, is continually out coat, the Jew clothesman being, of course, taking this drain of gold. Could we some weeks provided with money by the Rothschilds to pay for back have seen the Rothschilds, and the Solomons, both in a lump. The deputy continues :and the Levis, and the Slomans in their hours of “Only think of fifty Jews in the House of Com privacy, we should at once have known where the mons! Why, Lord John Russell was prettily gold went, inasmuch as we should have beheld the bothered to manage fifty of the Irish members; Hebrew's "swallowing quantities”-taking drain what a condition would his lordship be in if fifty after drain from the bank cellars, to the consterna- Jews were to be added to the fifty Irish !" tion of Plutus, time out of mind the bank butler. It is with great deference that we hesitate an The complexion of the Jew shows him to be a adverse opinion to such a sage as Corney ; but in gold-drinker. He has a Midas' skin-a golden the matter of a Judaico-Hibernico Parliament, we
SONG FOR LORD GEORGE BENTINCK.
think that Lord John would be greatly relieved by WE WON'T ADJOURN TILL MORNING. fifty Jews being opposed to fifty Irish. They might haply react the well-know historical tragedy of The Kilkenny Cats—John O'Connell, of course, To be sung to Order on Mr. Brotherton's Motion for standing out from vulgar mélé, and dying in dig- the Adjournment of the House at 12 o'cloek. nity by himself.
We won't adjourn till morning, A Jew is of no nation, says Deputy Corney ; We won't ourn till morning, or, rather, he is of all nations; his body being a We won't adjourn till morning, sort of harlequin-like anatomy, made up of bits and
Till daylight doth appear; patches from all corners of the earth.
Though midnight's hour be near, “ A Jew was as much a Pole, or a Russian, or
And Brotherton cry
“ Hear!” an Asiatic, as an Englishman, and if that people When time rings out his warning, got into parliament, they might, at the sound of a The intimation scorning, trumpet, scamper off to the promised kingdom, and We won't adjourn till morning, leave the parliament to work for itself. (Laugh
Till daylight doth appear. ter.) They would sacrifice their seats and every
Members—We won't adjourn, &c. thing but their money, upon hearing the divine call."
We'll go on legislating, There is much matter in this for serious contem
Haranguing and debating, plation. The effect of Jews in parliament upon Though wives at home are waiting, our commerce is of minor importance ; though two
Ănd we have no latch-key. bills that Baron Rothschild has already prepared
My hearties, what care we? in his pocket-the one to prohibit the importation
The blush of dawn we 'll see. of Westphalia hams, and the other a check upon Continue speechifying, all individual enterprise-being no less than a bill With one another vying to prevent any Christian from driving his pigs to In talking, and in trying the best marketthough, we say, these bills are
How prosy we can be. subversive of our prosperity and freedom, they are
Members—We won't adjourn, &c. as nothing to the likelihood of the Jews taking their usual “ drain” of gold at the sound of the Too short if life's duration
trumpet," and scampering off to the promised Be found for legislation, kingdom.
For our accommodation, To be sure, our soldiers like the soldiers of Titus
Since clock and watch won't stay ; --might apprehend the runaways; and whereas, in
Why then the only way
So let your periods flow, boys,
Members--We won't adjourn, &c.
The speaker may be snoring, consekwense of a meating held the other day for the ab-bo-jishun of Christmas-Boxes. Grasious
Or gape, with yawns imploring,
But we 'll persist in boring goodness! where is inundashun to sease! I said it, and what's moor, I lade a glass of brandy-and
His patience till all 's blue. warter to back it, that when the Corn Laws went,
We, like a jovial crew, we all went. Is tradesmn prepaird to cut one of the
Our speeches will pursue,
Though gas-light may be waning, funded principles of our glorius constitushun, for
And Brotherton complaining, if Christmas Boxes is not menshuned in Magnar
Whilst cocks, their voices straining, Charter, they ought to have bean? Is tradesmn to
Sing “ Cock-a-doodle-do!" hovercharge and we get nuffin by it? Is we to do
Members—We won't adjourn, &c. the willful waste, and then have the wofull want of our natural parquesights ?
" When I red the acc' in the newspaper it ware DRAMATIC AUTHORS' Militia.-The letter of in the Kitching, afore all our famely. If, sir-and the Duke of Wellington_has created the “most I speck within bouns—if, sir,—and I woodn't if it thrilling interest” in the Dramatic Authors' Sociwarn't the fact—if, sir-a wotsaname they fire off ety; who, if the French take London, can, it is at Wullige when raining monarqs pays 'em a plain, no longer take French pieces. Most of the visit, had droped down among 'em, they cool not members have enrolled themselves as the Foolscap have been more compleatly-Ile rite the word agen Rifle Brigade. A veteran translator has been to give it a hemfaciss—more compleatly as-tonished. unanimously chosen as colonel, and has addressed Sir I've look'd in Jonson's dicksonairy for a word the corps in a very animated speech—"adapted" strong enuf to Express our younited indignashun, to the Society-from Napoleon's Orations. Mr. and cant find won! To you we apples ! Stand Jeffs, the foreign bookseller of Burlington Arcade, our frend, and obleege besides, 10,000,000 others. having very generously lent the heroes his first " Your ob. serv.,
floor front, part of the body are therein able to ex
" JOHN BINNY. ercise, whilst others translate and adapt in the "P.S. I've jest heerd that 14 reglar dustmn attics. The motto selected by the corps is very of this parish, as always cheered the libral cande- appropriate : “ Aut Scissors aut nullus !'" dates at the Elecshun as gone over to the Torrys. So much for stoppin our Christmas Boxes !
COBDEN's ChristMAS PRESENT.-A jar of olives “ J. B." to the kings of Europe.
From Mrs. Jane Fritters, in London, to Miss Anna Then while dressing he 'll fall in such fits of ab
straction, Maria Megrim, Snugley House, Lincolnshire.
That I'm frightened to death he'll commit some I take up my pen, love, (there goes twelve al- rash action; ready!)
So wildly he 'll brandish his razor about, With nerves fairly shattered, and fingers unsteady- Rehearsing a speech to himself, I've no doubt. To sketch for my Anna a day in the life
Then at breakfast, instead of his tea and his toast, Of that worse-used of women, a new Member's wife. All his appetite goes on the Herald or Post; First, all sorts of discomfort to sum in a line, And he greedily swallows the last night's debate, The whole session thro’ we don't once really dine! Instead of the egg, getting cold on his plate. For, on Saturdays, Fritters can't eat, sleep, or speak, When I ask if he'd like his tea sweeter or weaker, He's so knocked up, poor dear, with the work of He often begins his reply, “Mr. Speaker ; the week,
And if I inquire how 's his poor dear digestion, And on Sundays, of course, as becomes wretched Ten to one if I get any answer but “Question." sinners,
Then the whole morning through he 'll do nothing We make it a point to have wretched cold dinners. but look And as Fritters from prayers, you know, ne'er At some horrid "returns" or some dismal blstops away,
book. He's down at the House, love, by four every day. (Yes, well may they call their books “ blue," for And what with the Panic and Pressure Committee, I know (I do wish they'd not make such a fuss in the They make my poor Fritters look dreadfully so.) city :)
Till, after a wretched dull day, he declares And what with Coercion-(I'm sure I've no pa- He must go, or he fears he 'll be too late for prayers. tience
And lonely I sit, till next morning, at one, With those dreadful Papistical denunciations) - Brings back a fresh day, like that through which As he 's anxious on every subject to tell 'em his Mind, he puts up with a cutlet at Bellamy's. There I shrug in my shawl, sneezing, shivering, He says, if he ran home to dine with poor me, and shaking, He might ne 'er catch the eye of the Speaker, you Now waking and dozing, then dozing and waking ;
And of late things have grown even worse, (’t is a For new members have never the least chance of true bill,) shining,
For he's in such a way about that horrid Jew Bill, Unless they get up when the old ones are dining : If he's later than usual, I'm really so nervous, So that since Fi's return for the borough of That I fancy my F., (Goodness gracious preserve Snugley,
us !) He's grown dreadfully bilious, and I really ugly; As some members have threatened, (once I thought And, in fact, his digestion, and what was my it a chouse,) beauty,
Has perhaps gone and “died on the floor of the Have been sacrificed both on the altar of duty! House !" Fritters says he 'll go through it, be the cost what Only think, then, my love, what relief it must be, it will
To hear at the street-door his poor dear latch-key ! (Dear martyr !) of conjugal bliss, or blue pill ! But I'm worn to a shade, as I think you 'll conSo here sits your poor friend, past midnight and fess,
When we come home (D.V.) for the Christmas reSad letter (these shivers must be influenza !) To give her dear Anna one word of advice- Oh, I hope, love, you 'll then lend me your interWhen the question is popped, love-whatever the cession. price
To make Fritters pair off for the rest of the sesIt costs to say “ No"-if the man 's an M.P., Decline; and if asked why, refer him to me. For as things go on now, I am sure you must see It's not only the laich-key, and dreadful late hours, That he might just as well no'er have paired off (These, of course, one could bear, with such husbands as ours ;)
Life's draught, I'm aware, we must all take with But when Fritters does get home-at one, p'rhaps, bitters,
But not one drop of sweet has He debates the debate to me, all the way through ;
“ JANE FRITTERS." All about Bullion-drain, (I suppose something sanatory,
PARLIAMENT AND THE PRODIGIES.-It is a reBut I daren't ask a question, for then he's ex- markable phenomenon in nature, that though frogs planatory,)
may have been falling in frequent showers only a And supply and demand, and the price of a pound, day or two before, and wonderful oysters have been (As if that was n't just the same all the world turning out of their beds by hundreds, to furnish round,)
food to the penny-a-liners and paragraphs to the Till his talk, like the gold which occasions this press, no sooner does Parliament open than all these bother,
natural wonders disappear in a manner almost as mysFlows in at one ear, and flows out at the other. terious as that in which they present themselves. In Then, when fairly in bed, (late enough, goodness the midst of an exciting session, cabbages are alknows,)
lowed to grow unchronicled to a mountainous size ; Every moment I'm startled up out of my doze, and the oddest fish ever caught, with diamonds formBy his smothered * Hear, hear," or ironical ing a perfect bunch of carats in his inside, creates not
the smallest impression when the debates occupy For he dreams that he's still in the House, love, the columns of the newspapers.
The unhappy penny-a-liners, who are often obliged to adopt a
Gallic custom, and make a dinner of frogs-ani
Existence is denied : mals of whom it may be said it never rains but it A Bedfellow you are, 't is plainpours—will be severe sufferers by the stop that is A title Adam could not gain, put to their customary calling through the meeting
Till Eve was by his side. of Parliament. We have heard of old penny-aliners, who having once got an enormous goose
Duck SHOOTING.-Mustang writes from the city berry into their possession, have contrived to live of Mexico that " Instead of the double-barreled upon it three months in the year, and leave it as an heir-loom to their children, like the chancery suit the Mexicans erect a battery on shore at the edge
fowling-piece, or the boat, sand-bag and swivel gun, bequeathed by the lawyer to his posterity. We think the frogs, the fish, and other animal from one to two feet. This battery is constructed of
of the lakes, where the water is of the depth of prodigies who have fallen into insignificance in gun-barrels, with a stock about six inches in length consequence of the commencement of the session, from the breech-pin, six barrels put upon one stock, have excellent ground for petitioning the Commons and an iron pin one inch in diameter fastened to the to take their case into consideration, and either stock and fitting into a log underneath, to present restore them to their accustomed consequence of it from rebounding, and at the same time enabling offer them some compensation for the loss of it. the owner to easily remove them for the purpose of A procession of these ill-used prodigies, headed by loading them with ease and facility. The heavy a frog who has figured in all last year's showers, pieces of timber are properly placed, in order to would have considerable effect in exciting the sym- give the proper direction to the guns, five or six tier pathy of the legislature ; that is to say, if the leg- high, and of a length in proportion to the number islature has synpathy to bestow upon any thing of guns the person may have. Into these timbers that is not of Irish extraction.
the guns are placed, and held by the pin running
from the stock into the hole made to receive it, and The enigma following was published in the Ana- fastened still further by an iron elevating screw at lectic Magazine for May, 1815. He who copies it the end of the breech. Thus they are direcied so as to has never met with its solution, and would be happy bear upon the water from 20 to 1000 yards from to know it, if any kind reader of this paper will en- the battery, and others at different distances from lighten him.-Ailas.
the surface of the water, in order to take the ducks
on the wing as they rise from the water. Food is If it be true, as some folks say, “Honor depends on pedigree,”
placed in the water which they are very fond of, and
morning and evening they come to feed in great Then all stand by-and clear the way
numbers. The guns are discharged by a train of Ye sons of heroes famed of yore, And you the sons of old Glendower
powder running along the whole length of the liers. And let me have fair play.
Thus prepared, as soon as the game gathers, they
touch the barrels bearing on the water, and then as And ye, who boast from ages dark
they rise they fire the balance, and by this mode A pedigree from Noah's ark,
they not unfrequently kill over 1000 birds at a time, Painted on parchment nice
which are brought to the city and sold ;-however, I'm older still, for I was there,
they are often disposed of at a' mere song.' How As first of all I did appear
would it do to try this method around New Orleans, With Eve in Paradise.
Mobile, Charleston, Savannah, the mouth of the Pa And I was Adam, Adam I,
tomac, &c. &c. ? If it would succeed as well there And I was Eve, and Eve was I,
as it does here, it would enable many to feast on In spite of wind or weather
ducks who now only enjoy them occasionally. But mark me-Adam was not I,
There is no doubt but the ducks can be induced to Neither was Mrs. Adam I
congregate at any place where they are properly Unless they were together.
baited for." Suppose then Eve and
Milton's POETICAL WORKS, ILLUSTRATED BY
120 ENGRAVINGS FROM DRAWINGS BY HARVEY.There ends all simileFor though I've tongue and often talk,
under to the Messrs. Harpers for their splendid ediAnd legs too, yet whene'er I walk tions of the poems of Thomson and Goldsmith, That puts an end to me.
are now greatly increased by the delightful style in
which they have also produced the poetical works Not such an end but that I've breath,
of the "
greatest bard of all the ages.” Of the Therefore to such a kind of death
peculiar attractions of this edition, we may say that I make but small objection
the illustrations, in design and execution, are emiFor soon again I come to view,
nently worthy of the great author, and that the volAnd though a Christian, yet 't is true
umes as they reach us from the Harpers are most I die by resurrection.
honorable to the condition of the arts in America. The ENIGMA.—We have received the following Between these classic editions of Milton, Shakoriginal answer to the enigma in the Atlas and speare, Thomson and Goldsmith-the four finest of Transcript of yesterday.-- Transcript.
the standard poets of the language in their respec
tive ways—we should have difficulty in choosing a Although, good sir, I cannot claim
souvenir to give a tasteful friend on the ensuing Either your privilege or name, (A bachelor am I!)
year. Perhaps the reader will experience the like
embarrassment, and—buy them all. We ought Yet, 't is not difficult to tell
perhaps to add that the best juvenile we have yet The mystery you 'd keep so well,
seen is that admirable fairy tale, entitled “The And so the task I'll try.
Good Genius that turned everything to Gold"-an Your resurrection is your end,
elegantly bound edition of which, richly gilt, has Because till you lie down, my friend, just been issued by the above firm.-N. Y. Courier.