half water convinced the parties of the necessity of retiring, and going

home.

"Tom insisted on walking, and Rooke was forced to consent, upon pain of being imposed' if he refused. He borrowed a large stick as a protection against thieves, with which he so belaboured one of the watch, who was trying to convince him that the Farringdon-road was not the way to Oxford, that the poor guardian of the night' was ill for a week.

"They got on pretty well to Bagley-wood, tacking of course, and chiefly on the loosing tack. There Tom brought up, all standing, and insisted on passing the night al fresco, in one of the seats near the 'old man's gate.' Rooke, who was drunk and tired, willingly assented, and there we luckily discovered them, by the light of the fly lamps, and in spite of Tom's threats carried them home.

"To return to the Crown and Thistle.

"Many of the men were preparing to go home, having the terrors of the Dean before their eyes, and of course none of them had any money, and solicited me to settle every thing,' which was very agreeable, as I had just fourteen shillings in my pocket.

"Jack was gone after Dick, by my orders, and old Chatty began to entertain me with a long discussion on the superiority of his snuffs over those of Messrs. Fribourg and Treyer, of the Haymarket, and the very excellent coffee which-real Mocha-procured from an intimate friend of his in Smyrna-Mrs. C. made every evening. Then he digressed about the sad falling off of modern dramatists and modern actors, and told me many excellent anecdotes of the Kembles, Dowton, Munden, and other old favourites of his own day. Thence he descended to the merits of Mrs. C.'s mutton broth, and some very capital whiskey which he had had sent him by an uncle in Campbell-town. I grew fidgety and uneasy, but was forced to listen to his complaints touching Mr. of Ch. ch. who owed him 47. 15s., and Mr. -, of Corpus, who had let his bill of 27. 2s. run for four terms, and left him and dealt with Bryant or Castle, and sundry other instances of pecuniary defalcations and disappointments in which I was not at all interested.

"Poor old Chatty, with a kind heart, and the very best intentions, ruined a fine business from want of capital, temper, and a regular Oxford-bred tradesman's education. No man, who has not had a pater, an avus, a proavus, and atavus in trade at Oxford, ought ever to think of setting up business in that university. It is a system per se, and all the modes of book-keeping, by single and double entry, that are taught in the best commercial academies cannot give a stranger an insight into it. It's unlike the smallpox, and cannot be caught by inoculation.

"I was forced to rid myself of the old man by promising to go to Short-cut cottage, to eat some of Mrs. C.'s mutton broth, and taste his uncle's whiskey.

"When he was gone, I roused up Solomon, who was sound asleep, and snoring awfully, on the sofa, and told him as I had no tin, I hoped he would pay the bill. He stared incredulously, and buttoning up his pockets swore vehemently that he would not be imposed upon in that way, and even refused to lend me 107. I gave the beast a killing look, and emptied a decanter of water into his trouser's pocket.

"When the waiter brought in the bill, I went into the little bar and told the landlord (who was smoking a churchwarden), that most of the men had gone off, and I had not sufficient money to settle for all, but if he would take my card, Wydeawake, St. Peter's College, Oxford,' I would be responsible for the amount.

"Much obliged, sir, I'm sure-but that arn't at all in my line. Charles, the waiter, is responsible to me; if he likes to trust, well and good-it arn't in my line.'

་

"Charles fortunately knew me, having been underwaiter at the Star, and I easily arranged that he should come over next day and receive his money. I almost made up my mind never to remain sober again, as the Sober-Johns always have to stand Sam'-as Solomon calls paying for all.

"Just as this pleasant arrangement was completed, George Blunt opened the bar-door-without knocking of course, and said to me,

"I wishes as you'd come out, there's that young Gallows as comed in the tandem, a been a playing hell and Tommy with Scuffled ust's fly!' "I went out, and on opening the door of the vehicle, found two barber's poles, a pair of postboy's boots, three sign-boards, a stablebucket, five knockers, nine bell-pulls, a door-plate, part of a truss of hay, a gridiron, a fryingpan, and a stable-lantern still alight, stowed away in the fly.

6

"And that arn't all neither,' said George; for he's been and unbuckled all the harness, and changed the hooks and bits, and when 'fust-turn-out's' wanted, I'm blowed if he won't have to whistle for his saddle.'

"I inquired where Mr. Tripes, who I knew was the causa tanti mali,

was.

"He's in the tap,' replied George, a making of all the postboys tosticated with malt licker.'

"I sent the waiter for him, and insisted that the tandem and the fly should be got ready directly. I took Tripes with me into the bar to prevent further mischief, and allowed him one pint of ale, while I smoked one pipe with the landlord. Just as we were finishing our supererogatory amusements, George again entered, dragging little Snap' by a halter.

"Here's a pretty go, master; I'm blessed if I stands it.'

"What is it, George?'

"What is it? its all werry well o' you axing that ere; but if Mr. Job had been alive and kicking, I'm blessed if his patience 'ud a stood it. Kim here you varmint,' (to the dog).

"Well, but what's the matter?' inquired his master.

"Why this here nasty little twud has been and yeat a postboy's saddle flaps, one skirt of a greatcoat, and six new olters; least ways if she arn't a yet 'um, she's been and knarred 'um all to ribbons.-Kim here you varmint.'

"Well, the gentleman will make all that right, I dare say.'

"You dare say, that's more nor I do; for she belongs to that ere werry keveer kiddy with the sandy hair and a stingy look."

"Solomon, who staggered in just at the moment, and heard this unflattering description of his personalities, looked malicious at George, who took no further notice of him than to observe,

Jan.-VOL. LVIII. NO. CCXXIX.

E

"This here's the precious sample as I alludes to-you draw him, master, while I goes and looks to the hosses.'

"The landlord mentioned to Solomon the facts which George had stated, and suggested a due recompence, to which Stingo demurred energetically, until the waiter was called and ordered to lock Snap up, and not let her go until the damages were assessed and paid; when, seeing that Snap was in danger of being imprisoned, and perhaps kidnapped, he liberally offered-one shilling. A sovereign was named and eventually paid.

"George entered again.

"I'm blessed if there arn't another precious go, master!' "What now, George?'

"What, indeed! Why one of them ere genelmen in No. 2, as had the beef stakes and inons, and two gallons of beer, and come in on a spavined horse, gets up and tells me as his friend 'ull pay; and before I could go and ax him, I'm blessed if he did not jump upon his horse and gallop off like blazes-done me clean.'

"Sorry for it, George; but

666

Sorry be; that won't pay me for two feeds of oats and threepenn'orth of old beans. And then there's two genelmen as is too bosky to wag, wants a shay to Oxford.'

666

666

Very well; what horses have we in?'

Why there's Fair Helen and Harleykin Billy-that ere jumping horse as you bought out o' the commercial's trap.'

"Well, they'll do.'

"And what's little Jemmy to do for his boots as that ere little genelman (pointing to Tripes) stole?'

666

Wrap his legs up in a hayband,' cried Tripes. I'll stand heavy to any amount.'

"Will you?' cried George, you're a trump, and he shall ride bare behind, all the way for sich a one.'

"Tripes was delighted at his liberality being so justly appreciated, and Dick coming in, I saw them safe off in the cart, and carried Solomon and his dog into the fly.

"When we got to the bottom of the hill in Bagley Wood, the driver pulled up, and on looking out to ascertain the pour quoi, I saw Dick and Tripes rubbing down' themselves and the horses, who were amusing themselves with kicking and biting one another as usual.

"What's the matter?'

"Matter!' cried Dick; why, I merely got down for two minutes, and Tripes got into the driving-seat, and swore he'd drive home. ĺ tried all I could to dissuade him, but he would not yield, so I did, and the stupid-'

"Mind your eye, Dick,' cried Tripes; no abuse.' "Fool pulled the wrong rope-run the leader up a bank, sized the trap.'

and

cap

"Never mind, old chap, better luck another time-all right-drive on Dick.'

"Well, here we are "floor your taps and division.

safe and sound," cried Dick and Tripes both; let's begin the evening.'" Carried without a

(To be continued.)

MY UNCLE AND HIS BEQUEST.

KINDEST and best of uncles, why did you die? But, oh! most heartless, inconsiderate, unfeeling, and cruel, why make your unoffending nephew, miserable me, your residuary legatee? What had I ever done to displease you, what omitted to propitiate, that you should walk out of the world bequeathing nothing but your plate, furniture and wearingapparel, your watch and your gold-rimmed spectacles to your faithful, devotedly-attached, and long-tried housekeeper, Mrs. Martha Snatchit; and to me all else that should remain, whether in bills or bonds, in shares in mining or other speculations; in ready money in your banker's hands, or elsewhere; in annuities, short or long; or in the three per cents., five per cents., or, in short, any manner of per cents. whatsoever? I do not complain that out of this I was held liable to pay all just debts owing by you, my dear uncle: I am neither ungrateful nor rapacious: besides, on the other hand, I was to receive all debts that might be due to you-a fair set off; but oh !—

But that the cruelty of my uncle's kindness may be thoroughly understood, it will be better that I should begin at the beginning.

Now, by the threat of beginning at the beginning, I mean not that this narrative should commence at or about the period of the Deluge, though (led by many good examples) the narrator himself being a, if not the, principal figure in it, it fairly might-a little bit of genealogy, moreover, being to be done: relinquishing also the privilege frequently assumed by historians, biographers, and autobiographers, it shall even overleap those centuries upon centuries in which history is obscured by the mists of fiction, and modestly come at once to the common and compulsory starting-point-that point below which no chronicler possessing a grain of respect, either for himself or his subject, would condescendthe year 1066, when England was conquered by William of Normandy.

To begin, then.-Amongst the bravest and most renowned of the followers of the Conqueror was Gualtier, Comte de la Higue. Nine times in the battle of Hastings was William borne down and overpowered by numbers, and nine times did the gallant Gualtier, dealing death and destruction around him, bear him off unhurt, himself being grievously wounded by eleven sword-thrusts, and carrying in his brave bosom twoand-twenty arrows-a fact not noticed by any English historian. For this service did his grateful master bestow upon him certain lands in Sussex, a portion of which to this day is known as De la Higue's, or (more commonly, perhaps), Higs's Farm. Shortly after the conquest, the noble Comte de la Higue espoused the illustrious princess Joanne Ursuline-Esmeralda, great-great-great-great-grandaughter of Phili bert II., King of France, from which splendid alliance there de. scended

my grandfather, Ephraim Higs, born

in the parish of Squashery, co. Sussex, 22 November, 1742. Now here have we taken nearly seven centuries at a flying leap! an example of abstinence scarcely to be paralleled in the annals of book

making. But let imitators beware: great geniuses may indulge in such vagaries; but, should the example be incautiously followed, many a very big book might dwindle down into a very little one, greatly to the detriment of authors, publishers, and, more especially, readers.

My grandfather-To confess the truth, I could, in addition to this "wonderful flying leap," as Ducrow would call it, hop over my grandfather, and my story be nothing the worse for the omission; but one must begin somewhere, so we will e'en begin with him.

My grandfather, Ephraim Higs, was a farmer upon a moderate scale, in Sussex. Early in life he married the curate of Squashery's daughter, who, in course of time, presented him with two-and-twenty children. This happened prior to the sublime invention of that great benefactor to society, Dr. Jenner, for peopling the antipodes with convicts and colonists; or, had things gone on at the same rate, all living and marrying, as doubtless they would have done, the Higses would, by this time, have been more than the parish of Squashery could conveniently hold. As it was, the smallpox provided for seventeen of them-how else they could have been so well provided for it would have puzzled my grandfather himself to tell-leaving five, two boys and three girls, to be brought up and "done for." At proper ages, the girls were, each, with a small portion, married, one to the apothecary of the place, one to a maltster, the other to a respectable tradesman at Horsham. Of the two boys, the elder was my father, Jonathan; the second, my uncle Tobias-the cruel uncle in question. At the age of eighteen, the latter, with two hundred pounds in his pocket-all he ever was to expect from Mr. Ephraim Higs-was consigned to the care of a corn-factor in London, under whose guidance he was peremptorily ordered to make his fortune; whilst Jonathan was retained at the farm, which he, as the elder son, was to inherit. And in his seventy-second year, my grandfather having, as it has been shown, and as was most likely the case, done every thing in this world which he had been sent into it to do, went to join my grandmother in the other.

Now, there is the "Life of my Grandfather"-as compact a piece of biography as any that has been given to the admiring world within the present century. Yet, concerning this small Sussex farmer I might, had I been so minded, have filled two, three, or even four, portly volumes, by the simple expedient of inventing the requisite number of interesting facts, and collecting, or concocting, a sufficient quantity of uninteresting letters. As it is, I have told the world all it can care to know about him; for the which kind consideration I am sure the world, if it will but speak out, will confess itself very much obliged to me.

Shortly after his accession to the De la Higue property, Mr. Jonathan Higs married Miss Aurelia Ferret, the eldest daughter of the attorney of the little town of Squashery. This lady having been educated at a genteel boarding-school, and taught, amongst other accomplishments, to speak French, which she did in such a manner as even to astonish the natives, and to play upon the pianoforte with such skill, that it was scarcely possible for any but the most ignorant of matters musical, to doubt whether she intended the tune she was playing, for "God save the King," or the "College Hornpipe;"-with such advantages, it is not to be wondered at that Miss Aurelia Ferret should set up for a fine lady. Now, however opinions may differ as to the prudence of a