bell rang and the curtain rose. Old Chatty went on, and I remained behind to chat with the manager. Before the first scene was over, I heard a great, noise before the curtain, and imprudently exposed myself at the wings in trying to ascertian the cause of it.

"Tripes and our party caught sight of me, and immediately commenced calling out, Turn him out! Throw him over! Off, off, off!' In which they were joined by the οἱ ἐν Ὀμύμπῳ.

"Old Chatty, who was in one of his best situations,' and knew not. the meaning of these hostile cries, after playing in dumb show for five minutes, got in a rage, and stepping to the foot-lights, bowed three times, with his hand on his heart, and begged to know in what he had offended the audience.

"Three cheers for old snuff and cigars,' cried Tripes, and three rounds of applause with 'one cheer more,' followed.

"Ladies and gentlemen,' continued Chatty, bowing, and taking a huge pinch of snuff, may I trust to that candour which always reigns in the breast of an English audience (hurrah! go it), and ask for that explanation of my never-before-upon-any-occasion-experienced reception which a Briton never refuses to give?' (Hurrah! old un.)

"No answer being returned, he bowed to the boxes, pit, and gallery successively, and was about to resume the dialogue, when Tripes, who was holding on, by one of the pillars, began to address the house.

"Gentlemen and ladies”

"Ladies fust,' said a voice from the gallery. "Turn him out,' cried another.

"No! no! hear! hear!' and 'a speech from the gen'leman in licker!' induced Tripes to proceed.

"Ladies and gentlemen (hiccup), fair play's a jewel (hiccup), the bills say, "No admittance behind the scenes," and I can see distinctly (what a lie you squints horrible), I say I can see distinctly-when I shut one eye-my friend,' Wydeawake, just behind that tree (why, it's a pump-ha! ha! ha!) well-much obliged for the information-behind that pump (hiccup), and I'll have him off, or else I'll go on (hiccup) myself.'

"Bravo! off!' Hisses and all sorts of noises peculiar to theatres and' another place' succeeded; but, before I could obey theorder and leave the stage, Tripes made a spring from the boxes, and by using the fiddler's back for a stepping-place, leapt upon the stage. The curtain fell amidst laughter, applause, and hisses. A scene took place behind the scenes that baffles all description; for the rest of our party 'followed the leader,' with the exception of Tom Springer, who was too much convulsed with laughter to jump, and had thrown himself backward in his seat, showing his delight by clapping his hands over his head and grinning fiercely.

"I expostulated with Tripes and his friends, but to no purpose; the actresses all fled, and the actors began to look big and threaten. Old Chatty walked up and down muttering Shameful! blackguards! disgusting-tell the vice-chancellor-the proctors-rusticated-expelled -ruined for life, see if I don't.' The constables were sent for, by the mayor, who happened to be in the house, but before they could arrive, Solomon, who was warmed with too much Dutch courage, struck

the comic-singer for asking him to stand a quart,' and a general fight ensued, in the midst of which that mischievous dog, Tripes, drew up the curtain, and called upon the audience to walk in and see the wild 'beastisses.'

"Of course, a rush did take place from the gallery to the stage,and we were nearly being overpowered by numbers-for the Abingdonians took, and justly, the part of the players, when the mayor, with three or four constables came on' to play his part,' and appealing to me in a gentlemanly way, begged of me to interfere with my friends, and prevent poor Jackman and his family being ruined by the damage his scenery and properties would sustain, and by being compelled to close his theatre. This was putting it in a proper way, and we gave him three cheers and left the stage, via the orchestra, followed by every one but Solomon, who was washing his nose under the pump.

"While we were waiting for the play to begin again, Tripes whispered to me, I've got it.'

"Got what?'

"Oh! never you mind-I've got it' (hiccup).

"An unaccountable delay took place from some cause or other, in raising the curtain, and the audience began to display their impatience by whistling, knocking with their sticks, and kicking against the sides of the boxes, when old Chatty, putting aside greeny,' stepped forward with his hair au naturel, and in a dreadful passion appealed to the 'ladies and gentlemen' against the blackguardly and disgraceful conduct of some gentleman-ironicè dictum-who had stolen his wig.

"Amidst loud cries of shame! shame! never mind, go on without it,' Tripes rose, and putting the missing article on the end of a stick, handed it over the orchestra to Chatty, favouring him and the house with the repetition of the Joseph Miller, that he was not the first old gentleman that could not keep his hair on his head.' The gallery of course laughed, and Chatty cut a mug,' in which rage and politeness, arising from the fear of losing a good customer in the cigar line, were so oddly blended, that the house was restored to its good humour, and all would have gone on well had not Jack Greatman roared out from the pit, Three cheers for the gen'leman what prigged the wig,' which produced a great uproar, and amidst cries of every kind-screaming, screeching, and hurrahing, the decent part of the townsmen and their female friends left the house, and the mayor and constables were obliged again to interfere.

"Quiet was partially restored, the play went on, and all would have ended well yet, but for Tripes, who, observing a fellow in the gallery with a face like a round of beef, and a mouth like an almanac-reaching from one ear to the other, called out, 'There's a mouth for mutton!' pointing to the individual at the same time with his stick, that there might be no mistake.

"A dialogue ensued, in which Charterhouse decidedly proved its superiority, and the advantage of being situated so near Smithfield. The house divided,' and the ayes were in favour of Tripes, which so enraged the man with the open countenance, that he offered to fight his enemy for a quart.

"Done,' cried Tripes, and pulling out sixpence, threw it on the stage, saying, 'There's my stake, now post yours;' a proceeding that

elicited three rounds of applause, which were repeated with greater spirit when Tripes began pulling off his coat.

"The mayor interfered for the third time, and Jackman wisely dropped the curtain, and, unheard, announced the play for the following evening.

"As I knew that a general fight would begin if the Oxonians and the townsmen went out together, I begged the mayor would clear the house and the yard, and suffer us to remain until the crowd had left and dispersed themselves. To this he agreed, and keeping fast hold, as I thought, of Tripes by the coat-collar, I was in hopes all would have ended quietly and peaceably. Hearing a noise of scuffling at the door, to my great surprise, I saw Tripes, who had slipped out of his coat and left it in my hand, squaring and hitting at the man with a mouth, who, though six feet high, and big enough to swallow his little adversary, was begging and entreating of him in the most abject terms, not to hurt him.

"I leapt into the pit and seized Tripes round the waist, where I held him until his foe had vanished-which he did as fast as he could; and he had promised me, upon his honour, he would put on his coat and be perfectly quiet.

6

"We left the house, and instead of being attacked as we expected, were greeted with loud cheers, especially Tripes, who was saluted as a 'pluckly little-un,' and in high favour for having tackled' the biggest bully in the town. Solomon, who was envious of his friend's praises, thought to acquire some little glory before he left, and accordingly selected a very little snob, and kicked him very hard. To his great surprise and annoyance, the lad turned round and returned the compliment. Tripes called A ring! a ring!' which was immediately formed; but Solomon positively declined the combat as being ungentlemanly, and was compelled, amidst the hootings and hissings of both parties, to pay a sovereign for the assault.

"Old Chatty, who had resumed his mufti, came out in a very bad humour; and as he politely, but positively refused our invitation to sup with us, and we could not do without him, we lifted him on our shoulders and bore him off in triumph to the Crown and Thistle, where he found it useless to grumble, and being fond of the good things of this life, wisely made up his mind to look cheerful, and eat and drink heartily.

"The supper was excellently cooked, and as Chatty quoted,

'I smell it, upon my life it will do well,'

6

we all of us did justice to it. After supper, instructions were given to the waiters to be perpetually bringing in something drinkable, until further orders, and Tripes proposed beginning the evening,' by calling on old Chatty (who was abusing the landlord's cigars), for a song. He immediately complied, and though age had deprived his voice of its original power and sweetness, sung one of Dibdin's old ones with great taste, and of course, had his health and song' drunk, accompanied with A jolly good song and very well sung,' by all the party. Jack Greatman next favoured us, and noise and grimace made up for judgment and good taste, with the majority of us. Other songs and toasts followed in rapid succession, and as the jugs and bowls were emptied, the faster

and louder grew the fun and noise. Practical jokes commenced, in which of course Tripes took the lead, by popping a tallow candle into Springer's mouth, who was, as usual, half asleep and making hideous faces by opening and shutting his eyes in a very peculiar manner. Solomon found a pair of snuffers, a nutmeg-grater, and two halves of lemon in his coat-pocket, which he threw one by one, as he abstracted them, at the head of his tormenter, who of course ' ducked,' and Jack Greatman became receiver general' of the missiles.

66

Being more than three parts sprung, Jack was indignant, and told Stingo he was a fool, and that if he insulted him again he'd resent it. "Solomon turned up his nose, which was quite unnecessary, as it's a regular pug, and declined noticing the threats of a snob.

"Snob! who do you call a snob?' replied Jack, rising from his chair, and looking magnificent, has your mother parted with her mangle yet? By the blood of the Mondays! Snob indeed! I haven't the pleasure of your intimate acquaintance, but I'll lay a pound your father's only a shopman.'

"My father, sirrah, is a highly respectable brewer, and brews the best porter in London,' said Solomon, looking grand.

"Yes,' replied Jack, and would keep you and your brother and sisters on his grains, if he did not use nothing but quassia and molasses.'

"Come, come,' cried Tripes, don't be impudent Jack, but sit down directly;' which he did, into a large bowl of red-hot punch which Tripes had deposited in his chair, in order that his person might meet with a warm reception.' The china bowl of course fell a victim to Jack's weight, and Solomon cried with delight as he saw him capering about the room, holding his scalding garments as far off from his skin as possible, and grinning with agony.

"Bravo! beautiful grinning! Bring a horse-collar,' shouted the

company.

"Now, Jack,' said Tripes, give us a bit of ventriloquism.'

"Can't, master, indeed I can't, without some more rosin, and (in a whisper) send round the hat.'

"A jug of hot punch being supplied, and a collection of twenty-five shillings pocketed, Jack made a fool of himself for five minutes in his vocation, and occupied another ten in praising himself, to the detriment of the immortal professional mimes of London, dead or alive, and Mr. Morgan of the Peacock, into the bargain; all of whom, in his opinion, were far inferior to himself.

"A horn being heard in the distance, Dick bolted to see the Stroud mail up' come in, and Tripes pretended to go with him-how he employed himself will be seen presently. He was apparently quite sober by this time, and looked all alive, as Chatty said,

By breaking through the foul and ugly mists,
Of vapours, that did seem to strangle him,'

when he left the playhouse.

good beer always sobers him.

Let him be as drunk as he will, a jug of

"Tom Springer, and little Rooke, who were verging toward a state of somnolent inebriety, went out zig-zag-ging, arm-in-arm, to call on a

friend, one of our men, who is rusticated and lodging with his wife in the town, and I may as well finish their adventures at once.

"When they got to the house, of course every body was gone to bed; but a repetition of hard knocks,' in which they were aided by the watchman, for half-a-crown, produced a slipshod maid, upon whom Springer would have made an ungenerous attack, had she not been too quick for him, and scudded up stairs, screeching loud enough to rouse landlord, landlady, and the lodgers.

"An explanation ensued, which, though it was rather enigmatical, from the obfuscated state of the invading parties, convinced Mr. Scrape, the lodger, that Messrs. Springer and Rooke would not retire without tasting his tap.

"Grog was produced, flanked with a box of Chatty's best cigars, and Springer, though no smoker, was weak enough to funk, declining a weed,' and puffed powerfully and awkwardly, as the uninitiated in fumigating are wont to do. The harder he puffed the wiser he looked, and discovering a poll parrot in a wire prison, undertook to give her a taste of the weed which grew in her own climes.

"What's o'clock?' cried poll.

"Rather late poll,' (puff! puff! puff!)

"Who are you?' continued poll, shaking her head, and sneezing like a human.

"Master of Arts, and Pro-' (puff! puff! puff!)' and you're a very pretty poll.'

"Pretty poll,' repeated the bird, and fell in an atrophy off her perch.

"Scrape was dismayed, and expressed his fears that the bird was dead, which would infallibly break Mrs. Scrape's heart.

"The mention of Mrs. Scrape, to whom he had never been introduced, suggested to Tom the absolute necessity of going up into her bedroom to be presented to her in proper form. In vain did Scrape suggest deferring it until another time, and hint at the impropriety of the proceeding. Tom was too polite to quit the house without seeing the mistress, and divining the direction of her bedroom, proceeded to ascend the stairs. Sich a gitting up stairs there never was seen,' for Scrape caught him by the coat-tail, which ungratefully forsook his master' and let Mr. Scrape into an inglorious tumble. Mrs. Scrape, who as young brides are wont to do, had been listening, horror-struck, to the proposal of grog and cigars at that inconvenient season, and the still more awkward proposal of an introduction to a stranger in her nightcap, closed, locked, and bolted her bedroom-door. heard the click and scrunch of lock and bolt, and in very eloquent terms applied his mouth to the keyhole and requested admission. Not receiving any reply, and feeling very thirsty, he tumbled down stairs to his friend Rooke, who was busily engaged in trying to bring Polly to life again by pouring raw brandy down her bill with a teaspoon, for which Tom called him a beast,' and knocked him down. undergraduate to return the blow was a breach of discipline, so Rooke contented himself by putting his head between the M.A.'s legs, and throwing him over his back on his nose, which relieved the oppression on his brain by discharging a quart of the vital stream.'

Tom

For an

"Peace was made by Scrape, and another glass of half brandy and