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will not always be wanted-practical men will always be in demand-but we want more and more a judicious admixture of men trained in the best thought which has been developed through the ages on all the great questions of government and of society. [Applause.)

No country presents a more striking example of the value of this training than does that great nation with which my duties are shortly to connect me. [Applause.] Several years since she began to provide in all her universities for the training of men in political and social questions, for political life at home and for diplomatic life abroad. This at first was thought to be another example of German pedantry, but the events of the last fifteen years have changed that view. We can now see that it was a part of that great and comprehensive scheme begun by such men as Stein and Hardenbergh and carried out by such as Bismarck and his compeers. [Applause.)

Other nations are beginning to see this. In France, within a few years, very thoroughly equipped institutions have been established to train men in the main studies required in public life and in diplomacy; the same thing is true in England and in Italy. Can there be again, I ask, a more fitting object for some of the surplus wealth of our merchant princes than in rendering this great service to our country, in furnishing the means by which young men can have afforded them a full, thorough, and systematic instruction in all those matters so valuable to those who are able to take the lead in public affairs. [Applause.)

Mr. President, in concluding, allow me to say that in so far as any efforts of mine may be useful I shall make every endeavor that whatever diplomatic service I may render may inure to the benefit of commerce, knowing full well that, in the language of the sentiment, “ Commerce and Diplomacy are the twin guardians of Peace and Prosperity.” [Applause.)

In spite of the present depression of business in Germany and the United States, there are evidences of returning confidence. The great, sturdy, vigorous German nation and our own energetic people cannot long be held back in their career, and in this restoration of business, which is certain, unless gross mismanagement occurs, I believe that these

two nations, America and Germany, will become more and more friendly; more and more Commerce will weave her web uniting the two countries, and more and more let us hope that Diplomacy may go hand in hand with Commerce in bringing in an era of Peace which shall be lasting, and of Prosperity which shall be substantial. [Loud applause.)

HARVEY WASHINGTON WILEY

THE IDEAL WOMAN

(Speech of Dr. Harvey W. Wiley at the banquet of the American Chemical Society, Washington, D. C., December, 1898. Dr. Wiley responded to the toast,“ Woman."]

MR. PRESIDENT AND Fellow-MEMBERS OF THE CHEMICAL SOCIETY:-I propose to introduce an innovation to after-dinner speaking and stick to my text. In my opinion, it is too late in the day to question the Creator's purpose in making Woman. She is an accomplished fact! She is here! She has come to stay, and we might as well accept her. She has broken into our Society, which, until within a year or two, has remained entirely masculine. She has not yet appeared at our annual dinners, but I am a false prophet if she be not here to speak for herself ere long. And why not? Chemistry is well suited to engage the attention of the feminine mind. The jewels woman wears, the paints she uses, the hydrogen peroxide with which she blondines her hair are all children of chemistry. The prejudice against female chemists is purely selfish and unworthy of a great mind. There is only enough work in the world to keep half of humanity busy. Every time a woman gets employment a man must go idle. But if the woman will only marry the man, all will be forgiven.

I think I know why you have called on an old bachelor to respond to this toast. A married man could not. He would be afraid to give his fancies full rein. Someone might tell his wife. A young man could see only one side of the subject-the side his sweetheart is on. But the old bachelor fears no Caudle lecture, and is free from any romantic bias. He sees things just as they are. If he be also a true chemist, lovely woman appeals to him in a truly scientific way. Her charms appear to him in the crucible and the beaker:

I know a maiden, charming and true,
With beautiful eyes like the cobalt blue
Of the borax bead, and I guess she'll do

If she hasn't another reaction.

Her form is no bundle of toilet shains,
Her beauty no boon of arsenical balms,
And she weighs just sixty-two kilograms

To a deci-decimal fraction.

Her hair is a crown, I can truthfully state
'Tis a metre long, nor curly nor straight,
And it is as yellow as plumbic chromate

In a slightly acid solution.

And when she speaks from parlor or stump,
The words which gracefully gambol and jump
Sound sweet like the water in Sprengel's pump

In magnesic phosphate ablution.

I have bought me a lot, about a hectarc,
And have built me a house ten metres square,
And soon, I think, I shall take her there,

My tart little acid radicle.

Perhaps little sailors on life's deep sea
Will be the salts of this chemistry,
And the lisp of the infantile A, B, C

Be the refrain of this madrigal.

No one but a scientific man can have any idea of the real nature of love. The poet may dream, the novelist describe the familiar feeling, but only the chemist knows just how it is:

A biochemist loved a maid

In pure actinic ways;
The enzymes of affection made

A ferment of his days.

The waves emergent from her eyes

Set symphonies afloat,
These undulations simply struck

His fundamental note.

No longer could he hide his love,

Nor cultures could he make,
And so he screwed his courage up,

And thus to her he spake:
“Oh, maid of undulations sweet,

Inoculate my veins,
And fill my thirsty arteries up

With amorous ptomaines.
“ In vain I try to break this thrall,

In vain my reason fights,
My inner self tempestuous teems

With microcosmic mites.
“I cannot offer you a crown

Of gold-I cannot tell
Of terrapin or wine for us,

But rations balanced well.
“ A little fat just now and then,

Some carbohydrates sweet,
And gluten in the bakers' bread,

Are what we'll have to eat.
“ The days will pass in rapture by,

With antitoxine frills,
And on our Guinea-pigs we'll try

The cures for all our ills.
"O! maiden fair, wilt thou be mine?

Come, give me but one kiss,
And dwell forever blessed with me,

In symbiotic bliss."
This maiden, modest, up-to-date,

Eschewed domestic strife;
In mocking accents she replied,

“Wat t'ell-not on your life."

The philosopher and the theologian pretend to understand the origin of things and the foundation of ethics, but what one of them ever had the least idea of how love first started? What one of them can tell you a thing concerning the original osculation—that primary amatory congress which was the beginning of the beginning?

Bathed in Bathybian bliss

And sunk in the slush of the sea,
Thrilled the first molecular kiss,

The beginning of you and of me.

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