and I'se wad a' I'm worth i' the warld, we 'll be half-way up at Navity afore the shochlan, short-legged body wins o'er the dike."

Such was the dying injunction of Sandy Wood; and his tombstone still remains to testify that it was religiously attended to. An Englishman who came to reside in the parish nearly an age after, and to whom the story must have been imparted in a rather imperfect manner, was shocked by what he deemed his unfair policy. The litigants, he said, should start together; he was certain it would be so in England, where a fair field was all that would be given to St. Dunstan himself, though he fought with the Devil. And that it might be so here, he buried the tombstone of Wood in an immense heap of clay and gravel. It would keep him down, he said, until the little fellow would have clambered over the wall. The townsfolk, however, who were better acquainted with the merits of the case, shovelled the heap aside; and it now forms two little hillocks which overtop the stone, and which, from the nature of the soil, are still more scantily covered with verdure than any part of the surrounding bank.

JAVING just returned from a visit to this admirable Institution in company with a friend who is one of the Directors, we propose giving

The great

a short account of what we saw and heard. success of the Asylum for Idiots and Feeble-minded Youth, several of the scholars from which have reached considerable distinction, one of them being connected with a leading daily paper in this city, and others having served in the State and national legislatures, was the motive which led to the foundation of this excellent charity. Our late distinguished townsman, Noah Dow, Esquire, as is well known, bequeathed a large portion of his fortune to this establishment, "being thereto moved," as his will expressed it, "by the desire of N. Dowing some publick Institution for the benefit of Mankind." Being consulted as to the rules of the institution and the selection of a superintendent, he replied, that "all boards must construct their own platforms of operation. Let them select anyhow and he should be

pleased." N. E. Howe, Esq., was chosen in compliance with this delicate suggestion.

The charter provides for the support of "One hundred aged and decayed Gentlemen-Punsters." On inquiry if there was no provision for females, my friend called my attention to this remarkable psychological fact, namely: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FEMALE PUNSTER.

This remark struck me forcibly, and on reflection I found that I never knew nor heard of one, though I have once or twice heard a woman make a single detached pun, as I have known a hen to crow.

On arriving at the south gate of the Asylum grounds, I was about to ring, but my friend held my arm and begged me to rap with my stick, which I did. An old man with a very comical face presently opened the gate and put out his head.

"So you prefer Cane to A bell, do

you ?

" he said, and began chuckling and coughing at a great rate.

My friend winked at me.

66

man.

You're here still, Old Joe, I see," he said to the old

- and it's very odd, considering how often

"Yes, yes, I've bolted nights."

He then threw open the double gates for us to ride through.

Now," said the old man, as he pulled the gates after us, "you've had a long journey."

66

Why, how is that, Old Joe?" said my friend.

"Don't you see? he answered; "there's the East hinges on one side of the gate, and there's the West hinges on t' other side, haw! haw! haw!"

We had no sooner got into the yard than a feeble little gentleman, with a remarkably bright eye, came up to us, looking very seriously, as if something had happened.

"The town has entered a complaint against the Asylum as a gambling establishment," he said to my friend, the Director.

"What do you mean? said my friend.

"Why, they complain that there's a lot o' rye on the premises," he answered, pointing to a field of that grain, - and hobbled away, his shoulders shaking with laughter, as he went.

On entering the main building, we saw the Rules and Regulations for the Asylum conspicuously posted up. I made a few extracts which may be interesting.

SECT. I. OF VERBAL EXERCISES.

5. Each Inmate shall be permitted to make Puns freely from eight in the morning until ten at night, except during Service in the Chapel and Grace before Meals.

6. At ten o'clock the gas will be turned off, and no further Puns, Conundrums, or other play on words, will be allowed to be uttered, or to be uttered aloud.

9. Inmates who have lost their faculties and cannot any longer make Puns shall be permitted to repeat such as may be selected for them by the Chaplain out of the work of Mr. Joseph Miller.

10. Violent and unmanageable Punsters, who interrupt others when engaged in conversation, with Puns or attempts at the same, shall be deprived of their Joseph Millers, and, if necessary, placed in solitary confinement.

SECT. III. OF DEPORTMENT AT MEALS.

4. No Inmate shall make any Pun, or attempt at the same, until the Blessing has been asked and the company are decently seated.

7. Certain Puns having been placed on the Index Expurgatorius of the Institution, no Inmate shall be allowed to utter them, on pain of being debarred the perusal of Punch and Vanity Fair, and; if repeated, deprived of his Joseph Miller.

Among these are the following: Allusions to Attic salt, when asked to pass the saltcellar.

Remarks on the Inmates being mustered, etc., etc. Associating baked beans with the benefactors of the Institution.

Saying that beef-cating is befitting, etc., etc.

The following are also prohibited, excepting to such Inmates as may have lost their faculties and cannot any longer make Puns of their own:

See INDEX

your own hair or a wig"; it will be long enough," etc., etc.; "little of its age," etc., etc.; also, playing upon the following words: hospital; mayor; pun; pitied; bread; sauce, etc., etc., etc. EXPURGATORIUS, printed for use of Inmates. The subjoined Conundrum is not allowed: Hasty Pudding like the Prince ? attended by its sweet; nor this variation to it, to wit: Because the 'lasses runs after it.

Why is Because it comes

The Superintendent, who went round with us, had been a noted punster in his time, and well known in the