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Vain is cach voice where tones could once com
“ 'Tis done, 't is past, since Pallas warns in vain;
But know, a lesson you may yet be taught,
AN APOSTROPHIC HYMN. ?
" Qualis in Eurotæ ripis, aut per juga Cynthi,
Dinna seems: and so she charms the sight,
besides a Chancery suit inveterately entailed upon TO THE PUBLISHER.
the family estate, we came up in our old chariot, SIR,
of which, by the bye, my wife grew so much ashamed I as a country gentleman of a midland county. in less than a week, that I was obliged to buy a I might have been a parliament-man for a certain second-hand barouche, of which I might mount the borough; having had the offer of as many votes as box, Mrs. H. says, if I could drive, but never see the General T. at the general election in 1812. 3 But I inside - that place being reserved for the Honourable was all for domestic happiness ; as, fifteen years ago, Augustus Tiptoe, her partner-general and operaon a visit to London, I married a middle-aged maid | knight. Hearing great praises of Mrs. H.'s dancing of honour. We lived happily at Hornem Hall till (she was famous for birthnight minuets in the latter last season, when my wife and I were invited by the end of the last century), I unbooted, and went to a Countess of Waltzaway (a distant relation of my ball at the Countess's, expecting to see a country spouse) to pass the winter in town. Thinking no dance, or, at most, cotillions, reels, and all the old harm, and our girls being come to a marriageable paces to the newest tunes. But, judge of my surprise, (or, as they call it, marketable) age, and having on arriving, to see poor dear Mrs. Hornem vith her
(“The beautiful but barren Hymettus, the whole coast of Attica, her hills and mountains, Pentelicus, Anchesmus, Philopappus, &c. &c. are in themselves poetical ; and would be so if the name of Athens, of Athenians, and her very ruins, were swept from the earth. But, am I to be told that the "nature" of Attica would be more poetical without the "art" of the Acropolis ? of the Temple of Theseus ? and of the still all Greek and glorious monuments of her exquisitely artificial genius ? Ask the traveller what strikes him as most poetical, the Parthenon, or the rock on which it stands? The COLUSINS of Cape Colonna, or the Cape itself? The rocks at the foot of it, or the recollection that Falconer's ship was hulged upon them? There are a thousand rocks and capes far more picturesque than those of the Acropolis and Cape Sunium in themselves. But it is the “art," the columns, the temples, the wrecked vessel, which give them their antique and their modern poetry, and not the spots themselves. I op
posed, and will ever oppose, the robbery of ruins from Athens, to instruct the English in sculpture ; but why did I do so ? The ruins are as poetical in Piccadilly as they were in the Parthenon ; but the Parthenon and its rock are less so without them. Such is the poetry of art." - Byron Letters, 1821.)
? (This trifle was written at Cheltenham in the autumn of 1812, and published anonymously in the spring of the follow. ing year. It was not very well received at the time by the public; and the author was by no means anxious that it should be considered as his handiwork. “I hear," he says, in a letter to a friend, "that a certain malicious publication on waltzing is attributed to me. This report, I suppose, you will take care to contradict; as the author, I am sure, will not like that I should wear his cap and bells.")
State of the poll (last day), 5.
arms half round the loins of a huge hussar-looking Terpsichore !-- too long misdeem'd a maid — gentleman I never set eyes on before; and his, to Reproachful term — bestow'd but to upbraid say truth, rather more than half round her waist, Henceforth in all the bronze of brightness shine, turning round, and round, and round, to a d- d The least a vestal of the virgin Nine. see-saw up-and-down sort of tune, that reminded me Far be from thee and thine the name of prude; of the “ Black joke," only more " affetuoso," till it Mock'd, yet triumphant; sneer'd at, unsubdued ; made me quite giddy with wondering they were not | Thy legs must move to conquer as they ily, so. By-and-by they stopped a bit, and I thought | If but thy coats are reasonably high; they would sit or fall down: — but no; with Mrs. H.'s Thy breast — if bare enongh — requires no shield; land on his shoulder, “ quam familiariter" ! (as Dance forth — sans armour thou shalt take the field, Terence said, when I was at school), they walked And own- impregnable to most assaults, about a minute, and then at it again, like two cock- Thy not too lawfully begotten “ Waltz. chafers spitted on the same bodkin. I asked what all this meant, when, with a loud laugh, a child no Hail, nimble nymph! to whom the young hussar, older than our Wilhelmina (a name I never heard The whisker'd votary of waltz and war, but in the Vicar of Wakefield, though her mother His night devotes, despite of spur and boots; would call her after the Princess of Swappenbach,) A sight unmatch'd since Orpheus and his brutes : said, “ Lord! Mr. Hornem, can't you see they are Hail, spirit-stirring Waltz!- beneath whose banners valtzing ?" or waltzing (I forget which); and then A modern hero fought for modish manners ; up she got, and her mother and sister, and away they On Hounslow's heath to rival Wellesley's , fame, went, and round-abouted it till supper time. Now, | Cock'd - fired — and miss'd his man — but gain'd his that I know what it is, I like it of all things, and
aim; so does Mrs. H. (though I have broken my shins, Hail, moving Muse! to whom the fair one's breast and four times overturned Mrs. Hornem's maid, in Gives all it can, and bids us take the rest. practising the preliminary steps in a morning). Oh ! for the flow of Busby, or of Fitz, Indeed, so much do I like it, that having a turn for The latter's loyalty, the former's wits, rhyme, tastily displayed in some election ballads, and To “ energise the object I pursue,"6 songs in honour of all the victories (but till lately I And give both Belial and his dance their due ! have had little practice in that way), I sat down, and with the aid of William Fitzgerald, Esq. 2, and a few Imperial Waltz! imported from the Rhine hints from Dr. Busby 3, (whose recitations I attend, (Famed for the growth of pedigrees and wine), and am monstrous fond of Master Busby's manner Long be thine import from all duty free, of delivering his father's late successful “ Drury Lane And hock itself be less esteem'd than thee : Address,") I composed the following hymn, where- In some few qualities alike - for hock withal to make my sentiments known to the public; Improves our cellar - thou our living stock. whom, nevertheless, I heartily despise, as well as the The head to hock belongs — thy subtler art critics.
Intoxicates alone the heedless heart:
Through the full veins thy gentler poison swims,
Oh, Germany! how much to thee we owe,
Muse of the many-twinkling feet 4! whose charms
I My Latin is all forgotten, if a man can be said to have in agriculture be no speedier than the proportional average forgotten what he never remembered ; but I bought my of time in Pope's couplet, it will, according to the farmers' title-page motto of a Catholic priest for a three-shilling bank proverb, be "ploughing with dogs." token, after much haggling for the even sixpence. I grudged By the bye - one of this illustrious person's new titles is the money to a papist, being all for the memory of Perceval forgotten - it is, however, worth remembering" Salvador and “ No popery,'' and quite regretting the downfal of the del mundo!” credite, posteri! If this be the appellation anpope, because we can't burn him any more.
nexed by the inhabitants of the Peninsula to the name of a 2 (See antè, p. 421.)
man who has not yet saved them- query - are they worth 3 (See " Rejected Addresses."]
saving, even in this world ? for, according to the mildest mo
difications of any Christian creed, those three words make the 4“ Glance their many-twinkling feet."-GRAY.
odds much against them in the next.-"Saviour of the $ To rival Lord Wellesley's, or his nephew's, as the reader world," quotha! - it were to be wished that he, or any one pleases :- the one gained a pretty wonan, whom he deserved, else, could save a corner of it -- his country. Yet this stupid by fighting for; and the other has been fighting in the Pen- misnomer, although it shows the near connection between insula mans a long day, “ by Shrewsbury clock," without superstition and impiety, so far has its use, that it proves gaining anything in that country but the title of “the Great there can be little to dread from those Catholics (inquisitorial Lord," and "the Lord ; which savours of profanation, Catholics too) who can confer such an appellation on a Prohaving been hitherto applied only to that Being to whom testant. I suppose next year he will be entitled the “ Virgin " Te Deums" for carnage are the rankest blasphemy. It is Mary:" if so, Lord George Gordon himself would have to be presumed the general will one day return to his Sabine nothing to object to such liberal bastards of our Lady of farm; there
Babylon. “ To tame the genius of the stubborn plain, Almost as quickly as he conquer'd Spain !"
6 (Among the addresses sent in to the Drury Lane ComThe Lord Peterborough conquered continents in a summer ;
mittce was one by Dr. Busby, which begun by askingwe do more-- we contrive both to conquer and lose them in a “When energising objects men pursue, shorter season. If the "great Lord's "Cincinnatian progress
What are the prodigies they cannot do ?"]
To Germany, and highnesses serene,
But peace to her – her emperor and diet,
Borne on the breath of hyperborean gales, From Hamburg's port (while Hamburg yet had mails), Ere yet unlucky Fame - compellid to creep To snowy Gottenburg — was chillid to sleep; Or, starting from her slumbers, deign'd arise, Heligoland ! to stock thy mart with lies ; While unburnt Moscowyet had news to send, Nor owed her fiery exit to a friend, She came — Waltz came - and with her certain sets Of true despatches, and as true gazettes : Then flamed of Austerlitz the blest despatch, Which Moniteur nor Morning Post can match ; And almost crush'd beneath the glorious news — Ten plays, and forty tales of Kotzebue's; One envoy's letters, six composers' airs, And loads from Frankfort and from Leipsic fairs ; Meiner's four volumes upon womankind, Like Lapland witches to ensure a wind; Brunck's heaviest tome for ballast, and, to back it, Of Heyné, such as should not sink the packet.
Fraught with this cargo — and her fairest freight, Delightful Waltz, on tiptoe for a mate, The welcome vessel reach'd the genial strand, And round her flock'd the daughters of the land. Not decent David, when, before the ark, His grand pas-seul excited some remark ; Not love-lorn Quixote, when his Sancho thought The knight's fandango friskier than it ought: Not soft Herodias, when, with winning tread, Her nimble feet danced off another's head; Not Cleopatra on her galley's deck, Display'd so much of leg, or more of neck, Than thou, ambrosial Waltz, when first the moon Beheld thee twirling to a Saxon tune !
To you, ye husbands of ten years! whose brows Ache with the annual tributes of a spouse;
To you of nine years less, who only bear
Endearing Waltz!- to thy more melting tune
Observant travellers of every time !
Shades of those belles whose reign began of yore,
1 The patriotic arson of our amiable allies cannot be sumciently commended - nor subscribed for. Amongst other de. tails omitted in the various despatches of our cloquent am. bassador, he did not state (being too much occupied with the exploits of Colonel C-in swimming rivers frozen, and galloping over roads impassable,) that one entire province perished by famine in the most melancholy manner, as follows:-- In General Rostopchin's consummate conflagration, the consumption of tallow and train oil was so great, that the market was inadequate to the demand: and thus one hundred and thirts-three thousand persons were starred to death, by being reduced to wholesome diet ! The lamplighters of London have since subscribed a pint (of oil) a piece, and the tallow-chandlers have unaniinously voted a quantity of best moulds (four to the pound), to the relief of the surviving Scythians : – the scarcity will soon, by such exertions, and a proper attention to the quality rather than the quantity of provision, be totally alleviated. It is said, in return, that the untouched Ukraine has subscribed sixty thousand becres for a day's meal to our suffering manufacturers.
2 Dancing girls -- who do for hire what Waltz doth gratis.
3 It cannot be complained now, as in the Lady Baussière's time, of the “ Sieur de la Croix,” that there be ** no whiskers;"
but how far these are indications of valour in the field, or elsewhere, may still be questionable. Much may be, and hath been, avouched on both sides. In the olden tiine phi. losophers had whiskers, and soldiers none - Scipio himself was 'shaven -- Hannibal thought his one eye handsome enough without a beard ; but Adrian, the emperor, wore a beard (having warts on his chin, which neither the empress Sabina nor even the courtiers could abide) - Turenne had whiskers, Marlborough none – Buonaparte is unwhiskered, the Regent whiskered; "argal" greatness of mind and whiskers mar or may not go together : but certainly the different occurrences, since the growth of the last mentioned, go further in behalf of whiskers than the anathema of Anselm did against long hair in the reign of Henry I. - Formerly, red was a favourite colour. See Lodowick Barrey's comedy of Ram Alley, 1661: Act I. Scene l.
“ Tattèta. Now for a wager – What coloured beard comes next by the window ?
" Adriana. A black man's, I think.
"Tatleta. I think not so: I think a red, for that is most in fashion."
There is "nothing new under the sun :" but red, then a favourile, has now subsided into a favourite's colour.
No damsel faints when rather closely pressid,
- or royal or serene But more caressing seems when most caress'd; With Kent's gay grace, or sapient Gloster's mien, Superfluous hartshorn, and reviving salts,
Leads forth the ready dame, whose rising flush Both banish'd by the sovereign cordial “ Waltz." Might once have been mistaken for a blush.
From where the garb just leaves the bosom free, Seductive Waltz!- though on thy native shore That spot where hearts 5 were once supposed to be ; Even Werter's self proclaim'd thee half a whore; Round all the confines of the yielded waist, Werter - to decent vice though much inclined, The strangest hand may wander undisplaced ; Yet warm, not wanton; dazzled, but not blind
The lady's in return may grasp as much Though gentle Genlis, in her strife with Stael, As princely paunches offer to her touch. Would even proscribe thee from a Paris ball ;
Pleased round the chalky floor how well they trip, The fashion hails from countesses to queens,
One hand reposing on the royal hip; And maids and valets waltz behind the scenes; The other to the shoulder no less royal Wide and more wide thy witching circle spreads, Ascending with atfection truly loyal ! And turns — if nothing else - at least our heads; Thus front to front the partners move or stand, With thee even clumsy cits attempt to bounce, The foot may rest, but none withdraw the hand; And cockneys practise what they can't pronounce. And all in turn may follow in their rank, Goils! how the glorious theme my strain exalts, The Earl of — Asterisk — and Lady - Blank; And rhyme finds partner rhymie in praise of “ Waltz !" Sir - Such-a-one- with those of fashion's host,
For whose blest surnames — vide “ Morning Post”. Blest was the time Waltz chose for her début ; (Or if for that impartial print too late, The court, the Regent, like herself were new;? Search Doctors' Commons six months from my date) New face for friends, for foes some new rewards ; Thus all and each, in movement swift or slow, New ornaments for black and royal guards ;
The genial contact gently undergo ; New laws to hang the rogues that roar'd for bread ; Till some might marvel, with the modest Turk, New coins (most new)? to follow those that fled; If “ nothing follows all this palming work ?"6 New victories - nor can we prize them less,
True, honest Mirza !—you may trust my rhyme Though Jenky wonders at his own success ;
Something does follow at a fitter time; New wars, because the old succeed so well,
The breast thus publicly resign'd to man, That most survivors envy those who fell ;
In private may resist him
if it can. New mistresses - no, old — and yet 't is true, Though they be old, the thing is something new; O ye who loved our grandmothers of yore, Each new, quite new - - (except some ancient tricks), 3 | Fitzpatrick, Sheridan 7, and many more ! New white-sticks, gold-sticks, broom-sticks, all new And thou, my Prince! whose sovereign taste and sticks!
will With vests or ribands - deck'd alike in hue,
It is to love the lovely beldames still ! New troopers strut, new turncoats blush in blue; Thou ghost of Queensbury ! whose judging sprite So saith the muse: my --, what say you ?
Satan may spare to peep a single night, Such was the time when Waltz might best maintain Pronounce if ever in your days of bliss Her new preferments in this novel reign;
Asmodeus struck so bright a stroke as this ? Such was the time, nor ever yet was such;
To teach the young ideas how to rise, Hoops are no more, and petticoats not much ;
Flush in the cheek, and languish in the eyes ; Morals and minuets, virtue and her stays,
Rush to the heart, and lighten through the frame, And tell-tale powder - all have had their days. With half-told wish and ill-dissembled flame: The ball begins — the honours of the house
For prurient nature still will storm the breast First duly done by daughter or by spouse,
Who, tempted thus, can answer for the rest ?
't is all gone - Asmodeus knows where. After all, it is of no great importance how women's hearts are disposed of; they have nature's privilege to distribute them as absurdly as possible. But there are also some men with hearts so thoroughly bad, as to remind us of those phenomena often mentioned in natural history ; viz. a mass of solid stone-only to be opened by force - and when divided, you discover a load in the centre, lively, and with the reputation of being veno
1 An anachronism - Waltz and the battle of Austerlitz are before said to have opened the ball together: the bard means (if he means any thing), Waltz was not so much in vogue till the Regent attained the acme of his popularity: Waltz, the comet, whiskers, and the new government, illuminated heaven and earth, in all their glory, much about the same time ; of these the comet only has disappeared ; the other three continue to astonish us still. - Printer's Devil.
. Amongst others a new ninepence - a creditable coin now forthcoming, worth a pound, in paper, at the fairest calculation.
3" Oh that right should thus overcome might!" Who does not remember the “delicate investigation" in the “Merry Wives of Windsor ?"
" Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me: then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now ? whither bear you this ?
" Mrs. Ford. What have you to do whither they bear it ? - you were best meddle with buck-washing."
* The gentle, or ferocious, reader may fill up the blank as he pleases - there are several dissyllabic names at his service (being already in the Regent's): it would not be fair to back any peculiar initial against the alphabet, as every month will aid to the list now entered for the sweepstakes : - a distinguished consonant is said to be the favourite, much against the wishes of the knowing ones.
5* We have changed all that,” says the Mock Doctor
6 In Turkey a pertinent, here an impertinent and superfuous, question - literally put, as in the text, by a Persian to Morier, on seeing a waltz in Pera- l'ide Morier's Travels.
i [I once heard Sheridan repeat, in a ball-room, some
Behold the well-pair'd couple now advance.
For so the law's laid down by Baron Trip."
If such thou lovest - love her then no more,
But ye — who never felt a single thought
Voluptuous Waltz! and dare I thus blaspheme ?
Ode to Napoleon Buonaparte.'
“ Expende Annibalem :- quot libras in duce summo
JUVENAL, Sat. x. ? “ The Emperor Nepos was acknowledged by the Senate, by the Italians, and by the Provincials of Gaul ; his moral virtues, and military talents, were loudly celebrated ; and those who derived any private benefit from his government announced in prophetic strains the restoration of public felicity.
By this shameful abdication, he protracted his life a few years, in a very ambiguous state, between an Emperor and an Exile, till ." – GiBox's Decline and Fall, vol. vi. p. 220.3
'Tis donc — but yesterday a King!
Nor till thy fall could mortals guess
Ambition's less than littleness !
Thanks for that lesson - it will teach
To after-warriors more,
Than high Philosophy can preach,
And vainly preach'd before.
That spell upon the minds of men Nor man nor fiend hath fallen so far.
Breaks never to unite again,
That led them to adore
Those Pagod things of sabre sway,
With fronts of brass, and feet of clay.
The triumph, and the vanity,
The rapture of the strife 5 –
The earthquake voice of Victory,
To thee the breath of life ; ? [The reader has seen that Lord Byron, when publishing was smooth, and the whole body visible.” Wonderful to re" The Corsair,” in January 1814, announced an apparently late, he found the whole did not exceed in weight one ounce quite serious resolution to withdraw, for some years at least, and a half ! AND IS THIS ALL! Alas! the quot libras itself from poetry. His letters of the February and March follow- is a satirical exaggeration. – GIFFORD.] ing abound in repetitions of the same determination. On the
3 [" I send you an additional motto from Gibbon, which morning of the nmth of April, he writes, -"No more rhyme for — or rather from— me. I have taken my leave of that
you will find singularly appropriate.”—Lord Byron to dr.
Murray, April 12. 1814.] stage, and henceforth will mountebank it no longer.” In the evening, a Gazette Extraordinary announced the abdication 4 ["I don't know, but I think I, even I (an insect comof Fontainebleau, and the Poet violated his vows next morn- pared with this creature), have set my life on casts not a miling, by composing this Ode, which he immediately published, lionth part of this man's. But, after all, a crown may not be though without his name. His Diary says, “ April 10. To- worth dying for. Yet, to outlive Lodi for thiş !!! Oh that day I have boxed one hour — written an ode to Napoleon Juvenal or Johnson could rise from the dead ! Expende Buonaparte – copied it - eaten six biscuits – drunk four quot libras in duce summo invenies?! I knew they were bottles of soda water, and redde away the rest of my time.''] light in the balance of mortality ; but I thought their living 2 (" Produce the urn that Hannibal contains,
dust weighed more carats. Alas! this imperial diamond hath And weigh the mighty dust which yet remains :
a flaw in it, and is now hardly fit to stick in a glazier's pencil ;
- the pen of the historian won't rate it worth a ducat.' Psha! AND IS THIS ALL!"
* something too much of this.' But I won't give him up even I know not that this was ever done in the old world; at least,
now; though all his admirers have, like the Thanes, fallen with regard to Hannibal : but, in the statistical account of
from him." _Byron Diary, April 9.] Scotland, I find that Sir John Paterson had the curiosity to collect, and weigh, the ashes of a person discovered a few 5" Certaminis gaudia" – the expression of Attila in his years since in the parish of Eccles; which he was happily harangue to his army, previous to the battle of Chalons, enabled to do with great facility, as "the inside of the coifin given in Cassiodorus.