Chops. Stop, Sir, if you please; we don't want to hear anything about your cousin Sally Dilliard and your wife. Tell us about the fight at Rice's. Witness. Well, I will, Sir, if you will let me. Chops. Well, Sir, go on. Witness. Well, Sir, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and Cousin Sally Dilliard she came over to our house, and axed me if my wife she moutn't go Chops. There it is again. Witness, please to stop. Witness. Well, Sir, what do you want? Chops. We want to know about the fight; and you must not proceed in this impertinent story. Do you know anything about the matter before the court? Witness. To be sure, I do. Chops. Well, go on and tell it, and nothing else. Witness. Well, Captain Rice he gin a treat Chops. This is intolerable. May it please the court, I move that this witness be committed for a contempt; he seems to be trifling with this court. Court. Witness, you are now before a court of justice, and unless you behave yourself in a more becoming manner, you will be sent to gaol; so begin and tell what you know about the fight at Captain Rice's. Witness. [alarmed.] Well, gentlemen, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and Cousin Sally Dilliard— Chops. I hope the witness may be ordered into custody. Court. [after deliberating.] Mr. Attorney, the Court is of opinion that we may save time by telling witness to go on in his own way. Proceed, Mr. Harris, with your story, but stick to the point. Witness. Yes, gentlemen. Well, Captain Rice he gin a treat, and Cousin Sally Dilliard she came over to our house, and axed me if my wife she mout go? I told Cousin Sally Dilliard that my wife she was poorly, being as how she had the rheumatics in the hips, and the big swamp was up; but howsomever, as it was she, Cousin Sally Dilliard, my wife she mout go. Well, Cousin Sally Dilliard then axed me if Mose he moutn't go. I told Cousin Sally Dilliard as how Mose he was foreman of the crap, and the crap was smartly in the grass; but howsomever, as it was she, Cousin Sally Dilliard, Mose he mout go. So they goes on together, Mose, my wife, and Cousin Sally Dilliard, and they came to the big swamp and it was up, as I was telling you; but being as how there was a log across the big swamp, Cousin Sally Dilliard and Mose, like genteel folks, they walked the log; but my wife, like a darned fool, hoisted her coats and waded through. And that's all I know about the fight. V. THE AGE OF WONDERS. My neighbour over the way, Colonel Swallowmore, thinks himself born in the age of wonders :and no wonder he thinks so, for he reads the newspapers and believes them! It is astonishing how gravely the Colonel gulps down every crude lump of monstrous fudge the papers contain. Sea-serpents, crook-necked squashes, consumption cured, talking pigs, and three-legged cats, are nothing to an appetite like his. He believes electioneering speeches and predictions of political quidnuncs. All is fish that comes to his net. "These are times! Mr. Titterwell, these are times, indeed!" says he to me, with a most rueful visage, as he lays down the newspaper. "What are we coming to! People have got to such a pass! Something is certainly going to happen before long. I'm really, really frightened to think of it. There never were such doings in my day. Positively I've got so now that I an't surprised at anything!" And so he shakes his head, hitches up his breeches, sticks his spectacles higher up his nose, and reads the wonders of the day over again. Twenty-eight several times has this country been irretrievably ruined since I knew the Colonel. Seven times has the world come quite to an end. Nineteen times have we had the hardest winter ever known within the memory of the oldest inhabitant. Twenty-one times there never was seen such a backward spring. Forty-seven times the approaching session of Congress has been one of uncommon interest; and thirteen thousand, nine hundred and sixty-six times has death snatched away the best man upon earth, leaving mortals inconsolable, and and society with an immense void. The mental agitations he has undergone in |