and end of it. Jack, you must know, by being a militia captain, is become a fine gemleman; so fine a one, indeed, that he affects to despise what he never knew, and asked me, if I had not, as well as himself, forgot all my Greek.

It is true, that my friend Jack (I beg his honour's pardon, I should say captaa) has had the advantage of an Oxford education; and therefore it is not wonderful, that he has been worked, kneaded, moulded, fine-drawn, and polished into a better kind of pipe-maker's clay than the clods of which some of his brother officers were composed. Yet these, I found, had in some measure cast their slough, and put on the martial gentility with the dress: such are the surprising effects of a red coat, that it immediately dubs a man a gentleman; as, for instance, every private man in his majesty's footguards is dignified with the title of a gentleman-soldier.

To the honour of the militia be it spoken, their officers have made noble advances in the military arts, and are become as great proficients in them as any of the regulars; I mean those arts particularly, which will render them an ornament to their country in the time of peace. First then, with respect to dress and politeness of behaviour. The red coat, the cockade, the shoulder-knot, and the sword, have metamorphosed our plain country 'squires into as arrant beaux as any on the parade. The short jerkin, striped waistcoat, leather breeches, and livery of the hunt, are exchanged for an elegant laced uniform; the bob wig has sprouted to a queue; the boots are cast off for silk stockings and turned pumps; and the long whip has given place to a gold-hilted sword, with a flaming sword-knot. They have reconciled themselves to ruffles, and can make a bow, and come into a room with a good grace. With these accomplishments, our bumpkins have been enabled to shine at country assemblies; though it must be confessed, that these grown gentlemen stand somewhat in need of Mr. Duke's instructions. Some of them have also carried their politeness so far as to decide a point of honour with their words; and at the last town I passed through, I was told, there had been a duel between a militia officer and the surgeon the place; when the former being pricked in the sword-arm, his antagonist rectly pulled out his salve-box, and

kindly dressed the wound upon the field of battle.

Another necessary qualification of a soldier is, cursing and swearing; in which exercise, I assure you, our militia gentry are very expert. It is true, they had had some practice in it before they left their native fields, but were not disciplined in discharging their oaths with right military grace. A common fellow may swear indeed like a trooper, as any one may let off a gun, or push with a sword; but to do it with a good air, is to be learned only in a camp. This practice, I suppose, was introduced among our regiments, and tolerated by the chaplains, that it might familiarize them to the most shocking circumstances; for, after they have intrepidly damned one another's eyes, limbs, blood, souls, and even their own, they must certainly be fearless of any harm that can happen to them.

Drinking is another absolute requisite in the character of a good officer: and in this our militia are not at all deficient. Indeed they are kept to such constant duty in this exercise, that they cannot fail of being very expert at it. No veterans in the service can charge their glasses in better order, or discharge them more regularly at the word of command. By the way, this is the only duty that is expected from the chaplain; and he is commonly as ready to perform it as any of the corps.

Intrigue is as essential to a soldier as his regimentals; you will therefore imagine the militia do not fall short of the regulars in this military accomplishment. Every woman is regarded by them as lawful plunder; some they besiege by secret sap and undermining, and some they take by assault. It has been frequently a practice in the most civilized armies, whenever they storm a town, not only to cut the throats of the men, but to ravish the women and it is from this example, I suppose, that our officers think it an indispensable branch of their duty to debauch the wives and sisters of the inhabitants wherever they are quartered; or perhaps, considering the great loss of men we have sustained by sea and land, they are desirous of filling up the chasm, and providing recruits for a future war.

The last circumstance which I shall mention, as highly necessary in an officer, is, the spirit of gaining. The militiaofficer was undoubtedly possessed of this spirit in some degree before, and would

But the rain is over, and I am glad of it as I am growing serious, contrary to my usual humour. I have ordered my horse out-and have some miles to rideso no more at present from

Your constant correspondent, &c.
B. Thornton.

$116. On going to Bath, Tunbridge, and other Watering-places, in the Summer. Nunc est bibendum. Sadlers-Wells.

It has long been a doubt with me, whether his majesty loses more subjects in the year by water or by spirituous liquors; I mean, I cannot determine with in myself, whether Bath, Tunbridge, Scarborough, &c. &c. &c. do less harm to the constitutions of my fellow-creatures than brandy, gin, or even British spirits. I own, nothing gives me more surprise in the practice of the learned in WarwickJane, than their almost unanimously concurring in ducking their patients in the sea, or drenching them with salt, steel, or sulphureous water, be their distemper what it may. If a man has a dropsy, they will not hesitate to give gallons of this element, as they do not scruple to give the strongest cordials sometimes in the most violent fever.

Though the faculty seemed to agree, one and all, that every patient should visit some watering-place or other in the summer, I do not find they are settled in their opinions, what particular waters suit particular disorders. I have visited them all for my amusement; and upon conversing with the invalids in each place, I have found, to my great surprise, in Bath, Tunbridge, Bristol, and Brighthelmstone, many persons drinking the waters for the gout, bilious colics, or weak nerves, as if the same effects could be produced by steel, salt, and sulphur; nay, a gentleman of my acquaintance was sent by different physicians to different places, though they were all agreed about the nature of his

consult every physician in the kingdom, he would visit every sink in the whole island, for there is not a hole or bottom in any county that has not its salutary spring; and every spring has its physician to prove, in a long pamphlet of hard words, that those waters are superior to any other, and that any patient, in any disorder whatever, may be sure of relief. In short, we seem to have a second deluge, not by the wickedness, but the folly of the people, and every one is taking as much pains to perish in it as Noah and his family did to escape it.

The present thirst after this element, which the physicians have created, makes it necessary for them to send their patients to some waters in vogue; but the choice being left to the doctor, he is determined in it by various circumstances: sometimes the patient is sent where the best advice and assistance may be had, in case the distemper should increase; sometimes where the physician of the place is a cousin or a pupil of the physician in town; sometimes where the doctor has an estate in the neighbourhood; and I have more than once known a patient sent to a place, for no other reason, but because the doctor was born within four miles of it.

I cannot easily suggest to myself any reason, why physicians in London are fond of sending their patients to waters at the greatest distance, whilst the country practitioners generally recommend the springs in their neighbourhood. I cannot come into the notion that prevails among many persons, that some of the faculty in in London divide the fees with those they recommend in the country, like the lawyers who deal in agency: but I am induced to think that, as they are couscious the waters are out of the case, they hope the exercise and change of air in a long journey will lay the groundwork of that cure, which the temperance and dissipation prescribed by the doctor may possibly perform: on this account they decline sending their patients to Sadlers Wells, Powis-Wells, Pancras-Wells, Acton-Wells, Bagnigge-Wells, the Dog and Duck, or Islington Spa, which are as salutary as those of Bath or Tunbridge for patients who live at a distance, and who can receive no benefit from the wells and spas in their neighbourhood.

Another circumstance confirms me in the opinion, that the waters of any spa

do

nothing more towards the cure than what is to be had from any pump whatsoever. I never found the inhabitants of the place appear at the springs and wells with the company of foreigners; and as I have seen many invalids among them complaining of colics, asthmas, gouts, &c. as much as the visitors of the place, and if it is said, that many who come to Bath on crutches go away without them, I have seen, more than once, those very crutches supporting some miserable cripple of the

town.

It may be urged, that many cures have been performed at these public places; but whether they are to be attributed to the waters, or the air, exercise, and temperance prescribed by the doctor, will appear from the following story.

An honest country baker having, by his close and anxious application to business in the day time, and a very constant attendance at the Three Horse-shoes at night, contracted a distemper that is best understood by the names of the Hip or the Horrors, was so very miserable, that he had made two attempts upon his own life; at length, by the persuasion of his friends, he applied to a physician in the neighbourhood for advice; the doctor (I suppose a quack, by the low fee which he demanded) told him, he would cure him in a month, if he would follow his directions; but he expected, in the mean time, a new quartern loaf whenever he should send for it. In return for the first quartern, he sent a box of pills, with directions for the baker to take three at six in the morning fasting, after which to walk four miles; to take the same number at six in the evening, and to walk the like number of miles; to repeat the same number of pills at eight, and to work them off with a pint of ale, without the use of his pipe, and the like number at ten o'clock going to bed. The baker kept his word with the doctor; and the doctor kept his with the patient; for at the end of the month, the honest fellow was in as good health, and enjoyed as high spirits, as when he was a boy. The cheapness of his cure induced the baker to inquire of his doctor, by what wonderful medicine so speedy and perfect a cure had been effected. The doctor, which is another proof of his not being regularly bred, told him, the pills were made of his own loaf, covered with gold leaf; and added, if he would take the same medicine, and follow the

B. Thornton.

§ 117. The faint-hearted Lover. I do not doubt but every one of your readers will be able to judge of my case, as, without question, every one of them either has been, or is at present, as much in love as your humble servant. You must know, Sir, I am the very Mr. Faintheart described in the proverb, who never won fair lady-for though I have paid my addresses to several of the sex, I have gone about it in so meek and pitiful a manner, that it might fairly be a question, whether I was in earnest. One of my Dulcineas was taken, as we catch mackarel, by a bit of scarlet; another was seduced from me by a suit of embroidery; and another surrendered, at the first attack, to the long sword of an Irishman. My present suit and service is paid to a certain lady who is as fearful of receiving any tokens of my affection as I am of offering them. I am only permitted to admire her at a distance; an ogle or a leer are all the advances I dare make; if I move but a finger it puts her all in a sweat; and, like the sensitive plant, she would shrink and die away at a touch. During our long courtship I never offered to salute her but once; and then she made such a wriggling with her body, such a struggling with her arms, and such a tossing and twirling of her head to and fro, that, instead of touching her lips, I was nearly in danger of carrying off the tip of her nose. I even dared at another time to take her round the waist; but she bounced away from me, and screamed out as if I had actually been going to

commit a rape upon her. I also once plucked up courage sufficient to attempt squeezing her by the hand, but she resisted my attack by so close a clench of her fist, that my grasp was presented with nothing but sharp-pointed knuckles, and a long-thumb-nail; and I was directly after saluted with a violent stroke on my jawbone. If I walk out with her, I use all my endeavours to keep close at her side; but she whisks away from me as though I had some catching distemper about me: if there are but three of us, she eludes my design by skipping sometimes on one side and sometimes on t'other as I approach her; but when there are more of us in company she takes care to be sheltered from me by placing herself the very midmost of the rank. If we ride in a coach together, I am not only debarred from sitting on the same side, but I must be seated on the furthermost corner of the seat opposite to her, that our knees may not meet. We are as much at a distance from one another at dinner, as if we were really man and wife, whom custom has directed to be kept asunder the whole length of the table; and when we drink tea, she would sooner run the risk of having the contents spilt over her, than take the cup and saucer from me any nearer than at both our arms length. If I mention a syllable that in the least borders upon love, she immediately reddens at it as much as if I had let drop a loose or indelicate expression; and when I desire to have a little private conversation with her, she wonders at my impudence, to think that she could trust herself with a man alone. In short, Sir, I begin to despair of ever coming to close contact with her: but what is still more provoking, though she keeps me at so respectful a distance, she tamely permits a strapping fellow of the guards to pat her on the cheek, play with her hand, and even approach her lips, and that too in my presence. If you, or any of your readers, can advise me what to do in this case, it will be a lasting obligation conferred on

Your very humble servant,

TIMOTHY MILDMAN.
B. Thornton.

§ 118. A circumstantial Detail of every Particular that passed at the Coronation.

[In a letter from a Gentleman to his Friend in the Country.]

Dear Sir,

Though I regret leaving you so soon, especially as the weather has since proved so fine, that it makes me long to be with you in the country, yet I honestly confess, that I am heartily glad I came to town as I did. As I have seen it, I declare I would not have missed the sight upon any consideration. The friendship of Mr. Rolles, who procured me a pass-ticket, as they call it, enabled me to be present both in the Hall and the Abbey; and as to the procession out of doors, I had a fine view of it from a onepair of stairs room, which your neighbour, Sir Edward, had hired at the small price of one hundred guineas, on purpose to oblige his acquaintance. I wish you had been with me; but as you have been deprived of a sight, which probably very few that were present will ever see again, I will endeavour to describe it to you as minutely as I can while the circumstances are fresh in my memory, though my description must fall very short of the reality. First, then, conceive to yourself the fronts of the houses, in all the streets that could command the least point of view, lined with scaffolding, like so many galleries or boxes raised one above another to the very roofs. These were covered with carpets and cloths of different colours, which presented a pleasing variety to the eye; and if you consider the brilliant appearance of the spectators who were seated in them (many being richly dressed) you will easily imagine that this was no indifferent part of the show. The mob underneath made a pretty contrast to the rest of the company. Add to this, that though we had nothing but wet and cloudy weather for some time before, the day cleared up, and the sun shone auspiciously, as it were in compliment to the grand festival. The platform, on account of the uncertainty of the weather, had a shelving roof, which was covered with a kind of sail-cloth; but near the place, where I was, an honest Jack Tar climbed up to the top and stripped off the covering, which gave us not only a more extensive view, but let the light in upon every part of the procession. I should tell you that a rank of foot soldiers were placed on each side within the platform; and it was not a little surprising to see the officers familiarly conversing and walking arm in arm with many of them, till we were let into

the secret that they were gentlemen who had put on the dresses of common soldiers, for what purpose I need not mention. On the outside were stationed, at proper distances, several parties of horseguards, whose horses, indeed, somewhat incommoded the people, that pressed incessantly upon them, by their prancing and capering; though luckily, I do not hear of any great mischief being done. I must confess, it gave it me much pain to see the soldiers, both horse and foot, most unmercifully belabouring the heads of the mob with their broad swords, bayonets, and muskets; but it was not unpleasant to observe several tipping the horse soldiers slily from time to time (some with halfpence, and some with silver, as they could muster up the cash) to let them pass between the horses to get nearer the platform; after which these unconscionable gentry drove them back again. As soon as it was day-break (for I chose to go to my place over-night) we were diverted with seeing the coaches and chairs of the nobility and gentry passing along with much ado; and several persons very richly dressed were obliged to quit their equipages, and be escorted by the soldiers through the mob to their respective places. Several carriages, I am told, received great damage: Mr. Jennings, whom you know, had his chariot broke to pieces; but providentially neither he nor Mrs. Jennings, who were in it, received any

hurt.

magnificent canopies. Her majesty's chair was on the left hand of his majesty; and they were attended by the great chamberlain, lord high constable, earl marshal, and other great officers. Four swords, I observed, and as many spurs, were presented in form, and then placed upon a table before the king.

There was a neglect, it seems, somewhere, in not sending for the dean and prebendaries of Westminster, &c. who, not finding themselves summoned, came of their own accord, preceded by the choristers, singers, &c. among whom was your favourite, as indeed he is of every one, Mr. Beard. The Hall-gate was now thrown open to admit this lesser procession from the Abbey, when the bishop of Rochester (that is, the dean) and his attendants brought the Bible and the following regalia of the king, viz. St. Edward's crown, rested on a cushion of gold cloth, the orb with the cross, a sceptre with the dove on the top, another tipt with a cross, and what they call St. Edward's staff. The queen's regalia were brought at the same time, viz. her crown upon a cushion, a sceptre with a cross, and a rod of ivory with a dove. These were severally laid before their majesties, and afterwards delivered to the respective officers who were to bear them in the procession.

Considering the length of the cavalcade, and the numbers that were to walk, it is no wonder that there should be much confusion in marshalling the ranks. At last, however, every thing was regularly adjusted, and the procession began to quit the Hall between eleven and twelve. The platform leading to the west door of the Abbey was covered with blue baize for the train to walk on; but there seemed to me a defect in not covering the upright posts that supported the awning, as it is called (for they looked mean and naked) with that or some other coloured cloth. As I carry you along, I shall wave mentioning the minute particulars of the procession, and only observe that the nobility walked two by two. Being willing to see the procession pass along the platform through the streets, I hastened from the Hall, and by the assistance of a soldier made my way to my former station at the corner of Bridge-Street, where the windows commanded a double view at the turning. I shall not attempt to describe the splendor