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ment compel me to do, and shew you that the growth and condition of the hair does not depend upon the body, and therefore must result from the mind. It is a well-known fact, that the hair will grow, although the body be starved in sickness-in diseases-when the body loses all its powers-all its strength, still the hair continues to grow; the half-starved wanderer in the streets creeps at night to his wretched hovel, with lips untouched by food since he departed thence at sunrise, but still his chin has roughened-his hair stays not in growth. Surely these instances are sufficient to prove, that the growth and character of the hair do not depend upon the body, but upon the mind; and they also prove, what Phrenology never can shew with regard to the skull, that circumstances affecting the mind produce a proportionate and immediate effect upon the hair. This latter fact is most important, as if it be established, and I trust I have clearly proved it, the hair is at once demonstrated to be an index to the mind, which the skull cannot be.

"I shall now proceed to shew, from the nature of the hair itself, that it is peculiarly qualified for the performance of the functions I have assigned to it. It has been discovered by Malphigi, through the assistance of the microscope, that each particular hair is tubular, that is, composed of a number of extremely minute tubes or pipes. I have already asserted, that the hairs of our head are as it were plants shooting out from the brain, and it now becomes important to consider them in that character. No rule can be more certain, or more apparent, than that nature does nothing in vain; and I put it to the adversaries of Capillology to shew of what possible use these tubular excrescences can be, if they are not what I assert them to be, channels of communication between the mind and the exterior world. That they are so, is evidenced by the following well-known fact. We find in old age--the fire---the quickness of youth decays, and the man becomes thoughtful, cautious, and sedate; and why? The reason is clear. In age, the hair which formerly furnished a quick communication with outward things, and conveyed to the mind a rapid and immediate perception of what was going on around, I say, in age the hair drops, the man becomes altogether or partially bald, and this channel of communication is cut off. Another fact, which also leads us to the same conclusion, is, that we observe how much the character of animals is determined by the quality of their hair. Why are the mouse and hare so timid? Look at the hair with which their skins is covered, observe its fineness, and that it terminates in the very smallest point imaginable, and yet it is tubular notwithstanding, and by its fineness, conveys to the mind the very earliest intelligence of approaching danger. The same circumstance accounts for the timidity of women exceeding that of men---their hair is for the most part finer. The fact of this communication between the mind and the exterior world, by means of the hair, was well known many centuries ago, and was the reason why monks--men who forswore the world---were obliged to shave the crowns of their heads; and for the same reason, the clergy in the early ages of

the church, severely condemned the practice of wearing long hair. They preached against it, and there is now extant, a canon of the date of 1096, whereby wearers of long hair were not allowed to enter a church whilst living, nor were they to be prayed for when dead. I need not remind you, that this was the decree of an infallible church, and therefore is of great importance in favor of Capillology.

"I have thus, I think, satisfactorily proved--First, that the science of Capillology is far more reasonable than Phrenology.---Secondly, that there is an intimate and evident connection between the mind and the hair of the head.---Thirdly, that the growth and condition of the hair do not depend upon the body, but upon the mind, to which the hair is an index; and I have shewn, fourthly, from the nature of the hair itself, how peculiarly fitted it is to be such an index to the mind, shewing, also, how infinitely it surpasses in that respect the bumps of the Phrenologists, between which and the mind, nature has not pointed out any connection. I shall now, in conclusion, present you with a general outline of the science, and produce instances in support of it, drawn from the heads, not of thieves and murderers, to whom the Phrenologists have resorted, but from wellknown characters, men of notoriety at the present time, and I shall take especial care that all the instances are clear and unexceptionable-examples which inquiry cannot shake-scepticism cannot disbelieve.

"In the division of the powers and propensities of the human mind, I do not adopt the Phrenological classification, but in its stead prefer an arrangement not new indeed, but infinitely more simple, more easily remembered, and more correct. I divide the human faculties into two sorts, one the useful,' and the other the ornamental.' Under the first of these heads, are included all that can promote the comfort and happiness of our fellow-creatures-under the latter, those faculties which, without rendering a man useful, serve to make him conspicuous. It has been contended, that there ought to be a third division for a supposed unfortunate class, who do not possess faculties to render them either useful or ornamental; but this is entirely a mistake, such persons (if, indeed, any such exist) are mere exceptions.

"The general character of the ornamental' qualities is a straitness of hair, and all the variations of length, size, thickness of growth, and color, are most certainly indicative of corresponding variations in the character of the individual. This" (snatching up. from his side a dirty looking scratch)" is an exact counterpart of the hair of that ornament' of the magistracy, and the House of Commons, Mr. Alderman Wood. These two are those ornamental legislators,' Alderman Waithman and Mr. Joseph Hume; and here is another ornamental' and honorable gentleman, Mr. John Wilks, jun., all of them you observe agreeing in their general character of straitness, but differing in minutiæ, which I will shew you in my next lecture are strictly illustrative of their several characters. This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the short crop of Dr. Eady, the orna

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ment of our walls; and the long row of strait-haired gentlemen behind me, are all Common Councilmen-Old Bailey attorniesadvertising money-lenders-sham-bail-and similar ornaments of society.

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"If we inspect the useful' part of the community, we shall find precisely the same accordance; but, with them, the hair is infallibly and naturally inclined to curl. Here you see the frizzle of George Colman, here is Mr. Southey, this is Mr. Thomas Moore, that Mr. Canning, here we have Sir Thomas Lawrence, this is a bust of Lord Bacon; and there are, you observe, fifty other celebrated individuals, the hair of all of whom is more or less inclined to the curve.

"Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, these are extraordinary facts, and I put to you the same question as the Phrenologists do, if these things do not prove my science, how am I to prove it? I agree with the Phrenologists, that it is in vain for you to attempt to shew that metaphysically I am wrong-here are facts, examples, instances before your eyes, which prove I am right. I agree with them, that it is quite useless for you to prove that the science is nonsensical, the question is as to its truth; and to prove that it is ridiculous, is no answer to that inquiry. Another point, in which I agree with the Phrenologists, is, that the science obtains great weight from the testimony of former ages respecting it--and here allow me to remark the superiority of that testimony as regards Capillology. They produce an ancient but ideal bust of Jupiter to prove that he was possessed of strong intellectual faculties; whereas, I can show the concurrent opinion of many ages, continuing down to the present day; curved hair has always been deemed a mark of intelligence, and therefore of beauty: it is for this reason that women curl their hair, and every shopkeeper's apprentice thinks himself unfit to attend his sixpenny ball (or, more properly speaking, hop) unless the curling of his naturally straight hair has given him something like a look of intelligence. We know this is an ancient custom; in the twelfth century, the men curled their hair and bound it with fillets or ribbands, and appeared abroad without any covering in order that their curls might be seen. History is full of instances of the like character. William of Malmesbury informs us, that when any of these people bowed their heads before Saint Wulstan, to receive his blessing, before he gave it he cut off a lock of their hair with a sharp knife which he carried about with him for that purpose, and commanded them, by way of penance, to cut off all the rest of it in the same manner. Another, and a still more striking, proof of the existence of this custom of imparting an artificial curl to the hair, and thereby breaking down the distinction which nature points out between the two classes of society, occurred in the year 1104, when Serlo, a Norman Bishop, preached against this custom, and, by his sermon, so affected King Henry I. that he and his courtiers consented to lose their curls. The prelate took them at their words, and immediately pulled out a pair of scissors from his sleeve, and himself performed the operation at once. Now I argue from these facts precisely as the

Phrenologists do from theirs. For what possible purpose, say they, could the ancients have given intellectual faculties to Jupiter, except it were to furnish an argument in favor of Phrenology? Now I say, for what purpose could our ancestors have curled their hair, except to furnish an argument in favor of Capillology?

"One fact more, and I have done :-The Phrenologists claim the merit of having discovered that the skull increases in size, that is, grows. Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of Capillology, that science for which nature herself testifies, I claim the equal merit of having discovered that the hair of the head grows; yes, that it actually grows. This is, indeed, a most extraordinary fact, and one that I could very much enlarge upon, but. Ladies and Gentlemen, I see you are all asleep, and therefore I will conclude."

This was indeed pretty nearly the fact:-A fat butcher who sat next me, and who had been for some time kept awake by watching the motions of my pencil, at last dropped off to sleep, and commenced a nasal melody, which drew the attention of Mr. Hardhead to his audience, of whom, at that time, I was the only one awake.

.

I called a few days afterwards, to inquire if the lectures had been continued, but I found that one attempt had satisfied both Mr. Hardhead and the public.

N.

IMPROMPTU.

ON THE MARRIAGE OF MR. LAMB TO MISS PRIEST.

In times remote, when heathens sway'd,
A sacrifice was often made,

Their deities to quiet;

And by the Priest the Lamb was led,
Unto the altar where he bled,

But not without some riot.

Mark, how revers'd the blissful scene,
No heathen rites now intervene,

To bid the timid faulter;

For, lo! the Priest,---how strange to say--

Is by the Lamb now led away,

Quite willing, to the altar!

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J. M. LACEY.

STRANGE REPORTS---45.

TO THE EDITOR OF THE NATIONAL MAGAZINE.

SIR,-IN Some of your foregoing numbers, you have noticed a few of the many and great alterations that have taken place in this Metropolis, and this sort of subject, though of necessity it cannot be new, is fraught with interest to the inhabitants of the different localities which may be noticed, as shewing them what have been the

former situations of their present neighbourhood. As your house of publication is situated in the parish of St. Clement Danes, and as therefore your excellent magazine may be fairly considered as in some sort connected therewith, I purpose writing to you a chit-chat, gossipping kind of letter respecting the above parish, trusting that you will excuse the rambling style of it, and hoping that it may excite an abler pen than mine to pursue the subject.

It will probably be no novelty to you to state, that your publishing house is in the close vicinity of one that was once celebrated as a receiving house for the Spectator, therefore you are in a classical neighbourhood; the house I speak of was the Trumpet Tavern, in Shire Lane, Carey Street, closely adjacent to two others, with singular signs,---the Devil, and the Bible---the former long since gone, and the latter now shut up; the Trumpet is now known as the Duke of York public house, and certainly has no classical associations connected with it at present, being more famous for its clubs of smokers of the lowest class, its heavy wet, &c. &c.; but for all this, at the time we speak of, the lucubrations of Steele, Addison, &c. were here perused over the cup of coffee, and the gill of wine, by the wits, and would-be wits, of that age.

Passing from Shire Lane to the farther end of Carey Street, we come to the burial ground in Portugal Street, immediately opposite to the modern Surgeon's Hall: here many of

"The rude forefathers of the purish sleep,"

and among them repose the bones of the celebrated Joe Miller. A little within the gate on the left, may be seen his epitaph, by Stephen Duck, his cotemporary, carved on a good substantial grave stone, which was placed there a few years back, in lieu of an old one, which had become illegible, by one of the then worthy churchwardens of St. Clement's, Mr. Jarvis Buck, who is still living; and who, at the foot of the epitaph, has added his own name as the reviver; thus sharing, or perhaps hoping to share, a portion of the old wit's immortality. Some of our "small deer" of punsters would do well to perform a pilgrimage to this grave, for the double purpose of acknowledging, and doing penance for, the numberless robberies they have committed in the way of furbishing up old Joes, and endeavouring to gain some portion of his real fund of humour.

Close by is the depot of Spode and Copeland, for china, earthenware, and glass of every description, once known as Lincoln's Inn Fields Theatre, where many of the best actors of a former day fretted and fumed their hour upon the stage; though I do not know if an idle hour or two would not be as interestingly employed in going over the present establishment, fraught, as it is, with costly specimens of porcelain, &c., as they would be in beholding spectacle and melodrame; or in listening to a vapid, ill-written farce, in a play-house.

Not far from hence is Clare Market--but a butchery is by no means a classical place-I shall therefore dismiss it by saying, that it was for many years the freehold of the Newcastle family, but has now passed into other hands. At the top of Clare Market, and al

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