Makes him our friend, and makes us truly great. To fit in council with the fceptred Chief? I ftop the flowing current of my speech, ADVICE TO A DAUGHTER. BY LORD HALIFAX. FRIENDSHIP. I MUST in particular recommend to you a strict care in the choice of your friend fhips. Perhaps the beft are not without their objections, but however, be fure that yours Yours may not stray from the rules which the wifer part of the world hath fet to them. The leagues offensive and defenfive, feldom hold in politics, and much lefs in friendships. The violent intimacies, when once bro ken, of which they fcarce ever fail, make fuch noife; the bag of fecrets untied, they fly about like birds let loofe from a cage, and become the entertainment of the town. Befides, thefe great dearneffes, by degrees, grow injuri ous to the rest of your acquaintance, and throw them off from you. There is fuch an offenfive diftinction when the dear friend comes into the room, that it is flinging stones at the company, who are not apt to forgive it. Do not lay out your friendship too lavislily at first, fince it will, like other things, be fo much the fooner spent ; neither let it be of too fudden a growth; for as the plants which fhoot up too faft, are not of that conti. nuance as those which take more time for it; fo too fwift a progress in pouring out your kindness, is a certain fign that by the course of nature it will not be long lived. You will be refponfible to the world, if you pitch upon fuch friends as at that time are under the weight of any criminal objection. In that cafe, you will bring yourself under the disadvantages of their character, and must bear your part of it. Choofing implies approving; and if you fix upon a lady for your friend against whom the world hath given judgment, 'tis not fo well natured as to believe you are altogether averse to her way of living, fince it doth not difcourage you from admitting her into your kindness. C 4 And re femblance femblance of inclinations being thought none of the leaft inducements to friendfhip, you will be looked upon as a well wisher, if not a partner with her in her faults. If you can forgive them in another, it may be prefumed you will not be lefs gentle to yourself; and therefore you must not take it ill, if you are reckoned a croupiere, and condemned to pay an equal share with a friend of the reputation fhe hath loft. If it happens that your friend fhould fall from the ftate of innocence, after your kindnefs was engaged to her, you may be flow in your belief in the beginning of the difcovery: but as foon as you are convinced by a rational evidence, you muft, without breaking too roughly, make a fair and a quick retreat from such a mistaken acquaintance: elfe by moving too flowly from one that is fo tainted, the contagion may reach you fo far as to give you part of the scandal, though not of the guilt. This matter is fo nice, that as you must not be too hafty to join in the cenfure upon your friend when she is accufed, fo you are not, on the other fide, to defend her with too much warmth; for if the fhould happen to deferve the report of common fame, befides the vexation that belongs to fuch a mistake, you will draw an ill appearance upon yourself, and it will be thought you pleaded for her, not without fome confideration of yourfelf. The anger which must be put on to vindicate the reputation of an injured friend, may incline the company to fufpect you would not be fo zealous, if there was not a poffibility that the cafe might be be your own. For this reafon, you are not to carry your dearness so far, as abfolutely to lofe your fight where your friends is concerned. Because malice is too quick fighted, it doth not follow, that friendship must be blind; there is to be a mean between these two extremes, elfe your excefs of good nature may betray you into a very ridiculous figure, and by degrees you may be preferred to fuch offices as you will not be proud of. Let the good fenfe of your friends be a chief ingredient in your choice of them; elfe let your reputation be never fo clear, it may be clouded by their impertinence. It is like our houses being in the power of a drunken or a careless neighbour: only fo much worse, as that there will be no infurance here to make you amends, as there is in the cafe of fire. To conclude this paragraph; if formality is to be allowed in any instance, it is to be put on to refift the invasion of such forward women as fhall prefs themselves into your friendship, where, if admitted, they will either be a fnare or an incumbrance. PRID E. THIS is an ambiguous word; one kind of it is as much a virtue, as the other is a vice: but we are naturally fo apt to choose the worst, that it is become dangerous to commend the best fide of it. A woman is not to be proud of her fine gown; nor when he hath lefs wit than her neighbours, to comfort herself that she hath more lace. Some ladies put fo much weight upon ornaments, that if one could fee into their hearts, it would be found, that even the thoughts of death is made less heavy to them by the contemplation of their being laid out in ftate, and honourably attended to the grave. One may come a good deal short of fuch an extreme, and yet ftill be fufficiently impertinent, by fetting a wrong value upon things, which ought to be used with more indifference. A lady muft not appear folicitous to ingrofs refpect to herself, but be content with a reasonable diftribution, and allow it to others, that she may have it returned to her. She is not to be troublesomely nice, nor distinguish herself by being too delicate, as if ordinary things were too coarfe for her; this is an unmannerly and an offenfive pride, and where it is practifed, deferves to be mortified, of which it feldom fails. She is not to lean too much upon her quality, much lefs to defpife those who are below it. Some make quality an idol, and then their reafon must fall down and worship it. They would have the world think, that no amends can ever be made for the want of a great title, or an ancient coat of arms: they imagine, that with thefe advantages they ftand upon the higher ground, which makes them look down upon merit and virtue, as things inferior to them. This mistake is not only fenfelefs, but criminal too, in putting a greater price upon that which is a piece of good luck, than upon things which are valuable in themselves. Laughing |