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Yo wise, instruct me to endure
An evil, which admits no cure;
Or, how this evil can be born,
Which breeds at once both hate and scorn.
Bare innocence is no support,
When you are try'd in Scandal's court.
Stand high in honour, wealth, or wit :
All others, who inferiour sit,
Conceive themselves in conscience bound
To join, and drag you to the ground.
Your altitude offends the eyes
Of those who want the power to rise.
The world, a willing stander by.
Inclines to aid a specious lie:
Alas! they would not do you wrong ;
But all appearances are strong!
Yet whence proceeds this weight we lay
On what detracting people say?
For let mankind discharge their tongues
In venom, till they burst their lungs,
Their utmost malice cannot make
Your head, or tooth, or finger ake;
Nor spoil your shape, distort your face,
Or put one feature out of place;
Nor will you find your fortune sink
By what they speak or what they think;
Nor can ten hundred thousand lies
you less virtuous, learn'd, or wise. The most effectual way to baulk Their malice, is-to let them talk.
THE FURNITURE OF A WOMAN'S MIND.
A of phrases learn'd by rote;
A passion for a scarlet coat;
When at a play to laugh, or cry,
Yet cannot tell the reason why;
Never to hold her tongue a minute,
While all she prates has nothing in it;
Whole hours can with a coxcomb sit,
And take his nonsense all for wit;
Her learning mounts to read a song,
But half the words pronouncing wrong;
Has every repartee in store
She spoke ten thousand times before;
Can ready compliments supply
On all occasions, cut and dry;
Such hatred to a parson's gown,
The sight will put her in a swoon ;
For conversation well endued,
She calls it witty to be rude;
And, placing raillery in railing,
Will tell aloud your greatest failing;
Nor make a scruple to expose
Your bandy leg, or crooked nose;
Can at her morning tea run o'er
The scandal of the day before ;
Improving hourly in her skill,
To cheat and wrangle at quadrille.
In choosing lace, a critick nice,
Knows to a groat the lowest price;
Cad in her female clubs dispute,
What linen best the silk will suit,
What colours each complexion match,
And where with art to place a patch.
If chance a mouse creeps in her sight,
Can finely counterfeit a fright;
So sweetly screams, if it comes near her,
She ravishes all hearts to hear her.
Can dextrously her husband tease,
By taking fits whene'er she please;
By frequent practice learns the trick
At proper seasons to be sick;
Thinks nothing gives one airs so pretty,
At once creating love and pity;
If Molly happens to be careless,
And but neglects to warm her hairlace,
She gets a cold as sure as death,
And vows she scarce can fetch her breath;
Admires how modest women can
Be so robustious, like a man.
In party, furious to her power;
A bitter whig, or tory sour;
Her arguments directly tend
Against the side she would defend;
Will prove herself a tory plain,
From principles the whigs maintain;
And, to defend the whiggish cause,
Her topicks from the tories draws.
O yes ! if any man can find
More virtues in a woman's mind,
Let them be sent to Mrs. Harding *;
She'll pay the charges to a farthing;
Take notice, she has
To add them in the next edition;
They may outsell a better thing :
So, halloo, boys; God save the king!
* Widow of John Harding, the Drapier's printer, F.
CLEVER TOM CLINCH
GOING TO BE HANGED, 1727
As clever Tom Clinch, while the rabble was bawling,
Rode stately through Holborn to die in his calling,
He stopt at the George for a bottle of sack,
And promis’d to pay for it when he came back.
His waistcoat, and stockings, and breeches, were white;
had a new cherry riband to tye't.
The maids to the doors and the balconies ran,
And said, “ Lack-a-day! he's a proper young man!"
But, as from the windows the ladies he spy'd,
Like a beau in the box, he bow'd low on each side;
And, when his last speech the loud hawkers did cry,
He swore from his cart, “It was all a damnd lye!"
The hangman for pardon fell down on his knee;
him a kick in the guts for his fee: Then said, I must speak to the people a little ; But I'll see you all damn'd before I will whittle *. My honest friend Wild + (may he long hold his place) He lengthend my life with a whole year of grace. Take
courage, dear comrades, and be not afraid, Nor slip this occasion to follow your trade; My conscience is clear, and my spirits are calın, And thus I go off without prayer-book or psalm ; Then follow the practice of clever Tom Clinch, Who hung like a hero, and never would finch.
* A cant word for confessing at the gallows. F.
† The noted thief.catcher, under-keeper of Newgate, who was hanged for receiving stolen goods, F.
WHILE HE WAS WRITING THE DUNCIAD.
Pope has the talent well to speak,
But not to reach the ear
His loudest voice is low and weak,
The Dean too deaf to hear.
A while they on each other look,
Then different studies choose;
The Dean sits plodding on a book;
Pope walks, and courts the Muse.
Now backs of letters, though design'd
For those who more will need 'em,
Are fill'd with hints, and interlin'd,
Himself can hardly read 'em.
Each atom by some other struck
All turns and motions tries :
Till, in a lump together stuck,
Behold a poem rise :
Yet to the Dean his share allot;
He claims it by a canon;
That without which a thing is not,
Is, causa sine quá non.
Thus, Pope, in vain you boast your wit,
For, had our deaf divine
your conversation fit,
You had not writ a line.