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Be witness for me, nymph divine,
I never robb’d thee with design:
Nor will the zealous Hannah pout
To wash thy injur'd offering out.
But stop, ambitious Muse, in time,
Nor dwell on subjects too sublime.
In vain on lofty heels I tread,
Aspiring to exalt my head:
With hoop expanded wide and light,
In vain I 'tempt too high a flight.
Me Phæbus in a midnight dream,
Accosting said, “ Go shake your cream *.
Be humbly minded, know your post :
Sweeten your tea, and watch your toast.
Thee best befits a lowly style:
Teach Dennis how to stir the guilet:
With Peggy Dixon thoughtful sit,
Contriving for the pot and spit.
Take down thy proudly swelling sails,
And rub thy teeth, and pare thy nails :
At nicely carving show thy wit;
But ne'er presume to eat a bit:
Turn every way thy watchful eye,
And every guest be sure to ply:
Let never at your board be known
An empty plate, except your own.
Be these thy arts; nor higher aim
Than what befits a rural dame.
“ But Cloacina, goddess bright,
Sleek claims her as his right:
And Smedley, flower of all divines,
Shall sing the Dean in Smedley's lines."
* In the bottle, to make butter. F. + The quantity of ale or beer brewed at one time. F * Mrs. Dixon, the housekeeper. F.
1. Lest it may more quarrels breed,
I will never hear
read. II. By disputing, I will never,
To convince you once endeavour.
III. When a paradox you stick to,
I will never contradict you.
IV. When I talk and you are heedless,,
I will show no anger needless.
V. When your speeches are absurd,
I will ne'er objcct a word.
VI. When you furious argue wrong,
I will grieve and hold my tongue.
VII. Not a jest or humourous story
Will I ever tell before ye :
To be chidden for explaining,
When you quite mistake the meaning. VIII. Never more will I suppose,
You can taste my verse or prose.
IX. You no more at me shall fret,
While I teach, and you forget.
X. You shall never hear me thunder,
blunder on, and blunder. XI. Show your poverty of spirit,
.And in dress place all your merit;
Give yourself ten thousand airs ;
That with me shall break no squares.
XII. Never will I give advice,
Till you please to ask me thrice :
in scorn reject,
'Twill be just as I expect.
Thus we both shall have our ends,
And continue special friends.
THE REVOLUTION AT MARKET-HILL,
From distant regions Fortune sends
An odd triumvirate of friends;
Where Phoebus pays a scanty stipend,
Where never yet a codling ripen'd:
Hither the frantick goddess draws
Three sufferers in a ruin'd cause :
By faction banish'd, here unite,
A Dean *, a Spaniard t, and a knight f;
Unite, but on conditions cruel;
The Dean and Spaniard find it too well,
Condemn’d to live in service hard ;
On either side his honour's guard :
The Dean to guard his honour's back,
Must build a castle at Drumlack;
The Spaniard, sore against his will,
Must raise a fort at Market-hill.
And thus the pair of humble gentry
At north and south are posted sentry;
* Dr. Swift. F. of Col. Harry Lesley, who served and lived long in Spain. F. Sir Arthur Acheson. F.
While, in his lordly castle fixt,
The knight triumphant reigns betwixt:
And, what the wretches most resent,
To be his slaves, must pay him rent;
Attend him daily as their chief,
Decant his wine, and carve his beef.
O Fortune! 'tis a scandal for thee
To smile on those who are least worthy:
Weigh but the inerits of the three,
His slaves have ten times more than he.
Proud baronet of Nova Scotia!
The Dean and Spaniard must reproach ye:
Of their two fames the world enough rings :
Where are thy services and sufferings?
What if for nothing once you kiss'd,
Against the grain, a monarch's fist?
What if, among the courtly tribe,
You lost a place, and sav'd a bribe?
And then in surly inood came here
To fifteen hundred pounds a year,
And fierce against the Whigs barangua?
You never ventur'd to be hang'd.
How dare you treat your betters thus?
Are you to be compar'd with us?
Come, Spaniard, let us from our farms
Call forth our cottagers to arms;
Our forces let us both unite,
Attack the foe at left and right;
From Market-bill's exalted head,
Full northward let your troops be led;
While I from Drapier's-mount descend,
And to the south my squadrons bend.
New river walk with friendly shade
Shall keep my host in ambuscade ;
While you, from where the basin stands,
Shall scale the
bands, Nor need we doubt the fort to win ; I hold intelligence within.
True, lady Anne no danger fears,
Brave as the Uptou fan she wears ;
Then, lest upon our first attack
Her valiant arm should force us back,
And we of all our hopes depriv'd;
I have a stratagem contriv'd.
By these embroider'd high-heel'd shoes
She shall be caught as in a noose;
So well contriv'd her toes to pinch,
She'll not have power to stir an inch :
These gaudy shoes must Hannah place
Direct before her lady's face ;
The shoes put on, our faithful portress
Admits us in, to storm the fortress ;
While tortur'd madam bound remains,
Like Montezume, in golden chains ;
Or like a cat with walnuts shod
Stumbling at every step she trod.
Sly hunters thus, in Borneo's isle,
To catch a monkey by a wile,
The mimick animal amuse;
They place before him gloves and shoes ;
Which when the brute puts aukward on,
All his agility is gone:
In vain to frisk or climb he tries;
The huntsmen seize the grinding prize.
But let, us on our first assault
Secure the larder and the vault :
The valiant Dennis * you must fix on,
And I'll engage with Peggy Dixon t:
Then, if we once can seize the key
And chest that keeps my lady's tea,
They must surrender at discretion;
And, soon as we have gain'd possession,
Well açt as other conquerors do,
Divide the realın between us two;