of the party advanced and dropped a scarabæus, a bead, or some other trinket, in among the folds, which was instantly secured and concealed in the grasp of the next swathe which passed over the spot. The meaning of the whole thing was plain we were to be mummies! But still, my chest bone! Was it to be broken down, like a lean turkey's? I here arrived at the climax of my humanity. I determined to resist, should the attempt be made, believing as I did that there was nothing in my having surrendered my skin to its basting and cooking which should prevent me from standing up for my bones, a point conceded, I knew, to the mummy even of the ibis and ape. The Feature stood beside me. "How am I to be got in?" "In the usual way.” What is that?" "By compression." "What power is to be applied?" "Content!" I cried, and walked out again. "This is, however, an anachronism," muttered the Form, as he glanced at the characters on the outside, and passed his hand along it. "We want you to be at least a thousand years older than your envelope. However, we can't help that now; we have only to omit the scarabæi, etcetera, and do you up a little looser, that's all.” I almost cracked my cheeks with the offort to laugh. As it was, I felt something ooze from my left eye. It really was too good a joke. Palm trees -a low tent of black skins fierce sunshine-scorching sand a blinding dust two camels, one lying down, close to the white bones of one of its own species, and looking patient and scriptural — two bearded and turbaned Orientals, swarthy and profound, as if the secrets of the East lay hid in the depth of their melancholy dignityand myself, in my gigantic cartonage, with "That "— pointing to the swathing pro- my forty-two inches bandaged down at least cess. - "Let me see; thirty-six, I suppose." "It is plain you never made a waistcoat. Forty-two!" "Forty-two?" "Forty-two." The Thing looked aghast. It drew one of the swaddlers aside, and whispered in his ear. He stared at me with a look of astonishment, and I heard him say to another similar official "Forty-two inches! we are not prepared for that!-something must be done!" I could have smiled, but for the pitch, as I saw two or three of them go out hastily. By-and-by (I was let alone in the meantime) they returned, bringing in a cartonage of more extraordinary dimensions than any I had ever seen, and placed it with a look of triumph standing up like a violoncello-case before me. I instantly stepped into it, and requested them to do me the favor to shut it up. They did so, and there was a good two inches to spare between my ribs and the pasteboard of its inside surface. three thousand years below the surface of the present, chuckling internally with pride and satisfaction at the idea that the ordinary dimensions of primitive humanity were so far exceeded in my instance, that only an odd giant or so of Memphis or Thebes could be found to supply me with my pasteboard. Presently a small caravan drew nigh. "A compatriot, by Osiris!" I exclaimed, as I descried an alpaca umbrella overshadowing a flaxen-haired, dreamy-looking young man, as he sat gracefully upon a hump. The Arabs bent low, the young Saxon touched his brim. "Ah, yes!" he exclaimed, with a sort of drowsy enthusiasm, espying me. "A relic of the ancient world! Egypt! abode of more than men ! Land of mystery, wonder, the pyramids in which mortals have lived before history, and its very dead have not died! Salam, chiefs; you've a mummy to sell. Quel est le prix ?" Here his dragoman interposed, and interpreted him into Oriental phraseology, making rather a free and elevated translation of the original. The Bedouins prostrated themselves, and could scarcely be induced to raise their foreheads from the dust. When they did so, they laid their bony hands upon me, and at the same time mentioned a fabulous sum of money. It was fortunate that I was as tightly wrapped up in my antiquity as I was, or I must have burst my hieroglyphics. I never was thought worth one-tenth of the money in my life. Only think of my fetching that much in my shroud! I expected nothing less than the scornful repudiation of a bargain so absurd on the part of my countryman. My astonishment may be imagined, when I heard the Englishman say to his dragoman "Count out the cash to the fellows, and balance this precious relic of a primæval world, with the last one we secured, upon the back of yonder camel. We must be off; it's growing hot." A gentle undulation easy, yet uneasy sweeping, swaying, swelling-too high, too low, yet all soft and hushed, as the heaving of the breast of a deep sleeper. I lay on my back, pinioned, of course, but likewise jammed close to other recumbent things all rocking away along with myself, like the low, dim, wooden ceiling a few feet above me. Had I possessed eyes in my head, I could not have turned them round to see anything. As it was, my substituted vision had the freedom of a swivel. I perceived that we were a family party of ancient Egyptians, amongst which I was some centuries the junior; but, more than this, my glance penetrated the yarn next me, and got in through the swathings of thirty centuries to the coldroast man inside the adjoining mummy-case. What were my feelings at finding that I knew him intimately! In fact, he and I had (in the flesh) been in the habit of frequenting the same coffee-house in town, and had actually smoked a cigar together towards dusk (not being particularly flush in wardrobe) under the Opera Colonnade, not a week previous to my what shall I call it? mummification, I suppose. Here we were now (in the pasteboard), side by side once more, considerably reduced in the flesh, but made up in linen. "Hallo, neighbor?" you "A fellow made me up as a private speculation. I came undone on board; and was near being found out, for I had been passing for plaster-of-paris, which has no bowels, you know. However, my man buttoned me tountil gether in an old pea-jacket of his own, he got me ashore, and there the Arabs had me bandaged and dated in a twinkling." "Are there any more of us aboard now? "A dozen or so. Sir Eothen Flimsy has five or six to his own share. The rest are for the public bodies. There, that poor fellow 's sick. It's well he 's tight or we might be in a bad way." "What a glorious thing the past is!"' "What do you call the past? "' "Why, three thousand years ago." "Bless you, that's my future! I shall not be down there for half a dozen centuries, or so. Read my cover, 'King Menes.' "I was his bee-catcher, and had a dozen of wives to help me in the swarming season." "A-chish-o!" "A sneeze, I vow, in the treble clef, from yonder mummy. See, a lady is in the case. Excuse us, madam, if we have been a little lax, or so." "O, dear! they 've put me in the draft of this port-hole, and I shall die of coryza! The impossibility, too, of getting one's pockethandkerchief to one's nose!" 66 "O breathe not my name, dear sir; I should never survive the disclosure. I was pressed, and sent to sea, like an able-bodied seaman; and now return, bandaged as if I were bound for Greenwich Hospital for the Is there no escape from such know me? why it surely can't be rest of my life. a fate?" "Lady!" exclaimed I, in a transport of gallantry, "I cannot, as you see, lay myself Yes, it is, though. And how are you, old fellow?"? at your feet. Nay, I am unable even to protruding, surmounted with the flash and place my hand on my heart; but if devotion flicker of spectacles; parties on benches, the most sincere, determination the most straining their eyes with desperate eagerness towards one point; nay, in the more distant corners, pocket-glasses in requisition; grandees ushered up through the apartment to reserved seats, to have a nearer view; and a black board, and a red arm-chair, and a president in it; and a secretary, and gentlemen of the press, with flimsy paper and stumpy pencils; and science, and authority, and pomp, and vanity, and the whole parade of antiquarianism brought to bear Here a sailor sat down upon my face, and began knocking out the ashes of his pipe on the right wing of Netpé, just where the second tier of my hieroglyphics began, as if there was no such thing as antiquity at all. To own that I blushed beneath the ignoble pressure of the sailcloth extremity of the tar, would be a weakness. Nevertheless, I did feel a sense of inferiority; and begun to think that a great many thousand years do not add so very much to one's dignity as some people imagine; while the want of a full use of the toe of the right foot, in a case of insult such as this, is scarcely compensated for by being cousin-german to King Shishak, and a lineal descendant of the sacred Bull. The ON ME! whole room was hushed. The short-hand writers booked the evolution. Yes; there I was, laid along majestically in the midst, pretty much like the body of Julius Cæsar; a professor, à la Mark Antony, mounted on a rostrum beside me, with a wand in his hand; while two acolytes stood near, each armed with weapons of gleaming fellow actually began to kick his heels against significance. I WAS TO BE UNROLLED! The my ribs, to the tune of "Billy Taylor." I professor placed his wand upon my nose, and would have given anything for my fair com- moved it down my body to my toes. The panion's cold, so that I could only have sneezed. A barrel of gunpowder, I suppose, would not have done the work more effectually. He would have been blown up through the quarter-deck; and, had he come down again, would have taken care for the future how he came to an anchor on countenances of my dynasty. As it was, I had to submit, and treated the fellow's familiarities with silent contempt, feeling gratified, at least, since it was to be so (for the honor of our common nation) that it was not my female friend he had selected for his sedentary attentions. 66 Here," said he, "here it is at last! Behold the mummy from its Memphian bed! That which hath lain silent with its secret for its cycle of centuries, in the heart of the past, unbosoms itself in your presence, and makes its confession before the assembled science of the nineteenth century!" An astounding clatter of applause followed this burst, so loud, that my "Hear, hear!" was unheard. "You have before you, Mr. President, a And so we moved heavily, dreaming on, specimen of mummification, perfect in preserlaid corpse-like in lengths together, heaving vation, and unique in dimensions. Observe together, sinking together-luggage, freight, the capacity of chest! [Forty-two inches, weighed by the ton, charged for as goods, tailor's measure, I murmured, but without chalked over, ticketed, corded, stowed away, the words being caught.] Let no man say creaking and groaning as we heaved, and that there were not giants in those days. If straining with the straining timbers, dam- we have grown in wisdom we have certainly aged by bilge-water, nibbled by rats, rubbed not increased in stature, since the twentieth and chafed by hard corners; in a word, left dynasty. Observe, sir, how carefully and to ourselves, save when serving for cushions accurately they set forth the titles of the to the sail-cloth sterns of lubberly foremast- deceased. Here, in this running band of men, who evidently had the best of it. Thus hieroglyphics, any newspaper reporter (of we drove on, on, ever moveless though which class I see such able representatives in advancing, helpless masses, cold, damp, the room) could read the name, family, prodead fession, age, and period. To them I appeal to testify to the accuracy of my interpretations." A lighted hall! —as eager a set of savans as I have seen for a long time! The whole Both young men bent with double zeal room actually alive with curiosity. Beaks over their pencils. I knew they might as well be asked to put the thread of the professor's discourse through the eye of Cleopatra's needle. 66 the crowd, I rushed upon him, and, seizing him by the ear, wrung it violently, exclaim ing "Is it possible you've the face * got the bandages a little loosed about my feet, and then, starting up with a stentorian Now, then!" I made full drive at the "The object before you," he continued, assembly, who, falling back with the most "appears, from his shell, to have been hunts- frantic gestures of horror and dismay, began man to the high-priest of Isis, in the reign to tumble over each other in their endeavors of King Sheshouk, of the twenty-second to escape from the apartment. By the time dynasty. You see the several symbols- the the tumult was at its height, I had released dogs and deer -the mitre and paunch my right hand; and catching a glance of my the royal emblem inclosed in a circle, as much original tormentor- the Thing amongst as to say, all round my crown-and the sacred ring with wings. Here is Netpé, you see, with a slight burn on her right pinion, caused, no doubt, by the close proximity of the lamp the embalmers used in the process. This individual, therefore, may have lived- "What's all this? Why, I've had a may nay, must have lived [I actually devil of a queer dream ! You, my dear felshook with laughter at the emphasis] at least low? You, best of friends! excellent, worldthree thousand years ago, when, considering famous JONATHAN FREKE SLINGSBY? Is it You his profession, he may have helped Herodotus who have been hunting and haunting me for to kill the field-mice at Pelusium; have the last six hours? " drawn the cover for King Cambyses, and "Me!" replied that worthy personage. have even whipped the hounds from before" Why, my excellent friend, it is but this the feet of Bucephalus !" instant I have dropped in, and found you A buzz of mingled delight and astonish- fast asleep in your arm-chair, with the invitament greeted this announcement, followed by tion for last night's 'unrolling' clasped cries of Cut him up!" "Unbox firmly between your fingers. You have just him!"- "Unroll him!". "Have him made a desperato effort at one of my whisout!" In the midst of which, the two kers, which I only avoided by surrendering myrmidons set to saw, hammer, and chisel an ear to your discretion." -and had my pasteboard off in a jiffey. For a moment I felt uncertain what to do, with my linen exposed, in its not very elegant condition, and a strong bouquet de Cleopatre about it, to the gaze of such an assembly; but at last, feeling that a few minutes must strip me, not only of my vesture, but of my honor and dignity, and leave me no older than the spectators, I made a desperate resolve to anticipate the result, and take the matter into my own hands. I waited until they had -- "This instant? Then a disputed point in the philosophy of dreams is cleared up forever! You must know, Jonathan, a long and intricate series of adventures has been suggested by your presence. This series has, therefore, passed through my mind, and impressed itself through all its successive combinations, in a moment of time. Dear Jonathan, how many questions more puzzling are set at rest by simply encountering a friend!" THE VINE AT HAMPTON COURT. - Having ( Hambro' kind. The original vine from which made the following note of the vine at Hampton this cutting was taken still flourishes in Essex, Court, and of its parent at Valentines, on a recent visit to them, it may be useful in your utilitarian miscellany. The vine at Hampton Court is the largest in Europe, its branches extending over a space of 2,300 feet. It was planted from a slip in the year 1768, and generally bears upwards of 2,000 bunches of grapes, of the black at the seat called Valentines, in the parish of Ilford, near Wanstead, where it was planted in 1758. In 1835 it bore 4 cwt. of grapes, and the stem girted 24 inches. In one season £300 was realized by the sale of its fruit. - Notes and Queries. From The Spectator, 20 Oct. the condition of any animal, even human beings, under violent affections of the brain which are supposed to be attended by insensibility. no escape from cruelty by slaughtering, unless we resort to the vegetarian system; yet how cruel would it not be thought to enforce that diet upon any but the enthusiasts who assemble at feasts of cabbages and apples? STRANGE are the caprices which fasten odium upon particular individuals and leave But if we judge entirely by the sensations the thousands or millions of others who are of the animals, we might find it difficult to disnot distinguishable from the few free from cover any mode of slaughtering which should blame. Here is Yankoff Cohen gibbeted be- not be cruel. The exhibition of anaesthetics fore the public by a Royal Society for un- is supposed to promote the infliction of death lawfully and cruelly ill-treating and tortur- without pain; but how does anesthesia ing a certain ox. Yankoff has done nothing affect the meat? Might it not only modify more than every person of his race in his the form of cruelty by inflicting it upon the business, which is a strictly lawful business, consumer of the meat instead of the slaughhas done from time immemorial, -a period tered animal, and adding to the chances of in his case extending far beyond the epoch poisoning already created by the practice of of Richard the Second. Yankoff is a Jewish blowing" mutton? In fact, there seems butcher; and, errors excepted, circumstances considered, he slaughters oxen as Moses was understood to require that oxen should be slaughtered by the chosen people. Ever since the days of the Jewish lawgiver, it is supposed by that people, the solemn laws embodied in the Mishna and Gemara have It is difficult to avoid cruelty, in this world, pronounced it to be necessary, moral, and the quality is so thoroughly interwoven with pious, to slaughter oxen by venesection, in the customs of society. Why is Yankoff order to the complete exhaustion of the blood- Cohen picked out, when we scarcely look vessels. According to the legend, an elucid- into the most peaceful home but we find ation of which is circulated by the Society cruelty in some form? If we were to render prosecuting, the custom originated in the the butcher merciful, we should sometimes propensity of the Jews to idolatry and demon- detect the cook playing strange antics with Worship; and their præ-Mosaic custom of eels and cod; the philanthropist himself setting apart the blood of beasts in order to will go angling; the high-mettled racer is appease their demons rendered it necessary for consigned by his kind master to the knacker's the faithful people to purify their own diet by yard, to feed for the last hours of his life rejecting that demoniac bonne bouche. Here upon the tail of his neighbor, perhaps his this was a custom originating in a sense of rival. The cheap advertiser keeps two-legged religious purity. It has now became odious animals in his workshop, coerced to an emand intolerable in the eyes of a Christian So-ployment which is slow suicide, by the ciety enforcing a statute of the English Parliament; so strikingly does the standard of virtue and mercy change with the lapse of ages. But there is at all events nothing which distinguishes Yankoff Cohen from the bulk of the Jewish people, and it is a simple caprice which stigmatizes him especially. The object of the Society seems to have been to oblige the Jews to adopt "the Christian" mode of slaughter: but when the Christian mode is explained, really it does not present that beautifully merciful aspect which we have expected. The Jewish butcher shaves the throat of the animal before he commences his phlebotomy, and the beast is some time in expiring. The Christian butcher knocks the animal down and cleaves the skull with a pole-axe, and then through the aperture he inserts a cane, which he twists about. The animal lingers under the process of venesection; but a medical man affirms that pain is annihilated" by the blow of the pole-axe. How is this known? Has an ox ever been questioned upon the subject? There is indeed nothing more obscure than scourge of present starvation. Even the Ecclesiastical judges, with their highly polished intellects, penetrating into the most sacred recesses of the home, are so perplexed by the niceties of the subject, that the question which is the opprobrium of their courts is" What is cruelty?" Ask an Ecclesiastical judge whether Yankoff Cohen can be taken as a picked specimen. Half of the cruelty lies in the animus or malignity, the other half in the wantonness of the infliction. If a man must do the act, and has no malice, he is not cruel, though he may be ignorant: and in truth nine-tenths of the cruelties committed are ignorance more than malice. It is poor work, dealing in detail with those who are more victims of a barbarous custom than its authors. If we want to prevent worse cruelties than those practised in the Jewish slaughter-houses, we must enlighten the understandings by education, improve the taste by training, and teach the practicability of better usages. But we shall not hasten our reforms by appealing to the police magistrate and asking |