soon spoil her milk; another was in a consumption; the third had an ill voice, and would frighten me instead of lulling me to sleep. Such exceptions were made against all but one country milch-wench, to whom I was com jade was eternally romping with the footman, and downright starved me; insomuch that I daily pined away, and should never have been relieved had it not been that, on the thirtieth day of my life, a Fellow of the Royal Society, who had writ upon Cold Baths, came to visit me, and solemnly protested, I was utterly lost for want of that method:* upon which he soused me head and ears into a pail of water, where I had the good fortune to be drowned; and so es running after wenches until twenty-five, and being married to an ill-natured wife until sixty: which had certainly been my fate, had not the enchantment between body and soul been broke by this philosopher. Thus, until the age I should have otherwise lived, I am obliged to watch the steps of men; and, if you please, shall accompany yon in your present walk, and get you intelligence from the aerial lacquey, who is in waiting, what are the thoughts and purposes of any whom you inquire for.' I accepted his kind offer, and immediately took him with me in a hack to White's. White's Chocolate-house, May 13. happened, otherwise I had still, in all proba- | whispered to have a wanton eye, and would bility, been living; but I shall recount to you all the occurrences of my short and miserable existence, just as, by examining into the traces made in my brain, they appeared to me at that time. The first thing that ever struck my senses was a noise over my head of one shriek-mitted, and put to the breast. This careless ing; after which, methought, I took a full jump, and found myself in the hands of a sorceress, who seemed as if she had been on waking, and employed in some incantation: I was thoroughly frightened, and cried out; but she immediately seemed to go on in some magical operation, and anointed me from head to foot. What they meant, I could not imagine; for there gathered a great crowd about me, crying, "An heir! an heir!" upon which I grew a little still, and believed this was a cere-caped being lashed into a linguist until sixteen, mony to be used only to great persons, and such as made them, what they called heirs. I lay very quiet; but the witch, for no manner of reason or provocation in the world, takes me, and binds my head as hard as possibly she could; then ties up both my legs, and makes me swallow down a horrid mixture. I thought it a harsh entrance into life, to begin with taking physic; but I was forced to it, or else must have taken down a great instrument in which she gave it me. When I was thus dressed, I was carried to a bed side where a fine young lady (my mother I wot) had like to have hugged me to death. From her, they faced me about, and there was a thing with quite another look from the rest of the company, to whom they talked about my nose. He seemed wonderfully pleased to see me; but I knew since, my nose belonged to another family. That into which I was born is one of the most numerous amongst you; therefore crowds of relations came every The first thing we took notice of was a noday to congratulate my arrival; amongst others, bleman of a goodly and frank aspect, with his my cousin Betty, the greatest romp in nature: generous birth and temper visible in it, playing she whisks me such a height over her head, that at cards with a creature of a black and horrid I cried out for fear of falling. She pinched countenance, wherein were plainly delineated me, and called me squealing chit, and threw the arts of his mind, cozenage, and falsehood. me into a girl's arms that was taken in to tend They were marking their game with counters, me. The girl was very proud of the womanly on which we could see inscriptions, impercepemployment of a nurse, and took upon her to tible to any but us. My lord had scored with strip and dress me anew, because I made a pieces of ivory, on which where writ Good noise, to see what ailed me: she did so, and Fame, Glory, Riches, Honour, and Posterity. stuck a pin in every joint about me. I still The spectre over-against him had on his councried upon which, she lays me on my face in ters the inscriptions of Dishonour, Impudence, her lap; and, to quiet me, fell a-nailing in all Poverty, Ignorance, and want of Shame. 'Bless the pins by clapping me on the back, and me!' said I; 'sure my Lord does not see what screaming a lullaby. But my pain made me he plays for?' 'As well as I do,' says Pacolet. exalt my voice above hers, which brought upHe despises that fellow he plays with, and the nurse, the witch I first saw, and my grand- scorns himself for making him his companion.' mother. The girl is turned down stairs, and I At the very instant he was speaking, I stripped again, as well to find what ailed me, as saw the fellow who played with my lord, hide to satisfy my granam's further curiosity. This two cards in the roll of his stocking: Pacolet good old woman's visit was the cause of all my immediately stole them from thence; upon troubles. You are to understand, that I was which the nobleman soon after won the game. hitherto bred by hand, and any body that stood The little triumph he appeared in, when he got next gave me pap, if I did but open my lips; such a trifling stock of ready money, though insomuch, that I was growing so cunning, as he had ventured so great sums with indifferto pretend myself asleep when I was not, to pre-ence, increased my admiration. But Pacolet vent my being crammed. But my grandmother began a loud lecture upon the idleness of the wives of this age, who, for fear of their shapes, forbear suckling their own offspring and ten nurses were immediately sent for; one was We got in hither, and my companion threw a powder round us, that made me as invisible as himself; so that we could see and hear all others, ourselves unseen and unheard. *The Fellow of the Royal Society here alluded to, lished, An Inquiry into the right use and abuses of was probably Sir John Floyer, Knight, M. D. who pubthe hot, cold, and temperate Baths in England, &c." began to talk to me. Mr. Isaac, this to you | of fifty-four guns, were met with by a part of looks wonderful, but not at all to us higher Monsieur du Gui Trouin's squadron, who enbeings that nobleman has as many good quali-gaged the convoy. That ship defended itself ties as any man of his order, and seems to have until the English merchants got clear of the no faults but what, as I may say, are excrescen- enemy; but, being disabled, was herself taken. ces from virtues. He is generous to a prodi- Within a few hours after, my lord Dursley* came gality, more affable than is consistent with his up with part of his squadron, and, engaging the quality, and courageous to a rashness. Yet, French, retook the Bristol (which, being very after all this, the source of his whole conduct much shattered, sunk ;) and took the Glorieux, is (though he would hate himself if he knew it) a ship of forty-four guns, as also a privateer of mere avarice. The ready cash laid before the fourteen. Before this action, his lordship had gamester's counters makes him venture, as you taken two French merchant-men, and had, at see, and lay distinction against infamy, abun- the despatch of these advices, brought the whole dance against want; in a word, all that is de- safe into Plymouth. sirable against all that is to be avoided. However, said I, be sure you disappoint the sharpers to night, and steal from them all the cards they No. 16.] hide. Pacolet obeyed me, and my lord went home with their whole bank in his pocket.' Will's Coffee-house, May 13. To-night was acted a second time a comedy called The Busy Body; this play is written by a lady. In old times, we used to sit upon a play here after it was acted; but now the entertainment is turned another way; not but there are considerable men in all ages, who, for some eminent quality or invention, deserve the esteem and thanks of the public. Such a benefactor is a gentleman of this house; who is observed by the surgeons with much envy, and is ranked among, and received by modern wits, as a great prompter of gallantry and pleasure. But, I fear, pleasure is less understood in this age, which so much pretends to it, than in any since the creation. It was admirably said of him who first took notice, that (res est severa voluptas) 'there is a certain severity in pleasure.' Without that, all decency is banished; and if reason is not to be present at our greatest satisfactions, of all the race of creatures, the human is the most miserable. It was not so of old; when Virgil describes a wit, he always means a virtuous man; and all his sentiments of men of genius, are such as show persons distinguished from the common level of mankind; such as placed happiness in the contempt of low fears and mean gratifications; fears which we are subject to with the vulgar; and pleasures which we have in common with beasts. With these illustrious personages, the wisest man was the greatest wit; and none was thought worthy of that character, unless he answered this excellent description of the poet. Qui metus omnes et inexorabile fatum Happy the man,- St. James's Coffee-house, May 13. *By Mrs. Susannah Centlivre, 1709, 4to. Virgil seems to speak here as an Epicurean, and might probably allude to some lines in Lucretius, lib. iii. Tuesday, May 17, 1709. Quicquid agunt homines- White's Chocolate-house, May 15. P. SIR THOMAS,† of this house, has showed me some letters from the Bath, which give accounts of what passes among the good company of that place; and allowed me to transcribe one of them, that seems to be writ by some of sir Thomas's particular acquaintance, and is as follows: May 9, 1709. DEAR KNIGHT,-I desire you would give my humble service to all our friends, which I speak of to you (out of method) in the very beginning of my epistle, lest the present disorders, by which this seat of gallantry and pleasure is torn to pieces, should make me forget it. You keep so good company, that you know Bath is stocked with such as come hither to be relieved from luxuriant health, or imaginary sickness; and consequently is always as well stowed with gallants, as invalids, who live together in a very good understanding. But the season is so early, that our fine company is not yet arrived; and the warm bath, which in heathen times was dedicated to Venus, is now used only by such as really want it for health's sake. There are, however, a good many strangers, among whom are two ambitious ladies, who being both in the autumn of their life, take the opportunity of placing themselves at the head of such as we are, before the Chloe's, Clarisso's, and Pastorella's come down. One of these two is excessively in pain, that the ugly being called Time, will make wrinkles in spite of the lead forehead cloth; and therefore hides, with the gaiety of her air, the volubility of her tongue, and quickness of her motion, the injuries which it has done her. The other lady is but two years be 37 and 995. It is only by Christianity that men can be Epicurus, &c. aimed at in vain French Taller. James viscount Dursley, who was in consequence ber 1709; and, in the beginning of October 1710, suc- To which the black-lead comb, and powder of every colour in the rainbow, have since been the succedanca. THE TATLER. hind her in life, and dreads as much being | laid aside as the former; and consequently has taken the necessary precautions to prevent her reign over us. But she is very discreet, and wonderfully turned for ambition, being never apparently transported either with affection or malice. Thus while Florimel is talking in public, and spreading her graces in assemblies, to gain a popular dominion over our diversions, Prudentia visits very cunningly all the lame, the splenetic, and the superannuated, who have their distinct classes of followers and friends. Among these she has found, that somebody has sent down printed certificates of Florimel's age, which she has read and distributed to this unjoyful set of people, who are always enemies to those in possession of the good opinion of the company. This unprovoked injury done by Prudentia, was the first occasion of our fatal divisions here, and a declaration of war between these rivals. Florimel has abundance of wit, which she has lavished in decrying Prudentia, and giving defiance to her little arts. For an instance of her superior, power, she bespoke the play of Alexander the Great, to be acted by the company of strollers, and desired us all to be there on Thursday last. When she spoke to me to come, as you are,' said she, 'a lover, you will not fail the death of Alexander: the passion of love is wonderfully hit-Statira! O that happy womanto have a conqueror at her feet!-But you will be sure to be there.' I, and several others, resolved to be of her party. But see the irresistible strength of that unsuspected creature, a 'silent woman.' Prudentia had counterplotted us, and had bespoke on the same evening the puppet show of The Creation of the World."* She had engaged every body to be there; and, to turn our leader into ridicule, had secretly let them know, that the puppet Eve was made the most like Florimel that ever was seen. Thursday morning the puppet drummer, Adam On and Eve, and several others who lived before the flood, passed through the streets on horseback, to invite us all to the pastime, and the representation of such things as we all knew to be true and Mr. Mayor was so wise, as to prefor these innocent people the puppets, who, he said, were to represent Christians, before the wicked players who were to show Alexander, an heathen philosopher. To be short, this Prudentia had so laid it, that, at ten of the clock, footmen were sent to take places at the puppet-show, and all we of Florimel's party were to be out of fashion, or desert her. We chose the latter. All the world crowded to Prudentia's house, because it was given out nobody could get in. When we came to Noah's flood in the show, Punch and his wife were introduced dancing in the ark. An honest plain friend of Florimel's, but a critic withal, rose up in the midst of the representation, and made many very good exceptions to the drama itself, and told us, that it was against all morality, as well as rules of the stage, that Punch should be in jest in the deluge, or indeed that he should * A deformed cripple of the name of Powel was the master of a popular puppet-show at this time, and made Punch utter many things that would not have been endured in any other way of communication. [No. 16. appear at all. This was certainly a just remark, and I thought to second him; but he was hissed by Prudentia's party: upon which, really, sir Thomas, we, who were his friends, hissed him too. Old Mrs. Petulant desired both her daughMayoress, This is very proper for young peoters to mind the moral; then whispered Mrs. ple to see! Punch, at the end of the play, made Prudentia a compliment, and was very civil to the whole company, making bows until his buttons touched the ground. All was carried triumphantly against our party. In the mean time Florimel went to the tragedy, dressed as fine as hands could make her, in hopes to see Prudentia pine away with envy. Instead of that, she sat a full hour alone, and at last was entertained with this whole relation from Statira, who wiped her eyes with her tragical cut handkerchief, and lamented the ignorance of the quality. Florimel was stung with this affront, and the next day bespoke the puppet-show. Prudentia, insolent with power, bespoke Alexander. The whole company came then to Alexander. Madam Petulant desired her daughters to mind the moral, and believe no man's fair words: For you will see children,' said she, these soldiers are never to be depended upon; they are sometimes here, sometimes there.-Do not you see, daughter Betty, Colonel Clod, our next neighbour in the country, pull off his hat to you? court'sy, good child; his estate is just by us.' Florimel was now mortified down to Prudentia's humour; and Prudentia exalted into hers. This was observed; Florimel invites us to the play a second time, Prudentia to the show. See the uncertainty of human affairs! the beaux, the wits, the gamesters, the prudes, the coquettes, the valetudinarians and gallants, all now wait upon Florimel. Such is the state of things at this present date; and if there hapmediate advice from, sir, your affectionate friend pens any new commotions, you shall have imand servant. · To Castabella. May 16, 1709. a friend of yours, relating to an incivility done MADAM,I have the honour of a letter from to you at the opera, by one of your own sex; but I, who was an eye-witness of the accident, can testify to you, that though she pressed before you, she lost her ends in that design; for she was taken notice of for no other reason, but her endeavours to hide a finer woman than herself. But, indeed, I dare not go farther in this matter, than just this bare mention; for though it was taking your place of right, rather than place of precedence, yet, it is so tender a point, and on which the very life of female ambition depends, that it is of the last consequence to meddle in it: all my hopes are from your beautiful sex; and those bright eyes, which are the bane of others, are my only sun-shine. My writings are sacred to you; and I hope I shall always have the good fortune to live under your protection; therefore take this public opportu forbear any thing that may in the least tend to the diminution of your interest, reputation, or nity to signify to all the world, that I design to power. You will therefore forgive me, that I St. James's Coffee-house, May 16. We hear from Languedoc, that their corn, olives, and figs, were wholly destroyed; but that they have a hopeful prospect of a plentiful vintage. No. 17.] Tuesday, May 19, 1709. Quicquid agunt homines -nostri est farrago libelli. Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86. Wirate'er men do, or say, or think, or dream, Will's Coffee-house, May 18. P. THE discourse has happened to turn this Letters from the Hague, bearing date the evening upon the true panegyric, the perfection twenty-first instant, N. S. advise, that his grace of which was asserted to consist in a certain the duke of Marlborough, immediately after his artful way of conveying the applause in an inarrival, sent his secretary to the president and direct manner. There was a gentleman gave the pensionary, to acquaint them therewith. us several instances of it. Among others, he Soon after, these ministers visited the duke, quoted from sir Francis Bacon, in his Advanceand made him compliments in the name of the ment of Learning,' a very great compliment States-General; after which they entered into a made to Tiberius,* as follows: In a full debate conference with him on the present posture of affairs, and gave his grace assurances of the firm upon public affairs in the senate, one of the assembly rose up, and with a very grave air adherence of the States to the alliance; at the said, he thought it for the honour and dignity same time acquainting him, that all overtures of the commonwealth, that Tiberius should be of peace were rejected, until they had an op- declared a god, and have divine worship paid portunity of acting in concert with their allies him. The emperor was surprised at the proon that subject. After this interview, the pen-posal, and demanded of him to declare, whether sionary and the president returned to the as- he had made any application to incline him to sembly of the States. Monsieur Torcy has had that overture? The senator answered, with a a conference, at the pensioner's house, with his bold and haughty tone, Sir, in matters that grace the duke of Marlborough, Prince Eugene, concern the commonwealth, I will be governed and his excellency the lord Townshend. The by no man.' Another gentleman mentioned result of what was debated at that time is kept something of the same kind, spoken by the late secret; but there appears an air of satisfaction duke of Buckingham to the late earl of Orrery; and good understanding between these minis-My lord,' (says the duke, after his libertine ters. We are apt also to give ourselves very way,) you will certainly be damned.' hopeful prospects from monsieur Torcy's being my lord!' says the carl with some warmth. employed in this negotiation, who had been Nay,' said the duke, 'there is no help for it, always remarkable for a particular way of for it is positively said, Cursed is he of whom thinking in his sense of the greatness of all men speak well.'t This is taking a man by France; which he has always said, was to surprise, and being welcome when you have so be promoted rather by the arts of peace, than surprised him. The person flattered receives those of war.' His delivering himself freely you into his closet at once; and the sudden on this subject has formerly appeared an un- change of his heart, from the expectation of an successful way to power in that court; but in ill-wisher, to find you his friend, makes you its present circumstances, those maxims are in his full favour in a moment. The spirits better received; and it is thought a certain that were raised so suddenly against you, are argument of the sincerity of the French king's as suddenly for you. There was another inintentions, that this minister is at present made stance given of this kind at the table: a gentle. use of. The marquis is to return to Paris man, who had a very great favour done him, within a few days, who has sent a courier and an employment bestowed upon him, with. thither to give notice of the reasons of his reout so much as being personally known to his turn, that the court may be the sooner able to benefactor, waited upon the great man who was despatch commissions for a formal treaty. so generous, and was beginning to say, he was infinitely obliged. Not at all,' says the patron, turning from him to another, had I known a more deserving man in England, he should not have had it.' The expectations of peace are increased by advices from Paris of the twelfth instant, which say, the Dauphin has altered his resolution of commanding in Flanders the ensuing campaign. The Saxon and Prussian reinforcements, to gether with count Mercy's regiment of imperial horse, are encamped in the neighbourhood of Brussels; and the sufficient stores of corn and forage are transported to that place and Ghent, for the service of the confederate army. They write from Mons, that the elector of Bavaria had advice, that an advanced party of the Portuguese army had been defeated by the Spaniards · 'How We should certainly have had more examples, had not a gentleman produced a book which he thought an instance of this kind: it was a * An allusion to an instance of artful flattery practised by Messala Valerius. Luke vi. 26. His grace did not understand, nor quote fairly, the passage of scripture, to which he thought it so witty, thus impiously to allude. It has been said that the pamphlet called 'The Naked Truth' was written by a lawyer of the name of Nelmy; monwealth.' He is a physician; for he says, 'I observe a constant equality in its pulse, and a just quickness of its vigorous circulation.' And again, I view the strength of our constitution plainly appear in the sanguine and ruddy complexion of a well-contented city.' He is a divine: for he says, 'I cannot but bless myself.' And indeed this excellent treatise has had that good effect upon me, who am far from being superstitious, that I also cannot but bless myself.' St. James's Coffee-house, May 18. pamphlet called, 'The Naked Truth.' The idea any one would have of that work from the title was, that there would be much plain dealing with people in power, and that we should see things in their proper light, stripped of the ornaments which are usually given to the actions of the great: but the skill of this author | is such, that he has, under that rugged appear. ance approved himself the finest gentleman and courtier that ever writ. The language is extremely sublime, and not at all to be understood by the vulgar: the sentiments are such as would make no figure in ordinary words; but such is the art of the expression, and the thoughts are elevated to so high a degree, that I question This day arrived a mail from Lisbon, with whether the discourse will sell much. There letters of the thirteenth instant, N. S. containwas an ill-natured fellow present, who hates all ing a particular account of the late action in panegyric mortally; P- take him,' said he, Portugal. On the seventeenth instant, the army what the devil means his Naked Truth, in of Portugal, under the command of the marquis speaking nothing but to the advantage of all de Frontera, lay on the side of the Caya, and whom he mentions? This is just such a great the army of the duke of Anjou, commanded by action as that of the champion's on a coronation- the marquis de Bay, on the other. The latter day, who challenges all mankind to dispute with commander having an ambition to ravage the him the right of the sovereign, surrounded with country, in a manner in sight of the Portuguese, his guards.' The gentleman who produced the made a motion with the whole body of his horse treatise desired him to be cautious, and said, it toward fort Saint Christopher, near the town was writ by an excellent soldier, which made of Badajos. The generals of the Portuguese, the company observe it more narrowly; and (as disdaining that such an insult should be offered critics are the greatest conjurers at finding out to their arms, cook a resolution to pass the river, a known truth) one said, he was sure it was and oppose the designs of the enemy. The writ by the hand of his sword-arm. I could earl of Galway represented to them, that the not perceive much wit in that expression; but present posture of affairs was such on the side it raised a laugh, and, I suppose, was meant as of the allies, that there needed no more to be a sneer upon valiant men. The same man done at present in that country, but to carry on pretended to see in the style, that it was a a defensive part. But his argument could not horse-officer; but sure that is being too nice; avail in the council of war. Upon which a for though you may know officers of the cavalry great detachment of foot and the whole of the by the turn of their feet, I cannot imagine how horse of the king of Portugal's army passed the you should discern their hands from those of river, and with some pieces of cannon did good other men. But it is always thus with pedants; execution on the enemy. Upon observing this, they will ever be carping; if a gentleman or a the marquis de Bay advanced with his horse, man of honour puts pen to paper. I do not and attacked the right wing of the Portuguese doubt but this author will find this assertion too cavalry, who faced about, and fled, without true, and that obloquy is not repulsed by the standing the first encounter. But their foot reforce of arms. I will therefore set this excel-pulsed the same body of horse, in three succeslent piece in a light too glaring for weak eyes, and, in imitation of the critic Longinus, shall, as well as I can, make my observations in a style like the author's of whom I treat, which perhaps I am as capable of as another, having 'an unbounded force of thinking, as well as a most exquisite address, extensively and wisely indulged to me by the supreme powers.' My author, I will dare to assert, shows the most universal knowledge of any writer who has appeared this century: he is a poet and merchant, which is seen in two master-words, 'credit blossoms,' he is a grammarian and a During the engagement, the earl of Barrimore, politician; for he says, 'The uniting of the two having advanced too far to give some necessary kingdoms is the emphasis of the security of the order, was hemmed in by a squadron of the Protestant succession.' Some would be apt to enemy; but found means to gallop up to the say, he is a conjuror; for he has found, that a brigade of Pearce, with which he remains also republic is not made up of every body of animals, a prisoner. My lord Galway had his horse shot. but is composed of men only, and not of horses. under him in this action; and the Conde de Liberty and property have chosen their retreat Saint Juan, a Portuguese general, was taken within the emulating circle of a human com-prisoner. The same night the army encamped but if William viscount Grimston was not the author of it, he wrote remarks upon this critique on it, in a treatise which he dedicated to the Hon. Edward Howard, as we are informed in Tatler, No. 21. sive charges, with great order and resolution. While this was transacting, the British General commanded the brigade of Parce, to keep the enemy in diversion by a new attack. This was so well executed, that the Portuguese infantry had time to retire in good order, and repass the river. But that brigade, which rescued them, was itself surrounded by the enemy, and major-general Sarkey, brigadier Pearce, together with both their regiments, and that of the lord Galway, lately raised, were taken prisoners. at Aronches, and on the ninth moved to Elvas, where they lay when these despatches came away. Colonel Stanwix's regiment is also taken. The whole of this affair has given the Portu |