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ern essayist unavoidably restricted shade, after the fatigues of a promto a mere repetition of the senti. enade. The period of modern exments of the dead. By what pros- istence is contracted to threescore elytes the instructers of antiquity and ten, and they, who imbitter the were followed, or how extensively trifle, are equally cruel and mad. their humbler representatives are Yet, on this theme, the voice of regarded, it would deservedly oc- fact is as melancholy as decisive, casion the community a blush to and it will be discovered, that the relate. That so much labour has Remarker, far from aggravating been employed, and so little achieve the disagreeable, has rather qualed, will be a circumstance of hu- ified the harsh. There are some iniliation to the vanity of under spirits that appear to agree in taking; and the calculating portion nothing but to disagree, and the of mankind, after an intimacy with moment you fall within their influsociety, will rather accept a profes- ence, you must be possessed of the sorship for the regulation of the equanimity of Democritus not to winds, than fatigue their constitu- be disturbed in the economy of tions with lecturing the insane. your temper. They seem, as it
To those unread in the weak: were, born beneath a tempestuous nesses of human nature, these sen- quarter of the moon, when the ma. timents may appear the offspring ligner aspects of the firmament of misanthropy ; too prematurely were ascendant, and, like the disdelivered to be correct, and too tempered period of their nativity, distorted to pretend, in any degree, to be propitious to commotion and to a relationship with truth. That portentous of ill. The more you any should prefer uproar to rule, sacrifice to their arrogance, the quarrel to quiet, anxiety to ease, more their perverseness increases, supposes an eccentricity in choice, and not to struggle with the stream too unnatural for belief. Admit is to be buried in the foulness of ting, as moralists have degrading- its bottom. No sense of proprily asserted, that selfishness is the ety, no feeling for delicacy, no obprinciple of action ; few, among servance of custom ever characterthe provident, would sacrifice their izes their carriage. The polish of comfort for the limited satisfaction etiquette, the gentleness of modesof disturbing their neighbours, or ty, the sweetness of affability, with the whimsical diversion of appear all the tender courtesies of intering disagreeable. Were the feel course, are wasted on them, like the ings of an individual illustrative of refinements of the Houyhnhnms the whole, I could conscientiously on the coarseness of the Yahoos. cite myself on the occasion, as an « Let Hercules himself do what he may, authority in point ; for, so wedded The cat will mew, the dog will have his day.” am I to conveniency, that I never They remind you of those quaddraw on my boots after dinner, or rupeds, that are too desperate to be stoop down to buckle my shoe, but domesticated, too wild for an inI reflect, that I am abridging the terchange of reliance, that are amount of my days. Quietude is turned forth to howl and to depre. the essence of being ; and he is date in the shadow of the wilderpoor in the good things of this ness. In truth, though the perworld, who has never rested his suasion may seem fanciful, they legs against the jambs of the fire. further appear peculiarly illustraplace, or wiped his forehead in the live of the doctrine of transmigration, and many, less credulous than mate the chilness of their latitudes, Jenyns, might be readily persuad- you perceive your mercury subed, that some, that now travel to siding to the point of congelation. and fro on two legs, secking whom In their presence, the stream of they may annoy, were, in aforetime, conversation stiffens as it flows, and assisted on similar excursions, by the reluctant observation is chilled the accommodating number and in the delivery. Should circumcelerity of four. I remember not, stances deny them an opportunity whether the system of transforma- to annoy you, they sit folded in an tion of beings supposes the passage angle, hatching the solitary egg of of higher natures into lower, or ill-nature ; perfecting mischief in lower into higher, or both ; but embryo for the occasions of spleen. that the personages in question are They listen to falsehood, and lay rapidly accomplishing themselves in wait to gather scandal ; they de. for that which is here conceived light in the narrative of disappointtheir primitive condition, none will ments, and are chagrined at the deny, and none will regret. Vio- report of success. Suspicious of lent visitations become tolerable the narrowness of their capacities, from the probability of their short. the perfection of another cometh ness, and these antidotes to enjoy- home like a censure ; and the ment are only endured, for the pre- more perfect the character exhibsent, thro'the soothing expectation ited, the more radical their hate. of their returning to their origin. Were they endued with resolution
Such are the wayward spirits to execute what their malignancy that rejoice in disturbance ; whose concerts, their station would be home, like the Sisterhood's of the paramount on the file of vexations; Heath, is in the tempests they en- but to torture the malevolent with gender. But every principal has the mortifications of impotence is its subordinate, and, though we the agency of providence for the have exposed the leaders of the security of the virtuous. They mischief, their accessaries remain accordingly contrive snares, that to be noticed. That delicacy, they want courage to spread ; they which excuses petty offences, is construct engines for distur ance, unworthy the fidelity of the more that they fear to discharge, alist ; for great vices originate from trivial misdemeanours, and
“And live" like “cowards” in their “own es. the calm of society may be ruffled
Letting i dare not, wait upon I would, by a whisper. Connected with the
Like the poor cat i'the adage." characters described, there are sec These constitute the secondary ondary malcontents, who, wanting denomination of malcontents ; bethe courage for open attack, grat. ings, less destructive in their tenify their malignity by sly innuendo dency than their principals, but eand faint givings-out. They are qually distorted in disposition and remarkably skilful at a sneer, and grain. If, by the moral code, the can satirize with a compliment. projection of an injury be alike They never smile but they wound, culpable with the performance, and never wound but they smile. they incur the consequences of a The import of their speech is a crime,without the pleasure of comsarcasm, and the expression of mitting it. They sow seed, whose their countenances a bitter. There only produce is disappointment is something in the atmosphere of and shame. They fill their bos. these beings more disconsolate oms with bitterness, and waste than winter, and as you approxithemselves with cursing in pri.
vate. In the bustle, attending the nothing ; there are others too, that achierement of sicious designs, the we escort to the threshold with a accusations of conscience may, for sensation of relief. To which der a season, be suspended ; but to scription of visitors Mrs. Equinox support a sedentary existence of considered me as pertaining, I have low machination and impotent de not the curiosity to inquire ; the sire; to wear away in the cool lu- opinions of the disagreeable are cubration of iniquity and spite, is generally less distressing, than their to experience the labour of Sisy- presence. But, such is my regard phus, and endure the scourge of for the lady, if accident conducts the Furies. By what motives such her to my door, I shall feel little dispositions are actuated, it would compunction in securing its bolts. puzzle the perspicacity of a Hin. It is thought, that no character doo to discover. It is said, that is sufficiently corrupt to be devoid the pain of excessive pleasure is of a virtue ; that some truth may delicious, but the pleasure of ex- reside even in the midst of deprava cessive pain is a paradox.
ity. In support of the sentiment The subject matter of Remark. I can quote the lady in question, er Sixth was the product of acci- for, to do justice to impudence, she dent, rather than research. By is above deception. No cover is this confission it is not the inten- employed to secrete her deformition of the writer to apologize for ties, no polish attempted to soften its treatment, but to introduce the her rudeness ; she is equally neg. incident that awakened his reflec- ligent of appearances or arts, and tions. That which is casually ac- commits outrages on society with quired may be leisurely revolved, out apology or shame. If there is and many examples, more pat than any pleasure in exciting alarm,she the present, might be exhibited of is rarely destitute, too, of amusethe felicities of chance. There are ment ; for everyone, who ventrains of reflection extending tures within her influence, is genthrough every intelligence, and erally afflicted with an ague. Terwhen a spark is imparted they ror is considered, I believe, as a part hurry to explosion. The incident of the sublime, and, as it is proper alluded to may be understood from to feel what we mean to impress, what follows.
I would recommend Mrs.Equinox Several evenings ago I received to the cultivators of rhetorick. If, a note from Mrs. Equinox, and after a lecture or so from her lamy yesterday was devoted to meet- dyship, any one should be deficient ing her wishes. Many months in representing the grand, he may had elapsed, since I last darkened be a much better member of sociher doors, and many years, per- ety, but is unquestionably no poet. haps, may revolve ere I repeat my I have, myself, for some time had respects. As we had heretofore a tragedy upon the stocks, which, parted without a tear, we again owing to the incompleteness of its even encountered without a smile. infernal machinery, I have hitherto To me the coalition was as memo- delayed presenting the publick ; rable as an eclipse, and the gloom but, since the visit aforenamed, that attended it not dissimilar to I feel so adequate to every thing that of the phenomenon. There tremendous, that I now calculate are people, who arrive and depart on a representation in the course without exciting a reflection ; there of the season. The act concluding are some, whom we gaze after with a concert of furies, which refrom the window,till they fade into tarded at first the progress of my
muse, will infallibly command the in its outline as a diagram in trigoapplause of the house ; for the nometry, and as uncomfortable to principal infernal of the dramatis contact as the edges of a bureau ; personæ is immediately taken from conceive of something between a my ferocious entertainer. If the woman and a man, with the roughperformers are not remiss in con- ness of the one and the sex of the ceiving their author, my number other; a being whom the women of nights is as certain as day. One must disown and the men disavow; character, well defined, has sup- and, should you still fail of her ported a play, and I challenge all likeness, call up, to assist your the fallen to parallel mine.
conception, the weird sisters of The countenance is considered Shakespeare ; for, like them, she by some as a preface to the char- is indebted to a petticoat for the actér. How far the doctrine of testimony of her sex. In fine, features is fallacious or firm, the imagine a woman, every property inquisitive or idle may decide for of whose nature is at enmity with themselves ; neither capacity, nor love, who, in a scarcity of her kind, leisure, promote my remarks. would be the most puzzled for a However, as many of my readers partner, and, though you believe are perhaps students of the exte: me romancing, you will possess riour, a rough sketch of the lady's Mrs. Equinox to the nicety of a physiognoniy may be somewhat fraction. appropriate, though ever so imper. Thus much for the disposition fect. Attend, then, and tremble ! and appearance of this uncomfortQuamquam animus meminisse horret, luctuque able lady, my interview with whom
remains to be decribed. To disBetween two opticks, more fiery cuss the enormities of society is than intelligent, imagine a thin the office of the essayist, in the partition of nostril,more censorious performance of which, accommothan wise ; to a mouth, rather ex- dation is delinquency. To emtravagant than liberal,an expression ploy lenitives as a recipe for abuse, inore ferocious than brave ; to an or to solicit violence by entreaty, elevated forehead, more wrinkles is like indu-ging a diseased man to than imagination ; to an acumina- facilitate his cure. Should the Re. ted chin, more severity than decis marker be considered therefore as sion ; imagine features to frighten too profuse of his caustick, let the children from their playthings, or tender-hearted be instructed, that Convert dairies to curdle ; imagine more are injured by forbearance that which you wish least to be than correction. This affecting hold, and her portraiture is yours. to do something, and executing But the history of her deformities nothing, is relinquishing the rod concludes not with her counte- to the children, and making a mocknance. Nature, in every passage ery of discipline. But to the lady. of its performance, is incomparably On approaching the mansion of uniform ; and her ladyship is as Mrs. Equinox, agreeably to her unique in ugliness, as the Graces note and disagreeably to my wishin beauty. To extend then this es, I experienced a foreboding, rehead-size to a full-length ; conceive sembling that of a truant returning of a figure, nearly five feet eleven, to his tutor, and involuntarily perskinny, faded, and coarse, angular formed several evolutions about
VOL. III. No, %, K
the premises, without arriving at ample matter for invective. Acher door. But, finally recollecting cordingly, with features divided that there was no avoiding the vis- between simpers and frowns, and it, and feeling that the apprehen- tones set at variance by raillery sion of difficulty was worse than and spite, concealing and betray. the encounter, I sufficiently rallied ing a desire of revenge, she immemy spirits to elevate the knocker. diately proceeded to open an attack. The noise of its fall was like the “ You have been particularly unknell of my joys. The morning fortunate in selecting your road, was cold and blue, and the winds sir, or the ways are much fouler sang mournfully in the key-hole. than I was led to suppose. Why, I felt as if attending, in the char- you are lumbered with mud like acter of chief mourner, the funeral a wheel from the mire, and your of the whole family of the Agree- heels are as heavy as a ploughables. Luckily, at iny entrance, man's in spring. Here, Mary, no one was in the parlour, and, re- Mary, for the love of neatness, membering that genuine courage come hither, or we shall be buried derived accessions from reason, I alive. The gentleman, I believe, was beginning to argue myself in- imagines that we were created to magnanimity, when Mrs, Equi- merely to rub and to clean. Here nox appeared. What before has have I been slaving and driving to been hinted of our meeting I will make things as they should be, not enlarge upon ; suffice it that and the first recompence of my inwe encountered without a smile, dustry is dirt and disgrace.” Un. for we had parted without a tear. luckily, the tongue of Mrs. Equi
To love or hate at first sight is nox being suspended in the midaccounted whimsical, yet much of dle, her vocal abilities were just a character may be gatherer from double her neighbours, and, on oca glance. Of the correctness of casions as interesting to hussies as prepossession, I could produce the preseri, her utterance remindMrs. Equinox, as an instance, for ed you of the running down of a in a moment you are persuaded jack. Sensible that apologies that she is possessed with a famil- would only aggravate her eloiar. The composure of her first quence, I was silently about retirsalutation resembles that tranquil. ing to disencamber my boots, when lity in the heavens, which is the my ears were accosted by the full precursor of a tempest, and you pathos of her pipe. “ For goodmay read, even in her countenance ness-sake, stand still, sir, or return at rest, the inclemency of her tem- in your track; your shifting about perament. The day of my visit, only widens the grievance. Beunfortunately, was rather dirty un- cause the room is a dirt-heap, must der foot, and, forgetting in my ag- you make it a kennel? I protest, itation to make use of the scraper, such proceedings would put a saint I unwittingly traced the carpet out of patience. I will say, since with mud, from the entry to the the commencement of my housefire-place. From ladies less punc. keeping, I never witnessed the tilious in their household than my like, and, if this be the consehostess, such a clownish manæu- quence of receiving a visit, I devre might have produced a reproof, sire, for the future, to meet comand to one of her susceptibility the pany abroad.” Thankful that any se facement of a kidderminster was track was yet favourable for re