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der that this made me as proud as a “ Po, po," answered I, “woman, peacock ; but when they askit his ye dinna ken what ye're saying. Do name, and fand whase son he was, ye imagine that, if he were made a then the matter seemed to cease bea sea-admiral, we could ever live to hae ing a business of wonder, as naebody ony comfort in the son of our bosom? could suppose that an only bairn, born Wad he no, think ye, be obleeged with to me in lawful wedlock, could be a his ship to sail the salt seas, thro' foul dult. Folk's clevernessat least I weather and fair ; and, when he met should think sae-lies in their pows; the French, to fight, hack, and hew and, that allowed, Benjie's was a gey them down, lith and limb, with grapedroll ane, being of the maist remark- shot and cutlass ; till, some unfortuable sort of a shape ye ever seed; but, nate day or ither, after having lost a what is mair till the purpose baith leg and an arm in the service, he is here and hereafter, he was a real gude- felled as dead as a door-nail, wi'a cut hearted callant, though as sharp as a and thrust ower the crown, by some bawk and as gleig as a needle. Every- furious rascal that saw he was aff his body that had the smallest guinption guard, glowring wi' his blind e'e anprophesied that he would be a real ither way.-Ye speak bavers, Nanse ; clever ane; nor could we grudge that what are a'the honours o' this warld we took pains in his rearing-he ha- worth? No worth this pinch of snuff ving been like a sucking-turkey, or a I have atween my finger and thumbhot house plant, frae far away, delicate no worth a bodle, if we never saw our in the constitution—when we saw that Benjie again, but he was aye ranging the debt was likely to be paid with and rampaging far abroad, shedding bank-interest, and that, by his un human blood; and when we could only common cleverality, the callant was aye dream about him in our sleep, likely to be a credit to our family. as ane that was wandering night and
Mony and lang were the debates day blindfold down the lang, dark, atween his fond mither and me, what lampless avenue o destruction, and trade we wad breed him up to, for the destined never more to veesit Dal. matter now became serious, Benjie keith again, except wi' a wooden being in his thirteenth year; and, stump and a brass virl, or to have his tho' a wee bowed in the near leg, frae head blawn aff his shoulders, mast a suppleness aboot his knee-joint, ne high, like ingan peelings, wi' some ver:heless as active as a hatter, and fit explowding earthquake of combustifor ony calling whatsomever under the ble gunpowther.-Ca' in the laddie, I sun. "Ae thing I had determined in say, and see what he wad like to be my ain mind, and that was, that he himsell." should never wi' my wull gang abroad. Nanse ran but the house, and The gentry are nae doubt pheeloso- straightway brought Benjie, that was phers eneugh to bring up their bairns playing at the bools, ben by the lug like sheep to the slaughter, and dis- and horn. I had gotten a glass, so patch them as cadies to Bengal and my speerit was up.
“ Stand there," the Cap of Gude Hope as sune as I said ; “ Benjie, look me in the face, they're grown up; when, lo and be- and tell me what trade ye wad like to hold, the first news they hear o' them be.” is in a letter, sealed wi' black wax, tell “ Trade," answered Benjie," I wad ing how they deed o' the liver com like to be a gentleman.” plaint, and were buried by six blacks Dog on it, it was mair than I could twa hours after.
thole, and I saw that his mother had That was ae thing settled and seale spoiled him; so, tho' I aye likit to gie ed, so nae mair needs be said about him wholesome reproof rather than it; yet, notwithstanding of Nanse's lift my hand, I broke through this being satisfied that the spaewife was a rule in a couple of hurries, and gied deceitful gipsy, perfectly untrustwore him siccan a yerk in the cheek wi’ thy, she wad aye hae a finger in the the loof o' my hand, as made, I'm pye, and try to perswade me in a coax- sure, his lugs ring, and sent him doing way., “ I'm sure," she wad say, zing to the door like a pirie. “ ane in half an e'e may see that our • Ye see that,” said I, as the laddie son Benjie has just the physog of an gaed ben the house whinging ; “ye admiral. It's a great shaine contra see what a kettle o' fish ye hae made dicting nature.”
“ Weel, weel," answered Nanse, a less, he taks the incurable complaint wee startled by my strong deceesive o' a broken heart, and is buried out o' way o' managing, ye ken best, and, the gate, in some bit strange corner o' I fancy, maun tak the matter your the kirk-yard.” ain way. But ye can hae nae earthly Stop, stop, gudeman,” cried Nanse, objection to making him a lawer's ada half greeting, that's an awfu' busivocatt?”
ness; but I daursay it's ower true. “ I wad see him hanged first,” an But mightna wę breed him a doctor? swered I. “What? do you imagine It seems they have unco profits, and, I wad set a son o' mine to be a Sherry as he's sae clever, he might come to offisher, ganging about rampaging. be a graduit." through the country, taking up fiets “ Doctor,” answered I—"Kay, kay, and rubbers, and suspicious characters let that flee stick i' the wa', it's a' ye wi' wauf looks, and waur claes; ex ken aboot it. If ye was only aware o' posed to all manner of evil communi- what doctors had to do and see, atween cation from bad company, in the way dwining weans and crying wives, ye o business ; and rouping out puir wad hae thocht twice afore ye let that creatures, that canna find wherewithal out. Hoo do ye think our callant has to pay their lawful debts, at the Cross, a heart within him to look at folk by warrant o' the Sherry, wi' an auld bluiding like sheep, or to sew up cuttit chair in ae hand, and an eevory ham- throats wi' a silver needle and silk mer in the ither. Siccan a sight wad thread, as I wad stitch a pair o'trowbe the death o' me."
sers; or to trepan out pieces o'clour. “What think ye then o' the preach- ed skulls, filling up the hole wi' an ing line?” askit Nanse.
iron plate ; and pull teeth, maybe the * The preaching line !" quo' I only anes left, out o' auld women's “ Na, na, that'll never do. No that heads, and sae on, to say naething I want respect for ministers, wha are of rampaging wi' dark lanterns, and the servants o' the Most High ; but double-tweel dreadnoughts, aboot the truth is, that unless ye hae great gousty kirk-yards, amang humlock friens and patronage o' the like o' the and lang nettles, the haill night ower, Duke doun by, or the Marquis o' Lou- like spunkie-shoving the dead corpdon up by, or sic like, ye may preach ses, winding-sheets and a’, into cornyoursell as hoarse as a corbie, frae sacks, and boiling their banes, after June to Januar, afore onybody will they have dissectit a' the red flesh aff say, 'hae, puir man, there's a kirk. them, into a big caudron, to get out And if nae kirk casts up—which is the marrow to mak' drogs of?” mair nor likely-what can a young “Eh, stop, stop, Mansie!” cried probationer turn his hand till He Nanse, hauding up her hands. bas learned nae trade, so he can nei. “ Na," continued I,“ but it's a true ther work nor want. He laurna dig bill—it's as true as ye're sitting there. nor delve, even though he were able, And do ye think that ony yearthly or he wad be hauled by the cuff o' the compensation, either goupins o' gowil Deck afore his betters in the General by way o' fees, or yellow chariots to Assenibly, for having the impudence ride in, wi' a black servant sticking up to go for to be so bold as dishonour ahint, like a sign ower a tobacconist's the claith ; and though he may get door, can ever mak up for the loss of his bit orra half a guiney whiles, for a man's having a' his feelings seared holding forth in some bit country kirk, to iron, and his soul made into whunto a wheen shepherds and their dougs, stane, yea, into the nether-millstane, when the minister himsell, staring in hy being airt and pairt in sic dark and the fat o'gude living and little wark, devilish abominations? Gae away wi’ is lying ill of a bile fever, or has the siccan downright nonsense. Hearken gout in his muckle tae, yet he has aye to my words, Nanse, my dear. The the meeseries o’uncertainty to encoun- happiest man is he that can live quietter, his coat grows bare in the cuffs, ly and soberly on the earnings o' his greasy in the neck, and brown atween industry, pays his day and way, works the shouthers; his jaw-banes get lang not only to win the bread o' life for and lank, bis een sunk, and his head his wife and weans, but because he gray wi' vexation, and what the wise kens that idleset is sinful ; keeps a Solomon calls “ hope deferred ;” so, pure heart towards God and man; at lang and last, friendless and penny- and caring not for the fashion of this Vol. XXI.
world, departs from it in the houp of slung round the neck wi' a leather ganging, through the merits of his strap, and parliaments, and quality, Redeemer, to a better.”
brown and white, and snaps weel pep“ Ye are right after a'," said Nanse, pered, and gingebread nits, and sae gieing me a pat on the shouther; and on. The trade is no a bad ane, if finding wha was her maister as weel creatures wad only learn to be careas spouse" Ill wad it become me to fu'.” gang for to gie advice to my betters. “ Mansie Wauch, Mansie Wauch,
wull in the business, gude- hae ye gane out o' yere wuts,” cried man; and if ye dinna mak' him an Nanse,"are ye really serious ?". Admiral, just mak' him what ye like." I saw what I was aboot, so gaed on
Now is the time, thocht I to mysell, without pretending to mind her.to carry my point, finding the drappi- “Or what say ye to a penny-piekie I had ta'en wi' Donald M‘Naugh- man? 'Ifegs, it's a cozey birth, and ton, in settling his account for the green ane that gars the cappers birl down. jacket, still working in my noddle, and What's the expense of a bit daigh, gieing me a power o' words equal to half an ounce weight, pirled round Mr Blouster the Cameronian preacher, wi' the knuckles into a case, and fill--now is the time, for I still saw the ed half fu'o' salt and water, wi' twa unleavened pride o'womankind wham- three nips o' braxy floating aboot in't ? bling within her, like a serpent that has Just naething ava ;-—and consider on gotten a knock on the pow, and been a winter night, when ice-shockles are cast down, but not destroyed; so, ta- hinging frae the tiles, and stamachs king a hearty snuffout of my box, and relish what is warm and tasty; what drawing it up first ae nostril, then an a sale they can get, if they gang aboot ither, syne dighting my finger and jingling their little bell, and keep the thumb on my breek-knees, " What genuine article! Then ye ken, in the think ye,” said I, “ of a sweep? Were afternoon, he can show that he has it not for getting their faces blackit twa strings to his bow; and hae a like savages, a sweep is no siccan a bad wheen kukies, either new baked for trade after a'; though, to be sure, leddies' tea-parties, or the yesterday's ganging down lums six stories high, auld shopkeepers het up i' the oon head foremost, and landing upon the again,—which is all to ae purpose." soles o' their feet upon the hearth “ Are ye really in your seven nastane, like a kitling, is no just sae tural senses, -or can I believe my ain pleasant.” Ye observe, it was only to een ? I could maistly imagine some throw cauld water on the unthrifty warlock had thrown glamour into flame o' a mither's pride that I said them,” said Nanse, staring me broad this, and to pull down uppishness from in the face. its heathenish temple in the heart, “ Tak a gude look, gudewife, for head foremost. So I lookit till her, to seeing's believing," quo' I; and then hear hoo she wad come on.
continued, without drawing breath or “ Havers, havers," said Nanse, bir- bridle, at full birrsing up like a cat afore a colley. “ Or if the baking line doesna please “ Sweep, say ye? I wad sooner send ye, what say ye to binding him reguhim up wi' Lunardi to the man o' the larly to a man-cook ? There he'll see moon; or see him banished, shackled life in all its variorums. Losh keep neck and heels, to Botany Bay.” us a', what an insight into the secrets
“A weel, a weel," answered I, of roasting, brandering, frying, boil" what notion hae ye o' the packman ing, baking, and brewing---nicking o' line? We could fill his box wi' nee- geese's craigs-hacking the necks o’ dles and prins, and tape, and hanks dead chickens, and cutting out the o'worsted, and penny thummels, at a tongues o leeving turkies. Then sma' expense; and, pittin a stick in what a steaming o' fat soup in the his hand, send him abroad intil the nostrils ! and siccan a collection o' wide world to push his fortune." fine smells, as wad persuade a man
The wife lookit dumbfoundered. that he could fill his stomach thro' Howsomever—“Or breed him a row- his nose! Nae weather can reach such ley-poley man,” continued I, “to trail cattle: it may be a storm of snaw, .aboot the countra frequenting fairs; twenty feet deep, or an even-doun and dozing thro' the streets selling pour o' rain, washing the very cats aff penny cakes to weans, out o’a basket the house-taps ; when a weaver is
shivering at his loom, wi' not a drap brushes the flunky's jacket--and sae o'bluid at his finger nails, and a tai on. We all hing at ane anither's tails lor, like myself, sae numb wi' cauld, like a rope o' ingans-so ye observe, that instead o' driving the needle thro' that ony sic objection, in the sight of the claith, he brogues it thro' his ain a pheelosopher like our Benjie, wadna thumb-then, feint a hair care they : weigh a straw's weight. but, standing beside a ranting, roar " Then consider, for a moment, ing, parrot-coal fire, in a white apron, just consider, gudewife, what compaand a gingham jacket, they pour sauce ny a flunky is every day ta'en up wi', out o' ae pan into anither, to suit the standing behint the chairs, and helptaste of my lord this, and my ladying to clean plates and porter; and that, turning, by their legerdemain, the manners he canna help learning, fish into fowl, and fowl into flesh; till, if he is in the smallest gleg in the upin the lang run, man, woman, and tak, so that, when out oʻlivery, it is wean, a' chew and champ away, with the toss up o' a bawbee, whether
ye out kenning mair what they are eat- find out the difference between the ing, than ye ken the day ye'll dee, or man and the master. He learns, in whether the Witch o' Endor wore a fact, everything. He learns French, demety falderal, or a manco petti- -he learns dancing, in all its branch coat."
es,-he learns hoo to gie boots the fi“ Weel,” cried Nanse, half rising nishing polish,- he learns hoo to play to gang ben the house,
“ I'll sit nae
at cairds, as if he had been born and langer to hear ye gabbling nonsense bred a yearl,—he learns, from pouring like a magpie. Mak Benjie what ye the bottles, the names of every wine like; but ye'll mak me greet the een brewed abroad,-he learns hoo to out o' my head.”
brush a coat, so that, after sax months' “ Hooly and fairly," said I;“Nanse, tear and wear, ane without spentacles sit still like a woman, and hear me wad imagine it had only gotten the out;" so, gieing her a pat on the shou- finishing stitch the Saturday night ther, she sat her ways doun, and I re- afore,-and he learns to play on the sumed my discourse.
flute, and the spinit, and the piany, “Ye've heard, gulewife, frae Ben- and the fiddle, and the bagpipes, and jie's ain mouth, that he has made up to sing all manner o'sangs, and to his mind to follow out the trade o' a skirl, full gallop, wi' sich a pith and gentleman ; wha's putten sic outra- birr, that though he was to lose his geous notions in his head, I'm sure precious eye-sight wi' the sma’-pox, or I'll no pretend to guess at. Having a flash o'forkit lightning, or fall down never myself been aboon daily bread, a three-story stair dead drunk, and and constant wark—when I could get smash his legs to siccan a degree that it-I daurna presume to speak from baith of them requeered to be cuttit experience; but this I can say, from aff, aboon the knees, half an hour after, having some acquaintances in the line, sae far a' right and weel—for he could that of all easy lifes, commend me to just tear aff his shouther-knot, and that of a gentleman's gentleman. It's mak a perfect fortune-in the ae case, true he's caa'd a flunky, which does in being led frae door to door by a nae sound quite the thing ; but what ragged laddie, wi' a string at the buto that? what's in a name ? pugh! it ton-hole, playing, Ower the Border," doesna signify a bawbee—no, nor that the Hen's March,' ' Donald M‘Dopinch o' snuff: for, gif we descend to nald, Jenny Nettles,' and sic like particulars, we're a' flunkies thegi- grand tunes, on the claronet; or, in ther, except his Majesty on the throne. the ither case, in being drawn frae -Then William Pitt is his flunky- town to town, and frae door to door, and half o'the House oʻCommons are on a hurdle, like a lord, harnessed to his flunkies, doing what he bids them, four dogs of all colours, at the rate of right or wrang, and no dauring to dis twa miles i'the hour, exclusive of stopobey orders, no, for the bair in their pages.—What say ye, gulewife?" heads--then the Yearl waits on my Nanse gied a mournfu' look, as if Lord Deuk—Sir something waits on she was frichted I had grown demenLord somebody-and his tenant, Mr tit, and only said, “ Tak your
ain way, so and so, waits on him--and Mr so gudeman; yese get your ain way for and so has his butler-and the butler me, I fancy' has his flunky--and the shoeblack Secing her in this Christian state o'
resignation, I determined at ance to and the hair into the bargain, for stuffhet the nail on the head, and pit an ing chairs wi'; and, between us, wha end to the haill business as I intend- kens—mony a rottener ship has come ed. “Now, Nanse," quo' I,“ to come to land—but that some genty Miss, to close quarters wi' ye, tell me can fond o'plays, poems, and novels, may didly and seriously what ye think of fancy our Benjie, when he is gieing a barber ? Every ane maun allow it's her red hair a twist wi' the torturing a canny and cozie trade.”
irons, and rin away wi' him, amaist “A barber that shaves beards!" whether he wall or no, in a stound o’ said Nanse. “Od, Mansie, ye're sure- unbearable love !" ly gaun gyte. Ye're surely joking me Here making an end o' my disa' the time."
course, and halting to draw breath, I “ Joking !" answered I, smoothing lookit Nanse braid in the face, as much down my chin, which was geyan as to say, “ Contradict me if you rough,—" Joking here or joking there, daur,” and, “ What think ye o' that I shoudna think the settling of an only now?”—The man is no worth his bairn, in an honourable way o' doing lugs that allows his wife to be master; for a' the days o’his natural life, is ony and being by all laws, divine and hujoking business. Ye dinna ken what man, the head o' the house, I aye made ye're saying, woman. Barbers ! i'fegs, a rule o' keeping my putt gule. To to turn up your nose at barbers ! did be candid, howsomever, I must take ever leeving hear sich nonsense; but, leave to confess, that Nanse being a to be sure, ane can blame naebody if reasonable woman, gied me but few they speak to the best o' their experi- opportunities o' exerting my authority ence. I've heard tell o' barbers, wo in this way. As in other matters, she inan, about London, that raid up this soon cam, on reflection, to see the prostreet, and down that ither street, in priety of what I had been saying and coaches and four, jumping out to every setting furth. Besides, she had siccan ane that halloo'd to them, sharping a mitherly affection towards our bit razors baith on stane and strap, at the callant, that sending him abroad wad ransom of a penny the pair; and sha- hae been the death o' her. ving aff men's beards, whiskers and a', To be sure, since thae days—which, stoop and roop, for a three-ha’pence. alas, and woe's me! are no yesterday Speak o' barbers ! it's all ye ken about now, as my grey hair and wrunkled it. Commend me to a safe employ- brow but ower visibly remind mement, and a profitable. They may gie sich ups and downs have ta’en place others a nick, and draw blood, but in the commercial world, that the barcatch them hurting themsells. They ber line has been clipped of its profits are no exposed to caulds and rheuma- and shaved close, from patriotic comtics, frae east winds and rainy wea- petition amang its members, like a ther; for they sit, in white aprons, the lave. Amang ither things, hairplaiting hair into wigs, for auld folks powther, which was used frae the that hae bell-pows, or making false sweep on the lum-head to the king on curls for leddies, that wad fain like to the throne, is only now in fashion wi' look smart in the course o' nature. Lords o' Session, and vale-de-shamAnd then they gang from house to bles; and pigtails have been cut aff house, like gentlemen, in the morn- from the face o' the earth, root and ing; cracking wi' Maister this, or Ma- branch. Nevertheless, as I have ta’en dam that, as they soap their chins wi' occasion to mak observation, the founscented-soap, or put their hair up in dations of the cutting and shaving line marching order either for kirk or play are as sure as that o' the everlasting house. Then, at their leisure, when rocks; beards being likely to roughen, they're no thrang at hame, they can and heads to require polling, as lang cut corns to the gentry; or gie plough as wood grows and water rins. men's heads the bicker-cut for a penny,