der that this made me as proud as a peacock; but when they askit his name, and fand whase son he was, then the matter seemed to cease be ing a business of wonder, as naebody could suppose that an only bairn, born to me in lawful wedlock, could be a dult. Folk's cleverness-at least I should think sae-lies in their pows; and, that allowed, Benjie's was a gey droll ane, being of the maist remark able sort of a shape ye ever seed; but, what is mair till the purpose baith here and hereafter, he was a real gudehearted callant, though as sharp as a hawk and as gleig as a needle. Everybody that had the smallest gumption prophesied that he would be a real clever ane; nor could we grudge that we took pains in his rearing-he having been like a sucking-turkey, or a hot-house plant, frae far away, delicate in the constitution-when we saw that the debt was likely to be paid with bank-interest, and that, by his uncommon cleverality, the callant was likely to be a credit to our family.

Mony and lang were the debates atween his fond mither and me, what trade we wad breed him up to, for the matter now became serious, Benjie being in his thirteenth year; and, tho' a wee bowed in the near leg, frae a suppleness aboot his knee-joint, nevertheless as active as a hatter, and fit for ony calling whatsomever under the sun. Ae thing I had determined in my ain mind, and that was, that he should never wi' my wull gang abroad. The gentry are nae doubt pheelosophers eneugh to bring up their bairns like sheep to the slaughter, and dispatch them as cadies to Bengal and the Cap of Gude Hope as sune as they're grown up; when, lo and behold, the first news they hear o' them is in a letter, sealed wi' black wax, telling how they deed o' the liver complaint, and were buried by six blacks twa hours after.

That was ae thing settled and sealed, so nae mair needs be said about it; yet, notwithstanding of Nanse's being satisfied that the spaewife was a deceitful gipsy, perfectly untrustworthy, she wad aye hae a finger in the pye, and try to perswade me in a coaxing way. "I'm sure," she wad say, ane in half an e'e may see that our son Benjie has just the physog of an admiral. It's a great shame contradicting nature."

"Po, po," answered I, "woman, ye dinna ken what ye're saying. Do ye imagine that, if he were made a sea-admiral, we could ever live to hae ony comfort in the son of our bosom? Wad he no, think ye, be obleeged with his ship to sail the salt seas, thro' foul weather and fair; and, when he met the French, to fight, hack, and hew them down, lith and limb, with grapeshot and cutlass; till, some unfortu nate day or ither, after having lost a leg and an arm in the service, he is felled as dead as a door-nail, wi' a cut and thrust ower the crown, by some furious rascal that saw he was aff his guard, glowring wi' his blind e’e anither way.-Ye speak havers, Nanse; what are a' the honours o' this warld worth? No worth this pinch of snuff I have atween my finger and thumbno worth a bodle, if we never saw our Benjie again, but he was aye ranging and rampaging far abroad, shedding human blood; and when we could only aye dream about him in our sleep, as ane that was wandering night and day blindfold down the lang, dark, lampless avenue o' destruction, and destined never more to veesit Dalkeith again, except wi' a wooden stump and a brass virl, or to have his head blawn aff his shoulders, mast high, like ingan peelings, wi' some explowding earthquake of combustible gunpowther. Ca' in the laddie, I say, and see what he wad like to be himsell."

Nanse ran but the house, and straightway brought Benjie, that was playing at the bools, ben by the lug and horn. I had gotten a glass, so my speerit was up. "Stand there," I said; “ Benjie, look me in the face, and tell me what trade ye wad like to be."

"Trade," answered Benjie, "I wad like to be a gentleman."

Dog on it, it was mair than I could thole, and I saw that his mother had spoiled him; so, tho' I aye likit to gie him wholesome reproof rather than lift my hand, I broke through this rule in a couple of hurries, and gied him siccan a yerk in the cheek wi' the loof o' my hand, as made, I'm sure, his lugs ring, and sent him dozing to the door like a pirie.

"Ye see that," said I, as the laddie gaed ben the house whinging; "ye see what a kettle o' fish ye hae made o't?"

"Weel, weel," answered Nanse, a wee startled by my strong deccesive way o' managing, "ye ken best, and, I fancy, maun tak' the matter your ain way. But ye can hae nae earthly objection to making him a lawer's advocatt?"

"I wad see him hanged first," answered I. "What? do you imagine I wad set a son o' mine to be a Sherry offisher, ganging about rampaging through the country, taking up fiefs and rubbers, and suspicious characters wi' wauf looks, and waur claes; exposed to all manner of evil communication from bad company, in the way o' business; and rouping out puir creatures, that canna find wherewithal to pay their lawful debts, at the Cross, by warrant o' the Sherry, wi' an auld chair in ae hand, and an eevory hammer in the ither. Siccan a sight wad be the death o' me."

"What think ye then o' the preaching line?" askit Nanse.

"The preaching line!" quo' I "Na, na, that'll never do. No that I want respect for ministers, wha are the servants of the Most High; but the truth is, that unless ye hae great friens and patronage o' the like o' the Duke doun by, or the Marquis o' Loudon up by, or sic like, ye may preach yoursell as hoarse as a corbie, frae June to Januar, afore onybody will say, 'hae, puir man, there's a kirk.' And if nae kirk casts up-which is mair nor likely-what can a young probationer turn his hand till? He has learned nae trade, so he can neither work nor want. He daurna dig nor delve, even though he were able, or he wad be hauled by the cuff o' the neck afore his betters in the General Assembly, for having the impudence to go for to be so bold as dishonour the claith; and though he may get his bit orra half a guiney whiles, for holding forth in some bit country kirk, to a wheen shepherds and their dougs, when the minister himsell, staring in the fat o' gude living and little wark, is lying ill of a bile fever, or has the gout in his muckle tae, yet he has aye the meeseries o' uncertainty to encounter, his coat grows bare in the cuffs, greasy in the neck, and brown atween the shouthers; his jaw-banes get lang and lank, his een sunk, and his head gray wi' vexation, and what the wise Solomon calls "hope deferred;" so, at lang and last, friendless and pennyVOL. XXI.

less, he taks the incurable complaint o' a broken heart, and is buried out o' the gate, in some bit strange corner o' the kirk-yard."

66

Stop, stop, gudeman," cried Nanse, half greeting, that's an awfu' business; but I daursay it's ower true. But mightna we breed him a doctor? It seems they have unco profits, and, as he's sae clever, he might come to be a graduit."

"Doctor," answered I-"Kay, kay, let that flee stick i' the wa', it's a' ye ken aboot it. If ye was only aware o what doctors had to do and see, atween dwining weans and crying wives, ye wad hae thocht twice afore ye let that out. Hoo do ye think our callant has a heart within him to look at folk bluiding like sheep, or to sew up cuttit throats wi' a silver needle and silk thread, as I wad stitch a pair o' trowsers; or to trepan out pieces o' cloured skulls, filling up the hole wi' an iron plate; and pull teeth, maybe the only anes left, out o' auld women's heads, and sae on, to say naething of rampaging wi' dark lanterns, and double-tweel dreadnoughts, aboot gousty kirk-yards, amang humlock and lang nettles, the haill night ower, like spunkie-shoving the dead corpses, winding-sheets and a', into cornsacks, and boiling their banes, after they have dissectit a' the red flesh aff them, into a big caudron, to get out the marrow to mak' drogs of?"

"Eh, stop, stop, Mansie!" cried Nanse, hauding up her hands.

"Na," continued I, “ but it's a true bill-it's as true as ye're sitting there. And do ye think that ony yearthly compensation, either goupins o' gowd by way o' fees, or yellow chariots to ride in, wi' a black servant sticking up ahint, like a sign ower a tobacconist's door, can ever mak up for the loss of a man's having a' his feelings seared to iron, and his soul made into whunstane, yea, into the nether-millstane, by being airt and pairt in sic dark and devilish abominations? Gae away wi' siccan downright nonsense. Hearken to my words, Nanse, my dear. The happiest man is he that can live quietly and soberly on the earnings o' his industry, pays his day and way, works not only to win the bread o' life for his wife and weans, but because he kens that idleset is sinful; keeps a pure heart towards God and man; and caring not for the fashion of this

F

world, departs from it in the houp of ganging, through the merits of his Redeemer, to a better."

"Ye are right after a'," said Nanse, gieing me a pat on the shouther; and finding wha was her maister as weel as spouse " Ill wad it become me to gang for to gie advice to my betters. Tak' your wull in the business, gudeman; and if ye dinna mak' him an Admiral, just mak' him what ye like." Now is the time, thocht I to mysell, to carry my point, finding the drappikie I had ta'en wi' Donald M'Naughton, in settling his account for the green jacket, still working in my noddle, and gieing me a power o' words equal to Mr Blouster the Cameronian preacher, -now is the time, for I still saw the unleavened pride o' womankind whambling within her, like a serpent that has gotten a knock on the pow, and been cast down, but not destroyed; so, taking a hearty snuff out of my box, and drawing it up first ae nostril, then anither, syne dighting my finger and thumb on my breek-knees, "What think ye," said I, "of a sweep? Were it not for getting their faces blackit like savages, a sweep is no siccan a bad trade after a'; though, to be sure, ganging down lums six stories high, head foremost, and landing upon the soles o' their feet upon the hearthstane, like a kitling, is no just sae pleasant." Ye observe, it was only to throw cauld water on the unthrifty flame o' a mither's pride that I said this, and to pull down uppishness from its heathenish temple in the heart, head foremost. So I lookit till her, to hear hoo she wad come on.

"Havers, havers," said Nanse, birsing up like a cat afore a colley. "Sweep, say ye? I wad sooner send him up wi' Lunardi to the man o' the moon; or see him banished, shackled neck and heels, to Botany Bay."

"A weel, a weel," answered I, "what notion hae ye o' the packman line? We could fill his box wi' needles and prins, and tape, and hanks o' worsted, and penny thummels, at a sma expense; and, pittin a stick in his hand, send him abroad intil the wide world to push his fortune."

The wife lookit dumbfoundered. Howsomever-" Or breed him a rowley-poley man," continued I, "to trail aboot the countra frequenting fairs; and dozing thro' the streets selling penny cakes to weans, out o' a basket

"Mansie Wauch, Mansie Wauch, hae ye gane out o' yere wuts," cried Nanse," are ye really serious?"

I saw what I was aboot, so gaed on without pretending to mind her."Or what say ye to a penny-pieman? 'Ifegs, it's a cozey birth, and ane that gars the cappers birl down. What's the expense of a bit daigh, half an ounce weight, pirled round wi' the knuckles into a case, and filled half fu' o' salt and water, wi' twa three nips o' braxy floating aboot in't? Just naething ava;-and consider on a winter night, when ice-shockles are hinging frae the tiles, and stamachs relish what is warm and tasty; what a sale they can get, if they gang aboot jingling their little bell, and keep the genuine article! Then ye ken, in the afternoon, he can show that he has twa strings to his bow; and hae a wheen kukies, either new baked for leddies' tea-parties, or the yesterday's auld shopkeepers het up i' the oon again,-which is all to ae purpose.”

"Are ye really in your seven natural senses, or can I believe my ain een? I could maistly imagine some warlock had thrown glamour into them," said Nanse, staring me broad in the face.

"Tak a gude look, gudewife, for seeing's believing," quo' I; and then continued, without drawing breath or bridle, at full birr

"Or if the baking line doesna please ye, what say ye to binding him regularly to a man-cook? There he'll see life in all its variorums. Losh keep us a', what an insight into the secrets of roasting, brandering, frying, boiling, baking, and brewing-nicking o' geese's craigs-hacking the necks o' dead chickens, and cutting out the tongues o' leeving turkies. Then what a steaming o' fat soup in the nostrils! and siccan a collection o' fine smells, as wad persuade a man that he could fill his stomach thro' his nose! Nae weather can reach such cattle: it may be a storm of snaw, twenty feet deep, or an even-doun pour o' rain, washing the very cats aff the house-taps; when a weaver is

brushes the flunky's jacket-and sae on. We all hing at ane anither's tails like a rope o' ingans-so ye observe, that ony sic objection, in the sight of a pheelosopher like our Benjie, wadna weigh a straw's weight.

"Weel," cried Nanse, half rising to gang ben the house, " I'll sit nae langer to hear ye gabbling nonsense like a magpie. Mak Benjie what ye like; but ye'll mak me greet the een out o' my head.”

"Hooly and fairly," said I;"Nanse, sit still like a woman, and hear me out;" so, gieing her a pat on the shouther, she sat her ways doun, and I resumed my discourse.

"Ye've heard, gudewife, frae Benjie's ain mouth, that he has made up his mind to follow out the trade o' a gentleman; wha's putten sic outra geous notions in his head, I'm sure I'll no pretend to guess at. Having never myself been aboon daily bread, and constant wark-when I could get it-I daurna presume to speak from experience; but this I can say, from having some acquaintances in the line, that of all easy lifes, commend me to that of a gentleman's gentleman. It's true he's caa'd a flunky, which does nae sound quite the thing; but what o' that? what's in a name? pugh! it doesna signify a bawbee-no, nor that pinch o' snuff: for, gif we descend to particulars, we're a' flunkies thegither, except his Majesty on the throne. -Then William Pitt is his flunkyand half o' the House o' Commons are his flunkies, doing what he bids them, right or wrang, and no dauring to disobey orders, no, for the hair in their heads-then the Yearl waits on my Lord Deuk-Sir something waits on Lord somebody-and his tenant, Mr so and so, waits on him--and Mr so and so has his butler-and the butler has his flunky-and the hoeblack

"Then consider, for a moment,― just consider, gudewife, what company a flunky is every day ta'en up wi', standing behint the chairs, and helping to clean plates and porter; and the manners he canna help learning, if he is in the smallest gleg in the uptak, so that, when out o' livery, it is the toss up o'a bawbee, whether ye find out the difference between the man and the master. He learns, in fact, everything. He learns French,

es, he learns hoo to gie boots the finishing polish,-he learns hoo to play at cairds, as if he had been born and bred a yearl, he learns, from pouring the bottles, the names of every wine brewed abroad, he learns hoo to brush a coat, so that, after sax months' tear and wear, ane without spentacles wad imagine it had only gotten the finishing stitch the Saturday night afore, and he learns to play on the flute, and the spinit, and the piany, and the fiddle, and the bagpipes, and to sing all manner o' sangs, and to skirl, full gallop, wi' sich a pith and birr, that though he was to lose his precious eye-sight wi' the sma'-pox, or a flash o' forkit lightning, or fall down a three-story stair dead drunk, and smash his legs to siccan a degree that baith of them requeered to be cuttit aff, aboon the knees, half an hour after, sae far a' right and weel-for he could just tear aff his shouther-knot, and mak a perfect fortune-in the ae case, in being led frae door to door by a ragged laddie, wi' a string at the button-hole, playing, 'Ower the Border," 'the Hen's March,'' Donald M'Donald,' Jenny Nettles,' and sic like grand tunes, on the claronet; or, in the ither case, in being drawn frae town to town, and frae door to door, on a hurdle, like a lord, harnessed to four dogs of all colours, at the rate of twa miles i'the hour, exclusive of stoppages.-What say ye, gudewife?"

Nanse gied a mournfu' look, as if she was frichted I had grown dementit, and only said, "Tak your ain way, gudeman; yese get your ain way for me, I fancy."

Seeing her in this Christian state o'

66 Joking! !" answered I, smoothing down my chin, which was geyan rough, Joking here or joking there, I shoudna think the settling of an only bairn, in an honourable way o' doing for a' the days o' his natural life, is ony joking business. Ye dinna ken what ye're saying, woman. Barbers! i'fegs, to turn up your nose at barbers! did ever leeving hear sich nonsense; but, to be sure, ane can blame naebody if they speak to the best o' their experience. I've heard tell o' barbers, woinan, about London, that raid up this street, and down that ither street, in coaches and four, jumping out to every ane that halloo'd to them, sharping razors baith on stane and strap, at the ransom of a penny the pair; and shaving aff men's beards, whiskers and a', stoop and roop, for a three-ha'pence. Speak o' barbers! it's all ye ken about it. Commend me to a safe employment, and a profitable. They may gie others a nick, and draw blood, but catch them hurting themsells. They are no exposed to caulds and rheumatics, frae east winds and rainy weather; for they sit, in white aprons, plaiting hair into wigs, for auld folks that hae bell-pows, or making false curls for leddies, that wad fain like to look smart in the course o' nature. And then they gang from house to house, like gentlemen, in the morning; cracking wi' Maister this, or Madam that, as they soap their chins wi' scented-soap, or put their hair up in marching order either for kirk or playhouse. Then, at their leisure, when they're no thrang at hame, they can cut corns to the gentry; or gie ploughmen's heads the bicker-cut for a penny,

and the hair into the bargain, for stuffing chairs wi'; and, between us, wha kens-mony a rottener ship has come to land-but that some genty Miss, fond o' plays, poems, and novels, may fancy our Benjie, when he is gieing her red hair a twist wi' the torturing irons, and rin away wi' him, amaist whether he wull or no, in a stound o' unbearable love!"

Here making an end o' my discourse, and halting to draw breath, I lookit Nanse braid in the face, as much as to say, "Contradict me if you daur," and, "What think ye o' that now?"-The man is no worth his lugs that allows his wife to be master; and being by all laws, divine and human, the head o' the house, I aye made a rule o' keeping my putt gude. To be candid, howsomever, I must take leave to confess, that Nanse being a reasonable woman, gied me but few opportunities o' exerting my authority in this way. As in other matters, she soon cam, on reflection, to see the propriety of what I had been saying and setting furth. Besides, she had siccan a mitherly affection towards our bit callant, that sending him abroad wad hae been the death o' her.

To be sure, since thae days-which, alas, and woe's me! are no yesterday now, as my grey hair and wrunkled brow but ower visibly remind mesich ups and downs have ta'en place in the commercial world, that the barber line has been clipped of its profits and shaved close, from patriotic competition amang its members, like a the lave. Amang ither things, hairpowther, which was used frae the sweep on the lum-head to the king on the throne, is only now in fashion wi' Lords o' Session, and vale-de-shambles; and pigtails have been cut aff from the face o' the earth, root and branch. Nevertheless, as I have ta'en occasion to mak observation, the foundations of the cutting and shaving line are as sure as that o' the everlasting rocks; beards being likely to roughen, and heads to require polling, as lang as wood grows and water rins.