hardly with me. Ah! what an infernal devil is Beelzebub, and what a monster of iniquity is a fallen sinner! Satan began again to touch my fleshly feelings concerning my wife and children; he represented my conduct as the cause of their poverty and distress, and told me I certainly hated them instead of loving them: but the Lord knew my heart, for I grieved more about them than I did concerning myself. But the devil still worked, and at last got the apparent mastery over the poor mason, and drove him from his stronghold and confidence in his blessed Lord. I must say, that I account the long-suffering of the Lord is salvation (2 Pet.iii.15).

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I was again walking without the dear presence of my precious Lord. Satan set me to work with all my reason and wits: he took every way he could to entrap me, and did not leave me until he got me to lie against my right (Job xxxiv. 6), and to call in question all the Lord had done for me. My bowels sounded with pity for my wife and children, and I strove to devise some plan to get them out of trouble. The only way I could see was, to go back to my companions and to the church: but in all this he never told me to try the experiment of hanging myself. Surely he is a crafty devil: he knew how the Lord had foiled him in this; therefore he was quiet on this point, although he besieged me day and night, and would not let me rest. In this state I continued for many weeks; and even prayer was restrained before God (Job xv. 4).

I well remember, one Wednesday evening I set off to go to Bigbury to a prayer-meeting, when I was labouring hard under the weight of these things, and I was as if driven into the wilderness by the devil. As I was crossing some fields to get into the road, I thought that, for the sake of the family, I would give all religion up, go back into the world, and not mention the name of Christ more, neither would I walk any more with his people; I could be but damned after

way

all. Poor sinner, dost thou know anything of such things as these? If thou dost, thou art better acquainted with my state of mind than I can describe it! As I was walking on, a thought arose in my mind, that when I got into the road, as I had a stick in my hand, I would stand it upright, and whichever way it would fall, I would go: this certainly will appear a very foolish way of acting, but what will not a person do when driven to his wits' end. But it came to pass, as I was putting my intention into execution, my most gracious and much abused Lord settled the I was to go, by bringing into my mind with power, these words, "No man having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of heaven" (Luke ix. 62). I thought my heart would have burst. I saw plainly that to go back would be bold rebellion and daring presumption against the Lord; and to go forward was cutting work; as all was gloominess and darkness, so that I was in the place, according to my feelings, "where two seas meet" (Acts xxvii. 41). This took place opposite a gate, which was the last on the left hand in the road from Kingston, before you come to Oakenbury-lane-end. This scripture brought no relief to my mind; and at this time I had no recollection of the following sweet scripture, which to me hath been precious since, namely, "Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than all the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompense of the reward" (Heb. xi. 25, 26). I went unto the prayermeeting; but instead of getting comfort, the word of God that was read, the hymns that were sung, and the prayers of those who engaged, all appeared against me, and to cut me up root and branch; for to aggravate my misery, they all seemed to know what I had been thinking of and doing, so that I left the house in a worse state of mind than when I entered it, and Satan and unbelief made sad havoc with me. I have since

thought that I was much like the man among the tombs, with the legion of devils (Mark v. 9); in this state I went on towards my home, like a deranged man, under the temptation to give all up, with a mind inclined to do so; yet, a certain something was continually saying "No." In this state, I walked on until I passed over, not "the ford of Jabbok” (Gen. xxxii. 22), neither "the brooks of Arnon" (Num. xxi. 14), but over the brook called Fair Oak, and from thence I was ascending the hill towards Kingston, when by a secret impulse I stood still; and on a sudden my mind was arrested, and led by the Lord to Calvary; Before my eyes Jesus Christ was set forth crucified (Gal. iii. 1), I saw him bearing my sins in his own body on the tree (1 Pet. ii. 24), and suffering, the just, for me, an unjust sinner, to bring me to God (1 Pet. iii. 18).

In this vision or revelation, I was as it were under his dear feet; and his precious blood flowed down over me, and into my very heart. I felt its dear efficacy, that it cleansed me from all sins (1 John i. 7). I could say with Paul, "And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement” (Rom. v. 11), for that scripture was sweetly fulfilled in my soul, "They shall look upon me whom they have pierced and mourn" (Zec. xii. 10); and with Paul I must say, “whether in the body I cannot tell, or whether out of the body I cannot tell, God knoweth" (2 Cor. xii. 2); but this I knew and felt, that all my sorrows, grief, trouble, anguish of mind, temptation, and the devil, were fled, and I had "peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ" (Rom. v. 1). From having such views of my ever dear and most blessed Lord Jesus on the cross, he was precious to my soul (1 Pet. ii. 7), and when I came to myself, "I was weeping, singing, and rejoicing in God my Saviour" (Luke i. 47). My heart was light and glad; and I was like a bird delivered out of the snare of the fowler (Ps. cxxiv. 7).

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits" (Ps. ciii. 2).

Ah! reader, no tongue can utter, nor words describe, the blessedness I felt at this time; it was joy unspeakable and full of glory (1 Peter i. 8). I was so humbled before my much abused Lord. I was made willing in this day of his power (Ps. cx. 3) to be nothing, and Jesus Christ all, and in all (Col. iii. 11). I could sing from my heart, "The Lord liveth; and blessed be my rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted" (Ps. xviii. 46): here I received Christ Jesus the Lord, and walked in him (Col. ii. 6); and, blessed be his precious name, I felt what it was to walk with God as Enoch did (Gen. v. 24), and that in peace and equity (Mal. ii. 6). Now Jesus was in my heart the hope of glory (Col. i. 27). I had fellowship with him in his sufferings, being made conformable to his death (Phil. iii. 10); and as the sufferings of Christ abounded in me, so my consolations also abounded by Christ (2 Cor. i. 5).

If the hedges and bushes had ears, they would have heard the voice of my rejoicing in Christ. From what I have thought of the subject since, I must have been three hours at this sacred spot in the road, with my spirit, mind, thoughts, and affections taken up in profound meditations of my ever precious Christ and him crucified. As it was after midnight when I got home to my house, I found my poor wife filled with anxiety about me, fearing I had been killed. When she saw me, she asked what was the matter, as I appeared a very different man from what I was when I left. I do not wonder at the change that could be seen from such a deliverance, and from such a revelation of Christ crucified unto my soul, and from my enjoying the saving benefits of his great salvation; for I could sing day and night

"Now free from sin, I walk at large,

This Breaker's blood's my soul's discharge;

At his dear feet content I'll lay,

A sinner sav'd, and homage pay."

I now felt my conscience purged from dead works to serve the living God. I believed as I now do, that Jesus had obtained eternal redemption for me (Heb. ix. 12, 14). My captivity was turned, my sackcloth was taken away, and I was girded with gladness. The Lord had turned my mourning into dancing (Ps. xxx. 11). A new song was put into my mouth, even praise unto my God (Ps. xl. 2). And Jesus to my soul was more excellent and glorious than the mountains of prey (Ps. lxxvi. 4). All my thoughts, affections, and desires centered in him, and I went on truly happy; the Bible again was opened in its blessedness; and the whole to me set forth my most glorious Christ, so that I could embrace him in my heart as my everlasting portion. My poverty was now no weight to me; I had not time to think of it; the Bible was my treasure, salvation was my song, and Jesus was all in all. O happy days! O precious Christ! O glorious grace! O blessed God! that shewed so much mercy to the chief of sinners.

Now prayer, praise, and thanksgiving, were my sweet employ; for I had such nearness to, and communion with my dearest Lord, that it was heaven upon earth. I went on as a man talking with his friend; and out of the abundance of my heart my mouth spake (Mat. xii. 34)); and with the heart I believed unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession was made unto salvation (Rom. x. 10). I now felt a pleasure in the company of the children of God, and in the ordinances of his house; and as my tongue was loosed, I began to talk freely in company how happy I felt, and how I had been indulged at the banquet of mercy, that my sins were pardoned, and I had peace with God. I can truly say, my tongue moved in sweet concert with the feelings of my heart: some, whom I thought to be believers, stared at me; for I staggered them; and they began to caution me against presumption; whilst others that had trod in the footsteps of the flock (Song i. 8) in the good old way (Jer.