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46

EARLY CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.

had so many friends-friends that were ever warmly attached to him."

Nor need we wonder at this, when we remark that his high conscientiousness adhered to him even amid his light-hearted mirth. One of his friends at college had become acquainted with some geologists, at a time when geology was more anti-scriptural than it has since become, in the hands of those men of highest science who have devoted themselves to that noble study, and he began to "hint a doubt and hesitate dislike" regarding the Mosaic account of the creation. An argument began; and, though the geologist was out-argued, he could argue still. He refused to surrender his scepticism, all the more, no doubt, because it was the offspring of ignorance. But the discussion which had hitherto been rather in mirth, soon assumed a solemn tone, when John Macdonald appealed to his companion whether, with the views which he avowed, he could continue to study for the ministry. His own upright and conscientious mind recoiled from such a course, and he added that, at whatever sacrifice of feeling, he would be constrained to give publicity to his friend's principles, among those appointed to preside over the training of candidates for the sacred office. It was the remonstrance of high principle against embryo latitudinarianism, and was in perfect keeping with the character of the future minister when fully unfolded in public life.

But without dwelling on such details, we proceed to remark, that, throughout his whole course at college, preparatory to entering the Hall as a student of theology, he was ever signalized by unwonted con

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sistency of conduct; and one who had more than daily opportunities of judging has testified that, during those years, "he never heard him use an expression that John would be afraid of his father hearing." He was cautious and circumspect in all that regarded his moral conduct, and not merely escaped unscathed from the frequently deteriorating effects of youthful companionships, but acted, moreover, as a model or a check to others. Natural conscience, trained and made tender by the application of God's truth, occasioned a recoil from what would have polluted, and, amid the festive meetings which students at King's College were wont to hold, he took precautionary measures against even the semblance of excess in himself and his associates.

He has enabled us, however, by his own record, to form a sounder estimate of his moral state, during the first and most impressible period of his life, than partial and admiring friendship would dictate :

"As to my principles," he writes, "at this time, I can say but little. My outward conduct was correct enough. I took care that we had prayers morning and evening. I regularly attended church, and was pretty strict on the Sabbath. But still my heart was hollow. I had little sincere regard for religion itself, though I had for its observances, and I always shuddered when I saw others disregard it. These were the effects of early education and example, which often, when they fail in the way of principle, still retain their influence in the way of habit."

We are far from having any disposition to modify or explain away these self-condemning words. No one ever knew better than he who wrote them, the

48

NATURAL CONSCIENCE ACTIVE.

essential and eternal difference between the form and the power of godliness. One grand object of his converted life was to disabuse unthinking men of their folly in trusting to an hereditary creed, or a name to live; and we find him here applying the same standard to himself. Amid all his watchful strictness, he carefully records, that his actions were such as to indicate the absence of living principle within. Nay, such were the maxims which then ruled his conscientious mind, that the more he secured the esteem of others, the more did he sink in his own, because he felt and declared that he was not at heart what he appeared externally to be. His virtues, he argues, were based on a foundation which was in its very nature a false one. It had reference supremely to the approbation of man; and, in that character, it was destitute at once of the stability and the grandeur which should invest the character of the being who lives by God, and should live for Him. Often was the reflective youth convinced of what he called the hollowness of his high character. He says

"I writhed under the fear of having my tinsel virtues detected," and "was tortured until, in a praying agony, I have prayed to God to implant within me stable and unerring principles which might constantly direct and uphold me in the ways of piety. I have even pleaded with Him on the grounds that His cause in the world might in some degree be slandered by my falling away from the professions I had made, even though insincere; but I prayed in vain, for my prayers were selfish, and my feelings were but as the morning cloud and as the early dew, that passeth away."

NATURAL CONSCIENCE ACTIVE.

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Such were the deep convictions of one whose contemporaries attest that they never knew him even utter a word which he might not have spoken in the presence of his father! He tested his conduct not by the easy, ever-shifting standard of man, but by the criterion which the Holy One has assigned; and then his hand was on his mouth, and his mouth in the dust. He that has read only the first pages of the life of David Brainerd; or, better, he that draws his religion straight from the pure fountain-head, the Word of God, and not from the turbid streams of human example, will at once understand why one so correct as beheld by man, should exclaim-" Behold, I am vile," when confronted with Jehovah. such was the state of mind in which he closed his career as a student, prior to formally deciding how he should serve his God in the world. He took his degree of A.M. in the year 1824; and we are next to trace the process by which he was led into the path in which he walked with such singular simplicity of faith, and such beautiful consistency of life, till his God took him. How many " refuges of lies" would crumble into ruins, and terrify those who had sought shelter there, were the principles upon which he acted applied to test men's conduct!

And

CHAPTER II.

Choice of a Profession-Mr Macdonald's Reading-WestertonHis Religious Impressions deepening-Formality-Alarms— His Self-scrutiny-Intercourse with Rev. A. Gentle-His Instability, and return to the World-Conscientiousness more and more developed-His gradual discovery of the Heart's true condition, and Religion's true nature—Rev. Thomas Spencer-His views of Preaching-His love of Poetry-The Book of Providence intently studied-The value of Prayer-Inconsistencies-His training for Ministerial Usefulness-The objective and subjective in Religion -Premonition-The Great Change-Self-examinationNature impotent till Grace work-The Sabbath SchoolGlimpses of Truth.

PRIOR to this period John Macdonald had not formally decided, or at least announced, what should be the business of his life. Mentally, he had undergone a strict and very thorough course of discipline, and the time had now arrived when such a choice should be made. A letter, received from his father in the month of February 1824, at once called forth and matured his determination. In that letter Dr Macdonald says

"It will also be requisite, my dear John, that you now think of the line of life which you mean to follow. You are soon to finish your course at the university; and besides, have come to a time of life to judge for yourself. I

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