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remark, that the Lord in his providence gave me an answer to prayer this afternoon. And I do not remember that I ever applied to him in any difficulty, and trusted in him for help, that he did not hear, and bring the matter about in the best way for me. Glory be to his name for this! Wherefore do I ever doubt?
Saturday, January 26.-This evening a dreadful fire broke out in town—it is an awful sight. Lord, help us to make the suitable improvement of it! If this is so terrible, how should I haste to escape from those flames which shall endure throughout eternity! Three people perished in the ruins ! O Lord, make us thankful for thy preserving mercy !
Sunday, January 27.—I got freedom to pray to the Lord for faith, and for his presence in the sanctuary. I heard a good sermon, and in some measure felt it. I went and saw the fire. I afterwards went to Lady Maxwell's, where we joined in prayer; and I unburdened my mind to her, and was refreshed. . O what a comfort is a faithful friend in distress-how often have I seen the goodness of the Lord in strengthening and supporting me by her means! When I came home I got power to speak freely upon the most important truths of the gospel at table, and felt nothing of the false shame that used to assault me on such occasions. This evening I am very dull, and have been cold and dry in prayer; but I am not well in body, which may be the cause. I will therefore lay me down in peace, and quietly trust in the Lord Jesus, who is my wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. He knows my heart, that I would do his will; that my desire is to know him, to love him, and to serve him with
Monday, January 28.-This evening I felt somewhat like a slight stroke of the palsy in my tongue and side. Blessed be God, the fear of death, and what is worse, a useless life, is in a great measure taken away, and I can submit to the will of God without murmuring. When I got to my room, I fell down before him, acknowledging myself to be his creature in every sense, and besought him to do with my soul and body whatever was most for his glory. Blessed God, I thank thee for preserving me hitherto from the evils my sins have deserved ! If thou shalt see good to prolong my life and the use of my faculties, let them be employed more faithfully in thy service than they ever yet have been. Let my whole soul, body, and spirit, be devoted to thee in time and eternity.
Tuesday, January 29.—The Lord has been pleased to add another day to my life, and has enabled me to arise betimes this morning, to dedicate myself afresh to his service; after which I went out to visit the sick, and have spent the day in endeavours to be useful to the souls of others. I have found the good effects of the warning I got last night; it has left a serious impression upon my mind of the certainty of an approaching eternity. I see more of the importance of securing an interest in Christ, and of living every moment to his glory. Lord, enable me to walk before thee with an upright heart all the days of my life!
Wednesday, January 30.—This morning I was waked by a loud clap of thunder, which caused me to arise and fall upon my knees before God, to be in readiness in case he should call me away. I had little comfort in prayer, being sorely tempted with wandering thoughts; but after breakfast I got a clear sight of the beauty of holiness in heart and life, and hungered and thirsted after perfect conformity to God. I besought him to make me wholly his in soul, body, and spirit. I went out to see Lady Maxwell, and had much comfort in talking with her, and in prayer
with her, and felt a union of heart with her that I experience with few. I have had some opportunities of speaking for God to-day; but have cause to blush for my silence this evening in a company of gay people. Lord, give me power to be faithful to thee at all times !
Thursday, January 31.-This morning I wrote down some heads of examination for every evening; but, alas ! upon reviewing them at night, what cause have I to be ashamed! I cannot with a safe conscience answer them. I have at best done nothing this day ; and as an idle unprofitable servant, must beg for mercy through the blood of Jesus. I have endeavoured to speak to God; but my lips were sealed. O Lord, how unfit am I for thy kingdom! O grant unto me more faith, more life, more love, and cover me with thy robe of righteousness, that I may stand complete in thee in the sight of a pure and holy God.
Lady Glenorchy to Lady Maxwell.
February 5, 1771. My dear Madam,--I hope you are well. I would have called on you this day, had it not been so damp, as I am far from being well, and wish to keep from getting more cold, for fear of not getting to the Canongate Church on Sunday; and this would be a great
disappointment to me, for my soul hungers and thirsts for this ordinance; and the Lord's words come often to my mind, “ With desire I have desired to eat this passover with you, before I suffer.” I think it is possibly the last opportunity I may have. O that the Lord would make it a sealing time to his own children; and if it was his will to take me to himself, I think I could willingly at this time leave the world. No word yet of Mr De Courcy, nor any farther intelligence of Veritas. Lord Glenorchy suspects he has also written to Mr De C-to frighten him from coming to the family; and this is not improbable. I have many uneasy thoughts about this same Veritas; but I will endeavour to wait on the Lord,--very animating indeed are the promises to him that overcometh. Alas! I am overcome of every thing—I sink under a load of uneasy thoughts. I am ignorant, blind, and helpless; sick in mind and body. All that I know is, that I ought not to trouble you with my distresses-you have your own portion to bear. I will, if the Lord enable me, endeavour for the future to speak no more of myself, except to God. If you can, remember me in
your prayers. I am, in all situations and in all frames, my dear Madam, your obliged and affectionate,
Thursday, February 7-I rejoice in the view of the approaching ordinance, and went to church this day in hopes of a blessing ; but all I heard seemed to make against me. When the minister spoke of an overzeal, I thought the word was pointed at me. When he spoke to sleepers and carnal secure sinners, I felt as if I were the person meant.
I resolved to keep this day by fasting, but my body was so feeble that I could not do it. My ideas are so broken and dissi
pated, that I can neither pray, read, or meditate with attention. O Lord, thou knowest all my thoughts and
my ways-nothing is hid from thee. Give me that faith, love, and strength which thou seest I stand in need of, and quicken my soul. Grant me the victory over all that opposeth my union with thee. Thy love is all I desire ;-take from me whatever standeth in the way, and make me what thou wouldst have me to be, for thine own name's sake.
Friday, February 8.--This morning I heard an excellent sermon from Mr Walker, upon these words, “ Wait upon God continually;" but my soul was dead, and it did not come with power to me.
I had not the understanding heart.
Sunday, February 10.—This morning I got up early to call upon the Lord, and to seek his blessing this day at the sacrament. My spirits were composed, and my heart trusted in the Lord. I did not feel much joy while at the table, but was enabled to act faith on the righteousness of Christ, and commit my soul to him; and at coming away I felt much peace, joy, and delight in the Lord. I longed to praise him, and saw something of his unspeakable love in dying for sinners ; and though I had not the full assurance of faith, nor any particular testimony from the Lord, of his
acceptance of me, yet I had a firm persuasion of my calling, and that he would perfect the work he had begun in
I saw myself far from the mark, but at the same time that I had begun the race; and I looked to Jesus to draw me on, and give me strength to finish my course with joy. I had much delight in singing his praises. Upon the whole, this has been the most comfortable communion I have had since the twentieth