182 VISITED BY THE REV. MR GILLIES. [1770. among the poor, who come for medicines for the body, and, when the weather permits, I go out to the fields, or into their houses, and attempt to speak for God: but, alas! what reason have I to blush at the weakness and ignorance with which I speak of divine truths. Miss H. is willing to help me, but the country people do not understand her. I find the attempts I make to awaken others the best means of keeping my own soul alive were it not for this, I believe I should grow dead to every thing. The company that is with me have no relish for these things; when I speak to them they seem to approve; but no impression is made. Mr Gillies, from Glasgow, was here yesterday, and I was much refreshed with his conversation, as also with seeing Mr M'Nab, on his return from Strathfillan, where he preached several times, and was well received. I hope the Lord is beginning to work among us. I went to-day to a neighbouring church, where the sacrament is to be given to-morrow, and had a great deal of conversation with some country people in the church-yard, who spoke experimentally of the things of God. "It is surely your duty to use every means for your recovery. I make no doubt of the love of God to you in this severe illness; it is sent to purge away the remaining corruption of your nature, and bring you into nearer union with himself. And what a blessing it is in this view! O what can we desire but this union! My heart is often like to break with longings to know God in Christ, and to be swallowed up in him. I have no doubt of my attaining this: he has given me the desire; he is faithful, and he will surely satisfy my soul with his complete salvation. I could write many sheets to you were I to indulge my inclination, but I fear tiring you; so will only add, that I am, with sincere affection, my dear Madam, your obliged friend and servant, W. G." "I have the comfort to tell you, that there is a great appearance of a change in the heart of my father-inlaw. I know not how to ask you to write, and yet I am very desirous of hearing often from you. "Saturday, August 21, 1770.” Lady Glenorchy to Lady Maxwell. "My dear Madam,-I received your letter last post, and hope I shall never be so far an enemy to myself as to think your friendly cautions or advice too free. Indeed so far from this, I think you are not free enough; and I should take it very kind were you to tell me my faults without ceremony, and show me where I fall short of that entire devotedness to God, to which I long to attain. Alas! I am far from it as yet. But at times I can see it as a privilege, and desire it with my whole heart. I have of late seen much of the meaning of the Lord's dealings with me, and must acknowledge that all his dispensations are mercy and love. I have met with an old book, which I think has been blessed to me. It agrees so entirely with my own view of things, that I am more and more confirmed in the desire of seeking the knowledge of God in my own soul as the only real good. It has also shown me that I am indeed seeking the Lord, and therefore I know I must find him if I follow on to know him. I rejoice to think I shall once more meet you in the flesh. Miss Hill and I set out next Monday. This we owe to the loving-kindness of the Lord, who has made the way clear, and got me permission to go with her to Edinburgh. We are to be at Lord Leven's by the way, so it will be Friday or Saturday, before we reach Edinburgh. I wish much you should see M. H. as I think you may be of use to her, and I hope you will find her a sincere seeker of the Lord. I wish you would send a note to the Abbey, to let me know where you are when I arrive; and when and where we can see you, as she will stay but a few days in Edinburgh. I will not now take up more of your time, as I hope so soon to see you, only I beg you will take care of your health for the Lord's sake, that you may be more able for his service. O that we may be enabled this winter to be all for him! And may he manifest his power in our weakness, and cause us to bear much fruit to his glory! With much affection, I am, my dear Madam, yours, W. G." "October 11, 1770." In the end of October Lady Glenorchy was alone in Edinburgh, to which place, as we have seen from her letter to Lady Maxwell, dated October 11, of which we have given an extract, she, with the consent of Lord G. had accompanied her friend Miss Hill in her return to England, who had spent the summer and autumn with her at Taymouth. At Edinburgh she possessed the means of grace and religious society in great abundance; and she both diligently used them, and improved by them, notwithstanding her almost constantly writing bitter things against herself; for at the end of the year, when she took a review of her past experiences, she admits she had made considerable progress in religion. There can be no doubt that at this time Lady Glenorchy knew the truth as it is in Jesus; that the only way to obtain pardon and acceptance from God is by the blood and righteousness of Christ; that in this she sincerely believed and trusted; and that she showed the strength of her faith by the entire surrender of herself and of all her talents to the service of God. But one thing, which we formerly adverted to, essential to habitual spiritual comfort, she lacked, which was the witnessing of the Spirit with her spirit that she was a child of God. This privilege indeed God bestows or withholds according to his sovereign pleasure; and as she herself sometimes thought, he perhaps withheld it from her to keep her humble and lowly in spirit. The soundness of her state before God at this period must, to every Christian acquainted with the truth and with the ways of Providence, be evident; and as she persevered in the faith and holiness of the gospel to the end, she gave full proof of her election of God; but still, for want of this precious gift, she went mourning, more or less, all her days. Hence she thus writes: Edinburgh, Friday, October 26, 1770.-I have been obliged to discontinue my Diary, being on a journey, and much hurried. I feel my soul somewhat revived by hearing the gospel preached. I see my great distance from God, yet still hope in him that he will perfect the work he hath begun. Friday, November 2.—Last night and this morning I have been much oppressed in spirit with a sense of my deadness and want of the experimental knowledge of Christ. I was enabled to lay my case before God, and plead with him. I appealed to him if I desired any other portion in time or eternity than Christ. I renewed the dedication of myself to him, and took him to witness that I gave up my soul to him, and would trust in him; and if I perished, it should be at his feet. I desired to be made whatever he would have me to be, and that every thing might be rooted out of my heart that opposed his will. Sunday, November 4.-This morning my soul seemed void of spiritual life, yet I got some comfort in family prayer and in church. After I came home I had occasion to pray with a person in distress, and found great comfort, both in this, and afterwards in private. The love of God was shed abroad in my soul; my mouth was filled with praise. I could not utter what I felt. The goodness of the Lord appeared infinite to me. In the afternoon I heard Mr Walker, and was refreshed by his discourse. I saw the sinfulness of unbelief, and strove to believe, and got power to do so, but in so faint a degree, that I dare not yet say I have assurances of faith, although I cannot doubt of God's love every thing testifies it, all his ways are mercy and love to me, even to me. Lord, I beseech thee to confirm my faith, enable me to abide in thee. Seal my peace, and make me thine for ever. I renounce all other Lords. I desire to take thee as my only portion from this time forth and for evermore! W. G. some Tuesday, November 6.-Yesterday morning I got great liberty in prayer, and was led to ask for victory, in particular, over wandering thoughts, which have been a great hinderance to me in duty; and in measure this was granted. But afterwards, worldly business occurred, a slothful spirit crept in upon me, I neglected private prayer through the day, and when night came, my soul was as dead as ever. In the forenoon I was enabled to pour out my soul to God, my Saviour, with some degree of confidence of being heard. I solemnly devoted my soul and body to the Lord Jesus without reserve. I told him all my |