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I asked power to speak to a person of distinction about his soul, and was enabled to do so, and to give him a book. I was enabled to bear my testimony to the truth, to him, and to several others during the course of the day. This evening six of my servants have met together to pray for the rest.
Sunday, July 29.-Yesterday I was ill in body, but much refreshed and comforted by the coming of the Rev. Mr J.. He preached this day. I was led to be much in prayer for a blessing to the people. In the evening he preached again in the dining-room; the power and presence of the Lord seemed to be with us, and my dead heart felt in some measure the force of what he said. I was condemned, and roused, and strengthened to speak boldly for God to my company during the rest of the evening. I find the more I speak of God, the easier it is, and the more opportunities I get of doing so. O that I could praise the Lord for all he has done for me! But instead of this, I grow impatient under the remainder of sin, and am in danger of thinking hard thoughts of God. I would be set free all at once. Self still reigns in me, else I should submit to his time and way, and be found patiently waiting for him in the use of the means he has appointed. O Lord, when, how, and what thou wilt!
Thursday, August 2.—This being a fast-day, I got up earlier than usual, and spent two hours in humbling myself before the Lord, and imploring that faith without which it is impossible to please him. I likewise asked strength to perform a difficult duty, which he has enabled me to do this afternoon. I have found great benefit from being much in prayer this day, and
have a comfortable hope that the Lord will receive me, and enable me to live to his glory.
Friday, August 3.-The Lord has heard me this day, in giving me power to speak to several poor souls. I find he is always willing to impart strength for duty when we are willing to perform it. I received an account of the illness of a dear friend I have not so much resignation to I ought. I have prayed for it, and committed my friend to the Lord. I desire to see God as my only portion!
this night. I find the will of God as
Sunday, August 5.-Very dead in prayer this morning, although not without hope that the Lord would I went to his table, and sought him; and though I felt no assurance of his love, yet was enabled to cast my soul upon Jesus, and to look to him for complete salvation. I was led to pray much for the people; and think the Lord will visit this country.
Monday, August 6.—I went out this morning to the fields, at seven o'clock, in great deadness of soul, to pour out my heart, and to cry to the Lord. I took all around me to witness that I consented to be his, and committed my soul to him. And now, O my God, I would again beseech thee to accept this free-will offering of my soul, body, and spirit! I have none in heaven but thee, and there is none on earth that I desire besides thee. I would give thee my whole heart, but I am unable to do any thing of myself. I therefore beseech thee to come this day, even now, Lord Jesus, into my soul, and reign thou there king for ever! Subdue all thine enemies in me, and make
me whatever thou wouldst have me to be. Come quickly, Lord Jesus! Amen. W. G.
Sunday, August 12.-This morning I have had such longings for faith, and for the life of God manifested in my soul, that my heart was like to break. I see my original corruption as the root of all the evil that is in me. My soul lies in ruins, and it is impossible for me to help myself. When the Spirit shines into my soul, then I see my misery, and cry out for deliverance. But I only see my wretched state; I am not as yet freed from it. No sooner do I go into company than my mind grows insensible, I forget the presence of God, I grieve the Holy Spirit, and prove unfaithful. I am distressed with wandering thoughts, and cannot meditate nor recollect myself. My ideas seem scattered and broken asunder. Nothing but the power which called me into being can rectify the disorder of my soul. O speak the word, blessed God! say unto my soul, live, and it shall live! Call me forth from the grave of sin, and give me a part in the first resurrection, then I shall not fear the second death!
Sunday, August 18.-I had a great desire to partake of the Lord's-supper this day, at Dull, but was much afraid of the reproach of being righteous overmuch, and many things concurred to make my going there inconvenient. Company came last night; it rained this morning, and I had no way of going there but on horseback. I prayed for direction what to do, and saw it my duty to go. It rained when I got on horseback, but it ceased after I set out. My spirits were agitated in going; but when at the table I felt some melting of heart, and could call the whole universe to witness that there was none in heaven or earth that
my soul desired but Christ. I had, during the sermon and afterwards, a comfortable sense of his love to my soul, and a persuasion that he would preserve me unto the day of redemption. My heart was filled with praise to God, and I had a lively sense of his presence. My soul was refreshed; and I believe going there was of the Lord. He touched the hearts of my family, and made them receive me when I returned with goodhumour. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Monday, August 19.—Went again this morning to Dull, and heard an excellent sermon from Mr Con these words: "Because thy loving-kindness is better than life, therefore my lips shall praise thee." Whilst he spoke, I felt in some measure the loving-kindness of the Lord to my soul, and have rejoiced in it all this day.
Sunday, August 25.-During the last week I have frequently enjoyed at intervals delightful impressions of the love of God, but have been distracted by a crowd of company. I long to get alone to enjoy private converse with Jesus. My soul hungers and thirsts for him, yet every moment I am hurried away into dissipation of mind. Yesterday I awoke in a serious frame, found liberty in prayer, and had some sense of the love of God in my soul, and was happy through the day; but in the evening fell into a snare. My mind got into a carnal frame; when I retired to my room I could not pray; went to bed in great distress, and awaked in trouble. My thoughts wander; I feel guilt on my conscience. I try to look to Christ, I pray for pardon, yet I cannot obtain the peace I enjoyed yesterday morning. I have grieved the Holy Spirit. O may this be a warning to me to walk more tenderly in future; and whenever the influences of the
Spirit are not sensibly prevalent in my soul, then to be most watchful, lest I fall into temptation!
[Aged 29.] Sept. 2.-The anniversary of the day on which I came into this world. Upon reviewing last year's experience, I find the desire of my heart to be the same as on this day twelvemonth. Thou knowest, Lord, that my soul is now hungering and thirsting after thee, and longing to be conformed to thy will. It is with shame and confusion of face, that I look back on my past life, in which I can see little else but sin and folly. Even my best duties have been tainted with sin. I would adore the grace and long suffering mercy which has spared me until this day, notwithstanding my numberless sins and iniquities. O God, enable me this day, by thy strengthening grace, to begin a life of entire devotedness to thee; and come, O blessed Jesus, into my heart, and reign there king for ever; subdue thine enemies, and establish thy kingdom of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
I find the light I now have to be of the same nature it was last year; but, blessed be God, it is now clearer and stronger, and my soul is more established in the doctrines of the gospel, and my heart more dead to the world, than at that time. I have through grace been enabled this year to give up my name, and most of my worldly acquaintances, for Christ's sake. I have been employed at times in the Lord's work. He has answered numberless prayers, and has enabled me to begin several plans for the advancement of his kingdom upon earth,-to open a chapel, and to set up a school, &c. for which I desire to bless his name. He has given me a chaplain in the house, and in all things done far above what I was able to ask or to think; and although I have not had much comfort in my soul, yet