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No passions interrupt his easy reign,
But see how ill-mistaken parts succeed; No problems puzzle his lethargic brain;
He threw off my dominion, and would read; But dark oblivion guards his peaceful bed,
Engag'd in controversy, wrangled well; And lazy fogs hang lingering o'er his head. 90 In convocation language could excel;
As at full length the pamper'd monarch lay, In volumes prov'd the church without defence, Battening in ease, and slumbering life away; By nothing guarded but by Providence; A spiteful noise his downy chains unties,
How grace and moderation disagree ; Hastes forward, and increases as it flies.
And violence advances charity.
160 First, some to cleave the stubborn 3 fint en Thus writ till none would read, becoming soon Till, urg'd by blows, it sparkles into rage: [gage, A wretched scribbler, of a rare buffoon. Some temper lute, some spacious vessels move; “Mankind my fond propitious power has try'd, These furnaces erect, and those approve;
Too oft to own, too much to be deny'd.
And all I ask are shades and silent bowers,
Oft have my fears some distant villa chose,
O'er their quietus where fat judges dose, While lifted pestles, brandish'd in the air,
And lull their cough and conscience to repose: Descend in peals, and civil wars dcclare.
Or, if some cloister's refuge l implore,
170 Loud strokes, with pounding spice, the fabric Where holy drones o'er dying tapers snore, And aromatic clouds in spires ascend. [rend, The peals of Nassau's arms these eyes unclose,
So when the Cyclops o'er their anvils sweat, Mine he molests, to give the world repose. And swelling sinews echoing blows repeat; That ease I offer with contempt he flies, From the volcanos gross eruptions rise,
His couch a trench, his canopy the skies. And curling sheets of smoke obscure the skies. 110 Nor climes nor seasons his resolves control,
The slumbering god, amaz'd at this new din, Th' equator has no beat, no ice the pole. Thrice strove to rise, and thrice sunk down again. With arms resistless o'er the globe he flies, Listless he stretch'd, and gaping rubb’d his eyes, And leaves to Jove the empire of the skies." Then falter'd thus betwixt half words and sighs: But, as the slothful God to yawn begun, 180 “ How impotent a deity am I!
He shook off the dull mist, and thus went on: With godhead born, but curs'd, that cannot die! “ 'Twas in this reverend dome I sought repose, Through my indulgence, mortals hourly sbare These walls were that asylum I had chose. A grateful negligence, and ease from care. Here have I rul'd long undisturbid with broils, Lull'd in my arms, how long have I withheld And laugh'd at heroes, and their glorious toils. The northern monarchs from the dusty field! 120 My apnals are in mouldy mildews wrought, How I have kept the British fleet at ease,
With easy insignificance of thought. From tempting the rough dangers of the seas!
But now some busy, enterprising brain Hibernia owns the mildness of my veign,
Invents new fancies to renew my pain, And my divinity 's ador'd in Spain.
And labours to dissolve my easy reign." I swains to sylvan sulitudes convey,
With that, the god his darling phantom calls, Where, stretch'd on mossy beds, they waste away And from his faltering lips this message falls; In gentle joys the night, in vows the day.
“Since mortals will dispute my power, I'll try What marks of wondrous clemency I've shown, Who has the greatest empire, they or I. Some reverend worthies of the gown can own: Find Envy out, some prince's couirt attend, Triumphant plenty, with a cheerful grace, 130 Most likely there you'll meet the famish'd fiend; Basks in their eyes, and sparkles in their face. How sleek their looks, how goodly is their mien,
VARIATIONS. When big they strut behind a double chin! Ver. 170. Sometimes among the Caspian cliffs 1 Each faculty in blandishments they lull,
creep, Aspiring to be venerably dull;
Where solitary bats and swallows sleep; No learn'd debates molest their downy trance, Or, if some cloister's refuge I implore, Or discompose their pompous ignorance;
Where holy drones o'er dying tapers snore, But, undisturb'd, they loiter life away,
Still Nassau's arms a soft repose deny, So wither green, and blossom in decay;
Keep me awake, apd follow where I fly. Deep souk in down, they, by my gentle care, 140 Since he has bless'd the weary world with peace, Avoid th' incleinencies of morning air,
And with a nod has bid Bellona cease; And leave to ta'ter'd4 crape the drudgery of I sought the covert of some peaceful cell, prayer.
Where silent shades in harmless raptures dwell; “lirimś was civil, and not void of sense, That rest might past tranquillity restore, Had humour, and a courteous confidence:
And mortal never interrupt me more.
Ver. 183. Nought underneath this roof but damps He pass'd his easy hours, instead of prayer,
are found, In madrigals, and phillysing the fair;
Nought heard but drowsy beetles buzzing round. Constant at feasts, and each decorum knew, Spread cobwebs hide the walls, and dust the floors, And, soon as the dessert appear'd, withdrew; 150 | And midnight silence guards the noiseless doors. Always obliging, and without offence, And fancy'd, for his gay impertinence.
Ver. 196. Or in cabals, or camps, or at the bar,
Or where ill poets pepnyless confer, 3 The building of the Dispensary.
Or in the senate-house at Westminster + See Boileau's Lutrin. s Dr. Atterbury. * See Boileau's Lutrin.
Or where dull critics authors' fate foretell; Then blazons in dread smiles her hideous form;
More he had spoke, but sudden vapours rise, For sickly seasons the physicians wait,
The lover 's easy when the fair-one sighs,
And gods subsist not but by sacrifice.
“ Each other being some indulgence knows:
Few are my joys, but infinite my woes. 10 Soon as the evening veil'd the mountains heads, My present pain Britannia's genius wills, And winds lay hush'd in subterranean beds; And thus the Fates record my future ills. Whilst sickening flowers drink up the silver dew, “A heroine shall Albion's sceptre bear, (prayer. And beaux for some assembly dress anew; With arms shall vanquish Earth, and Heaven with The city saints to prayers and play-house She on the world her clemency shall shower, The rich to dinner, and the poor to rest : (haste; And only to preserve exert her power. Th'officious phantom then prepard with care Tyrants shall then their impious aims forbear, To slide on tender pinions through the air.
And Blenheim's thunder more than Ætna's fear, Oft he attempts the summit of a rock,
“Since hy no arts I therefore can dcfcat And oft the hollow of some blasted oak; 10 The happy enterprises of the great,
80 At length approaching where bleak Envy lay; I'll calmly stoop to more inferior things, The hissing of her snakes proclaim'd the way. And try if my lov'd snakes have teeth or stings.” Beneath the gloomy covert of an yew,
She said; and straight shrill Colon's person That taints the grass with sickly sweats of dew; In morals loose, but most precise in look. [took, No verdant beauty entertains the sight,
Black-friars' annals lately pleas'd to call But baneful hemlock, and cold aconite;
Him warden of Apothecaries-hall; In a dark grot the baleful haggard lay,
And, when so dignify'd, did not forbear Breathing black vengeance, and infecting day. That operation which the learn'd declare But how deform'd, and worn with spiteful woes, Gives colics ease, and makes the ladies fair. When Accius has applause, Dorsennus shows. 20 In trifling show his tinsel talent lies;
90 The cheerful blood her meagre cheeks forsook, And form the want of intellects supplies. And basilisks sate brooding in her look;
In aspect grand and goodly he appears,
Murders with jargon where his med cine fails.
Ver. 60. Then she: “ Alas! how long in vain have I And clamorous Faction at her party's head;
Aim'd at these noble ills the Fates deny? Restless Sedition still dissembling fear,
Within this isle for ever mast I find And sly Hypocrisy with pious leer.
Disasters to distract my restless mind? Glouting with sullen spite the fury shook
Good Tenison's celestial piety Her clotted locks, and blasted with each look ;
At last bas rais'd him to the sacred see. Then tore with canker'd teeth the pregnant scrolls, Somers does sickening equity restore, Where Fame the acts of demigods enrols;
And helpless orphans are oppress'd no more. And, as the rent-records in pieces fell,
Pembroke to Britain endless blessings brings. Each scrap did some immortal action tell. 40 He spoke; and Peace clapp'd her triumphan! This show'd, how fix'd as fate Torquatus stood,
wings. That, the fam'd passage of the Granic flood;
Great Ormond shines illustriously bright The Julian cagles, here, their wings display,
With blases of hereditary right. And there, like setting stars, the Decii lay;
The noble ardour of a royal sire This does Carnillus as a god extol,
Inspires the generous breast of Devonshire. That points at Manlius in the Caitol;
And Macclesfield is active to defend How Cocles did the Tiber's surges brave,
His country with the zeal he loves his friend. How Curtius plung'd into the gaping grave.
Like Leda's radiant sons divinely clear,
Wortb in distress is rais'd by Montague;
Augustus listens if Mæcenas sue; Confusion on his fainting vitals hung,
And Vernon's vigilance no slumber takes, And faltering accents Autter'd on his tongue:
Whilst faction peeps abroad, and anarchy awakes." At length, assuming courage, he convey'd
Ver. 95. In baste be strides along, to recompense His errand, then he shrunk into a shade.
The want of business with its vain pretence. The hag lay long revolving what might be The blest event of such an embassy :
Lee, an apothecary. VOL. IX.
The fury thus assuming Colon's grace,
And to that dire quisfortane listen well, So slung her arms, so shuffed in her pace. Which thou should'st fear to know, or I to tell. Onward she bastens to the fam'd abodes, 100 'Tis true, thou ever wast esteein'd by me Where Horoscope 2 invokes th’infernal gods; The great Alcides of our company.. And reach'd the mansion where the vulgar run, When we with noble scorn resolv'd to ease
170 For ruin throng, and pay to be undone.
Ourselves from all parochial offices; This visionary various projects tries,
And to our wealthier patients left the care And knows that to be rich is to be wise.
And draggled dignity of scavenger; By useful observations he can tell
Such zeal in that affair thou didst express, The sacred charms that in true sterling dwell; Nought could be equal, but the great success. How gold makes a patrician of a slave,
Now call to mind thy generous prowess past, A dwarf an Atlas, a Thersites brave.
Be wbat thou should'st, by thinking what thoa It cance's all defects, and in their place 110
Their gates each day ten thousand night-caps So truly Horoscope its virtues knows,
croud, To this lov'd idol 'tis, alone, he bows;
And mortars utter their attempts aloud.
181 And fancies such bright heraldry can prove, If they should once unmask our mystery, The vile plebeian but the third from Jove. Each nurse, ere long, would be as learn'd as we;
Long has he been of that amphibious fry, Our art expos'd to every vulgar eye; Bold to prescribe, and busy to apply..
And none, in complaisance to us, would die. His shop the gazing vulgar's eyes employs 120 What if we claim their right t' assassinate, With foreign trinkets, and domestic toys. Must they needs turn apothecaries straight? Here mumunies lay inost reverendly stale; Prevent it, gods! all stratagetns we try, And there the tortoise hung her coat of mail; To crowd with new inhabitants your sky. Not far from some huge shark's devouring head 'Tis we who wait the Destinies' command, 190 The flying fish their finny pinions spread; To purge the troubled air, and weed the land. Aloft in rows large poppy heads were strung, And dare the college insolently aim And near, a scaly alligator hung;
To equal our fraternity in fame? In this place, drugs in musty heaps decay'd; Then let crahs-eyes with pearl for virtue try, In that, dry'd bladders and drawn teeth were laid, Or Highgate-hill with lofty Pindus vie!
Aninner room receives the numerous shoals 130 So glow-worms may compare with Titan's beams, Of such as pay to be reputed fools.
And Hare-court pump with Aganippe's streams. Globes stand by globes, volumes on volumes lie, Our manufactures now they meanly sell, And planetary schemes amuse the eye.
And their true value treacherously tell; The sage, in velvet chair, here lolls at ease, Nay, they discover too, their spite is such, 900 To promise future health for present fees; That health, than crowns more valued, costs not Then, as from tripod, solemn shame reveals,
much; And what the stars know nothing of, foretels. Whilst we must steer our conduct by these rules,
One asks how soon Panthea may be won, To cheat as tradesmen, or to starve as fools." And longs to feel the marriage-fetters on:
At this tam'd Horoscope turn'd pale, and straight Others, convinc'd by melancholy proof, 140 In silence tumbled from his chair of state: Inquire when courteous fates will strike them oft. | The crowd in great confusion sought the door, Some, by what means they may redress their And left the magus fainting on the floor; wroug,
Whilst in his breast the fury breath'd a storm, Wheu fathers the possession keep too long. Then sought her cell, and re-assum'd her form. And some would know the issue of their cause, Thus from the sore although the insect flies, 210 And whether gold can solder up its flaws.
It leaves a brood of maggots in disguise. Poor pregnant Lais- his advice would have,
Officivus Squirt3 in haste forsook his shop, To lose by art what fruitful Nature gave; To succour the expiring Horoscope. And Portia, old in expectation grown,
Oft he essay'd the magus to restore, Laments her barren curse, and begs a son: By salt of succinum's prevailing power; Whilst Iris his cosmetic wash would try, 150 Yet still supine the solid lumber lay, To make her bloom revive, and lovers die. An image of scarce-animated clay; Some ask for charms, and others pbiltres choose, Till Fates, indulgent when disasters call, To gain Corinna; and their quartans lose. By Squirt's nice hand apply'd a urinal. Young Hylas, botch'd with stains too foul to name, The wight no sooner did the stream receive, 220 In cradle here renews his youthful frame:
But rouz'd, and bless'd the stale restorative. Cioy'd with desire, and surfeited with charms, The springs of life their former vigour feel; A hot. house he prefers to Julia's arms.
Such zeal he had for that vile utensil. Apd old Lucullus would th' arcanum prove,
So when the great Pelides Thetis found,
Bleak Envy these dull frauds with pleasure sees, dess own'd.
Ver. 202. Whilst we, at our expense, must pere “Forbear, forbear, thy vain amusements cease,
severe, Thy woodcocks from their gins awhile release; And for another world, be ruin'd here. 2 Dr. Barnard.
* Dr. Barnard's man.
Fly with what haste you us'd to do of old,
When clyster was in danger to be cold; All night the sage in pensive tumults lay,
With expedition on the beadle call,
70 Complaining of the slow approach of day;
To summon all the company to th' Hall." Oft turn'd him round, and strove to think no more
Away the friendly coadjutor flies,
Swift as from phjal steams of harts-horn rise,
Vile terms of art to some infernal power,
But from the gloomy vault no glaring spright Tumultuous cares lay rolling in his breast, Ascends, to blast the tender bloom of light. And thus bis anxious thoughts the sage exprest. 10 No mystic sounds from Hell's detested womb « Oft bas this planet rolld around the Sun, In dusky exhalations upwards come.
80 Since to consult the skies I first begun:
And now to raise an altar he decrees,
The wither'd product of a blighted spring;
With cold solanum from the Pontic shore,
Of sulphur, turpentine, and mastic wood;
Gums, fossils too, the pyramids increas'd; He hates realities, and hugs the cheat,
A mummy next; once monarch of the east; And still the only pleasure's the deceit.
Then froin the compter he takes down the file, So meteors flatter with a dazzling dye,
And with prescriptions lights the solemn pile. Which no existence has, but in the eye.
Feebly the flames on clumsy wings aspire, As distant prospects please us, but when near And sinothering fogs of smoke benight the fire. We find but desert rocks and fleeting air;
With sorrow he beheld the sad portent, From stratagem to stratagem we run,
Then to the hag these orisons he sent: And he knows most, who latest is undone. 30 “ Disease! thou ever most propitious power,
“ Mankind one day serene and free appear; Whose kind indulgence we discern each hour! 100 The next, they're cloudy, sullen, and severe: Thou well capst boast thy numerous pedigree, New passions new opinion's still excite;
Begot by Sloth, maintain'd by Luxury.
You nip the blooming, and unnerve the strong. And yet are slaves to superstitious fear.
The purple conqueror in chains you bind, They counsel others, but themselves deceive;
And are to us your vassals only kind. And though they 're cozen'd still, they still believe.
“ If, in return, all diligence we pay “ So false their censure, fickle their esteem, 41
To fix your empire, and confirm your sway,
110 This hour they worship, and the next blaspheme. Par as the weekly-bills can reach around,
“ Shall I then, who with penetrating sight From Kent-street end, to fam'd St. Giles's pound; Inspect the springs that guide each appetite;
Behold this poor libation with a sinile, Who with unfathom'd searches hourly pierce
And let auspicious light break through the pile." The dark recesses of the universe;
He spoke; and on the pyramid he laid Be awd, if puny emmets would oppress;
Bay-leaves and vipers-hearts, and thus he said: Or fear their fury, or their name caress?
“ As these consume in this mysterious fire, If all the fiends that in low darkness reign
So let the curs'd Dispensary expire! Be not the fictions of a sickly brain,
And as those crackle in the flames, and die, That prospect, the Dispensary they call,
So let its vessels burst, and glasses fly!" 120 Before the Moon can blunt her horns, shall fall."
But a sinister cricket straight was heard; With that, a glance from mild Aurora's eyes
The altar fell, the offering disappeard. Shoots through the crystal kingdoms of the skies.
As the fam'd wight the omen did regret, The savage kind in forests cease to roam,
Squirt brought the news the company was met. And sots, o'ercharg'd with nauseous loads, reel
Nigh where Fleet-ditch descends in sable home;
streams, Drums, trumpets, hautboys, wake the slumbering To wash his sooty Naiads in the Thames; Whilst bridegroom sighs, and thinks the bride less There stands a structure on a rising hill, fair;
[spread, Where Tyros take their freedom out to kill. Light's cheerful smiles o'er th' azure waste are
Some pictures in these dreadful shambles tell, And Miss from inus of court bolts out unpaid; 60
How, by the Delian god, the Python fell; 150 The sage, transported at th' approaching hour, And how Medea did the philtre brew; Imperiously thrice thunder'd on the floor;
That could in Æson's veins young force renew; Officious Squirt that moment had access, His trust was great, his vigilance no less.
VARIATIONS. To him thus Horoscope:
Ver. 101. Thou that would'st lay whole states and “ My kind companion in this dire affair,
regions waste, Which is more light, since you assuine a share ; Sooner than we, thy cormorants, should fast.
How mournful Myrrha for her crimes appears, 'T is theref ve my advice, in baste ve send,
Soon as each member in his rank was plac'd, Keen Colocynthus ? paus'd, and foam'd with spite. The assembly Diasenna ? thus address'd:
Sour ferments on his shining surface swim, “My kind confederates, if my poor intent, Work up the froth, and bubble o'er the brin: As 't is sincere, had been but prevalent,
Not beauties fret so much if freckles come, We here had met on some more safe design, Or nose should redden in the drawing-roon; 200 And on no other business but to dine;
Or lovers that mistake th’appointed hour, The faculty had still maintain'd their sway, Or in the lucky minute want the power. And interest then har bid us but obey;
Thus he "Thou scandal of great Pæan's art, This only emulation we had known, 149 | At thy approach the springs of Nature start, Who best could fill his purse, and thin the town. The nerves unbrace: nay, at the sight of thee, But now from gathering clouds destruction pours, scratch turns cancer, itch a leprosy. Which ruins with mad rage our halcyon hours: Could'st thou propose, that we, the friends of Fates, Mists from black jealousies the tempests form, Who fill churchyards, and who unpeople states, Whilst late divisions reinforce the storm.
Who baffle Nature, and dispose of lives, 209 Know, when these feuds, like those at law, were Whilst Russels, as we please, or starves or thrives, past,
Should e'er submit to their despotic will, The winners will be losers at the last.
Who out of consolation scarce can kill? Like heroes in sea-fights we seek renown;
The towering Alps shall sooner sink to vales, To fire some hostile ship, we burn our own. And leeches, in our glasses, swell to whales; Whoe'er throws dust against the wind, descries Or Norwich trade in instruments of steel, He throws it, in effect, but in his eyes. 160 And Birmingham in stuffs and druggets deal! That juggler which another's sleight will show, Alleys at Wapping furnish us new nudes, But teaches how the world his own may know. And Monmouth-street, Versailles with riding “Tbrice happy were those golden days of old,
boods! When dear as Burgundy, ptisans were sold; The sick to th' Hundreds in pale throngs repair, When patients chose to die with better will, And change the Gravel-pits for Kentish air! 920 Than breathe, and pay th' apothecary's bill: Our properties must on our arms depend; And, cheaper than for our assistance call, 'Tis next to conquer, bravely to defend. Might go to Aix or Bourbon, spring and fall. 'T is to the vulgar death too harsh appears; Then priests increas'd, and piety decay'd,
The ill we feel is only in our fears. Churchmen the church's purity betray'd,
“ To die, is landing on some silent shore, Their lives and doctrine slaves and atheists made, Where billows never break, nor tempests roar: 'The laws were but the hireling judge's sense; Ere well we feel the friendly stroke, 'tis o'er. Juries were sway'd by venal evidence.
The wise through thought th'insults of death defy; Pools were promoted to the council-board, 'The fools, through blest insensibility. Tools to the bench, and bullies to the sword, 'T is what the guilty fear, the pious crave; 9:00 Pensions in private were the senate's aim; Songht by the wretch, and vanquish'd by the brave, And patriots for a place abandon'd fame.
It eases lovers, sets the captive free; “ But now no influencing art remains,
And, though a tyrant, offers liberty. For Somers has the seal, and Nassau reigns,
“Sound but to arms, the fue shail soon confess And we, in spite of our resolves, must bow, 180 | Our force increases, as our funds grow less; And suffer by a reformation too.
And what requir'd such industry to raise, For now late jars our practices detect,
We'll scatter into nothing as we please.
The feeble forces of our pigmy fues;
From great Kirleus down to doctor Case.
Though such vile rubbish sink, yet we shall rise; Ver. 182. “But now late jars our practices detect,
Directors still secure the greatest prize. For mines, when once discover'd, lose th’eflect. Such poor supports serve only like a stay; Dissensions, like sinall streams, are first begun,
The tree once fix'd, its rest is tom away. Scarce seen they rise, but gather as they run.
“So patriots, in time of peace and ease, So lines luat from their parallel decline,
Forget the fury of the late disease : More they advance, the more they still disjoin. On dangers past serenely think no more, 'Tis therefore my advice, in haste we send, And curse the hand that heal'd the wound before, And beg the faculty to be our friend."
“Arm therefore, gallant friends, 't is honour's As he rerolving stood to say the rest,
Or let us boldly fight, or bravely fall!" [call; Pough Colocynthus thus his rage exprest.
2 Dare, an apothecary. 1 Gilstorp, an apothecary.
SA celebrated undertaker of funerals,