mon

"I'm neither," I said, thinking it well, as it was growing dark, there should be no misunderstanding on this head. "I'm just out for a breath of air, like yourself, though I didn't happen to bring a kettledrum or a trombone with me.' "That's not the answer," said PRINCE ARTHUR (for it was he). 'You should have replied'Oh, I'm no man-o'-war, nor a privateer so free,' Blow high! blow low! and so sailed we.

'But I'm a saucy pirate, and I'll sink you in the sea,' Cruising down on the coast of the High Barberee!" "Well, you seem in pretty high spirits," I said. "Something new for Leader of Opposition to leave a Bill to take care of itself in Committee, and go a philandering to the moon on the Terrace."

Members go and get up a petty brawl round a private commercial
enterprise, and squabble through a June afternoon, leaving the
Liberal Party, who have sacrificed everything for them, to bear the
brunt of the unequal fight. 'Pon my soul, TOBY, if I were Mr. G..
I'd chuck up the whole business, and get about the arrears of
British work.' Business done.-Home-Rule Bill in the doldrums.
Thursday.-CHARLES RUSSELL back from Paris, bringing with him
latest fashions. Everyone glad to see him again; heartily cheered
when he rose to take
part in debate in Com-
mittee. "Glad to see
you looking so well," 1
said, meeting him in
Division Lobby.
"Ah, ça,
nom de
chien! c'est vous, To-
BEE? Je suis glad to
vue you, sare; par-
donnez; excuse; some
deeficulty I have with
the talk. Been so long
sur le Continong que
j'ai tout oublié
native tong. It will I
make fast sure retire-
that is come back vous
voyez; at first off-go it
is what you call dam
bad. Will you prise de
snuff? Non? Alors.
Avez-vous le parapluie
que votre frère a?"
"No, sare," I an-
swered, desirous of
making the situation as
unembarrassing as pos-
sible to my learned
friend; "but j'ai le
ruban d'or que
"Here to-day, gone to-Morrogh."
oncle, er-er-should
have had."
"Just so," said Sir CHARLES, producing and waving the bandana,
which the President of the Court of Arbitration mistook for the
Union Jack, and half rose from his chair to salute. "I dare say;
quite so; exactement; but, vous comprenez, I understand not your
English. By-and by, tout à l'heure, it will all come back, retourner
sur ses pas; for the while it m'embarrasse. Will you lonch with
me? or would you that we five o'clocker? I bring with me a few
escargots. Vous aimez les escargots? Only six or dozen left. When I
go to de tin box, what do I find? Les escargots? Certainement
non. I ring de bell; my man coom; I shake my mouchoir dans son
visage. I say at de top of mon voix, Mon Dieu! where dem escar-
gots?
'What cargo?' the bête say, looking round with anxiety
amongst mes valises. I rattle de tin box at him. Oh,' says he,
dem snails? I put dem in de bin de dust.' Snails! sacré! Mes Heard to
escargots des vignes for which I pay five francs by dixaine, with what the
de tin box thrown in. Naturellement I continue de course of de minster.
tin box. I trow de tin box at tête de mon bête of a man. Que vous êtes
insulaires all you, mon TOBEE! But qu'est-ce que ça fait? You
lonch with me. I give you braised leg of frog. Um?"

mon

I think not; but dissemble with ATTORNEY-GENERAL. In ordinary times difficult to ruffle his temper. That little incident with the escargots seems to have done it.

Business done.-Very little in Committee on the Home-Rule Bill.
Friday Night.-Glad, on these fine Summer nights, to get out on
Terrace, when the Duchesses and the rest have had their tea and
gone away. Still pegging away in Committee on Home-Rule Bill.
Better down here; have Terrace all to myself it seems; walk to far
end; find I'm mistaken; perceive outline of figure in corner by
boundary wall, sitting down, with feet stretched on low wall over-
looking gleaming river. Something familiar about it. Got a guitar
too, which is scarcely Parliamentary. Twangs the light instrument,
and sings-
"There were two lofty frigates from Old England came,
Blow high! blow low! and so sailed we.

One was the Prince of Luther, and the other Prince of Wales,
Cruising down on the coast of the High Barberee!""

Perhaps I'd better withdraw. May be it's Dr. HUNTER, or some
other Scotch authority on humour, serenading some one in boat
below. But then he 'd have the bagpipes, not the guitar. Too late;
I am observed. Figure turns upon me, and laughingly trolls forth-
"Oh, bail her! oh, hail her!' our gallant captain cries,
Blow high! blow low! and so sailed we.
'Are you a man-o'-war or a privateer so free?'
Cruising down on the coast of the High Barberee!"

"Ah! you forget CHAMBERLAIN," sighed PRINCE ARTHUR. "He's on the watch tower, and all is well. Great comfort to one in my position to have an ally like that. Sort of fosterbrother, doncha. We trust each other with a love that is more than love. DAVID and JONATHAN not in it. Besides which, things are going so well with us that I can afford a little relaxation. outset we deter- Prince Arthur. "Great comfort to a man in my position." mined to make good fight and prepared for it. Things have turned out far beyond our expectations. Irish Members squabbling among themselves; Mr. G. full of benevolence; SQUIRE OF MALWOOD muzzled; MELLOR increasingly beneficent. Here we are more than midway in June on fourth Clause of Bill, with thirty-six to follow. More than two weeks on Clause III. Can you do a sum in your head right off, TOBY? Then try this: If it takes two weeks to dispose of one Clause in Committee, how long will it take for thirty-six ? Broadside to broadside, long time we lay,

At

Blow high! blow low! and so sailed we.

Till the man at the hellum shot the pirate's mast away,
Cruising down on the coast of the High Barberee!

day's news from Linlithgow? That gives you some idea of
constituencies think of how we're getting on at West-
It'll be worse by-and-by.

'Quarter! oh, quarter!' those pirates then did cry,

Blow high! blow low! and so sailed we.

But the quarter that we gave them we sunk 'em in the sea,
Cruising down on the coast of the High Barberee!

Nice song that, don't you think? Heard the sailors chanting it one
night as a schooner sailed by the Links in the darkling eve at North
Berwick. There's the division-bell; wait a moment till I button
my coat over the guitar; don't mind you. dear boy, but wouldn't do
for everyone to come upon me taking a little wholesome relaxation."
Business done.-Still harping on Clause IV. Home-Rule Bill.

A "CRITERION" NOT TO 66 GO BY" BUT TO ENTER.-Our CHARLES WYNDHAM has done well-he always acts well, but "that's another story "-in reviving David Garrick. DAVY," as to that. "He may take his little

MRS. R. heard someone one say that I Rantzau was going to be produced at Covent Garden. "Ah!" exclaimed our friend, "I daresay someone will give animitation of some old-fashioned tragedian. Very good title, 'I Rant So!'"

INTERNATIONAL COMPLIMENT.-In grateful and honouring remembrance of Sir CHARLES RUSSELL'S stay in Paris, it is proposed to change the name of the "Place du Carrousel" to that of Place de C. Russell."

66

LINLITHGOWSHIRE.-Telegram last Friday from the Hope of the Union sts.-I'M IN,-URE NOT.

ROBERT ON THE WEATHER.

IT was horful!

Wen one's atome one can do pretty much as one likes, that is to say, pretty much as one's better harf will let you, and set in your shirt sleeves. But how about an ed Waiter at a skrumpshus dinner? Let any kind Kristian sole try to emagin my feelings on the sellebrated Munday, as was sed to be the ottest day as ever was, when I had to he drest in my werry fullest, and werry titest, of full dress, and a waiting for ours and ours at one of the werry grandest of grand dinners as I has had to wait at all this busy season!

In course I don't at all kno how I looked all thro them melting howers, but I do no how I felt, and that was as if I was gradewally melting away!

But I coudent take my estonished eyes off my three werry stout Gents, and they was sites to see if ever Gents was! The effecs of the werry ot Turtel Soup was sumthink pozzitively startling, and yet two on em had a second elp!

There was jest one great blessing as we owed to the Heat, and that was, it so bootifully shortened the long speeches! The fact was that everybody was so dredful hot, that nobody had the pluck left to cheer, but all sat still and tried to listen to the poor Chairman, who, being ever so much hotter than the werry hottest on em, had the werry gratest difficulty in keeping the pot a biling, as we used to say at school.

Judgin from my xperience of that briling hot Munday, I shoud say, that the proper time for that werry grandest thing in natur, a reely grand Dinner, is a grand Winter's Night. ROBERT.

FOREWARNED

Claude Merridew, Leaderette-writer, Reviewer, &c. (sentimentally). "WHEN-porters send "minutes" to
EVER I THINK OF ALTHEA, MISS VANSITTART I MEAN, I AM IRRESISTIBLY
REMINDED OF THOSE MATCHLESS WORDS OF STEELE'S 'TO LOVE HER WAS
A LIBERAL EDUCATION.'"

Algy (following the idea with difficulty). "THAT'S ALL RIGHT, OLD MAN,
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, 'COURSE I KNOW A LOT OF YOU WRITIN' CHAPS ARE
LIKE THAT, BUT I THINK I OUGHT TO TELL YOU THAT HER FATHER IS
ONE OF THE HEAD JOHNNIES IN THE PRIMROSE LEAGUE."

THE M.P.'s P.M.

(By a Member who has heard about "The Tea-on-the-Terrace Session.")
I'd like to be slung in my hammock at home, with iced-cup, and
currants, and cherries,

Or perched in the cosy Pavilion at Lords a-watching GRACE.
GIFFEN, or FERRIS;
[Tea-on-the-Terrace!
But since I must stick in hot June to the House, I fall back upon
Within there seems nothing but heat and hot rows;
Amendments, not meant to amend, but to chouse;
A mountain of talk with an issue of mouse;

TIM HEALY and HARCOURT, much noise, and small nous,
Better T on the Terrace than H in the House!
[Elysian-
So hail, Mazawattee, and MAUD's lively chatter both truly
And here let me stroll, sprawl, or sip, till the Bell hales me in to
Division!

HIS CHEF-D'OEUVRE.-Mr. LUKE FILDES, R.A., is painting a portrait of the Princess of WALES. This picture, says a paragraph in the Times, is to be "a three-quarter length, to the knees." The eminent artist will be justified in describing this work as one he can never surpass, or the "knee plus ultra."

PARADOXICAL.-In what sense does a well-brought-up girl of eighteen differ from a hardened criminal of forty? In no sense. ("Innocence"-" with the accent on the 'no.'")

VOL. CIV.

66

their papers; but after a scene in the French Chambers the Principals send "seconds" to one another. Time is better occupied in the former than in the latter

case.

When C-RT-R's little liver pills say pleasant things of B-CH-M!
And Mr. K-NE declares aloud, "I swear upon my soul, man,
Whene'er I eat my beef at home I season it with C-LM-N."
And Sozodont, not left behind in compliments by K-NE,
Says he polishes his wisdom teeth with fragrant Floriline.
And Anti-Stiff declares his faith-which causes a sensation-
In ELL-M-N's, the muscle-friend's, delightful embrocation.
And Mrs. W-NSL-W-bless her heart, the name just makes me
Holds nought in all the world can match with Mother S-G-L's
chirrup-
Syrup.

And L-MPL-GH quite outshouts them all, "No mere saline fo

me, no,

I always cure the mullygrubs by drinking quarts of E-o."
And finally the Sunlight Soap-I wish I had some shares-
With tears of joy proclaims the name and fame of Messrs. P-RS.
In short, I wish my feeble tongue more faithfully could utter
The thoughts evoked by dwelling on this feast of mutual butter.

DD

[Prince BISMARCK, in reply to a deputation of the boys of the Hamburg Wilhelm Gymnasium, spoke of his love of music, saying: "I used to play formerly, but I was only a moderate hand at the piano, and was glad when I could throw it up, as it bored me to have to practise. Afterwards I was extremely sorry I did give it up, for music is a faithful companion in life. I missed it at many a party, and I recommend all of you who have any talent for music to cultivate it, and take a warning from me, so that you need not reproach yourselves with the mistake I have made."]

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. doubts whether he quite comes up to the standard of the MARKISS, failing somewhat in the easeful power with which that inheritor of EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY M.P. the traditions of the spacious times of ELIZABETH wields the House of Commons, Monday, June 19.-HENRY JAMES, custom- Parliamentary broadsword, slicing a lemon held on the palm of arily a canny man, put his foot in it to-night. Taking his turn ROSEBERY's unfaltering hand, or hewing Mr. G. in pieces before the in contribution to talk round Amendment to Home-Rule Bill Lords. dealing with Habeas These remarks, probably unconsciously, tinged with jealousy. Last Corpus, appealed to Session WOLMER was one of these Whips, coming and going hatless, his "Right Hon. in the Lobby. Now he sits among the elders, helping HENRY JAMES on friend" the PRE- knotty points of law, and giving JOEY C. a wrinkle on Parliamentary MIER to say whether strategy. Even HENEAGE looks up to him; LUBBOCK consults him he felt particular on the mysteries of finance; and JESSE COLLINGS regards him with gratification in re- fatherly pride. To-night he moved two successive amendments on flection upon his the Home-Rule Bill, in course of remarks teaching BRYCE a thing or suspension of the two about American Constitution, and giving Mr. G. pause as to the Habeas Corpus Act relations of Colonial Legislatures with the Imperial Parliament. in 1881 ? House not "It's all very well," said ANSTRUTHER moodily, "a fellow coming very full at moment; out like this when he's got no whipping to do. Very different for Mr. G. back from nous autres; on the go all day, by the door all night. We are the hasty dinner, appa- grubs, he's the butterfly. What I fear is probable effect upon rently asleep on BOBBY SPENCER. I had my eye on him whilst WOLMER was speakTreasury Bench. ing. Saw the colour flush his young cheek, ambition glower in his Not for first time ordinarily placid eyes. Expect before the Session's out we shall Parliamentary have BOBBY addressing the House on bi-metallism, or reviewing history confirmed RUSSELL'S management of the case for Great Britain before the tradition that he Behring Sea Court of Arbitration. In my opinion the cobbler should sleeps with one eye stick to his last, and the Whip to the Lobby." open. Opposition loudly cheered this home-thrust from JAMES. Through the noise of the shouting was plainly heard Mr. G.'s voice as he turned upon the man he had once made ATTORNEYAmusement of the missing Jabez S. Balfour at reading with GENERAL, and said, the report of Mr. Gladstone's speech last Thursday, withering in which he forgot the name of the Liberator Society. Scorn, "You were a party to it." Committee forgotten that; so, for moment, had HENRY JAMES; Mr. G.. even when half asleep, perceived how enemy had delivered himself into his hands.

LIKA JOKO

in

"Why these jeers?" HENRY JAMES plaintively asked, looking round on jubilant Opposition, roused out of lethargy by this chance false step of a learned gentleman who rarely makes mistakes. "My Right Hon. friend," he continued, with eloquent tears in his voice, "always found me faithful to him when in office under him."

Yes, Mr. G. admitted that; but pointed out in one of those extemporaneous outbursts worth a week's ordered speech, that that was another story. Nothing to do with the spectacle of the ATTORNEY-GENERAL of Government of 1881 scoffing at PREMIER of that day on account of particular measure introduced in Commons, and passed with the concurrence and approval of his followers, more particularly those seated on Treasury Bench. soothing scene whilst it lasted; a swift gathering and mighty bursting of storm, momentarily clearing oppressively dull atmosphere.

A

Business done.-HENRY JAMES wishes he hadn't spoke.

Tuesday.-Whips crowding all passages of House to-night whilst WOLMER speaking, Used to be one of them, you remember, and a very good one too. Came to conclusion, on reflection, that it was not well to give up to Whips' room what was meant for House of Commons. Political stage always clearing off its great men; room ever found for new recruit. If anything in him, his welcome warm, and his success assured. In dead unhappy night, when rain was on the roof, WOLMER oppressed with his responsibilities. They are certainly great. "SIDNEY'S sister, PEMBROKE'S mother," is a gracious figure that lives in history handicapped with such kinship. SELBORNE's son, SALISBURY's sonin-law, weighted in somewhat similar fashion.

This again is jealousy, a frailty which sometimes affects the noblest minds.

Business done.-Committee on Home-Rule Bill varied by slight attack of swine fever breaking out amongst FELLOWES on Benches above Gangway, behind CHAPLIN. GRAND YOUNG GARDNER vigorously stamped it out.

Thursday.-House droned along hour after hour, further discussing Fourth Clause Home-Rule Bill. As is shown when Division Bell rings, more than 500 Members on premises or within precincts. Last place to find them is in House, listening to BARTLEY, CARSON, SOLICITOR-GENERAL, or T. W. RUSSELL. Terrace still maintains its position as centre of attraction. New rule been in force all week. Part of Terrace to left of doorway marked off for mankind. No women may cross boundary line; consequence is every daughter of EVE burning with desire to do so. Reserved territory marked by notice board such as is used when the street is "up." If you look closely, you can see where original injunction "Beware of Steamroller" has been rubbed out; now it bears legend, "For Members Only." Pretty to see DICKY TEMPLE marching up and down within

LEVESON-GOWER, nothing if not critical, says WOLMER lacks the erudition of his noble father, and, even if he were qualified for post, I would not look so imposing on Woolsack. AUSTEN CHAMBERLAIN

"Time cut him short, for, be it understood,

He would have spoke much longer, if he could."

the enclosure. "Like a Royal Bengal tiger,' as one envious, angry woman, audibly whispered.

"Immense relief this, TOBY," said the Ex-Lieutenant-Governor