CAMERON obligingly opened. Drew up Motion of Vote of Censure, and Mr. G. must needs, out of his diminishing hoard of days, find one for debating it; Opposition mean to make it two, or even three. "I wish," said Mr. G., in those chest-notes that indicate profounder indignation, "my people would leave me to manage the business of House." Business done. Four hours wasted. Vote of Censure invited. Friday Midnight.-Wonder to find SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE still at post of duty. Business rather heavy work; think it would be well that so precious a life should be cared for. Say this to him. "You're very kind, TOBY," he answered, just a little wearily, "but I never think of myself when the interests of my QUEEN and Country are at stake. Fact is, I have charge of a Bill drafted in the interests of our fellow-citizen the Sweep. He has thrown himself into my arms (of course I use the phrase in a Parliamentary sense) and I am resolved to do my best for him. I am told that the business which called the Judges into private consultation the other day was a proposal to place my bust, crowned with laurel, on a prominent pedestal in the Royal Courts of Justice. Well, I have done something in my time for justice; just now all my sympathies are with the Sweep. I receive deputations of them every day. No, they don't enter by the chimney, but come in by the front-door in ordinary fashion. When there are more than five of them, and they stay over twenty minutes, they leave a little smell lingering in the room. But that's nothing. I'm waiting now to move Second Reading of my Bill. Want Mr. G. to take it up. Have told him people really don't care for Home-Rule Bill, whereas, if he gave his POPPING THE QUESTIONS; Or, Scene from old Burlesque of "Obstruction," as revived at St. Stephen's Theatre Royal. Must do or say something. Wouldn't commit himself by saying anything. Half rose from seat and bowed assent. By this time Prince ARTHUR began to see light. Some smart fencing followed; Prince ARTHUR pressed home Vote of Censure question; Mr. G., whilst carefully avoiding any movement that might seem like retreat, evaded the point. Later, when GRANDOLPH remarked that PRIME MINISTER had challenged them to move Vote of Censure, Mr. G. angrily retorted, "I did nothing of the sort." Too late now; Right Hon. Gentlemen on Front Opposition Bench having put their heads together, determined to ride in at gate mind to it, he might rouse the country on the question of the harmless necessary Sweep. But no use. He's too deeply rooted in his attachment to his Home-Rule scheme. Daresay I shall get my Bill through first." Business done.-Patience of long-suffering SPEAKER breaks down at last. JEMMY LOWTHER did it. On Appropriation Bill moved incomprehensible Amendment, in unintellig ble speech; SPEAKER came down on him "like cartload of bricks," as JOHN BURNS put it. JAMES only temporarily subdued; will probably come up smiling on Monday. SPORTING ANSWERS. ANGLING. FLEACATCHER.-Yes, the trout in the river Itching (this is the only correct spelling) are red, and, before they are boiled, raw. The best method of catching them is to tickle them. When you have hooked an Itching trout, you first scratch him, and then cook him. NOVICE.-We only knew one man who could make a decent rod, and he died twenty years ago. Remember the old adage so dear to IZAAK, Qui parcit virge spoliat puerum. For instructions as to use of implement, and translation of Latin, apply to any head-master. Failure in the latter will inevitably lead to application of the former. Then pause for reflection, but don't sit down. SPOOK.-What on earth is the use of applying to us about a phantom? We never keep one on the premises. Try personal interview with W. T. STEAD, who has a fine selection, JULIA being specially effective. Why do you ask if we generally spin? Not having been born a top, we prefer walking. CONTEMPLATIVE.-(1) It's absolutely useless offering us these paltry inducements to betray the secrets of our skill. We are-we hope we may say it without undue pride an AllRound Angler, and we are not going to be squared by a bait of that kind. (2) We have never pretended we were a salmon. If ANDREW LANG says we have, we challenge him to repeat it to our face before witnesses. (3) Whitebait are no longer kept in the Round Pond at Kensington. We knew as many as four there ten years ago. THE CRY OF THE CUE-IST. (To the Champion, by a Discouraged Competitor.) BREAK, break, break, On the smooth green board, O JOHN ! You have made since we opened play! AFTER THE VOLUNTEER REVIEW. SCENE-An Office. BROWN and JONES discovered talking over the incidents of the recent holiday. Brown. Yes; I was up at six on the Monday. Jones. Well, you were in luck; for I had to be ready by four. The battalion had to be drawn up at the station by 4:45. Brown. To be sure. You went down before we did. CALIPEE.-You are quite right. When a ship turns turtle the fact is instantly communicated to the Lord Mayor and Aldermen of Mrs. Goldie. "Now, MURIEL, YOU KNOW HOW YOUR FATHER KEFPS WORRYING the City of London. They ABOUT EXTRAVAGANCE, AND OF COURSE I MUST SET AN EXAMPLE. SO I'M GOING proceed to the spot in the TO THE PUBLIC LIBRARY TO SEE THE EVENING PAPER!" Maria Wood, and the one "TAKE CARE OF THE PENCE, AND THE POUNDS," &c. Muriel. "MAMMA, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THE CARRIAGE OUT FOR SO LATE? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" who secures the interesting saurian is allowed to eat all the green fat. With you we hope devoutly that the time is far distant when the desecrating hand of a Socialistic Government will be allowed to lay a finger on these ancient civic customs. No. The Fishmongers' Company do not sell fish. Their motto is, Edo, non vendo. And the marvellous shots go on To your score, which is mounting still! But O for a touch of that wondrous hand, And a slice of that startling skill! Break, break, break! Jones. Yes. I wish we had got some coffee before starting. Brown. But you had your breakfast on your arrival, didn't you? Jones. Yes, to be sure; but as we were a bit late, it was rather a scramble. Brown. Well, of course one has to get on to parade as soon as possible. We cut it rather fine too. But that's the case with all of us. Jones. To be sure; and if you lose time at one end, you must make up for it at the other-that stands to reason. And how did you get on? Brown. First rate. We were on the march from nine to five. Jones. So were we; and didn't have time scarcely to get to our havresacks. Brown. Just our fortune. Always on the move. I wore out my leathers in fine style. Jones. So did I. And then we had to go back to the train before we could get any dinner. Brown. My fate too. And, when I got home, the slavey had forgotten to lay supper! Jones. So had mine. But still it was a glorious holiday-now, wasn't it? Brown. I should say it was! A glorious holiday! [They return to their ledgers. belong to a Building Society. At present the is exceptionally prosperous, and I have no reason to suppose that the Directors and Manager are not scrupulously honest. Still, it is as well to be prepared for all eventualities, and, as a couple of years seems to be about the time required by the authorities before they can make up their minds to prosecute any body, I should like to know if I could apply for a warrant against the officials of my Society at once, so as to have everything ready in case any of them should develop fraudulent tendencies a few years hence? Would there be any objection to this? Perhaps some legal reader would reply. Also, is it a fact that Messrs. BALBERT AND HURLFOUR have started a model Colony, on entirely new and philanthropic lines, in Mexico, and are inviting English settlers (unconnected with the "Liberator" Society) to join them there, the prospectus of the scheme being headed :A LESSON IN 66 BOOK-KEEPING. "-Never" By kind permission of the Public Prosecutor "?-PROPHYLACTIC. There's a shot! Great Scott! O. see! What tender grace! And if once ahead You will never come back" to me! 66 ACTON EST.-The Cornhill Magazine for "EPSOM SPRING MEETING."-In former this month has an interesting article on times this used to be a fashionable rendez"Actors and Actresses in Westminster vous for invalids who went there to drink Abbey," not seen there much when alive, the beneficial waters of the Epsom Spring. but there for good after their decease. It Now there is not much water taken at these is stated of Mrs. BARRY that she was not Spring Meetings; and what water is taken interred in the Abbey, as has been, it appears, is not "an unmixed good." generally supposed. but found her restingplace at Acton. Odd, that when she had ceased to act, she should be sent to Act-on! VOL. CIV. lend one. P ["As one poor shop-girl said:-'After the fatigue and worry of the week, I am so thoroughly worn out, that my only thought is to rest on a Sunday; but it goes too quickly, and the other days drag on so slowly!""- Quoted by Sir John Lubbock in the recent Debate on Early Closing for Shops.] EIGHT o'clock strikes! The short day's sped, My Day of Rest! That beating in my head may swim, And breasts sink sickeningly with nameless He cannot feel the faintness and the strain, This morning's sun peeped in For in our sleep the Fates are sometimes kind. "Come out!" it said, "but not with weary tread, And feet of lead, [way, The long, mud-cumbered, cold, accustomed For the great Shop is shuttered close to-day, And you awhile are free!" Free? With a chain of iron upon my heart. That drags me down, and makes the salt tears start! Oh, that inexorable weariness That through the enfeebled flesh lays orushing stress On the young spirit! Young? There is no youth For such as I. It dies, in very truth, - Gay sisters of the primrose path, Of an unhallowed Pleasure offers such The languid lift Of head from pillow tells us the good gift Oh, that long standing-standing-standing yet! With the flesh sick, the inmost soul a-fret, Pale, pulseless patiences, our very sex, That should be a protection, one more load To lade, and chafe, and vex. No tired ox urged to tramping by the goad Stonily smiling on while ladies grand, The samples; and our Watcher, 'neath the gloss Of courtly smugness glaring menace, stalks About us, creaking cruelty as he walks. Stand! Stand! Still stand! Clenched teeth and clutching hand, Swift blanching cheek, and twitching muscle, tell [well, To those who know, what we know all too Ignored by Fashion, coldly mocked by Trade. Are we not for the sacrifice arrayed In dainty vesture? Pretty, too, they say Male babblers, whom our sufferings and poor pay Might shock, could they but guess Cover and hide, from all but doctor-ken, men, men! [stand! You bow, smile, flatter-aught but under- Upon our very vitals. Seats might save Hundreds of harried, inly anguished girls; You see-their snow-girt throats and neatlyordered curls! Out to the green fields? Nay, To rest is dedicate. But not the rest Of brightened spirit, and of lightened breast. Read? But the tired eyes close, EASTER MANOEUVRES. BACCHUS ON A BICYCLE ! (A "SAFETY" TOO!!) This incident repeated itself to infinity from the East End to Hammersmith and back!! The book from nerveless fingers drops; Almost the slow heart stops. But the clock halts not on its restless round. Weariness shudders at the whirring sound, As the sharp strike declares Swift to its closing wears One more of those brief interludes from toil Stand-till hysteria lays its hideous clutch Again-again-again! How long? Till Death, upon its kindly quest, Gives a true Day of Rest! ROYAL REWARDS TO GOOD PLAYERS.-"As a sequel to the performance of Becket at Windsor, Mr. IRVING"-as we were informed by the Daily News-" was presented by the QUEEN with a stud." What will he do with the stud? Will he take to the turf. go racing, and keep the stud at some Newmarket training-stables? Perhaps the stud" consisted of fifty "ponies"-but this is a pursein'-all matter, into which we are not at liberty to inquire. Miss ELLEN TERRY received a brooch from HER MAJESTY, on which are the letters" V.R.I." Our 'ARRY says these initials signify "Ve Are 'Ighly pleased." Or, taking the two presents together, as speaking, V.R.I. might mean, says ARRY, "Ve R-Ived safely." LION AND LAMB. ["I think that when we consider an Opposition, in which Lord SALISBURY and Mr. CHAMBERLAIN pacifically sit down-or lie down, together, we need not, ourselves, feel very sensitive on the subject of homogeneity."-Mr. Gladstone at the F. O. Liberal Meeting.] SOLLY had a little Lamb, From Brummagem you know! Ir lay on the book-stall for sale, But the humour was lost upon me, THE FIRST DUTY OF AN OPPOSITION (As it now seems to be understood).-"To lie in cool Obstruction, and talk rot.". (Shakspeare -slightly adapted.) MODERN TRANSLATION BY OUR YOUNGEST SPORTING ETONIAN.-"In formâ pauperis" -i.e., "in rather poor form." |