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FAST. No, no, he fears no evil from within. If he gets to a distance remote enough from the rest of mankind, he can repose the greatest confidence in his own heart; and thereby proclaims his folly to all the world. I assure him that, if he will remain during life in his cell, when he comes to die he will have holiness sufficient for himself; and a large redundancy, by which he may help some poor friend out of purgatory.

AVAR. Hey day! how different was Paul's doctrine from yours and the hermit's, Fastosus! He asserted that by the works of the law no flesh living should be justified; but you and he believe that by the works of the law a man may be more than justified. Yea, that by observing of things no where commanded in the law, such as forsaking society, counting beads, and mumbling prayers, he may not only justify himself, but help another to justification.

FAST. Ay, Avaro, the hermit believes so, but for my part I believe no such thing. I know better, though I thus delude him. But to pass on with my story, I can tell you, I have a good deal of employment among your disciples, cousin, and with them I work wonders of compelled generosity. I meet with many who never had the heart to perform one virtuous, benevolent action whilst health continued; who, when they perceive that they must come to a reckoning in the other world, are very assiduous to have their accounts balanced aforehand. I persuade them to leave a massy sum to this hospital, to the other parish, or to certain meeting-houses. When I thus direct the will of devotees, one leaves gold enough to build a chapel for our lady, a second doth the like for St. Peter, and a third for St. Dominic. But in general they are most fond of saints of their own rearing, the greatest part of whom are now made constellations in the nether sky, and courtiers to the prince Belzebub. Ask you me, Avaro, what end the testator has in those pious legacies? I tell you, by this time he sees that the manner in which he got and kept his money, has not the least tendency to save him from destruction; and he knows but one way to avert the impending judgment, that is, to leave his so and so gotten money for the good of the church, and that, he is told, never fails to sanctify every measure taken to procure it. Some of those deluded testators are not without hope that, in some future period, their names will be enrolled in the pope's bible; and their shrines adored in the Christian pantheon, at Rome, where all the gods of the papal hierarchy are enshrined.

AVAR. Good Fastosus, I really think that, if the papists would act in character, they should dedicate their temples to St. Judas, St. Demas, St. Demetrius, St. Alexander the copper- smith, &c. for they are the genuine offspring of those celebrated heroes.

FAST. Their very descendants, cousin. You and I who know what we see, can discern no essential difference between the

holy Roman catholic religion, and that of the ancient pagans. It was the most excellent device imaginable to introduce paganism under the specious shew of orthodox and infallible Christianity. And I can tell you, there is no essential difference between the popish religion and that of some sects of very staunch protestants: but these things we must keep to ourselves, for I would not for ever so much our people should know that the popish religion is diabolic.

AVAR. I should be glad to hear it made out, uncle, how the religion of some protestants is much the same with that of the papists: this being well cleared up will yield me great pleasure. FAST. I can clear it up, Avaro. And shall at a time convenient but not now, I must go and put the finishing hand to my lady's robes. To-morrow I shall meet you here. Adieu.

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AVAR. Well, seeing my uncle is gone, I'll go and hide the lawyer's money in a place of safety, and return to some business which I promised to transact for my worthy children.

DIALOGUE III.

INFIDELIS AND IMPIATOR.

THE way being clear by the departure of Fastosus and Avaro, I came out of my lurking place, in order to make what discoveries I could in the valley, which I now knew to be a rendezvous for those evil spirits, who so dreadfully have enslaved mankind. I had not gone far, before my alarmed imagination transformed every thing I saw into a devil; the croaking of the raven was as dreadful as the voice of an hobgoblin; and the shrieking of the owl as terrible as the roaring of Apollyon. Every distant bush seemed to bear the aspect of some devouring fiend, so powerful was the influence of my imagination. Curiosity, however, had still the ascendancy over my fears; and I wandered from place to place, seeking for something new. At length, I saw at some distance, a tall gigantic form, slowly moving towards me: a form nearly as huge as the steeple of St. Cuthbert's church, at Dul mensis. Every time he contracted his extensive chest, he darkened the air with the breath which issued from his expanded nostrils, as pillars of smoke from the chimney of a fire engine; smaller streams of the same darkening vapour came curling forth from his arm-pits, and every other pore of his skin, so that wherever he came he blackened the air around him.

Now, thought I, my life is not worth two pence, if yonder demon lay hold on me: therefore I ran with full speed to the clift of the rock, where I had lurked so secure before; and having

taken sanctuary in the subterraneous cell, I gathered so much courage as to peep out, that I might learn what was become of the terrible monster, I saw that he was got almost to the door of my cave. Frightened I was, you may be sure, nevertheless I comforted myself with the thoughts, that such a tremendous bulk could not enter my narrow retreat. He said to himself (his voice as he spoke resembling hollow thunder) "I thought I had seen the honourable Fastosus, and the careful Avaro walking here just now; but I might be mistaken, or if they have been here, they are gone, on our great father's business no doubt. Well, seeing it is so, I will take a turn or two in the Vale, and then return to my business again."

Notwithstanding all the tremor of my mind, I was eager to know what he was, and how he came hither; but durst not discover myself lest he should prove a devil of the cannibal kind, which if he should, I thought that he would scarce make one mouthful of my diminutive carcase. But when he mentioned going to business again, I queried whether he might not be one of Vulcan's smiths, come out of the forge to take a refreshing walk; then I recollected, and asked myself, "If he is one of the Cyclops, how came he to be acquainted with the devils Fastosus and Avaro?" I continued in this dreadful suspense for some time, till at last seeing one of his companions, he entered into discourse with him. I found that his name was INFIDELIS, and that of the other, IMPIATOR.

INFID. IMPIATOR, my child, how do you do? I am glad to meet my son in the Vale of Horrors, in so lucky an hour.

IMP. Hah, my worshipful father, INFIDELIS! Am I so happy as to meet with you here? my venerable sire, how do you do?

INFID. I thank you, son, very well; notwithstanding my great age, and hurry of business, I do not find the least decay in my constitution, but rather seem to grow stronger; and indeed there is a prediction on record, that I shall be strongest at the last.

What pleasure does it give me, my dear Impiator, to hear that you are so successful in ensnaring the minds, and corrupting the morals of mankind, throughout every nation of the world. If what I hear of you be true, you approve yourself a right chip of the old block. I rejoice that some of all ranks and degrees of people are so subjected to your sway. I am told that many, even of the professors of religion, fondly caress you, my son.

IMP. Indeed, sir, it must not be denied that my kingdom is in a growing condition, all over the world. I think I was hardly ever so much, and never more caressed than I am now. Even in pagan nations heretofore remarkable for uprightness and temperance, I have introduced the fashionable vices of the Christian world: so that an Indian will drink and swear even with an Englishman; and lie and cheat as fast as a Gaul or an Hollander.

Greatly am I beholden to a certain company for instructing the eastern world in the learned arts of violence, rapine, and murder: not to dwell however on the conversion of the pagans to the vices of nominal Christians; much improvement has been made even in Christendom itself, of which take the following instances out of many that might be given.

It is not a vast number of years since your son Impiator was held in perfect disdain in Scotland; but now I have chosen many legions of the Caledonians for myself: I think I ought rather to say, that being quite tired of the service of sobriety, a prince of another family, they made choice of me for their ruler. But you know, father, that I am no scholar, therefore improprieties in my speech are not at all to be wondered at. However, I have reduced the Scoth to such a veneration for my once hated person, that they have cordially embraced the ornamental vices of the English nation; such as sabbath-breaking, whoring, drunkenness, swearing, gambling, &c. but whether they will be as suc cessful in obtaining pensions from the government after they have gambled away their estates, is not so easy to determine. The conquest of the Scotch, sir, is the more agreeable to me, because, as I said, there was a time, when those vices were hardly so much as known in that country; now, who but Prophanity in all their towns? Nor am I without my worshippers in the country, even among their presbyterian parsons themselves.

INFID. Glad am I that my lovely child has subdued the stubborn Scotch. For I well know that the presbyterians there resisted your influence long after I had erected my standard in the land, yea, after multitudes flocked to it, and swore allegiance tc the great Infidelis. But how, my son, hast thou so happily accomplished this change?

IMP. Really, sir, I obtained help from a quarter whence there was not the greatest reason to expect it. I mean from the parsons, the spiritual guides of the people. It happened thus: the parsons of the kirk quarrelled among themselves, and divided into two parties. One of which forsook their mother kirk, and very solemnly delivered up the other party to the devil; on the other hand, the reverend gentlemen who abode in the kirk, in the like spirit of devotion, delivered up the schismatics, parson and people, to Belzebub. Belzebub, who, you know, is never backward in receiving a gift of this kind, finding that all the presbyterians in Scotland were thus in full tale made over to him, laid his hands upon as many of them as he could conveniently reach, and made such use of them as greatly assisted my operations. Little was now to be heard in the pulpit except railing, scolding, calling ill-names, and tossing anathemas, from one party to the other: thus while they went on bandying curses, we went on persuading the people that religion is a farce, and that

true happiness consists in present gratification; and this doctrine readily affecting the heart and senses, was eagerly received, and my government established.

INFID. It was a favourable juncture indeed; and I have often remarked, that if there was any turn of religious affairs much in our favour, for the most part, we have persons to thank for their assistance in it: many instances of this might be given. But I pray thee, my son, didst thou ever hear of my original, and the nature of my government?

IMP. No, not I indeed. You know, sir, I was born with evident signs of stupidity, and therefore could never read; and to tell you the truth, all my cares are in the present tense without enquiring into either originals or terminations.

INFID. All this I know, my child. But as we are secure from mortal auditors, being in Horrida Vallis: if you can spare a little time, I will give you some account of my rise and progress, perhaps it may have a happy tendency to promote your destructive designs, and so strengthen the pillars of the elevated throne of great Prophanity. What I relate, you may depend upon for truth; for although we seldom speak any thing but lies to mankind, one devil may well enough depend upon the word of another.

IMP. Yes, that we may, sir, and I presume if mankind were to hear what passeth at our private conferences, they would not continue long so fond of our service as they are at present. As to your story, sir, I am ready to hear it; perhaps, as you say, I may profit by it.

INFID. Well then, my son, you will observe that I am of a very great age, well nigh as old as this world, which you see is worn quite threadbare, and will in a little time be folded up as an old garment of no use. As to my original, I can tell you that I am well descended; of royal lineage, I assure you. Great Belzebub himself begat me, and my sister Ignorantia, on Eve, the mother of all living on earth. When I came to years of maturity, he gave me Ignorantia my fellow twin to wife; and by her I had you, with your worthy brethren, Avaro, Falax, Crudelis, and your sisters Perfidia, Concupiscentia, &e. At the same time my elder brother Fastosus, who had Inscientia, a lady of remarkable beauty given him to wife, begot on her Ambitiosus, Contumax, Discordans, and their sisters Malevolentia, Iracundia, and a large train of excellent worthies, famous in the annals of the nether regions.

As soon as I was born I stood up like a stupendous wall, betwixt the creator and the creature, so that blessings of a spiritual kind, could not descend from God to man, nor could obedience ascend from man to God. One of the first things I did was to maim their moral powers, and accomplish an union betwixt them

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