LATTER-DAY WARNINGS. WHEN legislators keep the law, When banks dispense with bolts and locks, When berries whortle, rasp, and straw Grow bigger downwards through the box, When he that selleth house or land Shows leak in roof or flaw in right, When haberdashers choose the stand Whose window hath the broadest light, When preachers tell us all they think, From real grape and coffee-bean, LATTER-DAY WARNINGS. When lawyers take what they would give, Save when they fast for conscience' sake, — When one that hath a horse on sale Shall bring his merit to the proof, Without a lie for every nail That holds the iron on the hoof, When in the usual place for rips Our gloves are stitched with special care, And guarded well the whalebone tips Where first umbrellas need repair, When Cuba's weeds have quite forgot And claret-bottles harbor not Such dimples as would hold your fist, When publishers no longer steal, And pay for what they stole before, When the first locomotive's wheel - Rolls through the Hoosac tunnel's bore; 157 Till then let Cumming blaze away, Then order your ascension robe! PROLOGUE. A PROLOGUE? Well, of course the ladies know; I have my doubts. No matter, here we go! What is a Prologue? Let our Tutor teach: As worsted stockings are to engine-hose. “The world's a stage," as Shakespeare said, one day; The stage a world was what he meant to say. The cheats are taken in the traps they laid; Till the fifth act comes right side up at last, When the young couple, old folks, rogues, and all, Here suffering virtue ever finds relief, And black-browed ruffians always come to grief. Cries, "Help, kyind Heaven!" and drops upon her knees On the green - baize,― beneath the (canvas) trees, See to her side avenging Valor fly: "Ha! Villain! Draw! Now, Terraitorr, yield or die!" When the poor hero flounders in despair, Some dear lost uncle turns up millionnaire, Clasps the young scapegrace with paternal joy, Sobs on his neck, "My boy! MY BOY!! MY BOY!!!" Ours, then, sweet friends, the real world to-night. Of love that conquers in disaster's spite. |