LATTER-DAY WARNINGS.

WHEN legislators keep the law,

When banks dispense with bolts and locks,

When berries

whortle, rasp, and straw

Grow bigger downwards through the box,

When he that selleth house or land

Shows leak in roof or flaw in right, When haberdashers choose the stand Whose window hath the broadest light,

When preachers tell us all they think,
And party leaders all they mean,
When what we pay for, that we drink,

From real grape and coffee-bean,

LATTER-DAY WARNINGS.

When lawyers take what they would give,
And doctors give what they would take,
When city fathers eat to live,

Save when they fast for conscience' sake, —

When one that hath a horse on sale

Shall bring his merit to the proof,

Without a lie for every nail

That holds the iron on the hoof,

When in the usual place for rips

Our gloves are stitched with special care, And guarded well the whalebone tips Where first umbrellas need repair,

When Cuba's weeds have quite forgot
The power of suction to resist,

And claret-bottles harbor not

Such dimples as would hold your fist,

When publishers no longer steal,

And

pay

for what they stole before,

When the first locomotive's wheel

-

Rolls through the Hoosac tunnel's bore;

157

Till then let Cumming blaze away,
And Miller's saints blow up the globe;
But when you see that blessed day,

Then order your ascension robe!

PROLOGUE.

A PROLOGUE? Well, of course the ladies know;

I have my doubts. No matter, here we go!

What is a Prologue? Let our Tutor teach:
Pro means beforehand; logos stands for speech.
'Tis like the harper's prelude on the strings,
The prima donna's courtesy ere she sings:-
Prologues in metre are to other pros

As worsted stockings are to engine-hose.

“The world's a stage," as Shakespeare said, one day;

The stage a world

was what he meant to say.
The outside world's a blunder, that is clear;
The real world that Nature meant is here.
Here every foundling finds its lost mamma;
Each rogue, repentant, melts his stern papa;
Misers relent, the spendthrift's debts are paid,

The cheats are taken in the traps they laid;
One after one the troubles all are past

Till the fifth act comes right side up at last,

When the young couple, old folks, rogues, and all,
Join hands, so happy at the curtain's fall.

Here suffering virtue ever finds relief,

And black-browed ruffians always come to grief.
When the lorn damsel, with a frantic screech,
And cheeks as hueless as a brandy-peach,

Cries, "Help, kyind Heaven!" and drops upon her

knees

On the green - baize,― beneath the (canvas) trees, See to her side avenging Valor fly:

"Ha! Villain! Draw! Now, Terraitorr, yield or die!" When the poor hero flounders in despair,

Some dear lost uncle turns up millionnaire,

Clasps the young scapegrace with paternal joy,

Sobs on his neck, "My boy! MY BOY!! MY BOY!!!"

Ours, then, sweet friends, the real world to-night.

Of love that conquers in disaster's spite.
Ladies attend! While woful cares and doubt
Wrong the soft passion in the world without,
Though fortune scowl, though prudence interfere,
One thing is certain: Love will triumph here!