UNCLE REUBEN'S BAPTISM. He is an industrious colored man, living in a small cabin down the river; and his wife is a corpulent, good-natured woman, but very deaf. Some weeks ago, Reuben began to ponder. He had never been a bad darkey; but he had never embraced Christianity, much to the sorrow of Aunt Susan, his wife, who has been prepared for heaven, lo, these many years past. The more he pondered, the more he became convinced that he ought to become a Christian; and Aunt Susan encouraged him with tender words and tearful eyes. The old man came to town several days ago to see about joining a church, and was informed that he would have to be baptized before he could become a member. He didn't relish the idea much; but he informed his wife that he would consent; and she clasped her hands, and replied,- 'Glory to Richmond! De angels am a-comin'!" Uncle Reuben got the idea, the other day, that he'd like to try the water alone, before being publicly baptized; and while his wife was getting breakfast ready, he slipped down to the river-bank to take a preparatory dip. He removed his coat, hat, and boots, placed them on a log; and as he descended the bank, his broad feet slipped, and the convert came down on the back of his neck. "What de debbil!"-he commenced, as he picked himself up; but suddenly remembering that he was soon to join the church, he checked himself, and remarked,— 'I'm ashamed of dat; and I hope de angels will 'scuse me." He put one foot into the water, and drew back with a shiver; put in the other, and looked longingly toward the house. At that moment Aunt Susan began singing,— "We's gwine up to glory: We's gwine on de cars.' And old Reuben braced up, and entered the water. "Yes; we's gwine up to glory!" he remarked as he waded along,-"gwine on de fast express." At the next step, his foot struck a sunken log: and he pitched over it, under water, head first. As soon as he came to the surface, and blew the water from his mouth, he yelled, "Woosh! What in blazes is dis yere performance?" In raising up, his foot slid over the log, and under a limb, in such a manner, that the old darkey was caught fast. He could hang to a stub of a limb, but he could not put himself forward enough to slip his foot out of the trap. "Whar de angels now?" he yelled out, as he kicked the water higher than his head. Aunt Susan answered with, 'De angels are a-comin': I hear de music play." When the old man realized that he was fast, and must have help from the shore, he yelled out,— "Ho, dare, old woman! Hi!" She couldn't have heard a cannon fire on the bank of the river, and went on singing,— "Dare's a seat for me in heaven: I's gwine to jine de band." “Hi, dare! I'll jine your old black head off, if ye don't hear me!" yelled old Reuben. He struggled and kicked, got his head under water, and out, and yelled,— Cuss dat old woman! Why don't she hear me?" came the song. "Uncle Reuben's a-gwine "It' a lie, a big debbil lie!" he yelled, pulling his head under water again. “And he'll fly among de angels, And play upon a harp," continued the old woman, as she turned over the bacon. "Hi, dare! woosh, whoop!" he yelled, floundering around, pulling at his leg. "De Lawd has got his name, And dare is a place for him!" howled the old woman. "Whoa, dare, you old black villum!" yelled Uncle Reuben. wailed Aunt Susan, as she poured the water off the potatoes. "If I ebber git out o' dis ribber alive, I'll break her old deaf head, I will!" growled the victim; and then, raising his voice, he shouted, "You dare, old Satan, hi, hi!" As if in direct answer, came the song, "He struggles wid de evil one; But he gained de vict'ry, shore!” "Susan, Susan! if I had ye by de wool, I'd barry dat old deaf head agin de cabin till yer eyes couldn't see!" he screamed; and he made another tremendous effort to get loose. It was successful; and just then she sang, "Oh! whar's de angel now? Send him 'long; send him 'long!" "De angel am a-comin'!" growled Uncle Reuben as he waded ashore; "and he'll turn dat cabin inside out!" He limped up to the house. She was placing the meal on the table, and singing, "He's gwine to be baptized; when he entered the house, and gave her a cuff on the ear wnich nearly loosened the roots of her hair. "Oh, yes! I'ze an angel wid wings on, I is!" he yelled, as he brought her another cuff; "and I'ze gwine to glory, -and I'll knock yer old head off!-and I'ze gwine to jire de band-and you deaf old alligator!—and I'ze gwine up to heaven-and blame yer old deaf ears!-and de glory am comin'!" People who know Uncle Reuben say that he swears again with great relish; and it is certain that he hasn't been up to Vicksburg to be baptized, and become a church-member. |