No. IV.] THE SALE-ROOM. SATURDAY, JANUARY 25, 1817. A Periodical Paper, published weekly at No. 4, Hanover-Street, Edinburgh. I FORESEE this letter must be preliminary as well as my first; but my countrymen, "Les voyageurs Anglais," will, I trust, find it useful. Every one is aware of the directness, self-possession, and expedition, with which he makes a second journey into a strange country, contrasted with the delay, doubt, and needless expence attendant on the first. Now your readers will have the benefit of my experience in this matter; which, according to the proverb, must be of the most valuable sort, for it has been pretty dearly paid for. Before setting out for the Continent it is indispensable to purchase one of the numerous "GUIDES to France." I know not which to recommend, although I laid in three; for, like certain dictionaries, which possess all the words and all the articles except the one you are in search of, so these convey all manner of information except that you happen to want :-or rather they resemble Scotch direction-posts, at cross-roads, which (during their short existence unmutilated) announce on a flat board, "to Dumfries," or "to Hawick," or "to Moffat;" but without at all indicating, by any intelligible means, which of the various routes you are to follow to get there. One of these "Guides" takes you up before leaving London; and you have no idea how useful this would be, were the information correct. It is surprising the indifference, apathy, and ignorance of John Bull regarding every thing that does not immediately concern himself. You ask an Englishman, who has not been, and who has no intention of going, to France, what D preliminaries are needful towards the jour- you fice, for I could not find Downing-street ; but in making enquiries after it of a countryman, whom I accidentally encountered, with the true indirectness of a Scotch response, "What d'ye want there?" demand. ed he. I told him. "Gude God!" says he, "ye may as weel thraw your money in the Thames; what for wad ye gang to the Foreign-office? Gang to the French ambassador's, an' ye'll get ane there for naething; and, ye may tak my word for't, it's the only thing ye'll get for naething frae a Frenchman, either o' this side o' the water or yon." Tired of tramping further in search of streets, I took a hackney-coach, and desired the man to drive to the French ambassador's; which he did accordingly, to an elegant house in, I forget what square. On drawing up his hideous machine at the splendid door, the steps of which were crowded with laced, powdered, and yellowfaced French footmen, the Swiss porter roared out, "Got tam, vat you stop dare?" "Pour une passeport, Monsieur," replied I from the window, essaying my newly-aċquired French. "Ah! me know, me know," cried he, shrugging up his shoulders, which already reached his ears, to the crown of his head, "go de bureau, de offeece, de offeece; dare, dare!" pointing down the street, and continuing to maintain the ave nues of sound inviolably shut least he should be tormented with more barbarous lingo-" Aska Jeorge-street!" That, of my three "Guides," which included London as a part of the journey, after having directed me to lay in plenty of money and bank credit previous to departure, a deficiency of the same being very inconvenient at Paris, (a fact I had occasion thereafter to find most lamentably true,) proceeded to point out the mode of obtaining the other requisite to the tra veller in France, viz. a passport. The directions were, to apply to the Foreignoffice in Downing-street, exhibit my person, write down my name and occupation, and pay to the people (though last not least!) two pounds seven shillings and six-finding the office. In the narrow passage To George-street we proceeded accordingly, and here there was no difficulty in to a little paltry outer door, which was shut, were crammed about two dozen welldressed English, male and female, while several carriages were drawn up in the street, to whom they belonged. Amongst these I descended to take my stand also, while my coachman, eyeing the scene with a truly English aspect of indignant contempt, half muttered-" My eyes, if this 'ant a new one!-Gemmen and ladies awaiting there at a frenchman's door, foul weather or fair, like the poor people in the dear times at a soup-kitchen!" And so it was: those nearest the door informed me they had waited above two hours, the plan of operation being as follows:-A couple of clerks and a footman come to a suite of two small apartments within, at twelve o'clock, and remain till four, if the siege from without is incessant; otherwise, on a moment's intermission, they march off, and the aftercomers have their trouble in vain. Before twelve the passage is crammed with applicants waiting for admission. The apartments are of course instantly filled; after which two only are admitted at a time (the ladies obtaining generally the preference of priority ;) and, as the door opens to disgorge one pair of the fortunates who have been in the interior, and to admit a couple of the most pushing from without,-then ensues the tug of war! When you have got in, all you are required to do is to leave your name and address, and return on the morrow to the same entertainment. Your designation is demanded on the second day also; but why you are given the trouble of calling twice, those best know who framed the regulations; one could almost imagine the difficulties were concerted. You now wait the writing out of the passport, which is done by a threadbare old Frenchman, with a most vinegar Voltaire physiognomy, and whose peevish half-suppressed "sacres!" and "mon dieus !” in reply to the siege of questions with which he is assailed, are as frequent, and almost as ludicrous, as Dominie Sampson's "prodigious!" A coxcomb of a chief clerk countersigns the paper; and the whole business is managed with a scant allowance of civility; but you pay nothing, and the given horse should not be looked in the mouth. Possessed of my passport, I set off to the White Bear Inn, Piccadilly, where, for the moderate sum of L.3: 18, I obtained a place in the coach to Paris by the Dover and Calais route; and I would advise every single male traveller to adopt the same mode of conveyance. You are insured for this sum the whole distance, sea and land; you stop where you please, and when you please, on the road, and are taken up by the ensuing Diligences without a farthing additional charge. This coach leaves London, morning and evening, at five; I took that of the morning to enjoy the delightful country betwixt and Dover, and I was set down to a late dinner at the Paris Hotel, a house kept by an old Frenchman of the name of Podevin, where every thing was clean, neat, cheap, and excellent ;-but as my coadjutor, Monsieur Quinze Jours, has been witty upon this same Podevin and Paris Hotel, although at the expence of his countryman, I shall here conclude; reserving, to garnish my next, a few of Monsieur's happy imaginations, mistakes, and -facts! I am, &c. &c. Monsieur Podevin, entitled the Paris Hotel: In the same house his stars also landed Monsieur Quinze Jours on his arrival in this country; and it might be supposed, a priori, that the circumstance of "mine host" being his countryman, would have lightened the lash of Monsieur's ridicule; but no; he had crossed the water, it would appear, solely to discover wonders and absurdities in this terra incognita of ours; and, where he failed to find them,was all his fancy, as well as his Napoleons, to be thrown away? Monsieur arrived at Dover comical, and (after his voyage) of course hungry; to indicate the first, he entitles his landlord, Mr Pot-de-Vin, and in compliance with the latter-but he shall speak for himself— "On juge bien que ma première pensée pensée fut pour le dîner; je demandai la carte au garçon. J'avais encore la tête farcie d'idées françaises, et j'ignorais qu'en Angleterre la carte est au bout de la langue du garçon. Il ne fallait pas à celui-ci un grand effort de mémoire pour la retenir, car il n'avait à m'offrir que du bœuf froid, du fromage et du thé. Le thé me sembla un aliment trop peu substantiel pour un estomac affamé: je me résignai donc à prendre les deux premiers articles. On me servit un morceau de bœuf rôti froid, qui pouvait peser encore huit à dix livres, quoiqu'il fût aisé de voir qu'il avait déjà rassasié plusieurs convives. On mit un pot de bière à mon côté ; on me donna un très-petit morceau de pain fort blanc, mais dur, sec, massif et lourd comme s'il eût été de marbre. On plaça sur la table une salière, une fiole de vinaigre et une petite bouteille de poivre. Oui, une bouteille de poivre! semblable à ces salières de bois que les enfans portaient jadis en poche dans les colléges de Paris, où on leur ser | vait des œufs à la coque sans sel, et des salades sans huile. J'attendais la serviette, mais elle ne vint pas ; c'est un meuble qui n'est pas en usage dans les auberges anglaises, ni parmi la basse classe, et même la classe mitoyenne du peuple: on s'essuie les mains et la bouche aux pans de la nappe, et on a grand soin d'en mettre une blanche tous les dimanches. "J'entends des lecteurs difficiles à contenter qui s'écrient: Comment peut-on s'essuyer la bouche à un pan de nappe qui a déjà servi au même usage? et Dieu sait à quelles bouches! Un instant, messieurs., N'avez-vous jamais vu un chat manger sa pâtée ? Avez-vous remarqué avec quelle. propreté, quelle adresse, quand il est rassasié, il promène sa langue d'abord sur la lèvre inférieure, l'allonge ensuite sur la supé. rieure, et répétant ce manége deux ou trois fois parvient à se débarrasser ainsi de toutes les superfluités de son repas? La nature vous a donné la même serviette; apprenez donc d'un chat ou d'un Anglais la manière de vous en servir. "Mon dîner fini, et il ne fut pas long, je crus que, pour chasser l'ennui qui commençait à me gagner, le plus sage serait de demander ma chambre, et de me coucher. Une heure se pássa avant qu'on satisfit à ma demande. Enfin, une grosse servante assez fraîche, paraissant de bonne humeur, vint, un chandelier à la main, m'avertir que mon lit était prêt. Je la suivis par un petit escalier très-étroit, comme la plupart des escaliers d'Angleterre, et elle m'introduisit dans une grande chambre, qui avait pour toute tapisserie quatre murs parfaitement blanchis, et pour tous meubles quatre grands lits à colonnes, sans rideaux, et autant de chaises. Je réfléchis à l'instant qu'il fallait tout au moins encore un article de mobi. lier; mais en regardant sous les lits, je vis qu'on ne l'avait pas oublié, et qu'il se trououblié, et qu'il se trou vait en nombre égal à celui des chaises et des couchettes. J'oubliais dans cette énumération un pot-à-l'eau et une cuvette placés sur l'appui de la croissée, et destinés à l'usage commun de tous les habitans de ce dortoir." TRANSLATION. One may well believe that my first thought was about dinner; I demanded the bill of fare from the waiter. My head was still filled with French ideas, and I was ignorant that in England the bill is at the waiter's tongues end. It required not a great effort of memory on his part to remember it; for he had nothing to offer me but cold beef, cheese, and tea. The tea appeared to me too unsubstantial an aliment for a famished stomach, so I made up my mind to take the two first articles. They served up to me a morsel of cold roast beef, which might weigh perhaps, from eight to ten pounds, although it was easy to see that it had already satisfied many customers. They put a pot of beer at my side, and gave me a little morsel of bread, sufficiently white, but hard, dry, and solid, as if it had been made of marble. They placed on the table a salt-seller, a phial of vinegar, and a little bottle of pepper.-Yes, a bottle of pepper! similar to the little wooden salt-sellers which boys still carry in their pockets in the colleges of Paris, where their eggs are served in the shell without salt, and the sallads without oil. I waited for the table-napkin, but it came not, this is a piece of furniture which is in no usage in the English inns, -never seen amongst the lower class, or even amongst the middling description of people,-all wipe their hands and their mouths on the corners of the table-cloths, of which they take special care to have a clean one every Sunday. I am aware that fastidious readers will be apt to say, "How is it possible that any one can wipe his mouth upon the corner of a table-cloth which has already served the same purpose? and God knows to what mouths!" One moment, gentlemen have you never seen a cat eat his allowance i -have you remarked with what propriety, with : what address, when he is satisfied, he rolls his tongue first over the under lip, then round the upper, and repeating the ceremony two or three times effectually, cleanses himself from all the superfluities of his repast? Nature has given to you the same napkin; learn then of a cat, or of an Englishman, how you are to apply the lesson. My dinner finished, and it was not long, I thought, that, to put to rout the wearisomeness which began to annoy me, the wisest mode would be to enquire after my chamber and my bed. An hour passed before they satisfied my enquiries; at last, a fresh-looking fat servant girl, full of good humour, came, a candle in her hand, to warn me that my bed was ready. I followed her by a little and most narrow stair, as the greater part of the English stairs are, and she introduced me into a large chamber which boasted for all its hangings, four walls nicely whitened, and, for all its furniture, four large-posted beds, without curtains, and as many chairs. I reflected, at the moment, that there was still necessary other articles of bedroom furniture; but, in looking about, &c. &c. I have forgot in this enumeration one pot of water and one bason placed on the sole of the window, and destined to the common use of all the inhabitants of the apartment. To this faithful picture of an English hotel, Monsieur adds next morning," M. Pot-de-Vin, lui dis-je, il faut absolument que vous me donniez une chambre pour moi seul, et surtout une table; je veux. pouvoir lire, écrire dans ma chambre; si cela n'est pas possible, je serai obligé de chercher à me loger ailleurs. "Je n'en ai qu'une, me dit-il; voyez si elle vous convient. "Un petit escalier en forme d'échelle de meûnier, donnant dans la cuisine, conduisait à cette chambre pratiquée dans un grenier. Le jour n'y pénétrait que par un seul carreau scellé dans le mur; mais la porte, donnant sur l'escalier, suffisait pour en renouveler l'air, même quand elle était fermée. Il ne s'y trouvait que la fourniture |