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comprehension of which is essential to our were now on their return. These Insides, well-being, both here and hereafter. It it seems, (to use the appropriate designa. will be our object to prove, on the one tion,) had not obtained their dismission from hand, that prescience is reconcileable with the gentlemen of the long robe until just the course of events, being dependent on three minutes after the patience of the the freedom of the human will; and, on coachman was exhausted. While hope rethe other, that the fixed and pre-ordained mained that vigorous exertion might remeprocess of action which is the subject of dy this evil, the unhappy witnesses might foresight, is not only compatible with, but, be seen plying their utmost speed along in fact, inseparable from, the doctrine of Prince's Street, with their eyes fixed on the future rewards and punishments.”
lessening vehicle, and their voices drowned :. We trust we have no one among us who in the long nasal twang of the resounding is disposed either to fatalism, or to dispute horn. One by one, as legs and wind failed, the divine attributes ; but ere we could and as the case seemed to grow more and state to our worthy friend that the grand more desperate, they might be observed to field of argument which he had offered was slacken their pace, wipe their brows, pocket likely to be too vast for our columns, he
which they had brandished as had plunged headlong into the metaphysi- intimating their title to cal questions of Liberty and Necessity. chariot, and, giving up the fruitless pur. Definition followed definition,-argument suit, mingle with the idle strollers on was succeeding to argument, embroiling Prince's-Street, whom they had previously our ideas, and confounding, not only the entertained with a rival display of their apprehension, but even the mechanical agility. Even so, in proportion as our powers, of our official organ and amanuen- powers of comprehension were clear and sis aforesaid. I
long-breathed, we kept our attention up Our excellent philosopher had not pro. | with the meaning of our venerable friend, ceeded far, when a concealed spectator and then, out-run and out of wind, gave up might have been amused with the various the attempt one after another, and resign. effects which his commencement produceded our powers of understanding to slumber among the members of our divan. One in what the Rambler would have called grinned, one coughed, several yawned, and the torpor of inactivity. E slott: those who had yielded their serious and At length the Coryphæus to whom we bona fide attention to the beginning of the owe our First Number, and among whose lecture, began one by one to slacken, as qualities à certain impatience of protracted
the philosopher became lost to them, and discussion is often manifest, snatched his - perhaps to himself, in the mist of metaphy- hat from the table, and muttered between
sics. Even so, reader, it was lately our lot his teeth, * Egad, this is worse than my to see one of the long.coaches which go friend Peter Grievance—I'll e’en down to towards Falkirk set off on its journey, with him again.”. out waiting for five or six passengers, who, The Doctor, interrupted in his dictation, having come up to be witnesses upon a trial, stopped short, put up his spectacies, and,
regarding the seceder with a look of offend. | account) the butt for Injustice and Tyran. ed importance, seemed to await the restora. ny to shoot their arrows at; and the lightest tion of silence in order to resume his task. misfortunes of his life are those which he This was an imprudent manquvre on the ascribes to his own peculiar Evil Luck, un. part of Dr Dunder : an orator should al-aided by the malice of his brethren of man. ways beware of quitting possession of the kind. I have heard that at the High School
a moment, when he per he never was permitted to rise above the ceives that his audience. become impatient. booby-form ; a circumstance which Peter as. The feelings of decorum and complaisance, cribes entirely to the partiality of the maswearing gradually more and more feeble, ters of that seminary, and appeals to all
at length barely sufficient to prevent who know him if the thing does not speak the rudeness of actual interruption, and by for itself. At college he was treated with no means adequate to repress the disposi. the same gross injustice ; for his mien, tion of the audience to hustle the speaker and the happy correspondence of a long off the stage should he give them an oppor miserable visage that seemed to qualify him tunity of bursting in at any pause in his for an undertaker's man, was an inexhaustilecture. Accordingly, the words of our Co- ble source of pun and fun to the thin Proryphæus were no sooner uttered, than two fessor of Humanity; and the learned Pro. or three voices enquired, who was Peter fessor of Greek used to say more cruel Grievance, and what was he doing below | things to him in that Ethnic language than stairs ?
Peter (having respect for his memory) "Prosing, as we are doing above,"? was chuses to repeat. As he was convinced, the reply; 6 and as to who he is,” conti | from these circumstances of melancholy nued the speaker, again laying down his experience, that the constitution of our hat,-for, to do him justice, he is as fond of academy affords no fair play for genius, haranguing as Dr Dunder himself” as to Peter exchanged it for the stern school of who he is, I thought there had not been a arms, and tried successively the sea and man in Edinburgh whom he has not talked land service. During six months service into a fit of the blue devils. What he is on board the Ajax, he found himself at first depends partly on what he has been, and excessively sea-sick, which he imputes partthat would take some time to tell you.” ly to the wretched and unhealthy birth in * “ Let us bear himmlet us hear him," which the midshipmen are stowed, and part- was repeated from different corners; for, ly to the pertinacious and brutal obstinacy as Dr Dunder was observed to handle, re. of the captain, who kept the sea (watching cover, and present his notes, as if in order a French squadron) during a heavy gale of to resume his silenced fire, we were, to our wind. When the malady to which he was shame be it spoken, all anxious to put him thus wilfully subjected had something abahors de combat.
. .: Fisioted, he found that the tyrannical rules of Peter, then,” replied his acquaintance, the service were calculated to drive all gen“ since you will have him, is one of those tlemen out of that line, in order that mini- unfortunate beings who have been, during sters might dispose of naval appointments ir
their whole life, (according to their own to their own creatures exclusively. In the
army he was equally unfortunate ; and if | vedly to the high eminence which they have his authority can be received, there is no somehow attained, for Peter can safely aver, doubt that the fatal expedition to Saint that he made little or no progress while un. Domingo bad for its secret motive the pur- der their tuition. I pass over the narrow esa pose of vacating, by means of the yellow cape which he made of being remitted to fever, the ensigncy held in the regi. his studies, upon his first private examinament of infantry by Peter Grievance, gen- tion, previous to assuming the honours of the tleman. But he will explain the secret gown,--a difficulty which was only averted springs of that unhappy affair when his po- by a kind-hearted examinator, who enlarged litical memoirs shall be made public. Man- to his brethren on the noted example of a kind, and especially those who possessed repulsed candidate for the toga having hang. any influence on his fortunes, appearing ed himself, in the acute feeling of his disap. thus to be engaged in a combination against pointment. At the bar, the arts of his conPeter, he resolved, nevertheless, not to be temporaries (commonly called hugging) for awanting to himself, but, relying on his own securing the good-will and custom of the exertions, determined to break the measures agents, together with the partiality of the instituted against him by his secret and pow. I judges for their own peats, or protegeés, erful enemies, by the sale of his commis- sons, nephews, and cousins, in the ninesion. In the course of this transaction he teenth degree, prevented any one who came was cheated of ten days' pay, whether by to the bar with the fair, manly, and inde. the address of the agent or pay-master he is pendent views of Peter Grievance, from at a loss to assert positively, but inclines to squeezing his way forward among the sor. believe they understood each other, and did crowd of dependents and sycophants. $ divided shares on the profit of the fraud. In the meanwhile Mr Grievance, senior, a To qualify himself, I suppose, to meet the person only remarkable for having quarrelarts of imposition, by which he had already led with every living soul in the parish of been such a sufferer, Mr Grievance resol Dolour, which he honoured with his resived to apply himself to the law, for which dence, and for never in his life having exprofession his father had originally destined pressed himself satisfied with the weather him. But I perceive," said our friend, in which Heaven was pleased to send, was reterrupting himself, and looking at Dr Dun- moved to a place where we sincerely hope der, who was impatiently tapping his papers he finds nothing to complain of. He left with the case of his spectacles, “I perceive his son a competent estate, encumbered I interrupt business.”
i only with fifteen law suits (yanging pleas, " By no means," replied the company, every one of them) in which he was enga* pray go on with Peter." W a ged with the Minister, the Doctor, the Ex
Mr Grievance, gentlemen," resumed ciseman, the Trustees on the Roads, the the historian of that unhappy person, " was Collector of Cess, cum plurimis aliis. These not more fortunate in his legal than he had have afforded to his heir an ample fund of been in his classical studies. He is of opi- vexation, in which, perhaps, gentlemen, any nion, that the professors of municipal and of you whose chance it is to have been liticivil jurisprudence, have risen most undeser-gants, may be better disposed to sympa
thize, than in those I have hitherto de- " Peter throve and lattened daring the tailed. It is needless to add, that Peter's time of the late war. Its reverses and they cruel fate pursued him, and that the Ordi- | were sufficiently numerous afforded him nary and Inner House in general dismissed frequent and legitimate ground of com-, his actions with expences, and assoilzied plaint, and he was observed to increase in (for we know the language of the bar,) his corpulence, and in the chuckling look; parties from the claims he brought against which, under the phrase of sorrow, . can them. On the other hand, the minister, the hide inward satisfaction, after the retreat to gauger, the titular of tiends, even the ser: Deventer, the evacuation of the Helder, vants whom he dismissed between terms, the convention of Cintra, and other nationfound, by the influence of Peter's evil-star, al misfortunes. How this should be I favour in the eyes of the judges, and they know not, unless on the same principle decerned against him with costs.
that an'ass thrives and gets fat upon this ..^ However fond a man may be of the agi- tles, which every other animal will die ratation and liberty of growling, derived from ther than taste. Our victories, to be sure,
were hard curds, but he had his resources nation of a law-suit, these, like fine paintin pitying the friends and families of the ings, winter-fruit, foreign wines of high fla- fallen; nay, if these were few in number, vour, and other exotic dainties, are luxuries he would be content to extend his benevoin which the wealthy alone can prudently lence to the suffering parents and relatives indulge, and therefore Peter saw the neces of our vanquished enemies, rather than not sity of becoming a sufferer at less expence. act as a damper. I do not know, if, in point of economy, he * The triumphant peace of 1814 struek chose bis subject of vexation kappily, when, Peter so hard a blow, that he did not retaking about sixty acres of his small estate cover it for a month. All he had left was into his own hand, he commenced agriculto hint his doubts, in the shape of a modest turist. But this I do know, that had he hope, that we might all be the better for been to search all the callings and occupa. the news this time twelvemonth. And as tions of mankind, since Adam first handledil Buonaparte's return made Peter Grievance his spade, and Tubal Cain blew his bellows, a true prophet, that remarkable event gave he could not have found one which afforded him a triumph which even the victory of a more constant source for complaint and Waterloo could not so totally subdue, but despondence: Peter knew how to avail that he still hints that an escape from St himself of each contingence that arose, to Helena is not only possible, but very pro. bring a charge against the weather. If it bable, as has been proved to him by his rained, it rotted the crops; if it was fair, friend Jonathan Slyboots, skipper of the the tumips and grass were burned up by good ship Penobscot, now loading for New the drought. When corn was low priced, York—And if he breaks loose upon us it was not worth threshing out and driving again,” says Peter, looking sly, “ I think to market. Did it rise ? it was too much to all your faces will be as long as mine." be apprehended that the mob of the coun. 1 * In expectation of the joyful resurrec. try-town would burn his stack-yard. : I tion of a friend who has furnished him with so
many opportunities for indulging his favour. | and misfortunes which chequer human life ite humour of croaking, the internal dis. shall fail of gratification'! .. trens of the country furnishes Peter Grieve. Our friend finished this sublime aposance with ample fund for declamation, Talk | trophe, casting his eyes up to the ceiling, to him of the abolition of the Income Tax, and squeezing between his hands the hat « Aye, but,” replies Peter, sighing, “ how which he had resumed with the purpose of are you to meet the expenditure without departing. “ Our hour of study and preit?"--Hint at the reduction in army and paration is out,” said a member of our body,
“ Poor fellows,” says Peter, “and so recollecting himself and looking at his you turn them adrift to starve, the instant watch, " and not a word prepared for the your turn is served !- And moreover,” says
press." ; he,“ have you not, by your premature dis “ Your honour will forgive me," said the banding of the forces, limited your means faithful Secretary, “ but it's all down in of subduing popular discontent?”.
black and white. I make it a rule never “ Happy man,” continued our Cory- to lose a moment of my time when the phæus, looking upward, “ fortunate, thrice pen's in my hand ; and I am sure I never fortunate Peter Grievance, thou hast built í made a blunder excepting when I put down thy wishes, hopes, sympathies, and grounds the civilities my late master (rest his soul) of self-satisfaction, on a source that can said to his black cat, betwixt tne Primo and never fail thee! He who desires the hap. Secundo of the Memorial in the great case. piness of mankind is sure to be disappoint of Bother against Bore'um." ed,—he who struggles to obtain their gra. «What have you put down now ?” was titude most probably excites their envy or one general exclamation. malevolence, but he who finds pleasure in “My character of Peter Grievance, I anticipating misfortunes in prospect, and think,” said our Coryphæus, smiling ; “ so dilating and exaggerating them when they | Liberty and Necessity must e'en give place arrive, is sure to have ample means of gra. 1 till some future occasion.” tification. All pursuits are unsubstantial, 1 There was more energy than philosophy vague, and uncertain, when compared to in the look which Dr Dunder gave, both those of Peter, Ambition may miss his to the officious clerk and the too forward aim, Science mistake her object, Painting associate who had thus anticipated his task. and Poetry fail to obtain their laurel, the But the deed was done, the hour expend. philanthropist may break his heart in des- ed, the allotted sheet of paper filled to the pair of achieving the good he meditates, margin ; so, his being a case in which reand the sanguine, who live upon hope, may monstrance and regret were alike unavail. verify the adage, and die of disappoint- ing, he pocketed his mortification with the ment. But the last trumpet shall sound, notes which had so long over-awed us, and
e frame of the world assume a new betook himself, with a sigh, to the seclusion form, and be subjected to new laws, ere Peter, or those who, like Peter, find plea. sure in the disasters, mistakes, mischances,