recovered. "Singing is praying," said he. They might just as well ask me not to pray; I shall sing in meeting." And on the next Sunday, sure enough, he did; louder, and if possible, more inharmonious than ever. The men singers looked daggers at him, and the girls, hid their smiles behind their music books. Little Mary was not there. "This shall stop," said the choir leader, I will go and see him myself. "Let me go," said his son. And sure enough, he did "sing to-morrow, and your own business," said the Deacon to it surpassed all that had gone before. all of them; I shall go to-night." "This is the last of it," said the choir leader, "I have done." When it came to that, they knew there was no more to be said. He was dreadfully set in his way. He took a bag and a basket, and went down cellar. He filled the bag with potatoes. He went to the closet and took a brown loaf and a white one. He went to the wood pile, and took an armof wood, and told his son to take another. All was put in the sleigh; he not forgetting six can. dles and a paper of matches. "Deacon Goodman, we all most highly respectful you, as you well know; but you have not the musical ear, or the musical voice, and it is the earnest wish of the choir, and many of the congregation, that you do not sing in meeting." The Deacon was again thunderstruck, but he soon recovered. "Singing is praying," said he; "they might as well tell me not to pray. I shall sing in meeting." The good Deacon was dreadfully set in his way and so it went on again, week after week, in the same old way. But an incident occurred which contributed much to bring this singular case to a crisis.About two miles from the Deacon's comfortable dwelling, there was a wretched hovel, which imperfectly sheltered the wife and children of a still more wretched drunkard. On one of the most inclement evenings of a New England January, the Deacon and his family were cheerfully and thankfully enjoying a glorious hickory fire; Mrs. Goodman was sewing for the family, and her daughters for the Missionary Society. His son was reading the Massachusetts Plough. man, and the good man himself was just finishing off a sermon by a distinguished divine of his own denomination, when bang went the front door, and in came his neighbor, and own beloved and respected minister. "Why! I never!" said Deacon Goodman, "what has brought you along in such a night as this ?" Deacon Goodman needed no secondary motive to christian duty; yet historical truth demands the concession, that the wife of the drunkard was his first love. She jilted him, or as we Yankees say, In the afternoon the choir was vacant, some of the singers absent, and others scattered about in the pews. The minister read three verses of a psalm, and then observed, "the choir being absent singing must necessarily be omitted." But Deacon Goodman saw no such necessity. He arose and sung three verses himself! he stopped six times to sneeze; and blow his nose between the verses by way of symphony! The next day he was sick a bed. A parish meeting was hastily called, and a resolution unanimously passed, that, Whereas, the solemnity and decorum of public worship depend much on the character of the Resolved, That hereafter, no person shail sing in meeting in this parish, without the approbation of the choir." gave him the mitten," in favor of the abjectmusic; All was ready, and in five minutes the Deacon Misery, misery, indeed, did he find in that most miserable dwelling. The poor wretch himself was dead drunk on the floor. The poor, pale woman was sobbing her very heart out. The children were clamorous; and but few were the words of their clamor. 'I am cold, I am hungry," and that was all. The Deacon brought in the wood; made a fire; lighted a candle, and emptied the bag and basket. The poor pale woman wept, and sobbed her thanks. Oh, you varmint," said the Deacon, as he looked at the husband and father, and broke off a Now this minister had his peculiarities as well piece of bread for his children. The general comas the deacon. Among others he was very close.motion aroused the poor wretch from his drunken mouthed about his own good deeds. He merely answered, stupor. He looked up and recognized the Deacon. "Hallo, old music," said he, "are you here? "I have been about my duty, I hope." give us a good stave old nightingale. Sing as The fact was, he had been to visit and talk and you do in meeting. Sing and scare the rats pray with, a poor dying negro. away." "Seems to me you are rather crusty," said the deacon," but I suppose you are half frozen, and so sit down and thaw yourself out." "I thank you," said the Minister, "but I mere. ly called to tell you that I have just left a scene of misery; and I want you to go there as early in the morning as you can. On my way home, I passed the poor hovel we all know so well. I felt it my duty to stop and learn the cause of the uproar within. I found the wretch beating his wife, and her screams and his horrid oaths made my blood run cold. I think he will be quiet until morning; but do go as early as you can." "Od rabbit the varmint," said the Deacon, "and od rabbit the eternal blasted rum-shop." This was the nearest to swearing the Deacon was ever known to come. "Put old Mag in the sleigh," said the Deacon to his son. Rather a stringent measure; but what could they do? The minister called on Deacon Goodand hauded him the resolution. He read it over three times. He then calmly folded up the paper, and handed it back to the minister. man, This is a free country, yet I hope I shall sing in meeting." He was dreadfully "set in his way." "Then Deacon," said the minister, "I have a most painful duty to perform; I am instructed to tell you that your connection with the society must cease." The Deacon started from his seat. Had the full moon split into four pieces. and danced a quadrille in the heavens-Orion singing, and the Northern Bear growling bass, he could not have been more astonished. He was silent. Emotion after emotion rolled over his heavy spirit. "At length tears came to his relief," as they say in the novels. He spoke, bnt almost inarticulately. "I know I am a poor unworthy creature, but I hope they will take me in somewhere." The minister himself wept. How could he help it? The Deacon's cold was nearly cured, and about an hour after the interview he was seen mounted on old Mag, heading due north. Four miles in that direction lived the worthy minister of another parish. The Deacon found him in his Why, what on earth does the critter mean ?" study, where also was his daughter copying music, said the Deacon. 66 The poor, pale, grateful woman smiled through her tears. She could not help it. She had been a singer in her better days; she had also heard the Deacon sing. I do not record these incidents merely because they are peculiarly connected with my story. In this errand of mercy the good Deacon caught a very serious cold; it affected his throat and nose, and even lungs; and it gave to his voice a tone not unlike that of the lowest note of a cracked bass-viol, alternating with the shriek of a clarionet powerfully but unskillfully blown. On Saturday evening he soaked his feet in warm wather; drank copiously of hot balm tea; went to bed and said he felt comfortable. "Now Deacon," said Mrs. Goodman, " you are dreadful hoarse; you won't sing to-morrow, will "Deacon, don't go to.night," said Mrs. Good- you?" man. "Do wait till morning," said his daughters. 46 She was a proficient in the art, and played the organ in her father's church. She had heard the Deacon's musical troubles, and had also heard him sing. "Sir," said he to the minister, "there has been a little difficulty in our parish, which makes it my duty to withdraw; and I have come to ask the privilege of uniting with yours," (At that moment the young lady vanished from the room.) "I much regret the difficulty in your parish," said the minister, "and hope it will be amicably settled. But, if you finally conclude to withdraw, we shall be most happy to receive you; and when it shall please the Lord to take good old Deacon Grimes to himself, (and a very few days must now give him his dismission,) we shall expect you to sit in his seat." After half an hour's pleasant conversation, the Singing is praying--and---" he dropped Deacon arose to take his departure. At that mo asleep. ment a boy came in and handed a billet to the common language, they make strange noises; and He read the billet, and after some hesitation sing." said "I have received a singular communication from our choir leader; he has somehow or other heard of your intention to join our society; and he has heard it with very great pleasure; but he adds that it is the earnest and unanimous wish of the choir that you will not sing in meeting." "Singing is praying; and I join no church where I cannot sing in meeting; good day." He was very "set in his way." Five miles west of his own dwelling lived the good pastor of another flock. The Deacon found him shelling out corn in his crib. This minister, although eminently pious, thought it no harm to be a little waggish in a good cause, and for a worthy object. He also had heard of the musical troubles, and shrewdly suspected the object of his visit. "Deacon Goodman, I am glad to see you," said he, "this is not exactly ministerial labor, do you think it is ?" "I am of a different opinion," said the Deacon; any honest and useful labor. I hate all dandies the Lord forgive me, I don't like them; and I like a dandy minister least of any." "You and I are agreed there," said the minister; come walk into my house and see my wife; she says she is in love with you for your honest oddities." "I never!" said the Deacon; "but I thank you, I am in somewhat of a hurry, and have a little business which we can just as well settle here.There has been a little difficulty in our parish which makes me feel it my duty to withdraw, and I have come to request the privilege of joining yours." At this the Reverend gentleman looked very much surprised. ONE OF THE SMITHS. CHAPTER I. I ALWAYS write stories in a hurry. The truth "Thus sensibly did that good minister speak.is, I do not begin till I am driven to it, and I may The Deacon was a good deal "struck up ;" though add that once begun, I might never end, but for "set in his way" he was no fool; and only needed getting tired. On I hurry, like a wild horse in the to be touched in the right place. harness, till completely exhausted, I am forced to 'It never appeared to me in that light before," lay down the pen, and leave my hero, perhaps to said the Deacon thoughtfully. the Fates. "And yet my friend, it is the true light!" said The Deacon said nothing, but thought the more, The Deacon passed a point in the road where It shall not be so this time. I will write only five chapters-and these shall be short, at least one of them. So here it endeth. CHAPTER II. I don't say that Bill Smith was the laziest man that ever lived, but he was decidedly the laziest I ever saw. And I will venture to say farther, that his match could not be found in Pepperelbo.There was where he lived, there he lives now. Well, Bill was a toper, for that man never existseated who was too lazy to drink. Of course, he was Who not one of the real-tear-down-drag-out sort; but then he drank hard, and was generally pretty boozy towards evening; for he was too lazy to get drunk very early in the day. One evening, just about two years and three months ago, he was very drunk. The night was cold, the wind blew fiercely, and the light snow swept wildly over the ground, and added terror to the howlings of old Boreas. That night Bill was full two miles from his own miserable hovel, snugly ensconced behind some old boxes and barrels, in one corner of a filthy rum shop, how came he there, so far from home, I do not know, but will guess, that he happened on board some farmer's "Welcome home deacon," said he, "hope we've wagon or sleigh that passed his house; and was not lost you yet." too lazy to get out till the vehicle stopped at the little groggery. "Od rabbit it," said the Deacon to himself; it was the first word he had spoken," to think that I should be such an obstinate old fool." He approached his own village. The reason for his errand abroad had been strongly suspected, and they were on the lookout for his return. There stood the choir leader. "Get out," said the Deacon, with a good na- "Get-;" he was just going to say out, but "It is impossible," said he; "wel! Deacon, though an ill wind for them, it is a good one for us, for it has blown you hither. We shall be most happy to receive you, especially as our choir leadered has followed the multitude and gone West. We are looking about for a competent man to take his place. Our singers are all young and diffident, and each one is loth to take the lead. We hear that you sing the most difficult music, and 46 Why mercy upon you?" said the Deacon," I don't know one note from another. I know that singing is praying; I sing in meeting as I pray in meeting." "Excuse me, my friend," replied the minister, "it is your modesty that now speaks; you do un. derstand music, or you could never sing that most beautiful solo, which is worthy of an angel's ear and voice." Now this was all Greek to to the Deacon, and like a sensible man as he was, he always said noth. ing when he had nothing to say. "You say truly," continued the minister," that singing is praying. But to those who know nothing of music, it is praying in an unknown tongue and I am sure you are not Papist enough to approve of that; music is a language and like other languages must be learned before it can be spoken. When the deaf and dumb attempt to speak our he said, and on he went. At the front-door and "Bill, you must clear out," said the rum seller. Bill made no answer. "I Say, Bill, you must clear out go home." Bill began to snore, he was sleepy, and tired to boot; he always was. "Hallo, Bill, I say, come crawl out and go home; 'tis most nine o'clock." "Wait awhile," said Bill, don't be in a hurry, there's nothing gained by hurrying," "But I must shut up and go home. There's nothing doing here, and I can't afford the firewood." Bill roused up a little, not much, but a little and winked. Perhaps he would have said something, “Od rabbit the whole bunch of you," said he, but just then the door opened, and a stranger and he went to put Mag in the stable. walked in. He had rude a long distance, and Deacon Goodman took his old seat on Sunday,seeing a light in the "rummy" had called to enbut since that day's adventure has never sung inquire how far it was to a public house. meeting. Once and but once did he raise a psalm on his own private account. He was in his baru putting some hay in his cow's manger. Now the neighbors were always ready to do a good turn for Deacon Goodnian; and before he had finished the first verse, two of them rushed in and asked him if his cow was choked! He never sung again. A CONNECTICUT dame, the mother of a large family, was one day asked the number of her children. "La me!" she replied, rocking to and fro, I've got fourteen, mostly boys and gals!" "Just two miles and a half," said old Bozzle, the rum-seller; "and here's a chap that's going e'enamost there, lives right on the road. Bill roused up a little more; perhaps there was a chance to ride, and it would not do to lose it.After a little more ceremony, that may be imagined and with a little assistance that Bill actually needed, the two got into the sleigh and rode off. "I s'pose I live here," said Bill, when the sleigh had got a few rods past his house. The stranger reigned up his nag, and Bill got out. He had begun to get sober, and would have thanked the gentlemen for his ride, but he was really too lazy, and so he jolted slowly back to his own door, raised the latch and went in. CHAPTER III. The pledge was carried to him, and he was re- "I can't," said Bill," I'm tired." one was anxious to hear what Lazy Bill could say on the subject of temperance. Old Simon had seated himself close to the desk, that he night have an opportunity to play off his pranks, and exercise his powers of ridicule. But when Smith entered, looking so changed, so noble, so dignified, comparatively, the old man crept away, abashed, and apparently astonished. "Can this be Lazy Sign, Bill," said Uncle Simon; " Sign, Bill, Bill !” he mentally asked; and the more he asked and then make a speech." the question, the more he was puzzled to answer Pretty soon Smith commenced: There was quite a stir in Pepperelbo the next day. A stranger had come to town, and it was "Don't you see I can't?" answered Bill. "And pretty generally rumored that he was to deliver a temperance lecture that evening in the village besides 'tisn't best to hurry; there's nothing got by hurrying. I'm tired." school house. Here and there little groups were gathered together, talking the matter over-for indeed it was something new to have a temperance lecture there; the oldest inhabitants could'nt remember the like of it. Bill's appetite, an itching to ascertain who and what the stranger was, urged him as far as the tavern, where he arrived about noon. Of course he made one of the group there, who talked about the stranger and his business; though precious little did he do towards making up the conversation. "Are you goin' to join the new pledge, Bill!" asked an old covey, as he entered the bar room. "Bill didn't know exactly what answer to make, and so true to his nature, he made none at all. "How is it, uncle Simon," continued the same voice, addressing another of the loungers," are you going to jine the Thomsonians to night! they say it is all the go down the city. " The audience laughed-Bill looked sober; he spoke. "I s'pose I might sign it, and make a speech days, seeing there's nothing to do, I used to be as too," he said," for though I'm a little lazy now-asmart as any fellow in Pepperelbo." a "So you were," said Simon; "now sign But the stranger insisted, full half an hour, "The Thomsonians, said uncle Simon," I don't speech that night, and the topers wouldn't sign the know, they allow steaming it, I suppose." Old Simon was the wit of the town, and of course this sally produced a laugh. "Not a devil a bit," answered a square rigged, double breasted fellow, who had stood in the corner of the room all the while. "I've scen 'em and hearn 'em lecture too, but they don't hold to steamin' in any way as I know; nor they aint Thomsonians neither." pledge till the speech had been made. "I'll come here next Tuesday night, and make a good long speech," said Bill, with more energy than he had displayed for months before; "If uncle Simon and the rest of you will come and hear me." Agreed! agreed!" was heard from all parts of the house. And then the audience persed. it. Very "Ten years ago I was respectable, industrious and happy. I came into this neighborhood, bought me a small house, got married and went to work. We used to have social parties in those times, and Sarah there, (pointing to his wife,) and I used to attend them. Sarah learned to knit edging and tell stories, and I learned to drink wine. soon I began to find myself occasionally impatient for the time of the next party to arrive; and when it came, I was equally impatient to see the wine go round. Finally I drank to excess-cven to intoxication, at one of these parties; and from that time, though for a while heartily ashamed of my conduct, I had less of self-respect, and more of the appetite for liquor. I began to visit the tavern and the little rum-shop down there at the other village, and with others of like inclination and appetite, I spent my time lounging about groggeries, sitting, now in the sun, now in the shade, but never engaged in any more business than whittling a pine stick, or tippling a decanter of New-England rum. I lost, by degrees, all my ambition, became lazy and indolent, and you called me Lazy Bill. And my wife fretted and scolded at my changed conduct; but this only made it worse. Then she cried and entreated, but this had the same effect, prodis.duced trouble, and I drank more rum to drown it. Drunkards are sure to find trouble enough when rum has become its only antidote. I drank, lost the little property I had accumulated, broke the heart of my wife, and became finally heedless of every thing. So I lived along till last Wednesday night. You know what we heard then, and I nced not say that I was convinced rum had made me Lazy Bill, and caused all my trouble. I signed the Pledge, and till now I have kept it inviolate; and God helping me, I'll never drink another drop of liquor as long as I live. Already I begin to feel the fires of ambition again in my breast, and to imagine myself a man. My wife there, is happier and looks healthier; and my little boy smiles But Smith went home that night, after the tem- sweetly when I take him in my arms. In short, perance mecting, and told his wife with some I am a new man, with new feelings, and new effort, what he had done. "I've signed the total hopes, and now I am going to lead a new life, reabstinence pledge, Kate, hit or miss, and next gain, if possible, my character, and my property, Tuesday I am going to preach." At first his wife and be happy. And I want my old companions would not believe a word of it; but the next day, to go with me. Some of you promised to sign the Bill heard the whole and winked. The others the indications of a change for the better were too pledge, if I would, and nothing has befallen me to heard and looked at Bill. strong to go unnoticed, and she admitted that discourage that resolution. I hope that you something must be in the wind." The signing will come up here and redeem your promiof the Pledge dated from Wednesday, and Friday.ses." Bill did what he had not done for years; he workcd all day, mended his windows, put new shingles on his roof, hauled fire-wood on his hand-sled, &c. Saturday, Monday and Tuesday were similarly "What are they Sam?" asked uncle Si mon. CHAPTER IV. "Tis strange to say what havoc intemperance They are Tetotallers,” said Sam," and they will make of intellect and ambition. When Wildon't hold to drinkin' a drop of liquor." "Afore folks," added Simon, with emphasis; and here was another laugh. "But who is Bill Smith ?" asked the stran- spent ; and when the temperance meeting came, on Tuesday evening, he brushed up his old coat, took his wife by the arm, and trudged silently to the school-house. "There he sets," answered one, pointing to a scat near the door; for Bill had not got far into the house, for he was too lazy. one, every man and woman in that house followed his example. CHAPTER V. Five or six months ago, I was passing through the little town of Pepperelbo, and recollecting some of the incidents related above, bethought me to ascertain if Bill had kept his pledge. I could not recollect his sur-name, and was obliged to inquire for "Lazy Bill," as of old. Nobody knew him, or could tell where he lived. Finally, I called at a house, and interrogated the woman industriously for the whereabouts of "Lazy Bill," but she knew nothing of him, and turned to go away. Just then an old gentleman passed the house. "There's uncle Simon Leighton," said the woman, "and he knows where your man lives, if any body docs." "Where I hurried into the street, and soon overtaking uncle Simon, put to him the question. does Lazy Bill live." PLUTARCH has well observed, superstition is much worse than atheism, since it must be less of. fensive to deny the existence of such a deity as Saturn, than to admit his existence, and affirm, that he was such an unnatural monster, as even to devour his own children. THE GRAVE YARD. THERE is a feeling of sadness pervading the soul, at sight, or thought of a grave.yard; and disguise it as we may, the mind cannot but be awe struck, while dwelling on its lonely tenants, who like us, once trod its surface, and breathed the "balmy air Archbishop Tillotson says, According as of life." We may look at Death with composure, men's notions of God are, such will their religions and even desire his coming; but we shudder in be if they have gross and false conceptions of sight of the grave, and would fain find other tene- God, their religion will be absurd and superstitious. ment for our mortal bodies, than that lone, nar. If men fancy God to be an ill-natured Being, armrow house," from which there is no escape, untiled with infinite power, who takes delight in the the resurrection morn! And why this sensitive- misery and ruin of his creatures, and is ready to in prospect of our general home? When the take all advantages against them, they may fear body becomes enfeebled, and emaciated with dis- him, but they will hate him, and they will be apt ease; and the mind sickened, and disgusted with to be such towards one another, as they fancy God the changes, and perplexities of life; it would seem to be toward them; for all religion doth naturally that we should rather yearn for, than dread that incline men to imitate him whom they worship." little silent spot; where both may rest in undis. ness, "That's his name," I replied, "though I did turbed repose, until gathered in the fold of Him, not know he was a carriage-maker." "He lives on the old spot," said Simon; "just where he has lived for twelve years, but he don't look much like 66 Lazy Bill now, I can tell you." called " who notes our every trial, and heeds our every want. Besides it is not an eternal abode, and its gloomy recesses are tenanted with the great and good of all nations; and no one descends there a solitary inmate; but towering ambition sleeps un. I hurried on, and soon came to the place where, boastingly by the side of humility, wealth and two years before, I had dropped the miserable being poverty rest quietly together; the man of letters Lazy Bill," whom I had taken from the and distinction lies silently at the feet of the mute, groggery of the village below, to pilot me to a hoor the idiot; while he, who flourished in purple, tel. The old hovel had been torn down, and on its and fared sumptuously every day; can occupy no side stood a pretty white cottage, surrounded with larger space than the poor humble beggar, who a yard of flowers, just withering from the effects craved his scanty crust from door to door. We are of an autumn frost. Beyond was a large building so constituted by nature, that we dread any thing which from the sounds proceeding from it, I judg-like punishment, and this circumstance may pered it to be the work-shop of William Smith, the haps, account for our dread of the grave. The carriage-maker. Thither I bent my steps, and on enquiring for Mr. Smith, was pointed to a noble looking workman in the farther end of the shop, whose manly bearing and healthy looking countenance were evidence enough that the pledge had remained unbroken. On my approach he recognized me, shook my hand heartily, and throwing off his apron, invited me into the house. We walked in together, and there I found one of the prettiest and happiest families I had ever set eyes upon. penalty of our first parents, sin" Unto dust shall The wife was all joy and contentment, the children all animation and beauty, the oldest boy was at work in the shop, but on learning that it was "the stranger" who had called, he came in and appeared overjoyed to see me. Our meeting there was indeed a glorious one; and nev-patiently, and perhaps complainingly, sigh for those er shall I forget the warm grasp of the hand that the father gave me, on taking my leave of "Atheism," observes a Christian philosopher, "leaves a man to sense, to philosophy, to natural piety, to laws, to reputation; all which may be guides to an outward moral virtue, though religion were not; but superstition dismounts all these, and erecteth an absolute monarchy in the minds of men." In point of fact, the misrepresentation of a deity, leads immediately to the denial of his existence; a result which has not escaped the acuteness of Plutarch. "The atheist says that writer, contributes not in the least to superstition; but superstition, baving given out so hideous an idea of the Deity, has frightened many into the utter disbelief of any such being; because, they think it much better, nay, more reasonable, that there should be no deity, than one whom they see more reason to hate and abominate, than to love, honour and reverence. Thus inconsiderate men, shocked at the deformity of superstition, run directly into the opposite extreme of atheism, heedlessly skipping over true piety, which is the golden mean between both." How certainly should we avoid the degrading superstition of demonism, did we but act upon the following position of Archbishop Tillotson:"Every good man is, in some degree, partaker of the divine nature, and feels that in himself, which he conceives to be in God; he sees the image of God in himself, and is able to discourse of him from an inward sense and feeling of his excellency." If we thus behold the Deity reflected in our own hearts, no wonder that the religion of the good man should be rational and cheerful, and that of the bad man superstitious and gloomy. How forcibly "untried scenes," that promise such a glorious does the latter recall the passage in Bacon's noble and joyful rest, from all that now disturbs him?-essay-"Of Unity in Religion," where he saysTo me, it seems, that our dismal impressions of "It was a great blasphemy when the devil said, the grave are kindly given, to make us reconciled "I will ascend, and be like the Highest; but it is to life; and when despondingly we fear its deep-greater blasphemy to personate God, and bring him ened bed; would we but look beyond its narrow in, saying-"I will descend, and be like the Prince precints, our faith might overcome our fears, and of Darkness." Surely this is to bring down the enable us to be content to sleep within its bosom, Holy Ghost, instead of the likeness of a dove, in until awakened to a new and better life by Him, the shape of a vulture, or raven; and to set out of who alone hath triumphed over the grave, and will the bark of the Christian Church a flag of a bark lead his children all unharmed, from out its chill of pirates and assassins." embrace. E. Hudson, Oct. 1849. A YANKEE in Boston is about to petition for a licence to whittle the board of Aldermen. STRIKING DEFINITION. Ar the examination of the children of the Windsor Infant School, a short time since, a little boy was asked to explain his idea of "bearing 66 false witness against your neighbor." After hesitating, he said it was telling tales."-On which the worthy and reverend examiner said, "That is not exactly an answer. What do you say?" addressing a little girl who stood next, when she immediately replied, "It was when nobody did nothing, and somebody went and told of it." "Quite right," said the examiner, amidst irrepressible roars of laughter, in which he could not help joining, the gravity of the whole proceeding being completely upset. 迎 GALLOWS. of his being in the army. Why he ever entered it, an " PRIVATE SUBSCRIPTIONS. THE best pun we have lately seen is Horn's last. Speaking of the tea tax he tells a story of a wag in New-York, who, seeing a man driving a tack into a eard, through the letter t of the word "Boston" printed on it, seized the latter's arm and exclaim. that laying tax on tea in Boston once raised a ed-Why, what are you about? Don't know you thundering muss there?" ROBEER'S ARGUMENT.-" If I don't get that man's money, somebody else will, therefore I'll rob him." I am in general an enemy to Subscriptions of RUMSELLER'S ARGUMENT.-If I don't sell him this nature; .first, because my own finances are by liquor, somebody else will, and I might as well no means in a flourishing plight; and secondly, have his money as any person. Will any sane man show us any reason why the robber's argubecause pecuniary assistance, thus conferred, must be equally painful to the donor and the receiver.ment is not as good as the rumseller's?-NonpaAs I feel, however, the sincerest gratitude for your public services, and regard for your private worth, I have great pleasure in subscribing—(Here the the leaf, and finished the perusal of the note, which It is a cure without being a prevention of crime. It is calculated, that since the suspension of bank payments, 800 human beings have been executed for forgery alone! In the year 1832, an important improvement was effected in our penal code, by the entire repeal of the punishment of death, as it regarded five classes of criminals. It is curious to observe how, in all cases, the good sense and humanity of the public outstrip those of judges and legislators, who, being gener. ally both hardened and blinded by habit, neither feel for the criminal, nor sec the iniquity of the law. Singular inconsistency! that many of the same clear-sighted and kind-hearted people, who rail against the severity of our code, as utterly incon-worthy Baronet, big with expectation, turned over sistent with the special injunctions and mild spirit of Christianity, will still subject those who differ from them in matters of faith to all the damnatory clauses of their vindicative creed. They are religiously bent upon mitigating every code but the religious, and would alleviate the punishment of all offenders, except those who have committed the irremissible crime of differing from them in opinion. And yet, what are the comparatively painless three or four minutes of hanging, to an eternity of exquisite anguish? Oh! why will not men adopt the healing, the consolatory, the bless-who was to have enacted the heroine, deeming ed and blessing spirit of Christianity, instead of the occasional bitterness of its letter? why will they not read the universe, instead of the perversions and anathemah of gloomy fanatics, and believe, that in a future state the doom, even of the guilty, will be measured by the wisdom, the justice, the mercy of the Creator, rather than by the misdeeds of the creature? SOLDIER. MARCH OF INTELLECT. A POOR Woman, said to be 90 years of age, was waiting outside the doors of the Cheltenham Theatre two hours before their opening, having walked eight miles to see "Jane Shore." Mrs. McGibbon, such devotion to the drama madness, asked her GRACE MAL-APROPOS. A MILLINER's apprentice, about to wait upon a Duchess, was fearful of committing some error in her deportment. She, therefore, consulted a friend as to the manner in which she should address this great personage; and was told that, on going be the Duchess, she must say her Grace, and so on. Accordingly away went the girl, and, on being introduced, after a very low courtesy, she said, "For what I am going to receive, the Lord make me truly thankful.”—To which the Duchess answered, "Amen." A MAN machine, so thoroughly deprived of its human portion, that at the breath of another man machine, it will blindly inflict or suffer destruction.fore Divested of his tinsel trappings, his gold lace, fea. thers, music, and the glitter of the false glory with which it has been attempted to dazzle the world as to his real state, it is difficult to imagine anything more humiliating, than the condition of a soldier. Nothing so much shows the triumph of opinion and usage over fact, of the conventional over the abstract, as that a profession, apparently so much at variance with all their feelings, should be chosen by gentlemen of independence, humanity, and reflection. Nothing is more redeeming to our common nature than that such men, placed in a Few sphere so expressly calculated to make them both slavish and tyrannical, should generally preserve their good qualities from contamination. characters so honourable, few gentlemen so cour. teous, few companions so agreeable as a British officer; but this is not in consequence, but in spite A WISE PRIEST. A PIOUS African, at Louisville, stumbled while walking on a very dark night, and was pitched head foremost down a cellar which afforded him reil. A COUNTRY youth who had returned home from a visit to the city, was asked by his anxious dad if he had been guarded in his conduct while there. “Oh yes,” replied the ingenious lad, “I was guarded by two constables most of the time." A BACHELOR having advertised for a wife to share his lot, an "anxious inqnirer" solicited information as to the size of that lot. VALUABLE RECIPES. IRON CEMENT.-Common wood ashes and salt, made into a paste with a little water. With this mixture, an aperture through which the fire or smoke penetrates, may be closed in a moment. Its effect is equally certain whether the stove be hot or cold. LEMON SYRUP.-Take one pound of Havana sugar, boil it in water down to a quart; drop in the white of an egg, and strain it; add one quarter of an ounce of tartaric acidlet it stand two days; shake it often. Four drops of oil of lemon will much improve it. SLATE COLOR.-Tea-grounds boiled in iron, set with copperas, makes a good slate color. Letters Containing Remittances, Received at this Office, ending Wednesday last, deducting the amount of postage paid. M. M. McC. Ira, N. Y. $4,00; D. B. P. Paine's Hollow, N. Y. $4,00; P. M. Reynale's Basin, N. Y. $4,00; J. C. N. New Marlboro', Ms. $1.00; P. M. Somerset, N. Y. $4,00; G. H. O. Brand's Iron Works, R. I. $1,00; P. M. Siloam, N. Y. $2.00; P. M. Northampton, Ms. $4.00; J. M. W. Preble, N. Y. $4,00; E. B. W. Flint Creek, N. Y. $1,00; P. M. East Lansing, N. Y. $2,00; T. N. New-York, N. Y. $3.00; H. L. K. Burnt Ordinary, Vn. $3,00; P. M. Cleaveland, O. $1,00; E. S. Ithaca, N. Y. 83,00; C. W. H. Port Byron, N. Y. $4.00 H. A. G. North Cohocton, N. Y. $4,00; N. H. Steventown, N. Y. $1,00; D. C. P. Little Falls, N. Y. $5,52; C. J. Cornwallsville, N. Y. $1,00; J. E. D. Morristown, N. Y. $1,00; J. K. Centre Cambridge, N. Y. $5.00; E. B. Pompey Centre, N. Y. $1,00; A. W. Flint Creek, N. Y. $0,25; A. N. Killingworth, Conn. $1,00; E. W. Rochester, N. Y. $1,00; G. P. Bremen, Ind. $3,00. MARRIAGES. In this city, by the Rev. Dr. Gosman, Nathaniel A. Lyford, to Emeline T. Forbes, both of Claverack. On the 224 ult. by the Rev. Mr. Tuttle, Mr. Thomas W. Kemble, of Williamsburgh, L. I. to Miss Caroline L. Carpenter, of this city. By the Rev. Dr. Gosman, Nathaniel A. Lyford to Emeline F. Forbes, both of Claverack. DEATHS. In this city, on the 3d inst. William O. King, long a resident of this city, in the 63 year of his age. |