strate their strength and munition. We can number their Captains and Generals. We can discover their designs and confederates. And finally, we can lay plots to cross and make void all their purposes, and stratagems, which these home-bred and country-spun people can never attain unto. Therefore by good right we are had in esteem and special request and courteously received of counsellors of state wheresoever we come. Neither do we tie ourselves to any one dominion more than another, but indifferently to all states we deliver freely the condition of every nation. And the place we fall into is our best beloved so long as there we tarry and not a minute longer. We oblige ourselves to no Prince for gold nor gain, nor be pensioners to any monarch: but with desire to see more we pass through all governments unchecked and uncontrolled, because we take part with none, offend none, nor are false to any. And this life we love above all lives, not content with any life but that which seeks another life.

Enter Simplo and Noverindo. Monsieur Proberio, you are welcome home.

Pro. That's more than you know, Signor Simplo, what country shall be my home? Sim. Then you are welcome into England.

Pro. Thanks, gentle Simplo.

Sim. What news? And what company came over with you?

Pro. News I have none but ordinary to tell you. With the State I shall have some business. And in my company came over an old acquaintance of yours, one Signor Antonio, a man of extraordinary action and faction.

Sim. If it be the man I conjecture him to be, his name is plain Anthony, an Englishman born some seventy miles from London north-west, and hath been beyond seas some eleven or twelve years.

Pro. That's the man. But we call him Signor Antonio, by reason of his travels in Italy and other places.

Sim. As he hath changed his name and country, hath he not altered his conditions? I assure you he was very honest and of good expectation before he went.

Pro. No, upon my word. He came over a great deal better than he went, and well qualified: and there was no doubt but he would continue so still but that covetousness, and the devil's on't.

Sim. What were a great pity.

is he given to that? It

Pro. Well, this Sir Antonio, or Anthony, whether you will, hath seen many countries and learned many strange qualities.

Sim. Strange qualities! be they as good as they be strange?

Pro. Nay, do you judge. I'll tell you some of them; and if you like them we'll put them in print and set them up to be sold at the Hospital porch near St. Nicholas shambles, and annexed to the great thing in Magna Charta, or magno folio, entitled an Admonition to Householders."

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Sim. Well, if they deserve so, it shall be so: and I'll bestow the cost in printing, and deal with a friend for their allowance sub privilegio.

Pro. But first I'll account to thee what accidents we had in travel.

Sim. But I'll hear nothing till I hear them.

Pro. No? what if I should first read a Sermon preached within these seven days at Amsterdam by a man of most pure profession and invention not ordinary, passing all that lived before or behind him in the novel strain; himself of the right cut of Carolstadius: in which sermon he proves most devoutly that it is idolatry to fight against the Turk. Wouldst thou not hear that first?

Sim. No, what tell'st thou me of sermons? let's have these qualities without any more digressions.

Pro. Well, since you are so desirous you shall have them by wholesale, retail them at leisure, when you come home.

Imprimis, when he liveth in a great town like London, he loves to lie in a corner over the kitchen because the jack shall not whirl too often to waken or distract him in prayer. His dinners are for the most part ordinary, except four days in the week he visits his house-keeping friends. And at supper a couple of eggs and a bit of cheese is a choice diet after a liberal dinner; besides it saves fire and washing of dishes.

Sim. But if I were his man, if he kept no better cheer at his chamber I would make the cheese fry until the butter were spent.

Pro. But your cunning would fail you : for he hath a trick beyond your reach for preserving his cheese. But to the next.

Secondly, he so cavils and wrangles with any man that he deals withal, that they never agree or love after, and yet every Saturday he makes even with all the world.

length he set foot at his own stable door, pecuniis numeratis remaining entire in his right pocket. And the like he can do retrogrado to London, but by variety of friends, because the same news may be news forward and backward.

Sim. This is a very plain trick, and needs no such encomions and epithets of commendation as you bestow on it. Pro. Is it so, sir? there's your judgment, and bolt soon shot. But if I show that it is a very diffici!. ambiguous, perilous, perplexed and involved stratagem, what will become of your opinion hereafter?

Sim. Whoo! here's a business about riding a few miles by many gentlemen's houses, as though it requires such ingenious circumstances.

Pro. Ay, that it does, sir. And I undertake to make it appear, though perhaps you have never a cap-case to put it in.

First, Signor Anthony so soon as he puts foot in the stirrup, is to fear lest the master and mistress should not be at home, and his perplexity in that case is very hardly dissolved.

Secondly, how to carry his tales and discourses methodically.

Thirdly, to take heed he discover no familiarity with the gentleman's adversary. Lastly, what kind of farewell he were best to take at parting. These be matters of mighty moment (as thou seest) which he hath to cast, and recast; to meditate and ponder; to toss and tumble; to revolve and resolve; to put forward with pro, and pull back with contra; to object and confute, to throw doubts and mishaps like snowballs, and against them then to erect bulwarks and defences; to admit wounds and scars and to apply salves; to conclude, come what come will, to have cordials in store, and all little enough to save his best beloved in his purse. And yet thou Dunstable breed thought'st it as easy a matter to perform them handsomely as to make a good posset with a quart of new milk and a quantity of clear chamber-lye.

Sim. Sir, I confess all these be far above my element, and that in many years' study I cannot comprehend one of them; therefore I leave them to your cavalier without peer in mine opinion. Hath he any more qualities of this nature? Let's have them, for at least I shall learn some wit out of them.

Pro. Thou learn wit out of them! never while thou livest; nor honesty neither.

Pro. Not fit, I wis, to receive such positions without due preparation.

Sim. What shall I do to be made fit for their operation? I'll take any course thou wilt prescribe me to get perfection. And I can imitate like an ape.

Pro. Thou makest a large offer, and a rash, which full soon, I doubt, thou wilt revoke: but I'll try thee. Before thou begin to profess this art, thou must forget all rules and instructions of manners taught thee by thy fathers, godfathers, or schoolmasters, and renounce all good counsel given thee from the beginning of the world to this day: that so being an empty and void vessel, thou mayest be the more apt to receive the tincture and impression applied. And thus begin thy A, B, C in Match villains' school. Otherwise, if thou shouldst reserve but so much as a secret intention to keep thine old honesty on the one side of thy head, and lay open the t'other side to entertain these restless and still stirring crotchets, there would be such hurly-burly in thy brain, that all the wit thou hast will not keep them in order. Therefore, if thou desirest to be of the cunning crew, and withal lovest thine own peace, come clear without wit or honesty, we'll teach enough in a week to serve thee all thy lifetime. I'll bring thee acquainted, and then I'll turn him loose to teach and furnish thee with destructions enough for a whole country.

Sim. Destructions! What should I do with them except it were to destroy others? But I doubt I shall pay dear for my schooling, and that I like not. But for the other point of parting with my former good lessons, 'faith, I can quickly do that, for I never gained anything by them, therefore I can be content to come to him as naked as ever I was born.

Pro. That's great step to your well profiting I may say to you; and 'tis a great sign of grace to be obedient, and wholly to resign yourself to good inspira

tions but canst thou tell when thou hast good counsel given thee?

Sim. Not I, no more than a child. For now you have made me put off all my old learning, I am become a very innocent, as if I were this day taken from my mammy; but I trust you because you are my friend. I hope you'll put me to none but such as shall teach me enough for my money. And you say he is wise and will give me samples enough, and then I warrant you I'll take 'em like a sponge till I be twice so big as I am.

Pro. Well, then thus far we are agreed. And I wish you not to stand upon his getting by you, lest you be penny-wise and pound foolish.

Sim. How learned you his cunning so perfectly? have you known him long?

Pro. Sir, it may be I'll pleasure you so much; but to the matter: canst thou disprove me in anything I said?

Nov. Yes, that I can, and that I will. I can disprove thee in that thou saidst he never deals with any man, but he cavils and wrangles with him, which is untrue. And I had much ado to keep in my mother tongue, but could have found in my heart presently to have put the lie down thy throat, but I did bridle my nature to hear all thou wouldst speak. And now to demonstrate thy falsehood, I say and will justify that he is as good a ten i'th' hundred man either to give or take as any is in London : and that he keeps his days (especially of receipt) as strictly to an hour as any man. And further, that he cavilleth or wrangleth not with any man in this kind: therefore you are a lying fellow.

Pro. Not too forward with your lies, Noverindo, if you love yourself; for though

Sim. Has he been in Italy then, as you said before?

Pro. Ay, that he has, and carried from thence more than all the towns in Italy could spare.

Sim. What's that?

Pro. I will not tell thee, thou hast already more than thou canst well bear: thou art almost drunk with the very smell of his wit, or else thou wouldst never so idly ask me a question which I told thee twenty times.

Nov. Monsieur Proberio, I have heard all the conference between you and Simplo, and I do so much mislike your discourse that I cannot choose but oppose myself in my friend's behalf, whom I hear egregiously to be wronged by you, Proberio.

Pro. In what, Noverindo, have I done him injury?

Nov. In all your speech generally; and in many particulars.

Pro. O universal Noverindo, in what particulars?

Nov. 'Tis no matter; I'll tell him all when we meet next.

Pro. That's no matter, but canst thou disprove me in anything I said? or dost thou know any good by him that I have not spoken of?

Nov. 'Faith, or else I know but little; for if you praise a friend on this fashion, I pr'ythee speak the worst thou canst by

me.

yet know I can make you give me satisfaction upon your knee if I would complain: but I will seek no such advantage. for the cause itself gives me victory enough over thee, and returns the lie most bravely into thy gullet. I can prove, Noddy Noverindo, that in thy own trade and his of decem per cent., when he lost 100., which the scrivener delivered his own messenger after the bond sealed (who ran away with the money) he brake his day, and sued the scrivener, striving to recover the whole or some composition by that

means.

Nov. But did he recover any? or did the scrivener give him anything? oco?

Pro. He recovered not, nor got anything from the scrivener. But was not this a wrangle, and a shameful cavil? yea, and with a Noverint man himself, which thou deniest? ooo; now thou liest in thy swallowing place, Noverindo.

Nov. Signor Simplo, help me a little. Canst thou say no good of this gentleman? it frets me to the heart to hear a man of our own making to be thus misused.

Sim. 'Faith, not I, not much; saving that I have heard many years ago that he was a reasonable honest man, but for 's religion; and they say still he's a kind of a Papist.

Nov. Now what a rascal 'tis ! do I call thee to speak in his behalf, and dost thou prate of religion? what has he or I to do with religion? I dare swear that he's an honest man of no religion [Intrat Antonio], and