Изображения страниц
PDF
EPUB

reading, defeat all my attempts to study more than halfan-hour at a time. All that I can do is only by fits and starts. There is no human being whose society I can enjoy for a single conversation. I know nobody; and a dispute which I had with one of the members of the Scotch College, has brought me into an embarrassment extremely disagreeable. I went to a landlord whom he recommended, whose servant broke open my lock, and plundered me to some amount. I left the house, and told the monk my reason. Irritated at my relating such a story of his friend's house, he spoke to me once or twice in a manner rather strange. I answered sharply, and told him I wished to have no further connexion or acquaintance with him. A few nights ago, as I was going into the monastery, after vespers, Father B—— dogged me into the refectory, and, without ceremony or preface, attacked me with the most blackguard scurrility. I never found myself so completely carried away by indignation: I flew at the scoundrel, and would have soon rewarded his insolence, had not the others interposed. But, prevented as I have been from proceeding to extremities, what I have done is punishable by law; and the wretch has malevolence enough to take advantage of my rashness. Oh, if I had him at the foot of John's Hill! I would pummel his carroty locks, and thrash him to the gates of purgatory! I saw him to-day; I was on the bridge along with him, and had grasped my yellow stick to answer his first salutation, if he had dared to address me, but he slunk past without saying a word. This monster is equally hated by all his fellow monks and all his fellow citizens; even the landlord, whose cause he espoused, and who is, after all, no ill-dispositioned man, told me in bad Latin,

*

* John's Hill, his father's residence, near Edinburgh.

that F. B. had not acted from regard to him, but from hatred to me. You must observe, I dealt openly with the landlord; told him my reason for leaving him, but acquitted him of all blame. He was sorry to lose a lodger, but acquiesced in the justice of my apology for quitting him.

War, it is said, is to break out: I feel myself so curious to know the particulars of the campaign, and so little afraid of the French, that I propose to go to Munich, provided Klenau does not attack them here; but it is more probable that our neighbourhood will be the scene of hostilities. Write to me at all events-for God's sake do; your idea is continually in my mind; the confidence with which I repose upon your regard, and the prospect of enjoying your society, is the main prop of my happiness. God knows, if I did not expect to be yet blessed with that good fortune, I should have little to console me here.

Farewell: I need not wish you happiness, for you have it already in your own disposition. Think of me, as my sentiments entitle me to share your regard; for none can more strongly appreciate your value than yours most sincerelyT. C.

298

CHAPTER XIII.

PILGRIMAGE CONTINUED.

AFTER the lapse of more than two months' silence, during which he had been a prey to many painful conjectures as to its cause, his suspense was most happily removed by the long-expected letters, which are thus acknowledged:

TO MR. RICHARDSON.

MY DEAR AND VALUED FRIEND,

RATISBON, Sept. 25, 1800.

The arrival of your blessed letter has elevated my spirits beyond description. I feel as if raised from the ground-where I seemed to lie maimed and neglectedto all the delicious sensations of pleasure, which arise from self-congratulation upon the possession of an amiable and constant friend. Why did I ever suppose your silence a symptom of that severe misfortune-the abatement of your regard—which would embitter my present life, and deprive me of the power of dreaming about happiness in future? Forgive me, Richardson: forgive what the distress of my heart suggested at a time when it was deprived of every comfort. I could have supported sickness and solitude, or what is worse than solitude, the partial intercourse I have had with degraded and malicious beings; *

Alluding to certain persons-one of whom was a Scotch monk-who had misrepresented him.

but I could not support the privation of all intercourse with the heart that seemed almost singly capable of cherishing my friendship, or of imparting consolation to my distress.

From the world at large, I will always hide my emotions-weakness it will perhaps be called. Even to the civil half-friendly-half-good and half-bad-half-acquaintances, half-friends, I will ever be reserved; but to such as you, no thought that affects my peace or my unhappiness shall be dubiously expressed. I know you. I pride myself upon discovering a being as uncommon among his species, as a diamond among mines. I have made all my heart your own; and I am too proud of my skill in human nature to retract my admiration-for I assure you it is no foible of mine to admire, to value, to love, or express my regard indiscriminately. Believe me, then, when I say, that for many days before this-when your welcome handwriting met my eyes-I was reduced to a state of imbecility which deprived me of that last consolation, which my fever has hardly spared, the perusal of a few books. I knew not where to turn the roads and weather hardly admitted of long walks. I read a sentence; but it was merely the letters, for my mind was too distressed to follow the sense. I turned to Sir J. Ingleby, the only Englishman in the place. He has shown me attention, and deserves my gratitude; but alas! he does not know me.-I found no pleasure, either in society or alone.

Your letter has wrought a charm. Oh, Richardson! you see me but a poor dependent being, who cannot support, with common fortitude, what others would account but the trifling ills of life. How the censorious and hardhearted world would have laughed to have seen me in tears, when I turned over the little case that contains your

last gift! What a weak, contemptible child I should have seemed, when, unable to draw happiness from any store of my own creation-unable to read, to write, to walk, to speak, or even to think of any subject but the separation of my friends, and the want of your society. herd of my fellow-beings shall never have despise me for discovering such a weakness. none but yourself; for I never sighed for the want of their society-it was for yours.

The savage occasion to I tell it to

Of Germany I shall say little at present. I can only remark, in general, with the old and hackneyed saying, that human nature is the same in all countries: some good-some bad. No, no, no! Mr. Old Maxim; all bad -all selfish and malicious-all degraded and despicable. What is to be said of the chosen few, such as thou, my dear Richardson-the Grahames and the Hills? Oh, it is true, there are such-at least there may be beings of that description among the millions of existence. But why talk of that class as a part of the human race? No, no; human nature I have seen in the true light-in the proper attitude: I mean in the glorious employment of cutting throats-that is the scene for man to act in! Leave the vile creatures to their wars, their superstitions, and their law-suits! Are not we unlike them? Yes; I am so full of hatred to them, and regard for you, that I constitute a separation, in my fancy, between them and ourselves.

Pleasures yet await us in Germany, unconnected with the vile herds that encumber existence-the delights of that sublime scenery which, in Germany, is yet unimpaired by the impertinent intrusion of human improvement! Since my sickness, I have explored new and wonderful regions of romantic scenery, on the Danube and its tributary streams. Formerly I talked of scenery from pictures and imagination. But now I feel clevated to an enthu

« ПредыдущаяПродолжить »