And on the cause and question now in hand The reasons you allege do more conduce Than wife is to the husband? if this law In doing wrong extenuates not wrong, But makes it much more heavy. Hector's opinion My spritely brethren, I propend to you In resolution to keep Helen still; For 't is a cause that hath no mean dependence Upon our joint and several dignities. Tro. Why, there you touch'd the life of our design: Were it not glory that we more affected Than the performance of our heaving spleens, I would not wish a drop of Trojan blood Spent more in her defence. But, worthy Hector, A spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds; Whose present courage may beat down our foes, Hect. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The Grecian Camp. Before Achilles' Tent. Enter THERSITES. Ther. How now, Thersites? what, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? he beats me, and I rail at him: O worthy satisfaction! would it were otherwise: that I could beat him, whilst he railed at me: Sfoot, I'll learn to conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles,-a rare engineer. If Troy be not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove the king of gods; and, Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy Caduceus; if ye take not that little little less-than-little wit from them that they have! which short-armed ignorance itself knows is so abundant scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a spider, without drawing the massy irons, and cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole camp! or rather, the bone-ache! for that, me thinks, is the curse dependant on those that war for a placket. I have said my prayers; and devil envy, say Amen. What, ho! my lord Achilles! Enter PATROCLUS. Patr. Who's there? Thersites ? good Thersites, come in and rail. Ther. If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but it is no matter: Thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy direction till thy death! then if she that lays thee out says thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon 't, she never shrouded any but lazars. Amen. Where 's Achilles? Patr. What, art thou devout? wast thou in a prayer? Ther. Ay: the heavens hear me! Enter ACHILLES. Achil. Who's there? Patr. Thersites, my lord. Achil. Where, where?-Art thou come? Why, my cheese, my digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table so many meals?-Come; what's Agamemnon? Ther. Thy commander, Achilles :-Then tell me, Patroclus, what's Achilles? Patr. Thy lord, Thersites: Then tell thee, what's thyself? me, Ι pray Ther. Thy knower, Patroclus: Then tell me, Pa troclus, what art thou? Patr. Thou mayst tell that knowest. Achil. O, tell, tell. Ther. I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus' knower; and Patroclus is a fool. Patr. You rascal! Ther. Peace, fool; I have not done. Achil. He is a privileged man.-Proceed, Thersites. Ther. Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites is a fool; and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool. Achil. Derive this; come. Ther. Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles; Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon; Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool; and Patroclus is a fool positive. Patr. Why am I a fool? Ther. Make that demand of the prover.-It suffices me thou art. Look you, who comes here? Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, DIOMEDES, and AJAX. Achil. Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody: in with me, Thersites. : -Come [Exit. Ther. Here is such patchery, such juggling, and such knavery! all the argument is, a cuckold and a whore: A good quarrel, to draw emulous factions, and bleed to death upon. Now the dry serpigo on the subject! and war, and lechery, confound all! [Exit. Agam. Where is Achilles? Patr. Within his tent; but ill-disposed, my lord. Agam. Let it be known to him that we are here. He shenta our messengers, and we lay by Our appertainments, visiting of him: Let him be told so; lest, perchance, he think Patr. I shall so say to him. [Exit. Ulyss. We saw him at the opening of his tent; He is not sick. a Shent-rebuked. Ajax. Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart: you may call it melancholy, if you will favour the man; but, by my head, it is pride: But why, why? let him show us the cause.- -A word, my lord. [Takes AGAM. aside. Nest. What moves Ajax thus to bay at him? Ulyss. Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him. Ulyss. He. Nest. Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his argument. Ulyss. No; you see, he is his argument that has his argument,-Achilles. Nest. All the better; their fraction is more our wish than their faction: But it was a strong counsel a fool could disunite. Ulyss. The amity that wisdom knits not, folly may easily untie. Here comes Patroclus. Re-enter PATROCLUS. Nest. No Achilles with him. Ulyss. The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy: His legs are legs for necessity, not for flexure. Patr. Achilles bids me say-he is much sorry Agam. Much attribute he hath; and much the reason VOL. IX. P |