does not believe; who neglects practice for profession, and God for his Grace; who bribes a mistress, or sacrifices a sister for preferment; who preaches faith without works, and damns all who differ from him, may be an orthodox divine, and only LABOURING in his VOCATION.

The lawyer, who makes truth falsehood, and falsehood truth; who pleads the cause of the oppressor against the innocent, and brings ruin upon the wretched, is a man of eminence in the world, and the companion of honest men: LYING is his TRADE, and he is only LABOURING in his VOCA

TION.

The physician, who visits you three times a day in a case that he knows to be incurable; who denies his assistance to the poor, and writes more for the apothecary than the patient, is an HONEST physician, and only LABOURING in his VOCATION.

The fine lady of fashion, who piques herself upon her virtue, perhaps a little too much; who attends the sermon every Sunday, and prayers every weekday: and who if she slanders her best friends, does it only to reform them, may innocently indulge herself in a little CHEATING at CARDS; she has made it her VOCATION.

The tradesman, who assures you upon his honest word that he will deal justly with you; yet sells you his worst commodities at the highest price, and exults at over-reaching you, is a GOOD MAN, and only LABOURING in his VOCATION.

The infidel, who, fond of an evil fame, would rob you of a religion that inculcates virtue, and insures happiness as its reward; who laughs at an hereafter, and takes from you the only expectation that can make life endurable, is a DEALER in TRUTH, and only LABOURING in his VOCATION.

The author, who to insure a sale to his works,

throws out his slander against the good, and poisons the young and virtuous by tales of wantonness and indecency, is a WRITER Of SPIRIT, and only LABOURING in his VOCATION.

:

To take characters in the gross the gamester, who cheats you at play; the man of pleasure, who corrupts the chastity of your wife; the friend, who tricks you in a horse; the steward, who defrauds you in his accounts; the butler, who robs you of your wine; the footman, who steals your linen; the housekeeper, who overcharges you in her bills; the gardener, who sends your fruit to market; the groom who starves your horses to put their allowance in his pocket; in short, the whole train of servants, who impose upon you in the several articles entrusted to their care, are only receiving their LAWFUL PERQUISITES, and LABOURING in their VOCATIONS.

I know but one set of men, who ought commonly to be excepted in this general charge; and those are the projectors. The schemes of all such men are usually too romantic to impose upon the credulity of the world; and not being able to plunder their employers, they are LABOURING in their VOCATIONS to cheat only themselves.

I would not be misunderstood upon this occasion, as if I meant to advise all people to be honest, and to do as they would be done by in their several vocations; far be it from me to intend any such thing; I am as well assured as they are, that it would not answer their purposes. The tyrant would have no glory without conquests: his ministers no followers without bribes; the patriot no place without opposition; the man in office no perquisites without fraud; the divine no pluralities without time-serving; the lawyer no clients without lying; the physician no practice without apothecaries;

the tradesman no country-house without exacting; the fine lady no routs without cheating; the infidel no fame without proselytes; and the author no dinner without slander and wantonness; the gamester would be undone; the man of pleasure inactive; the gentleman-jockey would sell his horse at half-price; and the steward, the butler, the footman, the housekeeper, the gardener, the groom, and the whole train of servants, lose their necessary perquisites.

The old maxim, that 'honesty is the best policy,' has been long ago exploded: but I am firmly of opinion, that the APPEARANCE of it might, if well put on, promote a man's interest, though the REALITY must destroy it. I would therefore recommend it to persons in all vocations (if it be but by way of trial, and for the novelty of the thing) to put on now and then the APPEARANCE of a little honesty. Most men have a natural dislike to be cheated with their eyes open; and though it is the fashion of the times to wear no concealment, yet to deceive behind the mask of integrity, has been deemed the most effectual method. To further this end, the APPEARANCE of a small portion of RELIGION would not be amiss: but I would by no means have this matter overdone, as it commonly is. Going to prayers every day, or singing psalms on a Sunday in a room next the street, may look a little suspicious, and set the neighbours upon the watch; nor would I advise that a tradesman should stand at the shop-door with a prayer-book in his hand, or that a lawyer should carry the Whole Duty of Man in his bag to Westminster-hall, and read it in court as often as he sits down: there are other methods that may answer the purpose of cheating much better. A yea and nay conversation, interrupted with a few sighs and groans for the iniquities of the wicked, loud responses at church, and long graces

at meals, with here and there a godly book lying in the window, or in places most in sight, will be of singular utility; and farther than this I would by no means advise.

To all those gentlemen and ladies who follow no vocations, and who have therefore no immediate interest in cheating, I would recommend the PRACTICE of honesty before the APPEARANCE of it. As such persons stand in no need of a cloak, I shall say nothing to them of religion, only that the REALITY of it might be useful to them in affictions; or if ever they should take it into their heads that they must one day die, it might possibly alleviate the bitterness of so uncommon a thought. To do as they would be done by, would in all probability render them happier in themselves, and lead them to the enjoyment of new pleasures in the happiness of others.

No. 185. THURSDAY, JULY 15, 1756.

TO MR. FITZ-ADAM.

SIR,

My case is a little singular, and therefore I hope you will let it appear in your paper. I should scarcely have attempted to make such a request, had not I very strictly looked over all the works of your predecessors, the Tatlers, Spectators, and Guardians, without a possibility of finding a parallel to my unhappy situation.

I am not henpecked; I am not grimalkined: I have no Mrs. Freeman with her Italian airs; but I have

a wife more troublesome than all three, by a certain ridiculous and unnecessary devotion that she pays to her father, amounting almost to idolatry. When I first married her, from that specious kind of weakness which meets with encouragement and applause, only because it is called good-nature, I permitted her to do whatever she pleased; but when I thought it requisite to pull in the rein, I found that her having the bit in her teeth, rendered the strength of my curb of no manner of use to me. Whenever I attempted to draw her in a little, she tossed up her head, snorted, pranced, and gave herself such airs, that unless I let her carry me where she pleased, my limbs, if not my life, were in danger. The love of power is inherent in the disposition of womankind; and I do not pretend that her vapours, hysterics, low spirits, or whatever else the learned are pleased to call them, are not equalled by thousands of married women in these melancholy kingdoms; but the father, the father is the point which distinguishes me from the rest of my brethren.

This old fellow is of a most capricious, unequal temper, and, like the satyr in the fable, blows hot and cold in the same breath. Sometimes he is very fond of me and my friends, and at other times he will not suffer us to look at him. In whatever mood the old gentleman thinks fit to appear, in the same mood madam his daughter dispenses her pouts and frowns, or her smiles and good-humour. Whatever shape old Proteus puts on, Cabera, his daughter, puts on the same. I call him Proteus, because though I have known him many years, I have never known him a week together in the same form. He is vapourish; so is his daughter: he is a quack; so is his daughter: one day he is an economist, even to the greatest degree of avarice;

VOL. III.

Y