THE DEAD HAND Daniel Webster is remembered chiefly for his ponderous eloquence and is not generally credited with having a light vein which was quite as effective as his words that "weighed a ton." He and Choate were pitted against each other in a will contest, at Springfield, Mass., Choate endeavoring to break the will, and Webster defending it. Choate dwelt on the alleged inequalities of the will, and especially anathemized the power of the "dead hand," and in closing his address to the jury said, "Gentlemen of the jury, look here upon the living, with all the hopes, fears, anxieties and tribulations of the living-think of them, and the dark auguries of their future-while John Smith is dead-DEAD-DEAD!" Silence reigned in the court room and it was supposed that the case was settled for the plaintiffs. But when Webster arose, he turned briskly to the jury, and in a quick, rather jaunty tone, said, "Gentlemen of the jury, this is an attempt to break the last will and testament of John Smith of Hampden County, yeoman! And when he made this will he wasn't dead, dead, dead!" The last three words uttered rapidly and with a half-suppressed titter brought the whole room to the verge of laughter. A prompt verdict sustained the will.-Dr. Adolf A. Berle. CAN'T TAKE KNOWLEDGE FOR GRANTED "Pardon me," said the late Justice Van Brunt of the Appellate Court, interrupting long quotations from authorities by a young lawyer who sought a reversal of the verdict against him, "I suggest that you get down to the merits of your own case." "Presently, your Honor, presently," responded the young lawyer. Yet he continued with renewed earnestness to expound the law as he saw it. "Let me suggest to you," said Justice Van Brunt, interrupting again, "that you get down to the merits of your case and take it for granted that the Court is familiar with the elementary principles of law." "No, your Honor, no," declared the young lawyer, with sincerity. "That was the mistake I made when I argued this case in the lower court."-Louis Wiley. NO SECOND A suit was brought in Justice Court by attorney representing a non-resident; the law required that a non-resident should give security for costs of court; no security was given. The Justice of the Peace was not at all learned in the law, but had had some experience in presiding over rural assemblies and had at least heard that there is such a thing as Parliamentary Law. When the case came on to be heard defendant's counsel arose and moved that the suit be dismissed on the ground that no security for costs had been given, as required by the statute. The old Justice sat in an expectant attitude, glancing from time to time at the plaintiff's counsel; hearing nothing further from either side, he finally turned to defendant's counsel and said: "Your motion is lost for want of a second."-W. B. Bowling, M. C. HAD ITS ADVANTAGES The late Joseph H. Choate when counsel for a large railroad called in Edward Lauterbach, then a young lawyer, to assist him in some routine work. On completion, Lauterbach submitted a bill for $500. Choate looked at it and turning to Lauterbach said, "Is this what you figure your services to be worth?" Lauterbach replied, "Why yes, Mr. Choate, as it's for a large railroad I didn't think it too much, but if you think so I'll cut it down." Choate said, "Humph, hand me that pen!" He took the pen and wrote the figure 2 in front of the $500, making the bill $2500, and handed it back to Lauterbach said, "That's a little more like it." Lauterbach looked at Choate with admiring eyes and said: "Verily, Mr. Choate, thou almost, persuadest me to be a Christian."-Charles J. Wiley. UNFORTUNATE Ex-Senator James Hamilton Lewis, then corporation counsel for the City of Chicago, was arguing before the United States Supreme Court the property damage cases resulting from alterations in the street railway tunnel under the Chicago River. After he had been upon his eloquent way for a half hour or more, the late Chief Justice White, leaning impressively forward, declared in his most "pulverizing" tone: "Colonel Lewis, I am utterly unable to understand at what you are driving." The eminent counsel paused, carefully "frisked" his roseate whiskers, adjusted his vest and replied: "Unfortunate, your Honor." Mr. Lewis was not again interrupted by the Chief Justice. -George M. Morris. IMPERSONATING AN OFFICER A Greek fruit vender complained vehemently to the police captain Heidelmeier, of Chicago, that each night a stranger passing his outside fruit stand helped himself to the fruit. Captain Heidelmeier said, "All right, I'll send a fly-cop over tonight." This detective caught the culprit in the act and walked him over to the police station where the captain was seated ponderously at his desk. The detective, on presenting his man, said, "Well, Captain, we got this bird who has been stealing the fruit over at Kostakos Bros. What will I book him for?" The old veteran was silent for a moment with his finger poised on the side of his nose, then he shouted, with a twinkle in his eye, "Book him for impersonating an officer."-Oscar G. Mayer. CONSTRUING THE LAW LITERALLY In a small town an old fellow owned a goat, intrinsic value possibly $1.50. The goat was extremely belligerent and his favorite battle ground was Main Street. When tax bills appeared the owner found his goat assessed at $20. Highly indignant he went to the town assessor and laid the case before him. The assessor (who was also Justice of the Peace) took down a well-worn copy of the city ordinances and read to him a section as follows: "Property abutting on Main Street shall be assessed at $10 per front foot."-T. D. Evans, Mayor, Tulsa, Oklahoma. A TIME IN EVERY MAN'S LIFE The applicant for clemency before the State Board of Pardons in Nebraska had been party to the theft of an automobile. He came from one of the smaller communities of the state and his parents were respectable, though poor. The gentleman who represented him as counsel before the Board was not known to have a very large practice at the Bar, and his efforts were directed, principally, toward impressing the Board with the humanitarian aspects of the case. It may be imagined, therefore, that full vent was given to his feelings, and flights of eloquence were liberally employed. Finally, after reciting that the applicant had been incarcerated in the pententiary for an unusual length of time, that his parents were poor and needed his support, and that he had previously appeared before the Board, he dramatically closed his arguments with this statement: "And, gentlemen of your honorable Board, you must bear in mind that there comes a time in every man's life when he should not be in the penitentiary."-Gov. Samuel R. McKelvie. CONTEMPT OF COURT The defendant was being tried for assault in the first degree, having badly beaten up the complaining witness. The defense's attorney in his zeal to protect the interest of his client, made many exceptions and offered to introduce certain evidence all of which was held to be irrelevant, incompetent, and immaterial, by the presiding Court. The attorney for the defense became quite indignant, in fact, very angry at the ruling of the presiding Judge, but being at a disadvantage was not able to satisfactorily express his feelings of contempt for the Court until he began to argue the case before the jury. Upon rising to present his argument to the jury, he faced the Court, and instead of addressing him in the commonly expected |