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DESERVED A REST

Once I was campaigning with a friend of mine who had served many years in Congress and who was a candidate for reelection. He opened his speech by saying that he had worked very hard during the Session and was tired; that for a great many years he had sacrificed his personal interests in the service of his constituents and enumerated many things he had done for his District and for individuals in it. An old gentleman arose in the rear of the audience and said, "John, I think you have sacrificed your personal interests for us altogether too long. I think we have imposed on you and you have done too much for your constituents and your District. I recognize the fact that you are very tired and it is my opinion you had better stay home and rest awhile and let some one else be elected this year."-C. F. Curry, M. C.

MANY PATHS, ONE GOAL

Ex-Governor Sproul of Pennsylvania tells the story of a veteran member of the Legislature who had introduced, "by request," a bill licensing naturopaths to practice their healing art. Rising to explain the bill he said: "I have been a member of this body for many years. I have voted to license allopaths and homeopaths and osteopaths, and I suppose I may as well vote to license naturopaths, for I believe with the immortal author of the 'Elegy in a Country Churchyard' that all these paths lead but to the grave."

KNEW HIS FRIENDS

The late Congressman Holman, of Indiana, for many years waged constant warfare on amendments to appropriation bills, which won for him the name of "The Watchdog of the Treasury." He served a long term and, through his knowledge of the rules and practice, exercised much power.

Along toward the end of his term an amendment was offered affecting the district which Mr. Holman represented. The familiar "I object" was not heard, and the amendment went through with his support; whereupon a member sitting near exclaimed:

'Tis sweet to hear the honest watchdog's bark
Bay deep-mouthed welcome as we draw near home.
-E. N. Dingley.

HELP, NOT ENCOURAGEMENT

Representative B. G. Lowrey of Mississippi, in a speech in the House, likened the plight of the farmer to Sam Jones's rabbit. The particular cottontail in question was being pursued by a flop-eared cur dog and was being mighty hard pressed, despite his doubling and feinting. Mr. Man, standing by, had his admiration stirred by the rabbit's gameness. He popped his hands and stamped the ground and shouted, "Go to it, old cottontail; go to it. There's a sink hole in the bottom by the big oak tree. I'm betting on you to get there first." "That's all right, Mr. Man," replied the rabbit, "but I don't need for you to pop your hands and holler at me. I'm doing my best already. What I need is for somebody to head that dog."

WHERE THEY'D DO THE MOST GOOD

When the unique Davy Crockett was a member of this House, a certain Pennsylvania Congressman, having seen a drove of Tennessee mules in the street, said to him, "I saw a big lot of Tennesseeans down town a while ago-constituents of yours. You'd better go down and look them up." Crockett hurried out in search of his constituents and found the mules. He came back smiling. "Well, Crockett, did you find out where your constituents were going?" asked the Pennsylvanian. "Yes," said Crockett, "they are all going to Pennsylvania to teach school."-B. G. Lowrey, Member of Congress from Mississippi.

NOT HELPING A BIT

A lady, after giving a census reporter all the necessary information regarding the family, names, ages, sex, was asked by the enumerator what the political faith of the family was.

She replied, "It is decidedly mixed. I am a Republican, my husband is a Democrat, the baby is Wet, the cow is Dry, and the dog is a Socialist."

"Why, Madam, why do you say your dog is a Socialist ?" "Because he does nothing but sit around all day and howl." -Joseph W. Fordney, Member of Congress, Mich.

CAN BE TOLD EITHER WAY

At the beginning of a political campaign Chauncey Depew chanced to meet one of the leading men on the other side. This man said to Mr. Depew, "Can we not carry on this campaign without any mud-slinging?"

Mr. Depew replied: "That's a good idea. I'll tell you what I'll do. If you will refrain from telling any lies about the Republican party, I will promise not to tell the truth about the Democratic party. Will you agree?"-Rev. John Herman Randall.

A LOW OPINION OF CONGRESSMEN

Recently while conducting a Congressional investigation of the complaints made against the management of a government hospital for insane veterans, the following incident occurred:

During a recess of the Investigating Commission, I strolled into one of the wards and personally questioned some of the patients. Just then a white clad attendant approached and ordered me to "go into the other ward where you belong."

In reply to my remonstrances that I was not a patient and was a Member of Congress engaged in investigating the Institution, he soothingly replied, "That's all right, if you wasn't crazy, you wouldn't be a Member of Congress," and then kindly but firmly handed me over to the attendant in the next ward with the following:

"Here's a 'loose nut' that thinks he's a Congressman."

To which the other replied, "He doesn't belong here. You know we have only mild cases in this ward."-Albert B. Rossdale.

NATURAL HOSTILITY TO THE TRUTH

One day in the United States Senate cloakroom, Senator Daniel was reposing on a lounge, with his eyes half shut, when the famous Joe Blackburn, who loved a little fun, concluded he would make Senator Daniel rise in defense of George Washington, the most notable of all Virginians; so Blackburn walking up and down the floor of the cloakroom and speaking in a very clear voice, said:

"I never could understand why people insisted upon praising George Washington to the skies. There never was anything remarkable about George Washington. He was a pretty fair country surveyor and moderately successful as a militia officer, but there was nothing extraordinary about George Washington justifying people in raising him to the elevation of the gods. Why, George Washington actually placed the capital of this Nation on a swamp for the purpose of promoting a real estate speculation on behalf of himself and his friends. All this praise of George Washington is ridiculous, unwarranted and absolutely preposterous."

Senator George G. Vest sitting by calmly smoking his cigar, turned to Senator Daniel and said:

"Daniel, are you going to let Joe Blackburn run down and abuse the noblest man your State ever produced, without a word of defense?"

Daniel lifted his hand languidly into the air, and said:

"Oh, let Joe Blackburn alone. You know Joe Blackburn has had a perfectly unconquerable hostility to George Washington ever since he discovered he could not tell a lie."-Sen. Robert L. Owen.

SMARTEST MEN NOT IN CONGRESS

Senator Henry L. Dawes was a very distinguished and learned Senator from Massachusetts, and was Chairman of the Committee on Indian Affairs of the United States Senate.

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