was wide-awake, and rejoined, "Brethren, I don't know about the conscience, but I'd rather have the gizzard of one of you than the brains of both.”

MARKSMANSHIP

In the town of W, Illinois, lived Deacon Wright, an exemplary member of the Freewill Baptist Church. But he was troubled with the weakness as common to deacons as to other men-that of an extra tillage of the "root of evil," and the usual objection to the root spreading. The church building being in want of repair, such as plastering, painting, etc., the deacon, as well as many others, was applied to, and he contributed his mite in conformity with the parable, at least as far as the mite went. One night during prayer meeting, Elder Woodworth presiding, a large sheet of plaster fell from the ceiling upon the head of Deacon Wright, hurting him somewhat, but frightening and enraging him much more. He sprang to his feet and cried, "I will give ten dollars toward repairing this church!" when, in a solemn voice, Elder Woodworth responded, "Lord, hit him again!"

TRUE LIBERALITY

A Chicago negro in his prayer remembered "de white element in our population."

PRIESTCRAFT OUTWITTED

An Italian noble, being at church one day, and finding a priest who begged for the souls in purgatory, gave him a piece of gold. "Ah! my lord," said the good father, "you have now delivered a soul." The count threw upon the plate another piece. "Here is another soul delivered," said the priest. "Are you positive of it?" asked the count. "Yes, my lord,” replied the priest, "I am certain they are now in Heaven." "Then," said the count, "I'll take back my money, for it signifies nothing to you now; seeing the souls are already got to Heaven, there can be no danger of their returning to purgatory."

A REAL SCOTCH “SAWBETH”

The Rev. Moncure D. Conway, while traveling in the neighborhood of the Hebrides, heard several anecdotes illustrative of the fearful reverence with which Scotchmen in that region observe the Sabbath. Says he: "A minister of the kirk recently declared in public that at a country inn he wished the window raised, so that he might get some fresh air, but the landlady would not allow it, saying, 'Ye can hae no fresh air here on the Sawbeth.""

A POWERFUL PREACHER

Very soon after a Congregational chapel had been planted in a small Scotch community, an incident occurred which showed that the powers of its minister were appreciated in certain quarters. A boy named Johnny Fordyce had been indiscreet enough to put a sixpence in his mouth, and accidentally swallowed it. Mrs. Fordyce, concerned both for her boy and the sixpence, tried every means for its recovery, consulted her neighbors, and finally in despair called in a doctor, but without result. As a last resort, a woman present suggested that they should send for the Congregationalist "meenister." "The meenister!" chorused mother and neighbors. "Aye, the meenister," rejoined the old dame; "od's, if there's ony money in him he'll sune draw it oot o' 'm!"

MEASURING HIS CREDIT

A certain laird in Fife, well known for his parsimonious habits, whilst his substance largely increased did not increase his liberality, and his weekly contribution to the church collection never exceeded the sum of one penny. One day, however, by mistake he dropped into the plate at the door a fiveshilling piece, but discovering his error before he was seated in his pew, hurried back, and was about to replace the crown with his customary penny, when the elder in attendance cried out, "Stop, laird; ye may put in what ye like, but ye maun tak' naething out!" The laird, finding that his explanations went for nothing, at last said, "Aweel, I suppose I'll get credit for it

in Heaven." "Na, na, laird," said the elder, "ye'll only get credit for a penny."

SOLOMON'S SYSTEM OF SELF-DEFENSE

"Do you think it would be wrong of me to learn the 'noble art of self-defense'?" a religiously inclined youth inquired of his pastor. "Certainly not," answered the minister. "I learned it in youth myself, and I have found it of great value during my life." "Indeed, sir! Did you learn the old English system or Sullivan's system ?" "Neither. I learned Solomon's system," replied the minister. "Solomon's system?" "Yes. You will find it laid down in the first verse of the fifteenth chapter of Proverbs: 'A soft answer turneth away wrath.' It is the best system of self-defense of which I have any knowledge."

LIKE A SINNER

A minister was riding through a section of the State of South Carolina, where custom forbade inkeepers to take pay from the clergy who stayed with them. The minister in question took supper without prayer, and ate breakfast without prayer or grace, and was about to take his departure when "mine host" presented his bill. "Ah, sir," said he, "I am a clergyman!" "That may be," responded the landlord, "but you came here, smoked like a sinner, ate and drank like a sinner, and slept like a sinner; and now, sir, you shall pay like a sinner."

LAYING A CORNER-STONE

Two little English girls, one the daughter of a curate and the other of an English bishop, were quarreling over the comparative success of their fathers in the ministry. "My father can preach better than your father, because he is a bishop," said one. That was too weighty a reason for the curate's little girl. But she quickly recovered and said: "Well, anyhow, we've got a hen in our yard which lays an egg every day." "That's nothing," retorted the bishop's daughter; "my father lays a corner-stone every week."-Edward W. Bok (Modern Eloquence, XIII.)